08x10 - Fridge Smell

[bunniefuu]

[Whirring]
[theme music plays]

[Whirring]

Man: It's alive!

[Thunder rumbles]

Are you ready, John Coffey?

Yes, boss Edgecomb.

Then it's time to walk the green mile.

[Thunder crashes]

[Screeches]

Oh, sure, yeah, close the door.

[Screeching continues]

Trevor, we've been over this.
You're not getting a raise.

[Screeches]

No! A half-hour is more than
enough time to eat lunch.

[Screeches]

Unionize?
[Bleep] you, Trevor!

I know I pay a fair wage!
[Screeches]

We've got a problem.

_

[All screeching] _

_

[Screeching continues] _

Look, as long as they don't figure out

Azkaban is actually a prison
for dementors, [snickers]

they can have as long of
a lunch break as they want.

Either way, let's, uh,
close this [bleep] window.

Dad, everyone's making fun of me.

Son, this country is made up of

all different types of
people, all shapes and sizes.

That's what makes America great.
Never forget that.

Plus, you can't help who
you fall in love with.

- Isn't that right, Kel?
- Who loves orange soda?

Kel loves orange soda!
I do, I do, I do-ooh!

I love you, too, baby.

Together: And we love you, Ka-Orange.

Freaks!

[Glass shatters]
Don't you worry.

They're on the wrong side
of history, Ka-Orange.

An army ranger, the lone ranger,
Walker, Texas ranger,

Ranger Rick, and Ranger
Smith from "Yogi Bear"

battle to the death.
Who wins?

This is easy.

[Hawks screech]
Army ranger throws a flash bang,

then he picks them off with his M .

- The end.
- That's not even close to how it would go.

[Hawks screeching] First of all, the lone
ranger's the fastest draw in the room.

But Walker, Texas ranger,
has the fastest reflexes.

Meanwhile, Ranger Smith
eliminates Ranger Rick.

After that, you'll hear two sounds ...

the cock of a texas shotgun,

and Ranger Smith sh1tting
his weird, lumpy pants.

Want to know who'd win?
I'll tell ya!

[Hawks screeching]

You ever see a wild
animal when it's cornered?

Instinct takes over!

[Screams]

[Raccoon chattering]

[Farts]

If the raccoon smells fear, that's
when they go truly blood-simple.

[Screams]

[Raccoon chattering]

Aah!

[Screams]

I've seen exactly the
same thing in the w*r.

My platoon was pinned down

until them harbor bombers
disturbed a nest of raccoons.

Five minutes later, nothing
left in them but skeletons.

It happened.
It's in the "Saving Private Ryan"

Deleted scenes!

- Sorry. My grandpa's crazy.
- I think he's cool as sh*t.

[sneezes]
God bless you.

There's no God in this house!

Okay. Time out, young lady.

Your mother sucks [bleep] in hell.

Well, must be in hell.

Oh. Hmm. Hmm.

I could have swore I
put them in my pock...

I must have dropped the key.
Be right back.

[Panting]

Hyah, hyah, hyah!

Oh, yeah!
Tough luck is so sexy!

I hear tough luck is
a real rough [bleep].

- Ha! High Five!
- Shut up, High Five!

If anyone's gonna conquer that Kitty,

it's gonna be me, Bushwhack.
a* to the max!

[Whispers indistinctly]

I can't hear you, whisper elf!

- Careful. Tough luck is a trap master.
- I'm a trap master, too.

- We trap bad guys and put them in jail.
- Oh, dear.

[Laughs] Bushwhack is gonna
whack some bush behind that bush.

- Whack.
- Ugh, shut up!

- [Screams] It's a trap, it's a trap!
- Deal with it!

[Screams]

High Five: [gasps]
She's a trap!

♪ Aah, ooh, that girl's
on the trap team ♪

♪ aah, ooh, she's got a rimsky ♪
Yeah!

♪ aah, ooh, she'll fill
you with the sex cream ♪

♪ your butthole is her wet dream ♪

♪ aah, ooh ♪

I got a quarter pound of ham,

a / pound of turkey, and
a / pound of roast beef.

- Anything else, Mr. Schindler?
- No. That is my whole list.

Ugh, come on. A terrible joke.

I must be in a "Robot Chicken" sketch.

- Do you have our weekly coupon?
- Whoa, whoa, wait.

If this is a sketch, what
happens to me when it's over?

Coupon? You mean I
could have saved more?

