01x08 - Chapter 08: It's Cow or Never

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Peacemaker". Aired: January 13, 2022 to present.*
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Based on the DC comics is A man who fights for peace at any cost, no matter how many people he has to k*ll.
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01x08 - Chapter 08: It's Cow or Never

Post by bunniefuu »

♪ ("IF YOU REALLY REALLY LOVE ME"
BY STEEL PANTHER PLAYING) ♪

♪ If you really, really
really, really love me ♪


♪ Then you really, really
really gotta show me ♪


♪ Don't whine when I
put it in your booty ♪


♪ Or if I'm up all night
playin' Call of Duty ♪


♪ Never hassle me
because I'm unemployed ♪


♪ If I sleep all day
don't get annoyed... ♪


I know I'm the last person that you
want to hear from right now, Chris,

- and I...
- (MAKES FART NOISE)

I can't apologize enough for...

- (MAKES FART NOISE)
- (LAUGHS)

I know that you're mad,

but from the bottom of my heart...

(MAKES FART NOISES)

(MAKES FART NOISES)

I really am sorry, I'm just trying to...

(MAKES FART NOISES)

(MAKES FART NOISES)

(CHOMPING SOUNDS)

(MAKES FART NOISE)

(MAKES FART NOISE, LAUGHS)

What were you gonna say?

- I was saying...
- (MAKES FART NOISE)

I am just trying to apologize!

And I just thought you
were my f*cking friend!

Set me up to take the fall and
then you try to send me to prison,

and you think "I'm sorry"
is gonna cut it?

"Cut it!" (MAKES FART NOISE)

Dude, we're off it!

We are?

I am getting so many moral
judgments from people

who regularly k*ll people.

I don't k*ll people for
nothing, all right?

- When my brother d*ed, I made a vow...
- Right, "the vow."

- Anyone I'd k*ll, I'd k*ll for peace.
- Oh, Jesus.

So, unlike Keith, no one would
ever die for no reason again.

Well, that's f*cking stupid!

So, you're gonna make it so that death

isn't meaningless anymore?

Go f*ck yourself!

I read your file, Chris.

It was an accident!

You were a child!

Don't forgive me, that's fine.

But stop letting that sh*t
define who you are.

(SCOFFS) Are you guys serious right now?

We just had a really sick time

murdering Peacemaker's dad,

then all these hilarious fart
jokes, just, like,

an all-time classic run,

with my best friend, my
second-best friend, Eagly,

my fifth best friend, Adebayo,

and now you guys are ruining it.

♪ Do ya really wanna
do ya really wanna taste it? ♪


♪ ("DO YA WANNA TASTE IT"
BY WIG WAM PLAYING) ♪

- ♪ Get it on ♪
- ♪ Get on top ♪


♪ Make a move extreme ♪

♪ Make a pose ♪

♪ Shortcut to your dreams ♪

♪ I float straight to the stars
on that flying thing ♪


- ♪ Getting high ♪
- ♪ Getting brave ♪


♪ Getting snow-blind, game ♪

- ♪ Set, go ♪
- ♪ Pick a tune, chick harpoon ♪


♪ In a world beyond ♪

♪ Got a b*at, got a heat
on a phony string ♪


♪ Tear your world apart
once the magic starts ♪


♪ Do ya really wanna
do ya really wanna taste it? ♪


♪ What's going up must come down ♪

♪ Do ya really wanna
do ya really wanna taste it? ♪


♪ Baby, you're losing ground ♪

♪ Blind to what you'll soon become ♪

♪ The mirror lies the
whole world's wrong ♪


- ♪ But you ♪
- ♪ Dancing with blinkers on ♪


♪ Throw your dog the invisible bone ♪

♪ Do ya really wanna
do ya really wanna taste it? ♪


♪ What's going up must come down ♪

♪ Do ya really wanna
do ya really wanna taste it? ♪


♪ Baby, you're losing ground ♪

♪ Blind to what you'll soon become ♪

♪ The mirror lies the
whole world's wrong ♪


♪ But you ♪

♪ Dancing with blinkers on ♪

♪ Throw your dog the invisible bone ♪

(SCREECHES)

(TRUCK ENGINE RUNNING)

(BRAKES SQUEAK)

- (ENGINE SHUTS OFF)
- (TRUCK DOOR OPENS, SHUTS)

Mom, there are way more

Butterflies than we thought

and the whole team is injured.
So, I was thinking, like,

maybe you could call
in the Justice League?

