08x18 - Not Enough Women

[bunniefuu]

[Whirring]
[Theme music plays]

[Whirring]

Man: It's alive!

[Thunder rumbles]

[Grunting]

Boots, tell them
we mean them no harm.

Uh, eeh, eeh, eek, eek,
ooh, oog, ooh.

[Grunts]

Uh, what'd they say?

Boots, you son of a bitch.

Yo, what's up, Suge Knight?

I'm your engineer.
Who we recording today?

You about to witness history, kid.

We gonna be blazing a track with
Tupac, Biggie, and Aaliyah.

Oh, what? How?

Yo, whitey, walk
your frosty ass in here.

Unh, drop that b*at.
[Hip-hop music plays]

[Yelling]

This is gonna be the biggest
album of the century!

Oh, no, unh-unh.
Oh, no!

[Hip-hop music plays, yelling]

[Distorted voice]
I sense you have a... sister.

If you will not turn
to the Dark Side,

- perhaps she will.
- No! Leia will never turn.

- W-Wait. Princess Leia?
- Yes, and I'll stop you before ...

Shut up!
Just shut up for a second!

I need a major time-out here!

Can I help you find something?

I need an "I'm sorry
to daughter" card.

Can you be more specific?

[Whirring]

[Gasps]

[Whirring intensifies]

Uh, I'd rather not.

Hmm, how about Ziggy?
He always seems to ...

Stop! You had me at "Ziggy."

[Laughs] Oh, leave it to Ziggy
to sum it up perfectly.

[Roars]

My dear Dr. Grant,

welcome to the Cool Dinosaur
Place that's the Best!

Uh, is that name set in stone?

Yes, nailed it!

Ready to see my chocolate factory?
[music]

♪ Follow me to a world
of magical fantasy ♪

[Rattling]

[Line ringing]

- This is Jeff.
- It's Willy. Can you buzz me in, please?

♪ Before your eyes ♪

[Buzzer, door rattles]

Didn't open, Jeff.

Really? I-I pushed .

No, Jeff, pound first, then .

♪ To a place where dreams
are sweeter than candy ♪

[Dial tone, line rings]

Sorry, I pushed "End call."

Jeff, how about you just come
open the door for us?

♪ Licorice chairs ♪

I'm not supposed to leave the desk.

Jeff, I'm Willy [bleep] Wonka,

so just come open
the [bleep] door, Jeff.

♪ Take a breath ♪

[All gasp]

- # Come with me #
- No, Jeff! No!

A bunch of strangers invited
to a fancy dinner.

What is going on?

- Perhaps we all have something in common.
- Well, what could it be?

I am a beautiful, cultured
heiress to an oil fortune.

I am a retired
Navy ship commander.

I am a hunter of big game.

Well, I'm technically an aspiring
actor, but to pay the bills,

a dude I met on Craigslist
pays me to dress up

as Yosemite Sam and jerk off

while he watches from another
room via two-way glass.

And I own a bank.
[Thunder crashes]

[Woman screams]

Oh, my, the maid
has been m*rder*d.

- So, how much you get paid?
- And how often?

About a thousand bucks
a session, and it depends ...

sometimes once a week,
sometimes times a week.

[Thunder crashes, man screams]

- The cook has been m*rder*d, too.
- Oh, no.

Do you put the costume on at
his house or drive there in it?

I usually put the costume on at home.
I have to glue the beard on.

[Thunder crashes, woman screams]

So, do you get paid
if you don't finish?

That's a good question.
It's kind of a two-part answer.

Announcer: Bugs Bunny ...
the rumors, the speculation.

Now the interview.

I started dressing as a woman
to trick Elmer Fudd.

But I kept dressing as a woman for me.

Oh, yeah, evewyone wanted
to [bleep] her.

Bugs Bunny as a woman is hot!

[Laughs]

I'm half-mast thinking about it
wight now.

The doctors gave him a new puddy.
I saw it, I did!

- I did see his new puddy!
- It's wabbit season... in my pants.

Watch it, pal!

The Terminator went back
in time to k*ll my mom.

Kyle, you have to keep her safe,
or I'll never be born.

But remember, any changes made to
the past will affect things here.

[Bell jingles]

Nom, nom, nom, nom, nom.

Oh, no.

That son of a bitch is already
making changes!

[Bell jingles]

Aah!

Paper route terminated!

Oh, how lame!

And why do I have a tattoo of
Olympic skier Picabo Street?

I'm spelling my name!

T-E...

oh, no.
The reserves depleted.

[Terminator theme plays]

What the hell is he even
doing back there?

Yo soy Juan Connor?

