04x10 - Radio Daze

[bunniefuu]

Are you going to throw
a card or not?

No?

How about this one?

Not that either.

Here, you pick one.

Oh.

Gin!

Thanks a lot, Brandon!

Sure, desert the sinking ship.

Please, Henry,
I'm having trouble

concentrating
on my Civil w*r battles.

Me too.

Hey, I bet listening
to Michael Jackson

will help us remember
Stonewall Jackson.

That'll do it for me.

Rock and roll
is the answer to everything.

It's better than penicillin.

Put on W-H-X-Y. They play
the best homework music.

You girls really
shouldn't be doin' homework

with the radio on.

Your grandma's right.

So let's forget the homework

and boogie.

This is WHXY.

♪ The imagination station ♪

Folks, we've changed our format,

so instead
of contemporary music,

you're gonna hear
old-time radio.

- Old-time radio?
- Old-time radio!

That's right.
Old-time radio.

For the next minutes,
you're going to hear

"The Shadow," "The Lone Ranger,"

and "Inner Sanctum."

Fantastic!
Do you know what this means?

Yeah.
It means we're turning it off.

Not so fast.

This means
you'll be able to hear

some of the classic radio shows
from the good old days.

When we were young,
they didn't have television.

When you were young,
they didn't have electricity.

Ah!

I was crazy
about those old comedies.

My idol was Jack Benny.

Naturally. He was cheap.

I used to love the scary shows.

I was so frightened
I used to hide my face.

That's still a good idea.

And, boys and girls,
don't forget to enter

WHXY's Annual
Radio Show contest.

The winners will get to perform
their original script

live on WHXY.

♪ The imagination station ♪

What a great idea.

Girls, think of the fun
of writing and performing

your own radio show?

About as much fun
as having your teeth drilled.

Oh!

And you don't even
get to rinse and spit.

You know, Henry's right.
For once.

Why don't you enter
this contest?

- No way.
- No way.

And here's the biggie, kids...

The winner gets an exciting,

all-expense-paid trip
to Disneyland!

- I'll get the pencils!
- I'll get the paper!

- Hi, Mr. Bowen.
- Hello. Oh, hi.

Alright, just wait a minute.
Oh, hello.

Oh, sir. Oh, hi.

Oh, the bank. That's right.
That's right.

Uh, uh, guys... Uh...

Would you take these children,
please? Thank you very much.

- Oh.
- Good afternoon, sir.

I have two eager
young writers here.

Oh. Well, hello there,
eager young writers.

I take it you want to enter
our contest?

You take it right.
Disneyland is our life.

- Yeah.
- Oh, good.

Got a real Mickey Mouse
attitude there.

Uh, well, just fill those out,

and, uh, have a parent
or guardian sign them.

You keep your radio play
under five minutes

and provide your own
sound effects.

Sound effects?

Well, uh, for instance, uh,

uncorking a bottle
and pouring wine.

Hey, you've got talent.

Oh, thank you.

Now, the question is, do you?

You see, our first prize
will be given

based on creativity
and originality.

And from the way you're dressed,

I'd say you're loaded with both.

Go get 'em, girls. Oh!

- We sure will!
- We're pumped.

That's it. Use this enthusiasm.
You're on your way.

Where to, Peoria?

You'd better find out
what second prize is.

I've got Disneyland
all wrapped up.

Oh, yeah? Says who?

- Says me.
- And who are you?

Garth Goobler.

I've been winning radio contests
since I could talk.

Are you related
to Gavin Goobler,

the famous radio writer?

Kind of. He's our father.

Wow! Kids, Gavin Goobler
is a brilliant creative genius.

Ah, he's a has-been.

We're the Gooblers of tomorrow.

We've written a dynamite script
for this contest.

You might as well go home.

You know, you're the most
conceited creep I've ever seen.

Wait till you see me
in a couple of years.

Come on, girls, let's go.

Oh, girls, don't forget
to give me your addresses.

- Why?
- Why?

So we could send you
a postcard from Disneyland.

Alright, Brandon, your move.

That's it!
Forget your cookie idea.

We're going back to using
regular checkers.

Why aren't you working
on your radio show?

Why bother? Garth Goobler
is gonna gobble up the prize.

