02x03 - Nutwork

[bunniefuu]

Grr!

I'm sure
there's a logical explanation.

Someone is stealing all
the water to sell it back to us!

I'm onto you,
you greedy, draconian overlords!

You will rue this day!
And the next few days!

And eventually forever!

So the water's been
goin' on and off all day.

Have you seen this?
Heard about this?

Hope the water department
is doing something worthwhile,

like rerouting it
to Dr Eggman's bathtub! Ha!

- (Chuckling)
- I need to see the news!

It's the story everyone has been
changing the channel to see.

The grand opening
of the giant scissor factory.

It is my honour to welcome
the giant scissor factory

- to our village.
- (Cheering)

Let's see, here.
This may take a while, folks...

Why didn't they talk about
the water crisis?

Maybe it's just
a plumbing issue.

Anything's possible, which is
why I choose to believe

it's an evil government plot!

Our elected officials
are here to help us.

They're smart,
hard-working public servants

with a passion for helping
the common man.

Steady... One wrong move
and no discount corn for me.

If only I had
a smaller pair of scissors.

- The people demand the truth!
- And I demand bargains!

Forget about the coupons and pay
attention to the water crisis!

It says buy two, get one free.

Does that mean
one of the two is free,

or do I end up
with three altogether?

I should've known Amy was
setting up a Gilligan flip!

- I'm gonna find...
- No, no!

Don't do another Gilligan flip!
Those are really painful!

..a crusading journalist

to blow the lid off
of this water scheme!

(Screams)

- Mmm-hmm.
- I've an important news story!

The water supply
is being stolen!

Interesting. So, why come to me?

Because you're a journalist!

And as a journalist,

you're supposed
to expose the truth,

be the voice of the people
and do what's right!

- And you might get an award.
- An award, huh?

That'll show my father.
All right, I'll do it!

As soon as I finish
this sandwich.

It's the question we've all
been wanting to ask the mayor.

How are those puppies
he adopted?

He's doing another fluff piece!

They're so adorable,
you know. Except for this one.

You know what you did.

This is what happens
when society expects nothing

of its journalists! The people
must be told what's going on,

even if I have to broadcast
the news myself!

Hear, ye! Hear, ye!
Beware, good townsfolk.

Our water supply
diminishes as I speak!

Becoming a town crier isn't
the best way to fight the media.

You should try something
more high-tech.

Technology is the enemy!

But maybe the enemy of my enemy
is my friend.

Or is the enemy of my enemy
my double enemy?

Either way, time to fight
fire with fire. Or double fire.

Thanks for helping me get
my pirate radio station going.

Sticks and technology,
sittin' in a tree,

I-N-T-E-R-F-A-C-I-N-G.

It's not my first choice.

But sometimes you gotta
compromise to get the truth out.

That's pretty well reasoned.

Sure you don't wanna add
a time-travelling banana

- told you to do it?
- No.

Huh. Go figure.
We go live in three, two, one...

This is Sticks the Badger,
and I shall bring you the truth!

The truth, the truth, the truth!

Actually,
I can't handle the truth.

Wake up, people!
Our water is disappearing

and don't expect the media
to tell you,

'cause they're in the pocket
of big business!

We must ask ourselves,
who stands to gain?

In this case,
the answer is Eggman.

Let's take a caller.

Dr Eggman's schemes
aren't fiscally motivated.

They're barely motivated,
period.

- Haven't you seen this show?
- You know what? I'll prove it.

By this time tomorrow,
you'll all believe me.

Sticks over and out!

We need proof
of what Eggman's up to.

But we gotta catch him
by surprise.

When we jump,
remember to catch me.

That's a crucial
part of the plan.

We never discussed that!

Get footage!

This is Sticks, and I've jumped
out of an aeroplane

to prove to you all
that I'm not crazy!

This water-siphoning scheme
will make me millions!

Unless I get caught red-handed.
That'd be a publicity nightmare.

The shareholders
would throw a fit!

- Aha! Busted!
- My new year's resolution

should be
to stop announcing my plans.

I told you Eggman
was stealing our water!

Actually, I told them.
But that's on me.

