07x00 - Lots of Holidays But Dont Worry Christmas is Still in There Too... (Special)

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Robot Chicken". Aired: February 20, 2005 –present.*
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American adult animated comedy with a series of pop-culture parodies about everything.
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07x00 - Lots of Holidays But Dont Worry Christmas is Still in There Too... (Special)

Post by bunniefuu »

And now back to
"the Legend of the Guardians:


the Owls of Ga'hoole"
Christmas special.


Who? Who?
[Wings flapping]


Who is watching this program?
[sighs]


Man, Christmas gets all the
animated specials.

I wish someone would do one for
the other holidays.

That would be so cool.
[inhales, yawns]

So... cool.

[warble!]

[groans]
Huh?!

Aaaaah!
Aah! Aah!

- He's a maniac! Help!
- Both: Huh?

Oh! What?!
[Panting, crying]

Whoops!
Unh!

What?
Oh, boy.

[funky, mid-tempo music plays]

Ow! Your feet! Yeeow!
Ow!

Ow! Ow! Oh, my god!

[sneezes]

Uh ... hey! Ow!
Yeow! Yeow!

Uh, that's okay. No, thank you.
No, no, no.

[Chatters]
What the [bleep]

Unh! Unh! Oh, yeah!
I think I love you.


Here goes.
My New Year's resolution is

- to quit drinking!
- ... ... ...

- Happy New Year!
- All: Yay!


[Twinkle!]

Whoa! You're baby New Year!

Did you come here to
help me ring in ?

No, Jim.
I came to talk to you about the

promise you made.
Remember ... to give up drinking?

But I made that
resolution seconds ago.

It's binding.
Hyah!

[Screaming]

♪ Baby New Year,
resolution enforcer ♪


The Chipmunks' Christmas album
went double-mahogany on the charts.

So we decided to release a
holiday album for

- the other holidays.
- # Theodore #

Take a listen.

[mid-tempo music plays]

All: # St. Patrick's
day is finally here #


♪ time to drink our weight in beer ♪

♪ sipping green ale from a can ♪

♪ I think I blew a homeless man ♪

And what's sure to be a
halloween classic.

All: # hello, people, trick or treat #

♪ I hope you give us something sweet ♪

♪ give us candy, that's the plan ♪

♪ I think I blew a homeless man ♪

Uh, Theodore, I think you're
repeating the lyric

- from St. Patrick's day.
- Nope. I blew a homeless man on

Halloween also.
I was high on candy.

- Okay! Well, there's ...
- And PCP.

There's also a great song
for Thanksgiving!

All: # hooray, it's finally
turkey day #


♪ we'll drink and laugh
our cares away ♪


♪ eat pies of pumpkin and pecan ♪

I probably didn't blow a
homeless man...?

Theodore, this is a safe place.

♪ Okay, I definitely blew
a homeless man ♪


[bells jingle] # He sees you
when you're healthy #


♪ he knows when you feel sick ♪

[coughs] # he knows if
you've been naughty or nice #


♪ that's right,
Santa can't be tricked ♪


All right, let's go over my
naughty-and-nice list for this year.

Well, Billy Marchetti in
Rochester stole a candy bar.

Looks like someone is
now on my naughty list.

But he did it because his
family's on welfare and his mom

traded all the food stamps for heroin.

Oh. Um...

Hmm.
That's a tough one.

♪ He watches when you're home ♪

♪ he knows when you're away ♪

♪ he's also starting to realize ♪

♪ that life is morally gray ♪

Regina from Nome, Alaska,
got an "A" on her math quiz.

Well, that's cut-and-dried ...
a gift for Regina.

- But only because she cheated.
- Okay, coal for Regina.

Bu-u-u-u-u-u-t...
she only cheated on the test

because she can't read the
blackboard due to the fact

- she's dyslexic.
- Aghhh!

♪ He's having an existential crisis ♪

♪ that smug look's
wiped off of his face ♪


Guys. Guys, stop.
Stop singing.

All right? Just ... just stop.

I have a lot of things to
think about. [wind whistling]

Help yourself to some
cookies, Sherry.

I made them for the whole office.

I told myself I wouldn't.
But hey, yolo.

Unh!

♪ Baby New Year,
resolution enforcer ♪


Mother, are you watching over me,
like Simba's dad did for him?

[echoing] Here I am, Bambi.

Oh, wow! Mom!
D-Do you have any sage

- advice for me?
- Yes, my son.

The rampant deer population
is a real problem.


- You have to k*ll yourself.
- I-I thought you were gonna

tell me, like, I was the one
true king or something.

No. You're a deer.
Deer are meaningless!


Meaningless...
meaningless.


Oh, I wish I had known her, father.

- Yes, she was quite wonderful.
- Tell me ... what was she like?

Unh! Unh! Unh! Yeah!
[dolphin squeals]

Oh, she was enthusiastic, the
most beautiful one in her pod.

Oh, that's ...
Wait ... pod? What pod?

[yiddish accent] Nemo, put
on your yarmulke

- for your mother.
- I don't want to! We're fish!

- This is stupid!
- Put on your yarmulke, Nemo!

I'm tired of your sh*t!

Sh'ma. Fishrael fish adonai...

