06x00 - DC Comics Special

[bunniefuu]

Robot Chicken,
for one hundred episodes,

they defiled every entertainment brand
in the known universe.

Now, their greatest challenge,

writing the cocktail of the most iconic
characters of all time,

not counting Harry Potter.

The DC comics superheroes.

Some of them are super than others,

that guy just talks to fish.

Hey!

This is the Robot Chicken
DC Comics Special.

Hashtag RCDC.

- Oh boy, the invisible jet.
- Hurry up, Aquaman!

- Let's go, buddy.
- I'm coming!

Sike!

Last one at the party can't fly.

He will be the last one at the party,
because he can't fly.

Fine, I'll just swim there.

Silly punks.

Batman owns the night.

Now taste fear...

Wait, wait. what? Oh God!

Oh, my back just snapped
like a pack of uncooked spaghetti!

You just walk up and break my back
without saying a word.

Booh!

Booh on you, sir.

That's Bane.

And now, "Real characters
from the DC Universe".

Hi, I'm B'Dg,

I'm a member
of the Green Lantern core.

Can you believe it folks?

He really exists.

Huh...

Do you guys want me
to say anything or?

Tune in next time,
for another edition of

"Real characters from the DC Universe".

Lois, you helped me
defeat general Zod,

Superman too.

But now, you know I'm Superman,
I have to kiss you and make you forget.

Why would that be one
of your super powers?

You should hear
yourself sometimes, Lois.

What, why am I standing here
with Clark Kent,

when I should be chasing
the scoop on Superman.

I should really use
that power more often.

My beautiful hair, I'll never forget
how you took it from me Superman.

Adventure comics n° .

- Oh really?
- Superman!

I'll destroy you...
What are you doing?

I can't remember why I hate you.

Oh yeah, I know.

You might want to close your eyes.

I run my fingers through your hair.
And I kiss you, bro.

And you won't remember a thing.

Don't trying run away.

Another job well done.

I should have thought this through.

Oh, well.

- Hey, how's it going?
- Right, right, right.

Oh, come on!

Welcome everyone to the grand opening
of our newest exhibit.

The Blue Star of Egypt.

All right, people, we all know
what's coming next.

Let's see if we can at least make it
through a round of hors d'oeuvres

before the first
supervillain shows up.

Apparently, there's a
salmon bagel bite.

Everyone, freeze!

Sorry to be so cold-hearted,
but Mr. Freeze is stealing that ice.

I was not expecting paprika.

A-plus effort, honestly.

Everyone, chill out!

Or Captain Cold will put you on ice.

Come on!

I thought we had
a schedule worked out.

This is my day.

I have a new assistant.
I'm still bringing him in.

Everyone, stay cool!

It's about to get downright
to bone-chillin' in here.

Thanks to Icicle.

I just walked into a cluster f*ck.

You guys, you have to try
these salmon thingies.

Focus, Captain Cold.

Clearly there's not room for three
cold-themed villains with freeze rays.

I guess you two Snow Jobs will have to
change gimmicks, then.

It's not my gimmick.
I'll literally die in warm temperatures.

My cryogeneticly frozen wife
is my entire reason of living.

My name is Victor Fries,
for God's sake.

It's "Freeze", but you spell it "fries"
like French fries. Weird.

- It's German.
- Well, I ain't changing, you d*ck.

Everyone, freeze!

Oh, for f*ck's sake.

I completely forgot
about Chillblaine.

You and America, buddy.

It took me six years of research
to build my freeze ray.

How do you high school
dropouts keep making them.

Are they as easy to build as ham radios
and I'm just an assh*le?

Guys, we've demolished
a lot of load-bearing walls in here.

Well, those villains are going
to the cooler,

thanks to Ice and
her amazing freeze powers.

Cool.

I'm glad you guys could come
all the way to Earth-C.

Me and Captain Carrot didn't see
eye to eye on a lot of things but...

no one deserves to die like that.

I never met the Captain
or his "Zoo Crew", but...

since you vouch for him, I'm glad
to be here in their time of need.

Why didn't you tell
me they look like cartoons.

Wait.

I'm good.

Dammit. Sorry.

If you can't keep it together,
you need to leave.

I know, I know! For the love of...