No, I'm not kidding.

Can you believe Amanda Waller
is her f*cking mother?

Yes.

Do we have time to wait for backup?

No. They're teleporting the
creature out of here!

Mom, they're teleporting
the creature out of here.

This is our only chance to stop them,

then we're back to square-f*cking-one.

Then we're back to square one.

All right.

All right, I will tell her.

Fine. My mom says you're in charge

and Economos and I should stay back
in case anything goes wrong.

Copy, Mom.

Yes, ma'am.

(GROWLS)

How much longer is it going to be?

The teleporter is nearly
installed and functional.

As soon it is, we'll move
her to the Eastern Base.

Quickly, please.

Forces could arrive any minute,
and without her, we're all dead.

(COW GROWLING)

If Waller is your mom, why
is your last name Adebayo?

I took my wife's name.

VIGILANTE: Doesn't that make
you the girl in the relationship?

We're both girls in the
relationship, Adrian.

That's what being a lesbian is.

(INDISTINCT CLAMOR)

LEOTA ADEBAYO: Hey, Peacemaker...

what do these do?

This is Underwater World, allows
you to breathe underwater.

Okay, not sure how we can use that.

This one's Scabies For
All. Upon activation,

it gives everybody in a
one-mile radius scabies,

except, of course, the
wearer of the helmet.

This one is Anti-Gravity.

- Allows you to float.
- Aimlessly?

No. I carry a tiny hand fan to guide me.

This is Sonic Boom.

It's the one I used to
stop the rocker chick.

How many booms does it
produce on one charge?

I don't know, three, maybe four.

This one, we should just throw away.

LEOTA: What is it?

Human Torpedo.

So, you aim your head at
whatever you want to destroy

- and you become a...
- Human torpedo.

Sweet.

Yeah, only sweet if you wanna risk
shattering every bone in your body.

(INHALES) It's just a prototype.

Okay, so let's say I want
to get this Sonic Boom helmet

onto the top of that barn

over there without being seen?

Just the helmet itself?

No. I'm gonna put a walkie in it

and activate it from here.

And then maybe you can
put on Activate Anti-Gravity

- and just float it over there.
- (ANTI-GRAVITY HELMET BEEPS)

- Uh, guys?
- Okay, I forgot my tiny hand fan,

but, you know... (CHUCKLES)
... once in the jungles

of Cambodia, I used two
oversized palm fronds as...

VIGILANTE: Guys!

f*ck! Deactivate Anti-Gravity!

Deactivate Anti-Gravity!

(SIGHS)

(SIGHS IN FRUSTRATION)

Did you say "Activate Anti-Gravity?"

No. Maybe. I don't know.

You can't f*cking say that sh*t!

- I didn't know it was that voice sensitive!
- f*ck it, no big deal.

I didn't just k*ll the only man
who knows how to make it.

You did just k*ll the only man
who knows how to make it.

I know, bro! I was being sarcastic.

If you're gonna be sarcastic, you
should really warn people

so there's no confusion.

Okay, so how do we get
the Sonic Boom Helmet

over to the barn?

Well, we can sh**t a fishing
line over to the barn

from one of these trees here,
and just let the helmet slide down.

Like Green Arrow?

No, not like Green Arrow.

That dude goes to Brony conventions

dressed as the back
half of Twilight Sparkle

with a four-inch-wide butthole
drilled in the costume.

Maybe it's so he can breathe properly.

You actually believe that sh*t?

He has an insane story
for every single superhero.

No, I actually heard that's
true about Green Arrow.

But that's the first thing
he's said that's real.

- And Aquaman f*cking fish.
- Well, yeah, obviously.

Look, it doesn't even matter

we don't have any bows.

But we do have a team
member capable of flight.

(SCREECHES)

Get the f*ck out.

