08x11 - Western Hay Batch

[bunniefuu]

[Whirring]
[theme music plays]

[Whirring]

Man: It's alive!

[Thunder rumbles]

Okay, team. Let's recycle
this walking trash heap.

[Up-tempo metal music plays]

Man: Uuh, what is Sri Lanka?

- Man # : Correct.
- Oh, I knew that!

Then why'd you say Singapore?

Watch out, team.
He's a feisty one.

Oh!

[Roaring]

[Thud]

Herb, what is it?!

I don't know, Glynnis.
Reminds me of Nam.

- It's all dewy.
- Smells like kimchi.

[Fart!]

Look, Glynnis!
A cave!

[Distant roaring]
I it's very humid in here.

Well, I don't care!

You know, I've realized
something, Glynnis.

I haven't felt this alive in years!

Oh, I feel it, too, sugar bumps.
[Thud] The flashlight!

[Music continues]

- Well, what now, Herb?
- Well, I brought my lighter.

[Fart!]
[Whoosh!]

[Whistle!]

[Crash in distance]

[Somber organ music plays] Oh, Kelly,
I-I'm so sorry about your parents.

Thank you, Mr. Greenfield.

Forgive me, but I never got
a straight answer.

Exactly how did Herb
and Glynnis pass away?

[Sighs] Well, best as
we can tell, they were

exploring the a**l cavity
of a -storey moss monster

when they accidentally ignited
a methane pocket.

They had to dig them

out of the side of a grade
school two miles away.

[Music stops]

- I can't tell whether you're kidding.
- Really, dude?

- Ooh. Nice car. What do you call it?
- It's the Mach .

- How fast can it go?
- It can go fast.

- Can it go mach ?
- It cannot.

- You should call your car the Horseshit Lie.
- D... huh? [Whir!]

Wait. What?

[Dialing]

Man: Thank you for calling
Bank of America.

Press for English.

Para Espaã±ol,
presione nãºmero dos. *

[Beep]

For accounts, press or say .

One.

For customer service,
press or say .

One.

- For money management, please press .
- One!

- To repeat this menu ...
- One!

- For accounts ...
- Ah!

For billing, press or say .

I just pressed ... oh, my G...
representative.

- To hear this menu again ...
- Representative.

- Did you say "representative"?
- Yes!

[Ringing]
[tone plays]

All of our representatives
are helping other customers.

Please stay on the line.

Your current wait time is
[mechanically] minutes.

[Bleep] this.

[Angelic choir vocalizes]

My wait time was minutes, Brian.

Look, all I want to know is that
that Swedish "Minecraft" punk

actually does have
more money than me.

- [Nasally] Uh, nope.
- Whew! That's a relief.

[Chuckling] I was, uh ...
Oh, oh, ohh! [Farting]

Ohh! Ohh!

- D'oh, God.
- Anyway, thanks.

[Boing!]
[Angelic choir vocalizes]

[Sighs heavily]

[Dramatic music plays]

It's over, Anakin!
I have the high ground!

You underestimate my power.

Don't try it.
High ground!

Aah!

Aah!

You were supposed to destroy
the Sith, not join them!

- High ground!
- I hate you!

You were my brother, Anakin.

- I loved you! High ground!
- [Foosh!] Aah!

Whoops.
I better grab that there.

- High ground.
- [Voice breaking] Wait.

Are you [bleep] robbing me?

I'll give it to your son some day
if Padmé isn't, you know, dead.

I mean, she looked pretty dead to me

from up here...
on the high ground.

Wait. Wait.
Wait, wait, wait.

Uh, I'm literally just c-cooking
to death. Please just k*ll me.

That's not the high-ground wa...
I mean, the Jedi way.

You know what I'm saying.
I'm saying I've beaten you,

and I'm on the high ground, so...
high ground!

And I'll take
Northeast Minnesota.

That leaves selling insurance
in Southwest Michigan for you.

I want to know why I never get
Northeast Minnesota!

- You want answers?!
- I want Duluth!

You can't handle Duluth!

[Cheers and applause,
upbeat piano music plays]

[Dramatic music plays]
[roaring]

Oh, my God! It's Bigfoot!

Wait a second, Susan.

You know what they say
about guys with big feet.

[Both shudder]

Uh-huh!

[Funk music plays] Man: And so began
the legend of Bigdick.

Mr. Hands: Gee, Mr. Bill.

Sluggo wanted you to meet his
new friend, Mr. Rolling Pin.

Oh, no!

Mr. Hands, I warned you,
if you kept messing with me ...

[Squish!]
Oh! Oh, no!

Ohhh, nooooo!

Gee, Mr. Bill. Your clay doesn't
seem as squashy this week.

It's called C- , mother[bleep]

[expl*si*n]
[Ominous music plays]

Oh, no!

[Dramatic music plays]
Growl!

[People screaming]
Roar!

We'll rescue you, Piggy!

Get lost, you blue weirdo.
We're on a date.

Roar!
Roar again!

All right, g*ng!
Let him have it!

Aah! My eye!

[Laughs] Direct hit!

Whoa! Whoa-ho-ho!

[Crunch!]
Ow!

