08x07 - Joel Hurwitz

[bunniefuu]

[Whirring]
[Theme music plays]

[Whirring]

Man: It's alive!

[Thunder rumbles]

You don't look ready to jump, soldier!
Got something to say?

It's just that none of the
other soldiers jumped tandem.

- And being face-to-face is sort of...
- Sexy?

Uh, I was gonna say weird.

How about now?

♪ Come inside ♪

♪ and lose your mind ♪

♪ Bone bus ♪

♪ Bone bus! ♪

♪ Bone bus ♪

- Man: How old are you, skipper?
- .

Aw, you have such a tight, little body.

Uh, when is Barbie getting here?

You're into girl-on-girl?
Sexy.

[Clang!]
Let skipper go!

She's a confused girl
who got on the wrong bus!

That's our business model, bro!

[Tires squealing]

Man: [chuckling]
Now, where were we?

Oh, right, I was about
to touch your boobs.

[Tires squeal]

[Tires squealing]

Aah!!

[Tires screech]

Don't worry, skipper. You're safe.

And you ... you, sir, will
never bone in this bus again.

Hey, what's your name?

I'm Ken, and I'm gonna ...

Aw, that's a [bleep] hot
name for a [bleep] hot dude.

Ever consider a career in
adult entertainment?

I'm a big, bright, shining star.

[Funk music playing]

Hey, mind if I get in on that action?

Hey! Hey! Get the hell out of here!

Hey, it's only gay if our stamens touch.

Welcome to foster's home for
imaginary friends, Mikayla.

- Adopt anyone you like.
- No. No. No. No.

[Gasps]
That's the one! I want him!

Let's all welcome our new
friend, Mr. Tyler Durden!

I want you to hit me in
the face as hard as you can.

- No, thank you.
- [Laughs goofily] I'll do it.

Call me bitch tits, will you?

[Both laughing maniacally]

[Sip!]

Narrator: And now we watch as
the salmon swim upstream to Spawn.

Aww, I missed you little guys!

[music]

You're probably wondering
why you're all here.

Well, I have a surprise for you.

This changes everything.

We're taking "battle of the exes"
up a notch.

Please welcome X-Men exes,
Wolverine and Jean Grey.

A team of mutants?
This changes everything.

Having Wolverine as a teammate?

Whew! Things did not
end well between us.

She fell into the ocean
and slept in a cocoon

while her evil twin k*lled
a trillion innocent aliens.

And when I woke up, all my shows
on the DVR were [bleep] gone.

Aliens are real?
This changes everything.

People don't think we're real athletes,
but just check out these scars.

This one here is from "Rivals II."

Or maybe it was "Exes II."
It's hard to keep

all my authentic athletic
competitions straight.

[Both moaning]
Yeah.

I am not gonna lie.
Wolverine looks good.

What are you doing with this slut?

- Go ahead. Hit me, bitch.
- [Bleep] you, you mutey whore!

- Ow!
- Jean, stop this.

- No, I don't want to do this.
- Me, neither!

[Both moaning]

- I'm not even making you do it anymore.
- [Bleep] off.

[Straining] At least this
will leave a cool scar.

Johnny Bananas is dead?

Meh.

Since the other guys
are hospitalized or dead,

you're the only team left.
Congrats. You guys k*lled it.

But, Wolverine, you physically
assaulted several players.

This ends your time here.

Yeah, I gave into my berserker
rage and m*rder*d a few people.

But the important thing is
I finally got closure with Jean.

Jean Grey, legally speaking,

telekinesis doesn't
count as physical as*ault,

so you're the winner.

- Congratulations. You k*lled it.
- Whoo-hoo!

But there's one final twist.

We're still obligated
to deliver episodes.

Announcer: On next week's "Challenge"...

Yeah! Whoo! I'm k*lling it.

I'm T.J. Lavin.

What's next, Riddick?

We fight our way to the power
core and get off this planet.

Our father, who art in
heaven, hallowed be thy name.

Kid, leave god out of this.

- He wants no part of what happens next.
- The hell I don't!

I may not always show up,
but it's nice to be invited.

- On your six.
- [Laughs] Yeah!

Announcer: This is the
emergency broadcast system.

The purge has begun.
All crime is legal for hours.