That's no attitude.

Henry, he was born
with a pencil in his hand.

He probably used
radio scripts for diapers.

His father's a famous writer,
and all I have is you.

I'll treasure that thought.

It's just you're not a famous
writer, like his father.

But you have your own talent.

First of all, you have
a marvelous imagination.

I do?

Of course.

Whenever I ask you
to do some chores,

you come up with some
brilliant excuses.

Yeah, but that's easy.
Writing's hard.

Why should I do all that work
just to lose?

Perhaps you're right.
Wimping out is the best way.

I'm not wimping out.

You're willing
to accept second best.

Now, whenever anybody
says they're better than you,

you'll accept it.

Henry...

When it comes to being
an astronaut,

you'll probably settle
for being back-up pilot.

- Henry...
- Yes?

I know what you're doing.

You're using
reversible psychology on me.

Me?

You think you're gonna
get me all stoked up

so instead of quitting,
I'll want to b*at out

those goofy Gooblers.

I can read you like a book.

- And you know what else, Henry?
- What?

It worked.

Let me at that typewriter.

Ow!

Oh... Oh, good.
We made it on time.

They haven't announced
the winner yet.

- No.
- Uh-huh.

- I'm so nervous.
- We're all nervous.

This is my third box
of cr*cker Jacks.

Your fourth.

Too bad this isn't
a pig-out contest.

Oh, they have those?

- Hi, there.
- Hi, there.

We're ready to see
who's gonna go to Disneyland.

We don't want
to seem too overconfident,

but as you notice,
we're all ears.

I'm gonna barf.

Alright. Alright.
Alright, folks...

Listen, we're ready
to announce the winning play

in the -to- -year-old
category.

This is it, girls.

I've got my fingers crossed.

I've got everything crossed.

Okay, the winner in our
radio play writing contest

is... Punky Goobler!

Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It's a tie.

The winner is Punky and Goobler.

Uh, I mean... I mean,
Garth and Grant Goobler

and Punky Brewster
and Cherie Johnson!

- Wooh!
- Yeah! Wooh!

Now, tonight
we'll broadcast both scripts,

and then we'll announce
our final winner.

I knew you could do it!

And we're gonna
pin your ears back.

Come on. Let's celebrate.

Hey, you little rat!

Don't sweat it, Garth.

Their script is probably
a piece of junk.

Actually, I read it.
It's pretty darn good.

I Xeroxed a copy.

You mean, there's a chance
we could lose?

No way.

I got a sure-fire, can't-miss
plan to b*mb 'em out.

Disneyland here we come.
Oh.

Good evening,
and welcome to WHXY.

♪ The imagination station ♪

Tonight, our radio show contest

battle it out for that trip
to Disneyland!

And now, listen with your minds

as the Goobler boys perform...

"Hit One For Me, Babe,"

the stirring story of Babe Ruth.

Babe Ruth?
Is this about a candy bar?

Mm-mm.

No, it's baseball.

In a hospital room,
a little boy lies

in a bed as the door opens...

Babe Ruth,
the great baseball star

walks to the bed...

Is that you, Babe?

Yeah, it's me, kid.

I prayed you'd come.

Nothing could keep me away.

Your mom told me
that you're real sick. That...

I may...

You may...

He may...

Do something for me, Babe.

Name it, kid.

At the game today,
hit a homer...

hit one for me, Babe.

Sure, kid.

When I point to center field,
that one's for you.

Now, you do me a favor
and get better fast, got it?

Got it, Babe.

It's tensed out here
at Yankee Stadium, folks.

Last of the ninth, score tied.

The crowd... is waiting.

The great Babe Ruth
steps up to the plate.

Come on, Babe!

There's the windup...
and the pitch!

Strike one!

Ah!

The Babe looks nervous.

Here's the windup,
and the pitch!

Strike two!

Ah!

The Babe steps out of the box,

knocks the dirt off his spikes,

and confidently steps back
up to the plate.

Wait a minute!

He's pointing
towards center field!

He's predicting
where he's gonna hit the ball.

There's the windup,
and the pitch!

Hit the homer, Babe!

And there it goes!

Going, going... gone... for that
little kid in the hospital.

Thanks, Babe.

What a great story.