Happy Mother's day from all
of us in the Disney family

- who've lost our mothers.
- Mickey, do you miss

- your mama, too?
- Ha! No!

She ate all my brothers and sisters.

Mice are monsters.

[lisping] Oh, no.

It's Valentine's day,
and I have too many dates.

Happy Hanukkah, Joshua.
Here.

I got you lots of Hanukkah gelt.

[hip-hop music plays]

[rapping]
# I got so much Hanukkah gelt #

♪ yo, this musta been
how Rockefeller felt ♪

♪ chocolate money,
it ain't even funny ♪

♪ keep my wallet in the freezer
so that sh*t don't melt ♪

♪ I walk into the club,
and I make it rain ♪

♪ and now your booty all
covered in a chocolate stain ♪

♪ gelt in my socks,
gelt in the banks ♪

♪ I give gelt to my homies,
and they say... ♪

- Together: Thanks!
- # I give gelt to the Germans,

- and they say... #
- Together: Danke!


♪ I got more chocolate
than Willy Wonka ♪

♪ so much gelt, it'll make you sick ♪

♪ I got more hot cocoa
than Ice-T's [bleep] ♪

♪ so much chocolate,
make ya pop ya belt ♪

♪ ya understand me,
mother [bleep] ♪

- # I got so much gelt #
- [gasps] Hey!

This money's made of chocolate.
You owe us grand.

Oy gevalt!

Happy Memorial day, my smurfs!

This is the day on which we

honor all the fallen smurfs
of smurfs past.

Myspace smurf.
[bell tolls]

Payphone smurf.
[bell tolls]

Ohhh, "Talk to the hand" smurf.
[bell tolls]


Michael Dukakis smurf.
[bell tolls]

I'm sensing a trend here.
All of these smurfs were

- kind of outdated.
- Yes, it is a sad thing when

a smurf outlives his usefulness.
I mean, dies.

Well, did these smurfs
die of natural causes?

Well, let me think.

[twinkle!]

Hmm.
Doesn't look busy enough.

[g*nsh*t]

[g*nsh*t]

Ew! Talk to the han...
[g*nsh*t]

[g*nsh*t]
Yep ... natural causes.

You sure about that?

[dramatic music plays]

Handy smurf ... tonight.
He knows too much.

Mrrow.

[sighs]
I swore I'd stop spanking it,

but I just can't say no to
you, Marjory. Unh! Unh! Unh!

Broke your resolution, eh?
[choking]

- This makes it so much better!
- I'm gonna sit this one out.

♪ Baby New Year,
resolution enforcer ♪


I love spending these nights
together, baby.

Just me, you, and the
desolation of nature.

I love you, St. Nick.

[rumbling]

What the [bleep]

Santa! Mrs. Claus!
It is a true honor to meet you. I ...

Hey, thanks for blocking our

- view, dumbass!
- Oh. Sorry.

I didn't know your place was
here when I threw the crystal.

Good thing I didn't hook it,

or your house would be in
my living room. [laughs]

There's a million [bleep]
miles of ice up here,

and you pick feet
from our house for this...

- Fortress of solitude.
- You built your Fortress of solitude

next to the only other
house in the entire Arctic?!

It'll be nice to have a neighbor.

- Would you like some tea?
- Another time, ma'am.

Duty calls.
Up, up, and away!

Douche.

Blitzen, have you been chewing

on my boots again?
Oh, god!

[sighs]
Son of a bitch.

I had a fun thought.
Why don't you wear

- a cape tonight?
- What?

With an "S" on it.
You know ... for "Santa."

[growls]
Hello? Homeowners association?

Superman's place is
so close to mine, I can

smell it when he takes a crap.
Oh. Fine. Whatever.

All right, see if Superman
brings your kid that new

wheelchair this Christmas.

The H.O.A. won't kick him out
unless I find just cause, huh? Hmm.

What kind of weirdo builds an
entire miniature city

in a bottle?
Ow! Tiny people!

We've got tiny superpeople here!
What the hell?!

Aaaaargh!

Ahhh!

[techno music plays in distance]

[groans] That's it!

[slurred] Who the [bleep] are you?

Who the [bleep] are you?
This party is too g*dd*mn loud!

Where's Superman?
What the...?

- Rudolph?
- Huh?

- Naw, man. I'm D.J. Venison.
- Betrayal!

Hey, everyone.

Grandpa says we're being
too loud. [music stops]

[angry murmuring]
What?!

Which one of you buttholes
is sh**ting arrows?!

Yaaaaah!

- Hello, neighbor!
- Suck on this ruling, Tinker Bell!

- The H.O.A. says you're out!
- Well, the rules

are the rules.
Guess I should start packing.

[laughs] Yeah. You do that.
Don't forget to write.

Oh, it's gonna be a good day, Martha.

No more Superm...
What the ...

Superma-a-a-a-a-n!

I'm sure Santa's out there
somewhere, Martha.

- I'll look some more ...
- Tomorrow. Morning.

- Mm!
- Ohhh!

[warble!]
Ehhhhh?!

- Oh, boy.
- Shh.

- Don't speak.
- Mnnnnnh!

[funky, mid-tempo music plays]

[dramatic music plays]

Oh!
[gasps]

- Friend of yours?
- [gasps] Ohh!
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