That's right. Good. Okay.

I need you to take that helmet...

- (EAGLY SCREECHES)
- and drop it on top of that barn.

No way can an eagle understand

what you're saying.

Oh, Eagly's no ordinary eagle.

(CHUCKLES)

- No, Eagly, take it.
- (SCREECHES)

- (SCREECHES)
- No, Eagly, just, take...

- (SCREECHES)
- Take the helmet.

- Take it! Take it.
- (EAGLY SCREECHES)

(SCREECHES)

I know you don't like her.

The mean, blonde woman has
nothing to do with this.

- No, no.
- No.

- No. No.
- Eagly. Take the helmet.

Take the helmet.

- Eagly, take the helmet.
- Eagly, take the helmet.

(EAGLY SCREECHES)

Good, Eagly, good. Good boy.

(SCREECHES)

♪ (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(CHUCKLES) Go, Eagly.

- (EXCLAIMS)
- Go to the barn. Go to the barn.

♪ (TRIUMPHANT MUSIC STOPS) ♪

(EAGLY SCREECHES)

(SIGHS)

- (HELMET CLANGING DISTANTLY)
- sh*t.

I knew there was no way he knew

what you were talking about!

Peacemaker is a great
guy in almost every way,

but his biggest flaw is that he commonly

overestimates Eagly's abilities.

Okay, they could be teleporting
this cow at any minute.

We need to fan out and
look for the helmet.

(SIGHING)

(MACHINES WHIRRING)

Easy. Easy.

(COW ROARS)

(MACHINE NOISE RISING IN PITCH)

Do you see anything over there?

VIGILANTE: I saw a squirrel
a couple seconds ago. Ants.

No, dude. I'm talking about the helmet.

VIGILANTE: Well, then you
should be more specific.

We're looking for a helmet, why
do I care if you saw ants?

VIGILANTE: Because
the circle of life, bro.

What do ants have to
do with the circle of life?

VIGILANTE: They're one
of the most important

parts of it.

How are ants a more important part

of the circle of life than, like, fish?

VIGILANTE: Is that a serious question?

JOHN ECONOMOS: What?

VIGILANTE: There are sh*t loads of ants.

How many fish are there?

I don't know! But probably
as many as there are ants!

VIGILANTE: (CHUCKLES) Not in one place

at the same time, dude.

Okay, I am as confused as
f*ck by this conversation.

VIGILANTE: Yeah? Well,
welcome to the f*cking club!

Oh, f*ck.

EMILIA HARCOURT: So... (SIGHS)

... why'd you change your
mind and decide to come?

I saw an eagle hug a human.

So, I thought maybe it was a sign.

To risk your life?

Yep.

Why wasn't it a sign to, like,

run in the opposite direction?

f*ck!

(SIGHS) We're never gonna
find this dumb f*cking hat.

(SQUIRRELS SQUEAKING)

♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

You thought you could lose
me by k*lling me, boy?

I'm in your head.

I'm the reason you k*ll

and the reason you can't sleep at night.

My body may be gone, but
the rest of me is right here!

And I ain't going nowhere!

sh*t.

The f*ck are you doing?

Getting my poison blow g*n, fucko.

Well, why don't you just go
for your piece, cum stain?

You're metaphorical,
douche wad. My g*n is real.

I don't want the Butterflies to hear.

(CHUCKLES) I almost
tricked you, f*ck nugget.

You didn't trick sh*t,
you ball sack-looking f*ck.

I immediately went for my blow g*n.

I didn't think for a second
about going for my g*n!

How do you like that, huh?

- (GROANS)
- (CLANGING)

Thanks for coming back, ghost,

so I could k*ll you all over again.

EMILIA: Smith?

- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

Holy sh*t.

Whoa.

I need you to do something else for me.

♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

- (GRUNTS)
- (BUTTERFLY SQUEAKING)

ECONOMOS: Are you f*cking kidding me?

The only way for us to get
the helmet inside of the barn

is by one of us going in undercover.

They're gonna notice Adebayo
and me with these injuries.

Cool. I'll do it.

You can't do it, man. Goff
knows what we look like.

I'll wear a funny nose.

