It's all right, Gabrielle.
I'm coming.
Now, we determine who is the best.
You and I in a fight till death.
And to make things
even more interesting...
Take her up!
Take her up.
- Do something!
- What do you expect me to do?
Xena!
Oh, this is really high.
Light it.
Anytime you're ready, Xena.
Come on, Xena! You're almost there!
Xena!
Harry... Wake up.
Harry!
What?
I just had a vision.
An awakening.
Self-revelation.
Don't forget about the pint 'a
Haagen-Dazs and the bean burrito.
They'll just give you nightmares.
This was not a nightmare, Harry.
It was an epiphany.
I was really there.
Where?
I had a past-life experience.
Ok, let me guess.
You were...
- Susan B. Anthony.
- No.
- Eleanor Roosevelt.
- No.
- Queen Elizabeth?
- No.
I give up.
In a time of ancient gods...
I was Xena, the Warrior Princess.
That does it.
I'm cutting you off.
No more internet chat rooms.
And I'm dumping this thing.
Get your hands off that, Harry.
Ok.
Have you totally lost your mind?
I'm warning ya, Harry, you don't
know what you're dealing with.
Read it.
Read it.
It came from yesterday's paper.
Ok.
Gonna just turn the light on.
Come on, Harry, hurry.
"Vigilante strikes again."
"A woman dressed as Xena,
Warrior Princess,..."
"saved an elderly man from being mugged
yesterday at the Mason Street mall."
"It's the third time in two weeks
that the Vigilante has struck."
What are you saying?
That was you?
I know it sounds crazy and I have
no memory of it, but look...
Look, see these
marks on my sword?
It's as if it's been used in battle,
and the same with my chakram.
I mean, how did they get there?
Harry... Harry, I think I've been
doing these things...
on the nights when you're working
late at the hospital.
It says here...
that the Vigilante struck
with acrobatic athleticism.
Annie, you need a rubdown
after a game of croquet.
But...
when my body is taken over
by my previous life spirit,
Xena, Warrior Princess,
I clearly become
a very dangerous woman.
And you actually believe this?
No. I didn't until now.
But that vision convinced me.
I am the Xena Vigilante.
Annie... You need to get some help.
Help...
I should see a counselor, huh?
Wonderful idea.
I'm so relieved...
A past-lives counselor.
In a time of ancient gods...
...warlords...
...and kings...
A land in turmoil
cried out for a hero...
She was Xena...
a mighty princess,
forged in the heat of battle...
...The power...
...The passion...
...The danger...
Her courage will
change the world...
I should have shuffled these cards.
There's an ace.
And you said that
dressing the part was silly.
Well, these people don't seem
to think it's silly at all.
- Who could argue with them...
- Hold that, would you, honey?
Halloween party.
Joan of Arc?
Xena...
of Amphipolis.
I bet my sword's bigger than yours.
Who are you supposed to be?
Hey, pyramid boy,
what's with the costume?
We encourage our
clients to dress
according to what they
sense was a previous life.
It often helps them make
important breakthroughs. Yes...
Yeah, that's good, Joan.
You still got it.
You are obviously a lover,
not a fighter.
Even rude for a frenchwoman.
Saint...
Notice the doctor graduated from
Buffalo Springs Medical Academy.
It's a fully-accredited school, sir.
Would you like to take
a look at a menu?
The doctor's running a bit late.
Thank you. Thank you.
Look, menu.
"First-life experience."
"Most influent.
Most sexually active."
This is ridiculous!
What's the matter?
You threatened by my old flames?
What? Are you seri...
This place is a g...
Look at this place!
Here she is.
Sorry I kept you waiting.
Joan, new armor...
Looking sharp, George.
You must be Xena.
Are you ready?
Absolutely.
Hey... Excuse me.
Excuse me.
Do you mind if I come in with you?
Harry, please.
- And you are...?
- Annie's boyfriend.
I'm sorry,
but it's in Annie's best interest
that her first past-life
voyage be by herself.
First past-life voyage...
Ok.
Thank you, doctor.
Why do you have to be
so mean all the time?
There is a possibility
that the Xena identity
takes over Annie's...
and in that state you roam
the town as the Xena Vigilante.
But there's only one way
to find out for sure.
Shall we?
I'm ready.
Close your eyes.
Concentrate on your breath.
Focus on each and
every breath you take.
I want you to feel it enter
through your nostrils,...
move through your diaphragm...
and release it out again.
You've expressed interest
in Ancient Greece.
We're going to send you
back to that time.
Back... Back... Back...
Now... On the count of ten...