Am I really even alive, or...?

Your honor, my grandmother
was k*lled by bear!

So I got some negative
feelings about this.

[Sighs]

Do you think you'd be
able to understand that the

zookeeper on trial here
is in a separate situation from

- what happened to your grandmother?
- I suppose so.

And you'd be able to be
objective about this case?

Yes, your honor.

Then take your seat in the jury box.

[Bleep]

Uh, Optimus Prime.

Here. [all gasp]

Mr. Prime, any reasons why

you may not be able
to serve on this jury?

I am Optimus Prime,
leader of the Autobots.

For millions of years, we have battled

the tyranny of Megatron
and his evil Decepticons.

The fate of our home planet,
Cybertron, hangs in the balance,

as does the freedom
of all sentient beings

throughout the galaxy.

[Cheers and applause]

Does this w*r that's
spanned millions of years

have anything critical planned

over the next five
to seven working days?

Uh, no.
It's been quiet lately.

And if something does come up,

do you have a capable
second-in-command?

Oh, Iron Hide?
Yeah. Ugh.

Well, he's actually pretty solid.

- So you'd be able to serve?
- Yes, your honor.

Take your seat in the jury box.

[Bleep]

[Crickets chirping]

[Farts]

Oh, hey, there it is.

You are teenagers now.
It is finally time for the talk.

That was a good episode of "the Talk".

Now we talk about sex.

Master Splinter,
we know all about sex.

[Cheering]
Bags of sand!

Well, we'll see about that.

What is the name of the opening
which houses turtle genitalia.

- Bags of sand.
- The butt!

It's called the cloaca.

The female may store the male's sperm

for several years before
incubating her eggs.

That way, if the male hits
the powerball or invents a

k*ller iPhone app, the female
can cash in on that sh*t.

- Any questions?
- I'm confused.

Do I perform my mating
dance before or after

I sniff's April's cloaca
to see if she's fertile?

Uh, I already called
dibs on April's cloaca.

Hey, I called dibs on her cloaca

way before you called
dibs on her cloaca.

- You are turtles!
- Ow!

- April is human.
- Ow!

Your genitalia are not compatible.

My brothers, I give you the
April o'Neil Sex-Bot .

How's that solve anything?
April's a human.

This April has a vibrating cloaca.

- Cloaca!
- Let me in, let me in!

[Vibrator buzzing]

[Dogs barking]
Hey, how you doing?

I'm picking up dog Brutus.
He was here to be neutered.

[Cabaret music plays]

- We have to tell the police.
- No, we can't!

If we tell them that we ran
over the man on the moped,

we'll go to prison.
Ow!

[Screams]

- Are you okay, Brittany?
- That thing bruised my shin pretty hard.

Where did it even come from?

[Screams] [horn honks]
It came out of nowhere.

Tim's ankle is sprained,
you guys. Sprained!

It's more a strain than a sprain,

but that moped didn't have a driver,

and it looked just like the
one that man was riding ...

- the man we k*lled!
- We swore never to talk about that!

[Knock on door]

Who's there?!

Oh, God. It's the moped!

[Moped motor running]

Nuts! Why the hell are
you making that sound?

Come on, guys!
I'm just have some fun!

[Screams]
Ow!

Ooh, my achilles tendon.

[Screams]

[Horn honks]

I guess it can't get very much
speed in this enclosed space.

As far as punishments go for
manslaughter, having a haunted

moped follow us around isn't
the worst thing in the world.

And it'll probably run out of gas soon.

What happens if I take the key out?

- Oh.
- Ha!

[Thud]

[Crash!]

It's you!

- It's that guy we k*lled earlier!
- I'm not dead!

That haunted moped drove me
right in front of your car!

I mean, I wish you'd called an ambulance

instead of throwing
me into this landfill.

So in that respect, you're not
without blame, but primarily,

it was the haunted moped
that tried to k*ll me!

Where did you even find that moped?

Oh, some guy was riding it.

And after I hit him with
my car while I was drunk

and k*lled him accidentally,
my car was pretty busted up,

so I was using his moped
until my car got fixed.

Guys, I just realized
the only one without blame

out of all of us was the moped.

Eh, and the guy that was riding it.

But we don't know that for sure.

[Moped buzzes]

[Girl screams]

[Key jingling]

[Door lock rattles]

It's been an honor, John Coffey.

[Music]

Surprise!
[Music]

[Cheering]

Happy birthday, John!