John, you're the only one.

I don't even want to be here.
And why are these wet?

- I washed them in the creek.
- Why?

One of the things us
warriors seldom talk about

is how often people sh*t
themselves when they die.

It's a touch of gray in the
white cloud of kicking ass.

So, now, you want me to risk my life

while wearing diarrhea pants?

Hey, nobody said anything about
diarrhea. I said it was sh*t.

- Was it diarrhea?
- Yes, it was.

John, you can do this.
Just act like they act.

- Don't show any expression.
- Yeah, like Harcourt.

Eat my d*ck, Schwarze-never.

They're aliens. Do they
even speak English?

They retain the memories of
the bodies they've taken over.

So, they seem to primarily use
English when communicating.

f*ck. Fine!

- (SIGHS)
- Would you look away?

Happily.

♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

- EMILIA: (OVER RADIO) John, you copy?
- Yes. Copy.

EMILIA: Don't look back!

They're everywhere.

This is f*cking stupid.

Remain calm.

Head towards the barn like
you know what you're doing.


- Relax your face.
- Shut up, I know.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(EXHALES DEEPLY)

LARRY FITZGIBBON: Hey!

(SOFTLY) f*ck.

Where are you going?

I'm going inside.

Why?

f*ck!

Because of this bag.

What the f*ck does that mean?

Okay. Just wanted to make sure.

(GAGS)

- (SIGHS)
- How the f*ck did that work?

(VOMITS, COUGHS)

(GAGS)

(GAGS) Sorry. (GAGS)

I have a real bad gag reflex.

(SNIFFLES) Oh, sh*t.

I'm good. I'm good.

Would you shut the f*ck up?

(PANTS, SNIFFLES)

I can't do this.

(SIGHS) I can't do this.

EMILIA: John, you're already inside.

You're doing great.

- (SIGHS)
- EMILIA: Please. What's there?

(SIGHS, COUGHS)

Uh... Stairs...

and an elevator.

EMILIA: An elevator's noisy.

Head down the stairwell.

Yeah, of course.

You head down the f*cking stairwell.

(STAIRS CREAKING)

John, don't creep.

You have to act normal,

like you're supposed to be there.

We just need you to place the
helmet down as low as possible.


♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(COW GROWLING)

(COW ROARING)

Oh, no.

♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(GROWLS)

EMILIA: John?

John, you copy?

(GROWLS)

Uh-uh. f*ck it. No more kaijus.

No more kaijus.

f*ck this.

John, do you copy?

JOHN: Jesus f*ckin' Christ.
What the f*ck is that?


JOHN: The f*ck is that?

(BREATHING HEAVILY)

"Cow", my ass. It's a
m*therf*cking caterpillar

the size of the Empire State Building.

- Get ready.
- (STATIC OVER WALKIE-TALKIE)

We need to get the f*ck out of here.

LARRY: Hey!

f*ck.

(EXHALES)

The man you've taken over.

Why did he do that to his beard?

JOHN: Do what?

Why did he color his beard
all strange like that?

♪ (TENSE MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

He thought it made him look
younger and more handsome.

He never had a girlfriend,

so he thought dying
his beard might help.


But he was also lazy...
and busy with his job...

and he wouldn't dye his roots regularly.

And when he did, he used
the cheapest brand,


because he was incredibly underpaid.

Mostly, though...

he never thought anybody noticed...

until recently...

when one guy said it
to him all the time.


Humans can be really pathetic.

Yeah.

Fine, I dye my beard, all right?

We all know it. I guess
I learned my lesson.


L'Oréal probably is worth
the extra few bucks.

BEARDED r*cist: (SHOUTS) Hey!

That guy just put this down here!

- f*ck! Do it, now! Do it.
- Activate Sonic...

- (GASPS)
- What the f*ck?

(BUTTERFLIES GROWLING)

How did that even happen?

My hands are sweaty!

♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(BUTTERFLIES GROWLING)

(JOHN PANTING OVER WALKIE-TALKIE)

(BUTTERFLIES GROWLING)

(GROANS) Get the f*ck off me!