[Laughing maniacally]

I'd like a kids' meal, please.
King of the purge!

[Laughing maniacally]

Baa!

[Smooth jazz playing]

Baa!

[Suggestively] Baa.

[Roars]

Gosh, my firsts day at
school as a real boy.

Hi, I'm Pinocchio.

I'm gonna call you [bleep] [bleep]

I used to be made out
of a pile of sticks,

so I understand how you
could make that mis...

Aah! Aah!

It's P.B. and J.
Also known as the poor-kid special.

I don't mind. Mmm.

I'm just happy to eat like a real b...
[Gasping]

What happened?

Uh, apparently, you
have a peanut allergy.

- Ah. What's that for?
- It's a catheter.

Your allergic reaction
closed off your pee tube.

- What's a pee tube?
- I'll be outside.

N-N-Nobody's every
touched my pee-pee before.

You may feel a little pinch.

[Squish!]
[Screaming]

- W-W-What happened?
- The catheter gave you a staph infection.

And since you've only
been a real boy for a day,

your immune system hasn't developed yet.

[Gasping]

Man: Oh, no!
He's seizing!

Get the crash cart!

We'll have to massage his heart.
Get the rib spreader!

[Gasping]

[Flatline]

[Crying]
Hey, real boys die.

[Mockingly] But, no, "I'm Geppetto.

I can't be happy with the
world's only sentient puppet."

[Clears throat]

Sorry for your loss.

This... burger's... terrible!

Yeah, 'cause I sh*t in the meat.
King of the purge!

Sorry, folks.
We're almost sold out.

You are the last unicorn.

[anjelic music]

Hey, man, what do you
think the teacher's

- gonna look like this year?
- I don't know, man.

I hear hiring has been a real challenge

since the school relocated
next to that disgusting swamp.

Whaaaaaaa!
[rock music]

♪ Real slimy creature ♪

♪ shakin' it for me ♪

♪ can't wait for the afternoon ♪

♪ when that final bell rings ♪

♪ I'll get to learn some other things ♪

♪ detention in your sexy-ass lagoon ♪

♪ in my pants, in my
pants, in my pants ♪

♪ I'm hot for creature ♪

♪ that thing could
show you boob in class ♪

♪ I'm hot for creature ♪

[Guitar solo]

Take it, creature!

[Discordant strumming]

[Booing]

[Screaming]

No! No! No!

[Roars]

[Alarm ringing]

[g*n cocks, fires]
[Tires screech, door shuts]

[Tires squeal]

_

All right, are you ready for this?

- I'm as ready as I'll ever be, Devin.
- Good luck, Mr. Predator.

Aah! [Snap!]

This isn't the drop zone!

[Zap!]

Take cover behind the
Pier imports hammock!

I think it's time to get a little
one-on-one action with the guys.

Ice buckets? Rose petals?
What the hell?

But this place has an
incredible housekeeper.

Very sexy. Wait!
Where's Hawkins and Blain?

Up here!

- Ooh, champagne.
- Blain, no!

Aah!

Blain!

Things were heating up,

but I figured I'd help
them along even more.

What do you think, Devin?

[Goofy voice] Oh, I think that's
a great idea, Mr. Predator.

[Dance music playing]

Should I call for backup?
Maybe.

But, hey, you don't look a
gift fantasy suite in the mouth.

[Gasps]
Yo, a free head!

[Dance music continues]

- Aah!!
- Huh?

Pancho's not a book, just
a stack of unbound papers.

- No spine!
- Ugh.

You have a problem with me?

I'm not gonna lie.
It feels nice being fought over.

What do you think, Devin?

Hey. Who ... Who took my head?

Oh, no!
Mac ... He's possessed!

This house! It's, h-haunted
with the g-g-g-g-g-g-g...

I get it! Run!

I'll distract the monster,
you just get your ass over that wall.

Who am I kidding?
b*tches stick together.

[Grunts]

Every rose has its thorn!

Take care of Devin.
[Groans]

- You came back for me.
- I couldn't save any of you!

[Sobbing] No!

Announcer: Next season
on "the Predatorette,"

This sexy housekeeper
has a bun in the oven,

- but who's the father?
- Oh, no!

♪ Ba-Bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.