03x09 - The Metamorphosis

[bunniefuu]

What's the matter?

Brandon doesn't like lima beans.

Is that true?

Sometimes I wonder
who's in charge around here.

Ah.

- Um, Henry?
- Yes.

There's something I sorta,
well, wanna talk to you about.

I'm all ears.

I'm not exactly sure
how to exactly put this.

- You won't get embarrassed?
- Me? Embarrassed?

Punky, you can talk
to me about absolutely anything.

- Absolutely anything, right?
- Right.

So out with it.

Henry, I'm getting boobs.

Henry, are you alright?

Yeah, certainly, of course.

Uh, no... no problem.

Uh, I just dropped a few boobs.

I mean, plates.

- Here, let me help.
- No, no, I got it.

Uh, you go to bed.
It's bedtime.

Henry, it's a quarter to : .

Okay, then you stay up
and I'll go to bed.

- You are embarrassed.
- I am not embarrassed.

It's just that this is
an important subject

and we shouldn't att*ck it

when there's so little time
left in the day.

After all the sun will set
in less than an hour.

Henry.

Now go and get,
jump into your pajamas

and we'll talk about it
first thing tomorrow.

- Or the next day.
- But, Henry...

Go, go, go, go!

Oh.

Oh, great, Warnimont.

This qualifies you for
the Blundering Hall of Fame.

Betty?

Get down here pronto.
I've got a crisis.

What is it?

Punky says she's getting...

Let me see.
How shall I put this?

She's getting something?

It appears as if...

- It looks as though...
- Spit it out, Henry.

- She's developing.
- Developing what? A illness?

No! She's enlarging.

Developing? Enlarging?
She got a new camera?

If I must blurt it out,

my daughter claims that she's
getting breasts.

- Breasts?
- Shh.

You called me
down here for that?

For the record, Henry, a crisis
is a three-alarm fire

or a broken bone.

Puberty is rarely fatal.

Betty, I'm in over my head.

I don't know how to handle this.
I need your help.

Henry, what's happenin' to Punky
is perfectly normal.

You should consider
yourself lucky.

Lucky?

Cherie's been driving me crazy
to get her a bra,

but she just
doesn't need one yet.

Maybe we should trade kids.

You know you're overreacting.

Of course, I am.

When she brought it up,
my throat closed.

She needs to talk to a woman.
I'm just not qualified.

Alright.

I wanna have a few words
with Cherie

so I'll talk to them together.

Thank you, Betty.

I genuinely appreciate this.

Betty, why can't Punky remain
a little girl?

Well, everyone grows up, Henry.

I know.

I just hate to see her change.

I want Punky to stay
just the way she is.

There's nothing
you can do about that.

Look, when I signed
her adoption papers,

nobody told me she'd get older.

Well, you should have read
the fine print.

Betty...

the actual truth is
I don't want Punky to grow up.

So...

how many girls in our grade
have bras now?

Exactly seven.
Including, of course, moi.

- You?
- You?

Yes. I've had a bra
for days.

I'm surprised
you haven't noticed.

We haven't noticed 'cause
there's nothing to notice.

You don't need a bra, Margaux.

Maybe not yet,
but I will any second.

Any second?

Oh, definitely.

At night, now I always make sure
to sleep on my back.

You know,
they only grow at night.

I didn't know that.

Yes, if you sleep
on your stomach,

you get the flattened-out kind.

What if you sleep on your side?

They come out crooked.

Margaux, that's ridiculous.

Oh, you think so?
Take Lizzie Cladwell.

Wouldn't you say
she's a little, uh, lopsided?

Well, uh, yeah.

Side sleeper.

Uh, if I show you guys
something,

will you both really promise
to keep it a secret?

I promise.

Cherie, you know
I can't keep a secret.

But I'll give you $
if you tell me anyway.

Check this out.

What's that?

The Blossom And Bloom
Bust Developer.

Watch.

The instructions say
to do this times

before breakfast,
lunch and dinner.

It'll put inches on my bust.

No, it won't.

It'll just give you
bigger armpits.

It worked for this girl. Look.

Before... after.

Cherie, that's a drawing.

The only thing that made her
bigger was a paintbrush.

Punky's right.

Everyone knows
there's only one sure way

to make your boobs grow.

What?

I eat...

cheese puffs.

Cheese puffs?

Yeah, think about it.

They're filled with air.

- Oh!
- Oh!

Who is it?

Help! Open up! Quick!

- Hurry. Put that away!
- I'm trying.

- Here.
- Give it.

Alright. I'll get her up.

Help me up...

before I find out if I bounced.

So what are you monsters up to?

Just girl talk, you know.

Oh, my favorite.

What's the subject?

- Oh, well...
- Well, well...

Margaux was telling us
that cheese puffs

make your boobs bigger.

- Cherie!
- It's... don't worry about it.

But don't they get yellow crumbs
all over your chest?

No, no.
You eat the cheese puffs.

Can we change the subject here?

Girls, there isn't anything
you can eat

that'll make 'em grow any faster
or get any bigger.

Don't say that!

Your breast size is determined
by your genes.

No. No, no, no.

Genes with a G.

- Oh.
- Oh.

They're characteristics
you inherit from your parents.

They also determine
your height, eye color

and the size of your feet.

Okay, now that that's settled,

could we please talk
about something else?

You mean there's nothing
I can do.

Nothing?