- (BUTTERFLIES GROWLING)
- (JOHN SCREAMS)

Activate Sonic Boom.

(SONIC BOOM)

No.

(BUTTERFLIES GROWLING)

Wait.

(BUTTERFLIES GROWLING)

EMILIA: Now!

Activate Sonic Boom.

(SONIC BOOM)

(GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

f*ck. Oh, f*ck. f*ck.

Activate Sonic Boom.

(SONIC BOOM)

No.

(GROANS)

(INDISTINCT CLAMORING)

(SCREAMING)

(COW GROANING)

(BUTTERFLY SCREAMS)

Activate Sonic Boom.

(DISTANT SONIC BOOM)

Yep, that's it for the charges.

(BUTTERFLIES GROWLING)

SOPHIE SONG: No!

Look, I can help.

We need you to stay here, Ads.

If something happens to
us, you're the only hope.

The f*ck am I?

VIGILANTE: What's the plan, man?

Let's go k*ll a cow.

♪ Do ya really wanna
do ya really wanna taste it? ♪


♪ ("DO YA WANNA TASTE IT"
BY WIG WAM PLAYING) ♪

- (GROWLS)
- ♪ Get it on ♪

♪ Get on top ♪

♪ Make a move extreme ♪

♪ Make a pose ♪

♪ Shortcut to your dreams ♪

♪ I float straight to the
stars on that flying thing ♪


(g*nshots)

- ♪ Getting high ♪
- ♪ Getting brave ♪


♪ Getting snow-blind, game ♪

- ♪ Set, go ♪
- ♪ Pick a tune, chick harpoon ♪


♪ In a world beyond ♪

(PEACEMAKER GRUNTS)

(BUTTERFLIES GRUNT)

♪ Once the magic starts ♪

♪ Do ya really wanna
do ya really wanna taste it? ♪


- ♪ What's going up must come down ♪
- (GRUNTS)

- ♪ Do ya really wanna ♪
- (GRUNTS)

♪ Do ya really wanna taste it? ♪

♪ Baby, you're losing ground ♪

♪ Blind to what you'll soon become ♪

♪ The mirror lies the
whole world's wrong ♪


- ♪ But you ♪
- ♪ Dancing with blinkers on ♪


- ♪ Throw your dog the invisible bone ♪
- (GROANS, GRUNTS)

- (g*nsh*t)
- (GRUNTS)

- (GRUNTS)
- (PEACEMAKER CHUCKLES)

(VIGILANTE GRUNTS)

(BUTTERFLIES GRUNT)

- ♪ Say I do, say I will and put your jet in gear ♪
- (BUTTERFLY SCREAMS)

♪ Anything to get you out of here ♪

- ♪ Gotta go hit that ride ♪
- (BUTTERFLIES GROWLING)

♪ To the setting sun ♪

Chris! Go k*ll the cow!

We'll hold them off here!

♪ Gotta leave this mess behind
gotta cruise from the blues ♪


♪ Got a life to find what
you need's there to read ♪


♪ On the dotted line ♪

♪ k*ll your self-control... ♪

(GROWLS)

VIGILANTE: Don't f*ck with my BFF.

♪ Do ya really wanna
do ya really wanna taste it? ♪


♪ What's going up must come down ♪

♪ Do ya really wanna
do ya really wanna taste it? ♪


(PEACEMAKER SCREAMS)

♪ Blind to what you'll soon become ♪

♪ The mirror lies the
whole world's wrong ♪


- ♪ But you ♪
- ♪ Dancing with blinkers on ♪


- ♪ Throw your dog the invisible bone ♪
- (PEACEMAKER GRUNTS)

(GROANS)

- (GRUNTS)
- (YELPS)

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES) ♪

- (g*nsh*t)
- (VIGILANTE GRUNTS)

(PANTS)

Oh, darn it.

