08x08 - Blackout Window Heat Stroke

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Robot Chicken". Aired: February 20, 2005 –present.*
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American adult animated comedy with a series of pop-culture parodies about everything.
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08x08 - Blackout Window Heat Stroke

Post by bunniefuu »

[Whirring]
[Theme music plays]

[Whirring]

Man: It's alive!

[Thunder rumbles]

- He was the bingo caller.
- B- .

A very unlucky number.
I better call her.

Our investigator has a
few questions for you.

I must warn you, she's
a little unorthodox.

[Sings fanfare]

[Music]

[Bell dings]

[Grunts]

What's up, [bleep] nuts?

Damn, I haven't seen
this much white hair

since Steve Martin sucked
Leslie Nielsen's [bleep].

- Allegedly.
- Bitch Pudding, please!

- You, raisin [bleep].
- My name is Anabelle Timulti.

Your name is guilty as a mother [bleep]

unless you've got an alibi,
bar-of-soap-in-a-sock tits.

I was here, playing bingo.

One more lie out of that
sh*t nozzle you call a mouth,

and I'll leave a boot
print in your front butt.

- Leave her alone, you!
- The floor recognizes that [bleep] ass,

sh*t-covered [bleep] sucker
with the p*ssy-ass cane.

Reginald was a good man!
Why would someone m*rder him?

Maybe because he was emptying
his bingo balls up your fat-ass

wife's cigar cutter, you
quibbling bowl of pickle dicks.

- What?! [Gasps] Why, you ...
- g*n! [Grunts]

You assaulted a -year-old man.

- He sassed me.
- Bitch Pudding, I make it my business

to understand what makes people tick.

For example, why would
a highly-respected actor

play not one, but two roles
in a low-quality TV show?

Well, perhaps his brother-in-law
invented the motorcycle

that runs on water-softener pellets,

and that actor invested heavily
without doing his due diligence.

- Uh...
- But your behavior has no explanation.

If you don't solve
this crime by midnight,

I'm throwing you away
and locking up the key.

And remember my motto...
no second takes. [Bangs gavel]

Damn it, B.P.!

Why did you call me out here
in the middle of the night?

The bingo ball that k*lled the victim

didn't match the others at the scene.

It was made of a polyvinyl
chloride with an antiquated

flat-lay plasticizer, only
used by this factory, dipshit.

- But you don't have a warrant.
- Here's my warrant. [Grunts]

Now, like I was saying,
here's my warrant.

[g*nsh*t]
Oh, damn, I'm hit!

[Sings fanfare]

[Grunting]

[Grunts]

[Screaming]

[Buzzes]

All those in favor of the
death penalty, say, "eye."

Ooh, that's gross.

[Click, whirring]
[Thud]

So hard seeing your
friends die every day.

Me, I just keep on surviving!

Man: Ooh, awesome ... an apple!

Oh, this is it ... sweet release!

Death, I walk willingly into your arms!

I can't wait to core that apple
and stick my [bleep] in it!


- Oh! [Thud]
- I'm Rod Serling Banana.

Be careful what you wish for.

Good advice when you enter ...

Ooh, that banana looks like
a perfect fit for the old butthole!


Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
Oh...

[Thud]

Gentlemen, I give you the M&M.

It comes in yellow,
green, red, and violet.

But we think there
should be a fifth color.

- Any suggestions?
- How about brown?

Larry, for Chri...
There's already chocolate inside.

The point is that there's a
brightly colored candy shell!

- How about brown?!
- Are you even listening to me?!

Brown isn't fun.
Brown isn't attractive.

- Brown?
- Larry, what is wrong with you?

The brown dye people have my kids.

They have my [bleep] kids!

[music]

[Theme music playing]

Excuse me, sir, does
your dog nunchuck people?

- What? No!
- Good doggie! Ow, ow!

That's not my dog!

[Theme music playing]

A celestial air hovers overhead.

We must leave our physical form

and join it before the world ends.