It's a turtle wearing goggles.

I'm sorry. I'm sorry.

I'm...

I'm sorry. Its just...

that... pig...

looks so sad.

I can't, I can't. I'm sorry.

I can't!

Your friend was very inappropriate.

We're so sorry Little Cheese.

Little Cheese.

I just don't see how you could
let it get this bad.

It's the swamp thing baby.
You wouldn't understand.

Bane broke my back,

but years of training allowed me
to heal in record time.

Now, let's see what the joker...
Oh my god, no!

Like a string of firecrackers,
my f*cking back.

I felt the soles of my feet touch
the back of my head on that one.

That's Bane.

And now, "Real characters
from the DC Universe".

- Hey there, I'm Firestorm.
- Can you believe it, folks?

Take a good look at this douche.

I'm...

Firestorm.

The nuclear man.
I was in the Justice League.

His hair is actually made of fire.

Bet he blows through
his comb budget pretty quickly.

But I'm really popular.

We'll be back next time for...

"Real characters
from the DC Universe".

- What are we doing here, Lantern.
- What's the matter?

You're a little rusty
with the ladies?

If anyone's gonna score tonight,
it's the man of steel.

Haven't you been courting Lois Lane
for like fifteen years.

- Do you ever score?
- Watch and learn.

Hey ladies,
you look like you could use

a non-threatening guy pal
who would never push your boundaries.

And while you're at it, could you co-sign
my loan for a late model Corolla?

Got a pen?

Not even I could get
to the friend zone that fast.

Class is in session, people.
Soon as I get this suit off.

Hold on there, money bags.
You gotta do it in costume.

Yeah, that's the rules.
We all have to be in costume.

What?
I'm dressed like a giant bat.

Well, f*ck you guys.
I'm getting wasted.

Got a couple Piña Coladas here.
Just for the ladies.

Looks like you could use
some just for men.

And you b*tches can pay
for your own drinks.

Name's Aquaman,
I know how to talk to tuna.

Martian Manhunter?

What are you doing?

I have a life outside the team,
you know.

- You are the worst.
- Aquaman got manhunted.

I'm outta here.
There's plenty of fish in the sea.

Did he mean that
metaphorically or...?

I do not just call
when I've been drinking.

Meanwhile, at the Legion of Doom.

And this new plan will crush
the Justice League once and for all.

But more importantly, it's time
to draw names, for secret santa.

It's team building, people.

Shake it up, shake it up.

I got Leonard Snart.
Who's Leonard Snart?

Is he the kid in the mail room
with the B.O.?

Everyday I'm like, "I smell the
mail coming!" and sure enough...

I'm Leonard Snart.

How could I forget?

I think that kid's name is Glenn.

Somebody is going to get
a big surprise.

A new rule this year everybody.
No exploding toys

I'm literally the only one
affected by that rule.

I still have a scar in my forehead
from Christmas , you dumb butthole.

It's... It's how I express love.

Has everyone drawn a name?

God, what smells like
a turd lovers pizza?

Hey guys,
we doin secret Santa again this year?

Non noncommittal mumbling.
The gift that keeps on giving.

I have a glandular condition,
you guys.

This is not my fault.
You think I don't try?

I shower everyday.

I shower everyday.

Learn more about Glenn
and his battle against body odor,

right after these commercial messages.

Ladies and Gentlemen, I don't know
how to break this news

in any way that make sense of it,

so I'll just give you the facts
as I have them.

Glenn k*lled himself during
the commercial break.

My God, What was that?

I don't know
but I'll find out Mr. Jordan.

This is so cool.

Not quite "Independence Day" cool,

but much cooler than
"Battle Los Angeles" cool.

If Battle Los Angeles was zero cool
and Independence Day was cool

then this would be about a cool.

I am Abin Sur.

It's a cool.

- From the Green Lantern...
- Exposition Youpi!

- The ring, the cosmic ring...
- Oh my gosh, oh my gosh.

...has chosen you as its new master,

Al Jordan.

Last words spoken
in its native tongue.

We'll tragically never know
what Al Jordan means in English.

Watch this ring is glowing and
seems to be taking over my body.

Hey, hey, hey, hey, hey !

OK, OK.

Could you please stop screaming?