(GROANS)

♪ A devil in disguise... ♪

(GRUNTS)

(EMILIA GROANS)

- (GROANS)
- (g*nsh*t)

(SCREAMS)

♪ Baby, you're losing ground ♪

♪ Blind to what you'll soon become ♪

♪ The mirror lies the
whole world's wrong ♪


- ♪ But you ♪
- ♪ Dancing with blinkers on ♪


♪ Throw your dog the invisible bone ♪

♪ (SONG MODULATES DOWNWARDS) ♪

- ♪ Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? ♪
- (COUGHS)

♪ What's going up must come down ♪

- ♪ Do ya really wanna do ya really wanna taste it? ♪
- (COUGHS)

♪ Baby, you're losing ground ♪

♪ Blind to what you'll soon become ♪

♪ (SONG BEGINS TO ECHO) ♪

♪ The mirror lies the
whole world's wrong ♪


- ♪ But you ♪
- ♪ Dancing with blinkers on ♪


- ♪ Throw your dog the invisible bone ♪
- (COUGHS)

♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪

- Oh, my God.
- What's happening? I can't see.

Harcourt is down! (PANTS)

What? The f*ck do we do?

♪ (CLIMACTIC MUSIC SWELLS) ♪

Wait, what are you doing?

No, no, Adebayo.
You can't. You'll get hurt!


You can't do this! Hey, what
makes you think you can do this?

♪ (MUSIC SOFTENS) ♪

Because I'm made for this sh*t.

♪ (MUSIC SWELLS) ♪

Dude, God, damn it!
You're gonna get hurt!

f*ck.

(CRUNCHING)

Oh, what the f*ck?

What the f*ck?

- Oh, my God! Oh, sh*t!
- ♪ (MUSIC DARKENS) ♪

What the f*ck? (GROANS)

♪ (MUSIC BECOMES ENERGETIC) ♪

(LEOTA YELLING)

(g*nshots)

(BUTTERFLIES GRUNTING)

(g*nsh*t)

(PANTS)

(GRUNTS, GROANS)

(GROANS)

(BUTTERFLY CHITTERING)

♪ (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) ♪

(GAGS)

(GAGS)

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

(SQUEAKS)

(COUGHS, WHEEZES)

Stay with me.

Help... (PANTS)

- Chris.
- I have to get you out of here.

Go.

And do what?

Leota! (GROANS)

(COUGHS, GROANS)

♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC BLARES) ♪

(BEACON SIGNAL BEEPING)

Be with me, baby Jesus.

Okay. (EXHALES)

(SIGHS)

♪ (MUSIC SOFTENS) ♪

(SIGNAL BEEPING)

Oh.

(SIGNAL BEEPING)

(PANTS, GROANS)

(SIGNAL BEEPING)

(GROANS)

(SIGNAL BEEPING)

♪ (MUSIC BEGINS TO BUILD) ♪

(BEEPING SPEEDS UP)

LEOTA: Oh.

(GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

♪ (MUSIC CONTINUES TO BUILD) ♪

(GROANS)

(GRUNTS)

♪ (MUSIC INTENSIFIES FURTHER) ♪

(GROANS)

♪ (MUSIC RESTS) ♪

(PANTS)

- Goff?
- Yeah.

- ♪ (DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪
- (GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(GRUNTING, SOUNDS OF STRUGGLE)

(BOTH GRUNTING)

(WOODEN PLANKS CLATTERING)

(GROANS)

Activate Human Torpedo!

- Adebayo, no!
- ♪ (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) ♪

(SCREAMS)

(GRUNTS)

(SILENCE)

Oh, Jesus, I told her
not to use that one.

Listen to me.

I have no reason to hurt you.

Stop fighting. Follow me.

♪ (OMINOUS MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(COW'S GROANS ECHO)

(LEOTA COUGHS, GROANS)

(COW GROANING)

(MACHINE STATIC)

(GROWLS, HOWLS)

(ELECTRICITY CRACKLING)

- Holy cow.
- (COW GROANING)

It is.

Good. You found him.

(COW GROWLS)

I need three sets of hands to
teleport her away from here.

Come again?

SOPHIE: See that switch?
I need you to flip that

while Locke and I
work these two stations

to teleport the cow
to our cavern in Maine.

Why the f*ck would I help you?

Because I know that once
I tell you the truth,

like I did with Judomaster,
you'll join us.

Murn told us the truth already.

You've m*rder*d innocent
people all over the country

by taking them over in your
dipshit quest for power.