- Hey, Kool-aid!
- Oh, yeah!

Oh, no! Oh, please, no!
Not another cult!

I don't know what your leader told
you, but you don't have to die!

[Sobbing]
It's Jonestown all over again!

[Sobs]

[Theme music playing]

I'm giving you the
chocolate factory, Charlie.

- Oh, gosh! Why?
- You have a trusting heart, my child.

Just sign here.

Charles Bucket,

as the legal owner of
the chocolate factory,

you are held responsible
for the deaths and/or maiming

of Augustus Gloop,
Veruca Salt, Mike Teevee,

and Violet Beauregarde.

You've won a golden ticket
to the electric chair.

Do you have anything to say?

I'll see Willy Wonka
in hell, your honor!

Noted.
[Bangs gavel]

Hmm, murdering children
was fun while it lasted,

but I can live with this, too.

Finger in your snozzberry, sir?

[cr*ck!]
[Groans]

It finally came!
[Stammering]

[Sniffling]

Mom, I didn't get into Monsters U.

Woman: Well, that's why you applied

to a safety school in the sewer, honey.

Oh, I don't want to go to brown.

I'm gonna dedicate my life

to stopping all injustice in the world.

Like when the white
man decimated my people

- as they r*ped the land?
- No.


Yeah, I so tap her on the shoulder,

- you know, just to get her attention.
- Uh-huh, of course.

Well, all of a sudden, her
friends come out of nowhere.

They start pissing all over us.

- You don't need that.
- I don't need that.

- You're too tall to be a jockey.
- But it's my dream!

It's time you learned
dreams don't come true.

I guess my racing dream is dead.

Well, that's what a p*ssy would say.

Well, what do you know about it?

You're not a horse, you're a unicorn.

A unicorn's just a horse who's
a little more horny than usual.

Forget I just said that.

Pretend I said,
"hop aboard, I'm a wild ride!"

Forget I just said that also.

Pretend I said,
"right now, I'm the only horse you've got."

That seems pretty innocuous.

Yeah! I'm ...
I'm gonna achieve my dream!

Hey! We're so far
behind the other jockeys!

- Like hard, ripe, little apples.
- Uh, what?

Yeah, you mentioned jockey behinds.

Last place?!
Thanks for nothing!

You're the one with the dream.

- What's my incentive, hmm?
- Uh, food, shelter, oats.

Well, sometimes dreams require
a little more hard work,

or perhaps doing things that
might haunt you long after

the thrill of accomplishing
your dream has subsided.

[Nickers]

Are you saying you'll
win the race if I...

Give me the hummer of a lifetime!

So you finally gave
up on your dreams, huh?

Dreams are gross.

Holy [bleep]
Your horse just won!


I guess all he needed
was a better jockey.

Unicorn: Oh, Bentley!
Yes, play it like an oboe!


That's right!
Now do "flight of the Bumblebee."


[Nickers]

Oh, whoo, whoo! Oh, whoa!

[Music]
[Cheers and applause]

Dang, son!

It don't matter who rides
him, as long as it isn't you!

[Bell tolls]

I can't believe all
those jockeys are dead.

- You the only one left, son.
- Hey, you're right!

Justin, if you're seeing this,

then every jockey in the country

is dead from a rare strain
of horse throat gonorrhea.


I realized how wrong I was

to blackmail you over our partnership.

k*lling all of your competition

was my way of putting things right.

But if I'd given you that hummer,
I would have d*ed, too.

In case you think giving me a hummer

would have k*lled you, too,
I want to assure you


that I would have finished
in your hair, like a friend.


Good-bye, partner.

Yeah!

Well, you won your first race.
And just in time, too.

The state's shutting down
horse racing indefinitely

until they figure out
what k*lled those jockeys.

I know what k*lled those jockeys, Dad.

Friendship.

The cops think maybe those
jockeys were blowing the horses.

Yeah, maybe that, too.

[Clucking theme song]

Ba-gok!
Bok.


[Horse whinnies]
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