[Horn blares]

[Dreamy chord plays]

You can stop pretending now, "Kermie."
[Giggles]

Kermie?

[Gasps]
Kermie?

[Pleasant music plays]
Nanny: Oh, my God, Kermit.

What happened?

We were playing King Kong, nanny,

and Kermie Kong fell
off the Empire State Building.

[Music]

Okay, new game, kids.

It's called cleaning up
the crime scene.

Piggy, get the bleach.
Gonzo ... hacksaw.

Fozzie, you go get every
hefty bag you can find.

But [sniffles]
what about my Kermie?

He never loved you.
Now move, God damn it!

[Monitor beeping]
[ominous music plays]

[Flatline]

What?! I'm dead?!
I don't believe it!

You were years old,
had types of cancer,

were blind and deaf

and had a brain tumor
the size of a cantaloupe.

[Angelic choir vocalizes]
I could've pulled through.

I got your sh*t now, assh*le!

Oh, hey, hey!
Ow! Aw, come on!

Oh [bleep]

I could've sworn I had
another robe in here somewhere.

[Cellphone chimes]
Oh, man, another death.

Well, I-I can't go naked.

[Bones clack]
[groans]

Oh! A-Am I dead?

Uh, yeah.

[Laughs crazily]

Oh, my God.
Are you [bleep] serious, man?

[Theme music plays]

All right, Sally,
you've got control of Mikey.

Down, please.
[Whir!]

- Now, you know down is a b*mb.
- Yes. k*ll him.

Okay.
Mikey's going down.

[Theme music plays, crowd cheering]

[Screaming]

[Crying] Oh, my God!

Ho, ho!
Looks like Mikey's still alive!

- And, Chester, you've got control.
- Down.

[Gasps]

Come on, Mikey.

[Theme music plays, crowd cheering]

[Grunting]

[Sobbing]

All right, Sally.
Where to?

- No, please. Finish me.
- Go left.

[Cheers and applause]

You're a bitch.

♪ Now Dracula really has it together ♪
[Music]

♪ drinkin' blood
out of sexy chicks ♪

♪ but when this vampire's
under the weather ♪

♪ he goes to see Dr. Rosenwitz ♪

[Transylvanian accent]
Inform Dr. Rosenwitz

that I, Count Dracula, have arrived.

Do you have an appointment?

♪ Dracula was a walk-in patient ♪
[Music]

♪ and Rosenwitz was super booked ♪

♪ but the other doctor
named something Asian ♪

♪ had a spot at : ,
so he'd take a look ♪

Mr. Dracula, I'm Dr. Hong.

♪ ooh, that was it, Dr. Hong ♪

♪ we knew it was either
Hong or Wong ♪

So, what seems
to be the problem today?

[Coughs]
A sore throat. Bleh.

I probably just need
a Z-pak or something. Bleh.

Well, I'll be the judge of that.
Nurse, what was his blood pressure?

- / .
- Okay, that's pretty low.

I'd like to see that
up around / next time.

So, stand up, and let's
check those testicles.

- [Splat!] Oh, god!
- Those are hanging a little low.

Well, I am years old.
Eh, bleh.

♪ well, it wasn't strep ♪
[Music]

♪ it was acid reflux ♪

♪ he didn't need a Z-pak at all ♪

♪ the story's over,
but we're back next week ♪

♪ Now here's another look
at Dracula's balls. ♪

[Splat!]
Here they are!

[Twinkle!]
Bleh!

[Insects buzzing]

Hi. I'm here for
the "doppelgang-bang."

Come on in!
[Upbeat acoustic music plays]

Whoo-hoo!

[Laughter]

[Indistinct chatter]

[Screeching, bleating]

[Hissing]
Go ahead, Eve.

[Ominous music plays]
Take a bite.

[Electricity crackles]
[bleats]

[Beeping, whirring]
[Dramatic music plays]

[Austrian accent] I need your
fur, your antlers, and your hooves.

But this is the tree of knowledge.
Eating from it is forbidden.

Get down!
[Screaming]

Never seen two serpents fight before.

It's not a serpent.
Aah! [Hissing]

You don't have much time.
Come with me if you want to live.

Can your serpent do that?

- It's not a serpent. It's a penis.
- What's a penis?

- Move!
- What was that?!

It's a Terminator sent
from the future to k*ll you.

- Terminator?!
- A cybernetic organism.

- It is ...
- A cyber what?

Part man, part machine.
It has been sent to ...

- Machine?!
- Yes, artificial. Created by man.

- Created from Adam's rib?
- No, not like that.

- It's a robot built and sent here to k*ll you.
- k*ll me?!

Yes, because your
great-great-great-great-

great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-

great-great-great-great-
great-great-great-great-

great grandson will one
day lead the human rebellion

against Skynet and the machines.

- I mean, what is k*ll?
- Dead. Gone.

- Oh, there you are, Eve...
- Aah! It found us!

Adam!
[Gurgling]

That was not the other Terminator.

[Crying]
This could've been my sister.

[Ominous music plays]

[Shrieking]

- I'm so confused.
- Here. Eat from the tree of knowledge.

[Munch!]

- Oh! That's a penis!
- Yes.

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

Ba-gawk! Bawk.