We're not doing this for power.

We're doing it because we took a vow.

(SOBS)

♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(GROANS, COUGHS)

(GROANS)

Our kind traveled here from a planet

that had become unlivable.

Your planet had the habitat we needed,

water to drink, and air to breathe.

Your food couldn't sustain us, but...

(RATTLING EXHALATION FROM COW)

that's why we brought her.

The cow would help the
last of our people survive

for another hundred years.

(PANTS)

SOPHIE: But not long after we arrived,

we realized the people of Earth

were on the exact same trajectory

as our people had been,

ignoring science in
favor of populist leaders

who tell you that the floods
and the fires and the disease

are unrelated to your own actions,

valuing profit over survival,

treating minor inconveniences

as assaults on your freedom.

And so, we made a vow
to do anything we could

to change your future.

We made a vow to make
the choices for you

that you were incapable of
making on your own,

to save your people and your world,

no matter how many lives it cost us.

♪ (MUSIC SWELLS) ♪

Murn disagreed with our methods.

He didn't think we had the
right to impose our will.

But you're one of us,

Christopher Smith.

- ♪ (MUSIC GAINS MOMENTUM) ♪
- Please, God...

- (GRUNTS)
- (SCREAMS)

... I'll do whatever
you want me to do...

(GRUNTS)

for peace.

♪ (MUSIC SOFTENS) ♪

Thank you for feeding
me and talking to me

and showing me kindness.

I see who you are and
I see your character.

I tried telling you
yesterday, in the jar.

Peace sign.

Please, fulfill your calling.

Be the Peacemaker.

Join us in saving your planet.

What do you say?

♪ (CRESCENDO, SILENCE) ♪

(GULPS)

Activate Human Torpedo.

SOPHIE: What?

LEOTA: (GROANS)

(SCREAMS)

- (ROARS IN PAIN)
- (SOPHIE GRUNTS)

(GRUNTS)

- Sorry, Goff.
- (GRUNTS)

(GROWLS)

(SPLASHING)

Oh, what the f*ck?

(GROANS) f*cking disgusting!

(GROANS, SPITS)

(GASPS, COUGHS)

(SPITS, GROANS)

- (COUGHS, SIGHS)
- (GRUNTS)

- (SIGHS)
- Thank you.

(GROANS)

(BUTTERFLY SQUEAKING)

(LEOTA GROANS)

(SQUEAKS)

(LEOTA GROANS)

(GROANS)

VIGILANTE: Hey, guys, what's up?

(PANTS)

(PANTS)

(GROANS, PANTS)

♪ (SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

♪ (SOMBER, DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYING) ♪

(LIGHTNING CRACKLING)

You're late, you f*cking dickheads!

Go f*ck another fish, assh*le.

I'm so f*cking sick of that rumor.

It's not a rumor.

f*ck you, Barry.

(CHUCKLES)

♪ (MUSIC INTENSIFIES) ♪

♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES) ♪

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Let's go.

RECEPTIONIST OVER PA:
Dr. David, telephone, please.

Dr. David, telephone, please.

(VIGILANTE SIGHS)

Dude, you're sh*t.

You gotta be admitted.

VIGILANTE: I'm fine, seriously.

All I need is a good nap.

(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

Did you hear all that stuff Goff said?

Yep.

(SIGHS)

Did I just...

k*ll the world?

Maybe.

Or maybe you just gave us

a chance to make our own choices

instead of our bug overlords.

Why did you choose not to help them?

Because of your proto-fascist

libertarian idea of freedom?

Because I knew they'd hurt
you and the others if I did.

Yeah.

I'm sorry I betrayed you.

I know.

(BREATHES DEEPLY)

(SIGHS)

Where you going?

To do the right thing.

PEACEMAKER: Ads.

Don't tell V, but...

after Eagly...

you're my BFF.

♪ ("APOLOGIZE" BY THE
LAS VEGAS PLAYING) ♪

♪ Well, you know my game
dirty like my name ♪


♪ And you're an angel you're
perfection in every way ♪


(INDISTINCT CHATTER)

(MICROPHONE FEEDBACK)

LEOTA: Yes, that does
mean Christopher Smith


never wrote any diary.