I want you to find yourself
in another place,...
another time, another body.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
No!
Hope!
Gabrielle!
Gabrielle!
Xena!
It's ok, Annie.
You're in your present body.
I was there.
Doctor, I was there.
I saw Hope and Gabrielle
fall into the pit.
I experienced the whole thing.
It broke my heart.
I am Xena.
Do you have any recollection
of being the Xena Vigilante?
Well...
No.
I mean, there was something
strange about it.
Go on.
Tell me.
Well, it wasn't like I was
inside my body.
Her body.
It-it was like
I was outside, watching.
You didn't make a soul meld.
Is that bad?
If you expect to become
fully conscious in this life
of your past life as Xena,
you must meld your identity
with Xena's.
Let's try it again.
Close your eyes.
Weird...
Relax your body.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Don't worry, I cleared
the place out for you.
They're gone.
Are we going after him?
No, not in the darkness.
Right behind you...
They won't get far.
We'll camp here.
She is back again.
Two muggers were apprehended
early this morning.
Police have no idea
who the Xena Vigilante is,
but do theorize it's
an overexuberant fan of the show.
The Vigilante last struck
two nights ago.
Although she has great
support in the community
police warn that it is never
appropriate for citizens
to take the law
into their own hands.
That's the local news.
And now, for a check on our weather.
- That's it.
- Don't go in there.
I know you're anxious,
but please, sit down.
Look...
I'm gonna go in there,
I'm gonna get my girlfriend,
then we're gonna go home.
Ok?
It could be very
dangerous for you
to interrupt the doctor
during a past-lives session.
Listen to me, you cheap, dime-store,
three-for-a-dozen quack.
Are you threatening me?
I'll get the blankets.
Hello.
- Hello!
- Calm down, Joxer.
We saw you.
Great.
You think you can cut me down
without dropping me flat on my face?
No.
What's the matter, Annie?
You gods, the horror...
What happened?
I... I...
Say it.
I was Joxer!
Annie!
She's ok!
Annie!
- What's the matter?
- Oh, Harry...
- What's going on?
- It's ok.
I went back there.
I was Joxer.
Oh, please, not Joxer...
That ass...
Doctor?
Look at her!
She looks devastated!
He's the comic relief.
Clearly, she didn't expect to
find out she's this Joxer person.
Would you knock off that crap?
You can get her to believe
she's anybody you want.
They should never have introduced
his character, in the first place.
I don't think you have a full
understanding of guided imagery.
Guided imagery, my ass.
It's hypnosis, it didn't work.
Now you go fix it.
He's a deluded idiot.
- I don't like your tone, sir.
- Oh, no?
Well, how do you like the sound
of a malpractice suit?
- Wait a minute.
- What?
- You were there.
- Excuse me?
Oh, yeah, I'm sure of it.
You were there.
Not you as the doctor,
you as somebody else.
I'm not sure who.
It's common for patients to imagine
their life-imagery guides...
I wasn't imagining it.
You were there.
Of course you were, doctor.
Now you're gonna go over there
and convince her she's not this...
whatever his name is.
All right.
I could go back there
to clarify her remembrance.
Let's have a seat.
Close your eyes.
Concentrate.
Get lost!
Good.
Become your breath.
Your breath is your spirit
and it's your spirit that will
take you to a previous life.
One.
I said, get lost, freak!
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
Meet Xena, the Warrior Princess
and her sidekick, Gabrielle!
They're gonna defend our village?
Yeah, but we're gonna
need a little help!
Go to your houses and collect together
all your your tools and your weapons.
Give Joxer a list of every
able-bodied villager...
- and secure the outhouse.
- The outhouse?
- Is that important?
- It is to me!
Get out of my way!
It's ok.
Take it easy, Annie.
The doctor's gonna help you
clarify your remembrance.
Isn't that right, doctor?
Was I Joxer or not?
I'm gonna get you a sedative.
Marco, something
went wrong, just now.
What?
Ok, I went back with her to one
of her previous lives and...
I experienced something.
Something very real.
Self-hypnosis...
I told you that was
a danger with this scam.
You're gonna blow it.
You don't understand.
It was like technicolor, you know?
I mean, I felt like
I was really there.
You're probably watching
too many episodes.
No, I don't watch that show.
Bunch of chop-socky crap.
Besides, this was so repulsive...
It couldn't have been an episode.
You never know with that show.
- No, the sights, the sound...
- They're sneaky.
- They'll try anything.
- That smell...
One week, they're melodrama,
the next week they're
"Three Stooges".
Marco...