I'm gonna build an evil-plan
announcement filter that will...

Argh!

This water-siphoning scheme
will make me millions!

I bet now you people
are listening to me!

Argh! Stop listening to me!
Oh, right. We have a caller.

At first, I had no reason
to believe that Dr Eggman

would be up to no good.

But now that it's being yelled
at me by someone who's outraged,

- I'm outraged!
- Ow!

I should've
listened to her sooner.

And I should've
ordered the soup.

Oh, why do I always make
the wrong choices in life?

Sticks, over and out!

The only thing being siphoned
faster than the water

- is our ratings!
- I'm telling you, Dixon,

"real news" is "in."
Just like "quote fingers."

I have a half-baked idea.
Let's fire Soar and replace him

with this Sticks character.

- Sticks!
- Aaah!

No need to get up.
I'm Dixon, from the network.

We love what you're doing
and want to offer you

your own television show!

I'll never join you.
Because you're the man, man!

But moving from radio to TV
will increase your audience.

More people
will hear your message!

More people
will hear the truth!

I don't know. This stranger
is making me uncomfortable.

Well, you did say,

"Sometimes you gotta
compromise your principles

to get the truth out."

This is Sticks the Badger,
live at the mayor's office.

I'll find out what he knew
about the water scandal

and when he knew it.

What do you have to say
for yourself?

I don't feel well.
I ate too much corn.

You made the mayor
look like a fool

and destroyed all faith
in our government.

And the viewers
are eating it up! Great work!

Ratings are "through the roof!"
Not literally.

That's why I did "this."

Your show couldn't be better.

We just have a couple of notes
to make it better.

- Notes?
- Nothing major.

We just thought, now you've
destroyed faith in government,

maybe you can do a "happy" story
to cheer everyone up again.

I don't really do "happy".
And we agreed to tell the truth!

Hey!
Sometimes people are happy!

- That's the truth!
- I just don't want to sell out.

You're not selling out!
You're being a "team player".

I don't know.

As a great broadcaster
once said,

"Sometimes you gotta compromise
your principles

to get the truth out."

I'm back at the mayor's office,

where his puppies
just had puppies.

They must've laid eggs, because
now there's three times as many!

OK, I debased myself
and did a happy story.

Now I wanna go back
to investigating Eggman.

No problem. Just one "problem".

Eggman Industries
is your new sponsor.

But he's a villain!

You don't need to do
anything "different".

You just have to do it
with this hat.

We're live on the scene
of a terrible accident.

Oh, it's not that bad.

You'd be surprised
how often this happens to me.

Go on, exploit my misfortune.

Nice hat, by the way.

I can't do this!
I've compromised my principles

to the point
that they've become meaningless!

I can't be trusted.
I'm the man, man!

- She sold out! Get her!
- But I did it to help you!

I don't need help.

Help!

- We have to blame someone.
- No!

We all have a responsibility
to find the truth for ourselves!

You shouldn't just do
what someone from the TV

- tells you to do.
- So what should we do?

- Fight the power!
- (w*r cries)

Everybody chill!

Oh, that was easier
than I thought.

(Screaming)

Behold! The Mega Microwave
Water Vaporizer!

Watch in terror
as your beloved water

is vaporized by microwaves!

It needs to be hovering
above the ocean to work,

but I wanted
to show it to you first.

- I did it again!
- This is your worst plan yet.

Really? You think so?

I meant worst
as in worst conceived.

Stop trying to take our water!

No! Water isn't a public right.

It should be privatised
and sold by someone smarter,

richer and handsomer
than all of you.

Sorry, Eggy,
we're gonna stop you.

No. We are! Get him!

(Battle cries)

I should have built
better defences into that thing.

That'll be my new
new year's resolution.

Sticks, you got the truth
out there, fought the power,

and brought about change!

What do you want to say
to your fans?

- I quit!
- Really?

You're quitting?
I can get my old job back?

I hope when you do, you realise
how powerful the truth can be.

You're right. I'll never waste
that power again.

It's been one day
since the puppies' puppies

gave birth
to puppy grandpuppies!

(Slurps)