Both the Peacemaker and
the costumed crime fighter


Vigilante were working in
a deep-cover operation


for the U.S. Government

called "Project Butterfly."

This is all part of a black-ops program

known as "Task Force X",
where convicted criminals


are undertaking dangerous missions

for the United States
in exchange for time


off their sentences.

It's been running for years
out of Belle Reve prison,


under the command of a...

of a woman named Amanda Waller...

- What the f*ck?
- ... who happens to be my mother.

(JOURNALISTS CLAMORING)

(SIGHS)

LEOTA: Now, I'm calling
for an immediate investigation


- into these inhumane...
- Mr. Smith?

LEOTA: ... abuses of power.

♪ Well, I want you to know ♪

♪ That no matter how this goes ♪

♪ Are you listening?
Tell me, are you listening? ♪


♪ Yeah... ♪

I heard you've been out there for days.

♪ Every time I made you wait
every time you lie awake ♪


♪ And you swore my name
for my bad mistake ♪


♪ Every time I lie to you ♪

♪ I wish I would'a told the truth ♪

♪ For all those times ♪

♪ I apologize to you ♪

(BARKING)

♪ Every time I kiss your
lips it drives me crazy ♪


♪ You're beautiful, beautiful ♪

♪ Yeah ♪

(GATE LOCK BEEPS)

(GATE LOCKING)

♪ Every time I come home late ♪

♪ Every time I made you wait ♪

- ♪ Every night you lied awake ♪
- (CHUCKLES)

♪ And you swore my name
for my bad mistake, yeah ♪


♪ Every time I lie to you ♪

♪ I wish I would'a told the truth ♪

♪ For all those times I apologize ♪

♪ For all of those times ♪

- ♪ I apologize ♪
- (SOBS)

f*ck it! f*ck it! Go, go, go!

- (VIGILANTE SCREAMS)
- (SCREAMS) f*ck!

(expl*si*n)

(VIGILANTE LAUGHS)

(GRUNTS)

(VIGILANTE LAUGHS)

(SCREAMS)

(VIGILANTE CHEERS)

(LAUGHS)

♪ Every time I come home late ♪

♪ Every time I made you wait
every time you lie awake ♪


♪ And you swore my name
for my bad mistake, yeah ♪


♪ Every time I lie to you ♪

(KNOCKING ON WINDOW)

- ♪ I wish I would'a told the truth ♪
- (CHITTERING)

(SQUEAKS)

♪ I apologize... ♪

(BUTTERFLY SQUEAKS)

(SCREECHES)

♪ For all those time I apologize ♪

♪ To you, to you to you, to you, yeah ♪

(SQUEAKS)

♪ To you, to you, to you, yeah ♪

♪ To you, to you, to you, yeah ♪

(EAGLY SCREECHING)

♪ To you, to you, yeah ♪

(EAGLY CHATTERING)

♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪

♪ ("YOU CAN'T k*ll MY ROCK 'N ROLL"
BY HARDCORE SUPERSTAR PLAYING) ♪

♪ Down, down that b*at to the floor ♪

♪ You can't k*ll my rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ I wanna go out ♪

♪ I wanna go out tonight ♪

♪ Need to see the ones I like ♪

♪ No hard times just pure delight ♪

♪ I call you up what's on your mind ♪

♪ Why can't you come let's
not waste more time ♪


♪ Down, down that b*at to the floor ♪

♪ What we are living for ♪

♪ Don't be a whiny bore ♪

♪ You can't k*ll my rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ Stand down for rock 'n' roll ♪

♪ (SONG CONCLUDES) ♪

If you're gonna be sarcastic,

you should really warn people,

- so there's no confusion.
- What?

For instance, like,

I'm about to be sarcastic, okay?

- Okay.
- You're not fat at all.

- See?
- Why are you all so obsessed

- with my physical appearance?
- Sarcasm.

I haven't noticed you
eating way more corn chips

than any one human being should eat,

and I'm not worried
that you're gonna die.

But I... I am worried that
you're gonna die.

Thanks.
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