I'm telling you,
for a moment there, I believed it.
And they're way too serialized.
Annie...
Annie...
You let this quack convince you
of something that just isn't true.
Harry, if you were there,
you'd believe it too.
- It seemed so real...
- Ok.
All right, look.
I'm gonna prove
to you it isn't true.
Annie, here you go.
I'd like you to take
these sedatives.
Doctor?
I want you to send me back...
to whatever past-lives place
you sent her.
Well, that may not be possible.
You may not have known
Annie in a past life.
I see.
That's very convenient.
So, you don't want
me to find out about
your little past-lives
scam, is that it?
Yeah, Doc.
What are you afraid of?
Yeah.
All right.
To be honest, I'd like to
experience it again myself.
Let's all become our breaths.
Close your eyes...
and breathe.
On the count of ten,
we'll find ourselves in another body.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
Harry...
What did you experience?
It was... strange.
But it's all buncombe, right?
It's all the power
of suggestion, right?
It was...
unusual.
It was unusual.
What are you saying?
Harry...
Annie...
Maybe Joxer wasn't
such a bad guy.
Oh, God!
Oh, God!
Look...
- What is it? What? What?
- None of us are thinkin' straight.
Why don't we get outta here, ok?
That's a good idea.
I think we've done
all we can here.
There's no charge.
Nobody's going anywhere.
Marco, what are you doing?
We have some business
to take care of.
I don't get it.
Marco, why are
you doing this?
Let's just say I'm settling
an old score.
Look, if it's about the money,
you can take it.
I'm through with this scam!
I plan to!
It's a scam...
I knew I couldn't be Joxer.
I can't believe it...
- What is that?
- It's a b*mb.
- Very good!
- A b*mb?
Why, Marco?
'Cause boiling oil's too difficult
to rig in this day and age.
Now...
You got about ten minutes before
this thing blows your heads off.
Have a nice day.
You too.
Don't worry.
I'm gonna get us out of this mess.
This is a fine time to learn
this reincarnation
thing is for real.
All this time I think that I'm
running a harmless little scam...
when in fact,
I'm poisoning my karma.
Don't worry, Harry.
It won't be long.
Look, Marco taught me
the hypnosis technique.
And... I never thought
I would hurt anyone.
Now I'm responsible for
getting you two blown up.
This is a karmic catastrophe.
I'm gonna come back as a worm,
or a cockroach.
No. A tv evangelist.
Mattie... You might be
able to redeem yourself.
That technique of yours...
might be the key to
getting us outta here.
- Really?
- Yeah. Look at us.
We're tied up with a time-b*mb
between our heads.
It's like... one of those ridiculous
cliffhanger act breaks on that show.
I can't believe you're trashing
Xena at a time like this.
- Take us back, Mattie.
- You really think that will help?
Xena got out of this
type 'a jam all the time.
There's something
she wants us to learn.
I'm coming.
Ok. Relax.
Ok, ok.
Oh, not again.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
No!
- What the hell was that all about?
- I don't know.
- You were Xena, right?
- Yes.
Ok.
Then I must 'a been
one of the two blondes.
Would you listen to you two?
Who's deluded now?
I didn't experience
anything that time.
It's a scam!
But don't worry.
I'll get us out of this mess.
- Take us back, Mattie.
- Ok.
Relax.
Become your breath.
And one.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Where is she?
I don't know.
Stop that.
- I'm right here.
- Oh, now she's back.
Autolycus, I'm going
to speak through you.
Give me control.
No, wait.
We have an agreement.
I have a right...
Yes, Gabrielle, it's me.
I want you to do something.
Close your eyes.
Close them tightly and think of me.
Gabrielle...
Gabrielle...
It's me.
I'm not dead.
Xena...
At least, not completely.
Why?
Why did you leave?
There's so many things
I want to say to you.
Gabrielle...
You don't have to say a word.
Xena, I can't lose you again.
Gabrielle, I'll always be here.
That was...
confusing.
Yeah.
Maybe I was the guy
with the mustache.
- Botchculus or something?
- Yeah.
Autolycus.
And you've both lost what's
left of your spongy minds.
Right...
I'm going to take these
wires that lead to the b*mb.
I'm going to cut
them with my teeth.
No, you're not, Annie.
You're going to disarm
the b*mb with your teeth?
It's dangerous.
I'm afraid I've got to,
little missy.
- Annie, I'm begging you.
- And Harry, I'm sick of you.
It's always... "Don't do this.
Don't do that. And don't..."
Ouch.
I'm sorry, sweethart,
I couldn't let you
chew on those wires.