Thank you.

You will be trained
to use your ring by Kilowog.

It's like scratching a chalkboard
against another chalkboard.

If you are att*cked,

the ring will respond to your thoughts
and imagination to protect you.

Begin.

Cool, I dodged it.
Protect me, Selena Gomez.

I meant weapons, you Poozer.

I am not sure that the earthlings
are worthy of our ring.

- Make them kiss.
- Yes, it is hot in here.

Let's just hope they gave Abin Sur
the burial he deserved.

Your enhanced strength
and criptonized lasers

make you a match
for even Superman, Mr. Luthor.

Yes, a flawless design.

Tyler, I told you not
to play ball in here.

I'm so sorry Mr. Luthor,
it's my day to watch him...

Just stop talking for one second.

That tickles.

But, what's going on here?

OK, just to be completely clear.

All we gonna do is go over
to the Hall of Justice,

plant a nega-b*mb and k*ll them all
at once. That's it, right.

Exactly,
and we're sneaking over at night

when it's dark like Sinestro said,
great idea "N'estro".

And it never hurts
to leave a few riddles

with embedded clues
on how to diffuse the b*mb.

Right, g*ng?

Look, Eddy.

We're not doing
the riddle thing anymore.

You don't have to get
your d*ck prince over everything we do.

Without my riddles,
they might as well not even show up.

Fine. Riddle me this.

Witch losers are gonna
be totally jealous

when I defeat the JLA without them.

It's you, guys.

Riddle me this.
Who is the punctuation posse?

Perhaps I can answer your question.

Riddler.

Intense emotion do I hear?

Then the Exclamer must be near.

The Exclamer?

Wait, can we have a pause here
for a second?

Pausing is my game, Flash.

And The Coma is my name.

Forget it.

I'm shutting down this turd factory
before it gets any worse

Did someone use a quote yet,
we can't hear.

Jack (bip) back here.

So if we just turn off the light
when we leave the room...

Wait, they said Bane
had crippled me for life,

but that monster
isn't going to own me.

I'm back.

Oh my god, this is not happening!

Where were you guys on that one?
You just watched it.

This is a waking nightmare

That's Bane.

Oh, come on, guys,
I've had this since I was thirteen.

Riddle me this Mirror Master.

What's pink, quivering
and needs a shave?

Two things: Sinestro
and Sinestro's vag*na.

- Let's go.
- OK OK, I've got to do it.

- Call , guys.
- I'm not so fan of blood.

We'll need more TP here, fellas.

- I'm out of here.
- Help me, help me.

Riddle me this,

what's covered in question marks,
sniffs clue and was never here.

Meanwhile at the Hall of Justice

Maybe the crew ship wouldn't sink

if they didn't shove a quarter tons
of self-loathing in the every cabin.

How they even wipe themselves?

Someone said crew ship
like in the ocean?

Why didn't you invite me?

To tell the fish to get out of the way.
No, they figured out.

- Nice one, Superman.
- Sorry guys, bad news.

The toilet still clogged.

That was an ancient relic
passed down from my ancestors.

Your ancestors didn't know crap
about plumbing.

I got friends coming over tonight.

These lobsters walk right
into the door. Anyone hungry?

The Johnsons! No!

Ant Johnson performed my bris.

Aquaman, I hear you.

- Can we still eat the lobsters?
- Somebody said lobsters?

That's it.

You treat me like
I'm not even on the team.

Every day, it's Aqualoser,

- there's a Aquapuss that.
- Aquaman, the floor is wet.

I am the king
of the f*cking ocean, cyborg.

Do you think
I've never seen a paddle before?

My tailbone.

My tailbone.

Please...

Need a hospital.

Just use your Aquamobile.

How am I supposed
to ride a sea dude?

That is it.

That is it.

And now, "Real characters
from the DC universe".

Well, hello there.

I'm Mr. Banjo.

I steal America's secret
and send it to foreign enemies

by playing Morse code
on my banjo playing.

That's right

No!

No way.

You lock me in here
with Fatty Arbuckle

I can fly.

I can sh**t nuclear blasts.

I can literally,
literally turn lead into gold.

Well, you just hang on there,
my friend.

This banjo cost me almost sixty dollars
so we both bring our lap to the table.