You can't rush it,
you can't change it.

Oh, great. Great.

I'm stuck with a year's supply
of cheese puffs.

I'm so depressed.

Cherie, the size of your chest
has nothing to do

with who you are as a person.

Tell that to the boys at school.

Chip Green says
I'm a pirate's treasure,

a sunken chest.

Oh, honey.

And Spud Blugner calls me
a carpenter's delight,

flat as a board.

Well, you tell Spud
that sticks and stones

may break your bones
but never, never hurt you.

But what if he keeps teasing me?

Then you rip his lips off!

Are we done now?

Can we please talk
about something else?

Margaux, it's getting dark
so I'll drive you home.

You and Cherie go on down
to the car. I'll be right there.

- Bye, Punky.
- See you later, Punky.

Punky, you've been
awfully quiet.

Is there anything wrong?

No, not really.

Uh, Henry mentioned that
you were starting to develop.

I was thinkin' it might be nice

if you and I went out
and bought you your first bra.

Yeah, maybe someday.

How about right now?

Uh, I can't right now.
Right now's out.

Oh? Why?

Uh, well,

I promised Brandon
I'd teach him how to skateboard.

Yeah, that's it.

I see.

Don't you wanna
get a bra, Punky?

No, Henry doesn't want me
to get one

and I don't want one either.

Oh, no!

That, of course,
was Tchaikovsky's

"Waltz Of The Flowers."

Yes, it's worth listening
to the whole piece

just to hear
those last five notes.

Thanks a lot, Betty.

Well, excuse me,
Lenny Bernstein.

Now I'm gonna feel incomplete
for the rest of the day.

Oh, come on. You've been
incomplete since birth.

Is there any reason
for this ill-timed visit

besides the annoyance value?

Well, I had my little chat
with the girls,

the one you asked me to have.

That's terrific.

Well, like you said,
my timing is ill.

No, no, no, Betty.

Your timing is great.

You're a lifesaver.

That's true.
I'm one in a million.

- It's all taken care of then.
- Not exactly.

Punky told me that you don't
want her to have a bra.

Why would she say that?

I don't know.

But it's up to you
to find out why.

You are her father, are you not?

You're right.

I should have handled this
in the first place.

After all, I'm an adult.

I'll make myself deal with this.

You're a brave
and crazy guy, Henry.

Right after dinner,
I'll take Punky to the mall.

Great.
Now having saved the world

from the great adolescent
brassiere crisis,

I'm riding off into the sunset.

Betty?

Thank you.

My pleasure.

Over there.

Look at this.

What do you think of this one?

- Me?
- Yes, you're a man.

Thank you.

Well, madam, I picture you
in that garment

and, uh, I'm speechless.

I'll take two.

She'll need two.

Henry, I'll go
and get someone to help us.

No! I... I mean,

we'll be out of here in no time.

No need
to get strangers involved.

Uh, pardon me.

Here's a good one.

Henry, I may be new at this,

but something's
very, very wrong.

I see what you mean.

Hi.

- Can I help you?
- Uh...

That women needs help.

She can't find
the dressing room.

She works here.

What can I do for you?

We're shopping for my daughter.

Oh, I gotcha.

You're getting your very first

over the shoulder
boulder holder.

Well, what'll it be, honey?

Across your heart,
underwire, padded,

quilted, lace or cotton?

I don't want any of those.
I don't even wanna be here.

- She seems a handful.
- Excuse me.

I'm terribly sorry.

Punky, what's the matter?

Tell me what's wrong. Maybe
I can do something about it.

Can you stop me
from getting boobs?

I don't think so.

Why would you want me to?

I'm scared I might lose you.

Lose me? Why?

I heard you tell Mrs. Johnson

that you wanted me to stay
a little girl forever.

Oh.

Now that I'm changing,

I'm scared
you won't want me anymore.

Why would you think that?

My mom stopped wanting me.

Listen to me.

I will never stop wanting you
to be part of my life.

- You know why?
- Why?

Because you're the best part
of my life.

Hm. How come you're sad
that I'm growing up?

Remember when Brandon
was a puppy,

you told me
you never wanted him to grow up.

Yeah, he was so cute then.

Well, he did grow up.
How do you feel about him now?

Don't you love him just as much?

Sure. Even more.

I have the same feelings
about you.

I'm a little sad when...

you outgrow certain things,

but I love you even more when
I see what a fine young lady

you're becoming.

Now do you understand?

Yeah, but how come you've been
so weird about my boobs?

Yes, I... I have been weird.

Well, I apologize, but you see,

people talk about those subjects
much more freely now

than when I was growing up.

Oh, no bras back then?

Oh, yes, we had them.
Uh, not me personally.

But the point is,
kids didn't talk about them.

Not unless you wanted your mouth
washed out with soap.

- Did that ever happen to you?
- No.

My mother used Bab-O.

But times have changed

and it appears I still have
some growing up to do too.

I'll try and be more mature
about these things

in the future.

- I'll help you, Henry.
- Thank you.

Look, it's been a rough day.

Why don't we just go?

No way.
Now that everything's okay,

I want an over the shoulder
boulder holder.

This way, young lady.

I must, I must,
I must increase my bust.

A bust, a bust,
a bust is just a must!

Yeah.

That's better.

Look, Cherie, I got my...

Oh, my God!

Holy macanoly!

You mean
that thing really worked?

That's right.

Side sleeper.