No doubt who she was.
We just got a couple minutes left.
Take us back.
Ok, we'll try again.
One.
Two.
Three.
Four.
Five.
Six.
Seven.
Eight.
Nine.
I'm coming, Xena!
What could you possibly
have been thinking?
I'm here to save my friends.
That's all it'll take.
She's escaping!
Don't just stand there,
get her!
I was Joxer.
I was the sidekick.
I know who the Xena Vigilante is.
How can you be Xena?
You can't even stay awake
during the teaser...
Have you done this before?
No.
But I have many skills.
It's the red wires.
No.
Blue.
Very good.
You still haven't lost it... Xena.
And you're as
evil as ever...
Ares.
Sorry to put you
through all this...
but I had to be sure.
I knew if I challenged you...
gave you every opportunity
to visit your life back then...
you'd regain your old identity.
What do you want... Ares?
What I want is what
I've always wanted.
You.
And this is the big
opportunity, Xena.
We are on the verge.
Verge of what?
January the st, .
The world's gonna be dying
for someone to take charge.
And that is where
you and I come in.
What are you talking about?
Y K.
The world is gonna be
in a state of chaos.
It's a little something
I came up with
when I got out of the
tomb you left me in.
In a world that no
longer worships me,
I had to get creative.
But now I've got it...
and there's nothing
you can do to stop it.
I do, however,
need some human help.
So... my choice
as always, was you.
I guess I'm just
a sentimental kind 'a guy.
Remember?
What do you want?
I want you back, of course.
My Warrior Princess,
living as my Warrior Queen.
We were once a great match.
I didn't know any better then.
I thought your ways were
all there was for me.
I think you'll be more
comfortable in this.
Now that you do know...
there is another side to life...
now tell me...
Are you really having
more fun these days?
I'm fighting for a better world.
My dear Xena,...
you were always fighting
for a better world.
You were going to conquer it...
and then...
you were going to rule it.
Same argument,
same card to play.
So... How about it, Xena?
Not a chance, Ares.
Oh, come on...
You can't still be holding
a grudge after all these years.
It's not a grudge.
It's the difference between
right and wrong, good and evil.
You just never learned that lesson.
Are we gonna fight again?
Bring it on.
Come on... Come on...
Yeah?
Ok! No! Time!
That's it! I'm done!
I decked the God of w*r.
You tend to lose
a little bit of your edge
when you haven't been
worshipped in a while.
You're breakin' my heart.
Yeah, well, don't worry about it.
I'm still immortal.
You're not gonna get rid 'a me.
You know...
I think I knew
it was gonna work out this way.
So why'd you come back for me?
Like I said, I'm a sentimental guy.
Harry!
Yeah, and you better disappear!
Great big hunk of god...
Here... Let me get that.
Annie...
- Annie, I...
- Harry...
I got some bad news for you.
You and I aren't made
for each other.
She's your soulmate.
My soulmate?
If you could just stay awake through
one episode, you'd know these things.
You see...
I know that I'm going to die.
I accept that.
Why can't you?
A long time ago...
I accepted the consequences
of our life together.
That it might one day come to this.
I'm not afraid.
You always said that
I was the brave one.
Look at you now.
If this is to be our destiny,
let's see it out together.
Even in death, Gabrielle,...
I will never leave you.
I'll leave you two
to get reacquainted.
And another thing...
I went back when Callisto
had you two tied up.
And you know what?
Joxer saved your butts.
I saw it from his point of view.
And you would never
have gotten that chakram
if he hadn't come in when he did.
He had the heart of a lion,
and a really, really big one too.
You're right, Annie.
And he was a very
underrated fighter.
Well... Goodbye.
Harry...
I've been aware for
some time that
you've been going into my
underwear drawer at night.
It's nice to know
it was in a good cause.
Thanks.
I guess.
Harry...
It's funny...
I do feel strangely
attached to you.
What do you remember?
I think I remember
when we first met.
Xena, life is eternal.
It has no beginning and no end.
The loving friends
we meet on our journey...
return to us, time after time.
We never die...
because we were
never really born.
It's been a long time.
It's been too long...
Friend.
♪ Annie Banannie ♪
♪ She kicks fanny ♪
♪ Dangerous with sword and Kn*fe ♪
♪ Learned her skills in that past life ♪
♪ Never will you outfox her ♪
♪ She's as good as ol' Joxer ♪
♪ I'm Annie, I'm Annie, the Mighty ♪
♪ You should just meet her
They don't come any sweeter ♪
You know, I could be Xena
in my next life.