And where the f*ck is B'dg ?

Down the hall,
first dressing room on the right.

Oh hello, my name is B'dg.

And,

who ever's been picking their nose
at the urinal and wiping it on the wall.

Stop it.

That's evil.

It's disgusting

Guys, what is the wifi password
in here again.

Catwoman is a bitch,
all in one word with a capital B.

No, that's evil.

It's the Justice League.
We're under att*ck

Quiet, folks.

See, Aquaman has come alone.

Giganta, right?

Shoo, go away!

Hey, I just wanna talk.

Alright, but there's an entrance fee.

Giganta, you dumb cow,

you've led my archenemy right to us.

I'll lift the fight another day.

Aquaman, you are now our hostage.

I'm already a hostage Luthor,

a hostage to the JLA's insults.

But no more.

Aquaman is the newest member
of the Legion of Doom.

Look, I don't want
to hurt your feelings.

I have the code
to the watch tower service entrance.

Welcome aboard.

What the f*ck is going on out there?

I left my windows down.

No, our document say you were born
on august , , a Tuesday.

It should also be noted that your
actual legal name is Salomon Gruesday.

Hey, guys, I'm back.

Where have I been, ho,
kicking the ocean business?

You know, I didn't join the
force of evil or anything.

You got the cake for
Robin's Bar Mitzvah ?

Yep, that's all I'm good for, right.

There goes our petty cash.

Better too much
than too little. Right?

He's blowing it.

Riddle me this:
Who's hand is that?

Mine's between two pillows.

We've heard you the first three times.
We've all seen the movie.

Actually, I never seen it
but that joke was in the trailer.

Fine, let's just get it
in the rec room.

Surprise!

I didn't do anything.

- What is this?
- It's an Aquaman appreciation party.

Yeah, Robin is not Jewish.

We give you a hard time
but only because we love you, bro.

You really feel that way?

Do I really feel... look at this guy,
of course.

We're a family.
Now, do the honor.

Shush, something's happening.

Yeah, Aquaman in the house!

Do not push.

Quiet, you fool.

But, but, but...

I said Quiet!

I told you to...

Wait!

They are shoving knifes in here?
Get out of the cake.

We've been caked.

Wait, wait, guys,
my legs are asleep.

Now, we'll see
what Mr Banjo can do.

Face it green fool.
You're no match for the power of fear.

I can't look at you like that.
Was that a choice?

I got a staph infection,
I almost d*ed.

Who brought a kick ball?

Am I here, or over here?

- How would you know who's the real...
- Face punch.

See you next gruesday.

Freeze, chill, ice, freeze, cool.

Yeah, drop it mother f*ckers.
Who's next?

I'll fight you Wonder Woman,
but I've got a debt.

Oh Great.

Like I was drowning
in couch to start with,

now I've got a nose
like a f*cking can opener.

Meow. Was I supposed to fight DarkSide
cause... I'm a guy in a cat suit.

Give it up, Joker, you...

Is that piss, dude?
Did you just squirt piss in my mouth?

We are done, professionally.

It's not his piss, Bats

That is only slightly better.

Rule of three assh*le, not four.

Oh man!

I can't concentrate
with that damn banjo noise.

Fine, suck on this.

Here, again.

The world's greatest felon
and earth mightiest hero

must do the dance of death.

Mother Fucker.
That split my lap.

Enough of this.
Time for the end game.

- Aquaman, the kryptonite. Now.
- Kryptonite!

Throw me the kryptonite
and the evil will win.

No Aquaman. I'm your bro.

Bro? Your treated him like ponce god,
for too long.

Now, he has his revenge.

Sorry, Luthor, I'm no villain.

I'm Hero.

And I'm gonna kick your ass.

Aqua-punch!

Yeah!

Aquaman gets his groove back.

Oh, f*ck.

How can you measure the value
of a man who did so much for so many?

And what would we do without him?

Without...

Glenn?

This is how the Robot Chicken
DC Comics Special ends?

With some cheap ass misdirect?

We're no even gonna find out
who survived? Everyone's OK with that?

Shush! Don't worry, Jimmy.
You won't remember a thing.

And neither will you.

You know,

the thing about Glenn was...

Oh, damn it.

Another job well done.