Yeah. I haven't been
this choked up

since I got
my last treasury bond.

We're in big trouble.

Folks, didn't those Goobler boys
just tear your heart out?

We'll be right back
with our last finalist

in ten short minutes.

In the meantime, please listen

to the charming sounds
of this recreation

of the San Francisco
earthquake.

Boy, we were great. Did you
see the way everyone's cryin'?

Yeah.

Garth, did I get well?

Nah, you d*ed.

Oh.

Now to make absolutely sure
we can't lose.

How can we do that?

Well, it'll be pretty hard for
those girls to do a radio show

without any sound effects.

Boy, you're scum, Garth.

Thanks a lot.

Okay, let's get
our act together.

Our sound effects are gone!

What?

Well, find them.
We can't do a show without them.

Problem?

Yeah. We can't
find our sound effects.

You mean things that make
funny noises, like this?

Gee, that means
someone must have stolen them.

I wonder who would do
such a nasty thing.

You! You're a worm!

And you're a worm's brother.

Gee, it's just too bad
you can't prove anything.

Well, kids, you all ready?

No, we're dead!

We can't prove it,
but the Gooblers

stole our sound effects.

Why, those little worms.

Nine minutes, girls.

You've got to give them
more time.

There's been a major theft here.

What?
Look, I've had a rough day.

In nine...

In eight minutes
and fifty seconds

we'll have dead air.

Have you ever heard dead air?

Oh!

Look, girls,
you're either on the air

or you're out of here.

Well, girls,
you tried your best.

Punky, you're not gonna
let those Gooblers b*at you.

Come on, think.

Your mind is always
full of something.

Henry, don't you ever give up?

Not when it comes to you.

Now, here's the plan.

It's a scavenger hunt.

We search the station
for anything we can find

that we can use
for a sound effect.

We meet back here
in two minutes!

Punky, you and Cherie
will write a new script

based on what we find.

Alright, we'll save
the day, yet.

- Oh!
- Oh!

Six seconds, girls.

Five seconds...

Four seconds, three seconds,

two seconds...

- Okay, we're ready.
- Alright.

And now, for our
second presentation...

"The exciting tale
of "Gunga Din"

by Rudyard Kipling."

It's not by Rudyard Kipling?

Oh, it's not "Gunga Din."

Then what is it?

Ah! A horror-filled
ghost story.

Good evening, and welcome

to Gruesome Ghost Stories.

Tonight, three innocent
young sisters

face abdominal evil

as they fight
The Headless Horseman

of Horror House!

It was a dark and stormy night.

Thunder...

Howling winds...

And torrential rain.

Three young sisters
from Savannah...

one of them very beautiful...

arrive at the mysterious
Horror House.

Darlene,
maybe we can dry off here,

in this old house.

Yeah,
I'm soaked to the skin, y'all.

Why, looky
here, the door's ajar.

Let's sashay on in.

This place is spooky.

What's that?

I say what's that?

Let me out of here!

Who said that?

It came from yonder coffin.

Don't open it!
I fear for our very lives!

But some poor soul's in there.

We must open that there coffin.

Why, hush, my puppies.

It's a skeleton in chains.

And it's coming
after poor little us.

I am Horror House's

horrible, headless horseman!

Oh, yuck, y'all!

Where's his head?

Under his arm.
He's gonna throw it at us!

Run for your lives.
Here comes his head!

- Ew!
- Ew!

So, those three sisters,

Darlene, Marlyn, and Gladis,

dashed out of the house and ran
all the way back to Savannah.

And no one yet

has ever solved the mystery
of Horror House.

That was hilarious, girls.
That was hilarious.

- You win first prize.
- Yay!

Uh, well... well,
I'm... I'm sorry, Gooblers.

Uh, your... your Babe Ruth script
was sensational,

but the... the girls'
presentation

was totally original.

- Nice try though.
- Hm. Thanks a bunch.

Do the words
"Cheaters never prosper"

mean anything to you?

Ah, let's go.

Boy, did you blow it!

Next year, I'm in charge.

I'm so proud of you.

And I'm so proud of you.

And I'm so proud of me.

Boy, Punky, I'm sure glad
this is over with.

It's not over yet.

What do you mean?

We still have to return this
to the ladies' room.