♪ La, la, la ♪

♪ Doo, doo, doo ♪

[Goats bleat]

[Laughs]
I will be quack.

[Laughs]

[Castanets clicking]

[Groans]

Ai-yai-yai.
Yo soy Juanita Connor!

[Computerized beeping]

Next audition for "Magic Mike."

This is David Copperfield.

[Coughs]
You want to be in "Magic Mike"?

Well, now, how can I be in "Magic Mike"

if I already am Magic Mike?

Um, huh. Okay.
D-Did you read the script?

Oh, yes, the script.
Now, where did I put that?

- The script!
- Whoa! That was incredible.

- Um, yeah, that ... that script.
- Oh, uh, I-I did not read it.

It's ... it's not really about magic.

You know what's magic?

That feeling you had
when your dad bought you...

your first car!

[Gasps]
That is [bleep] amazing!

But the thing is, this movie
is about strippers.

You'd have to be
completely naked.

Thank you for seeing me.

Aah!

♪ Eel drums ♪
[Exotic music]

♪ With the steel drums ♪

♪ Eel drums ♪

♪ With the steel drums ♪

♪ We're ee-ee-eel, eel drums ♪

[Scatting]

[Upbeat music playing]

[Machine-g*n fire]

[Bird shrieks]

Flappykins!
Aah!

Well, guys, we may as well
confront the elephant in the room.

Oh, you mean the eagle, man.
I mix up words for stuff, too.

Like ... Like earlier, I called
my fork a stabby spoon.

Shut the [bleep] up, Zapper!
I'm talking about my name.

I can't be Captain Eagle
without my eagle,

and that means we're no longer
Eagle Force.

Fork bowl!
That's what I call a spoon.

Shut the [bleep] up, Zapper!

We need a new name,
and we need it right now!

- Uh, g*n Team!
- No, dog, b*llet Brothers.

Ooh, how about Kaboom Force?

Boots! We're all wearing boots!
Something boots!

- Blam-a-rama!
- Boot Brutes!

- We're the Boot Brutes!
- Ooh! I know! I know!

Eagle Force!

All: Shut the [bleep] up, Zapper!

Okay, our new name is Blam-a-rama,
and I am Captain Blam.

That's a Whole Foods name tag,
und it says Oscar.

- [Laughs] Got your bird!
- It's a placeholder, okay?

We weren't expecting you to
k*ll our eagle! Now let's fight!

You heard Oscar!
Eagle Force, att*ck!

g*dd*mn it, Zapper!

[computerized voice]
Operation Relaxation engage.

Creed seminal album "Human Clay."

Eject! Eject!

["With Arms Wide Open" plays]

♪ With arms wide open ♪

_

In the whole of Middle-earth,
there was found a Hobbit...

...whose d*ck was so long,
he could slob it.

Two "Project Runway" finalists.
[Music]

Only one can be the winner.

- Chardonnay, you're amazing.
- Thank you!

- And, Edna, you are...
- Incredible?

Darling, the only reason
I'm on this show

is to expose it as the
fraudulent fashion farce it is.

Wunderbar!
Chardonnay, from day one,

you made us rethink what we thought
about thinking about fashion.

Edna, you won challenge after
challenge, blowing us away.

The rocket launchers
don't work for me.

You k*lled Michael Kors, and
you k*lled it on the runway.

But will you k*ll it with
your final presentation?

Heidi, darling,
you're like my first BMW.

You're old, German,
and you both blew a Seal.

That burn was so hot,
I almost changed my inflection.

- Your final challenge is to design capes!
- No capes!

Edna, I'm checking your progress.

So far today, darling, all
I've done is this sketch of you

wearing a lace bikini sucking
off a Clydesdale horse.

May I keep that?
But what about the cape, Edna?

Why don't you do me a favor, darling?

Take your last name,
put it in your mouth,

- and pull the trigger.
- I'm so flustered right now,

I almost stopped talking in monotone.

Chardonnay, your capes were exceptional.

Edna, you made a bold choice
and didn't make any clothes.

Hush, my darling.
Using synthetic self-fastening fibers,

Heidi, I'm dressing you like a polar bear
because you are tall, white,

and you have Seal DNA in your stomach.

And I dressed your geriatric
manservant like Carmen Miranda

because it accentuates his eyes.

This isn't the first time
I've been covered in fruits.

Edna, you changed
how we see ourselves.

You are the winner.
Chardonnay, you're out.

[Sobbing] Oh, my!

You forgot to say one thing, darling.

Auf wiedersehen.
[Beep, whirring]

Ooh, let's do "launch."

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.

[Music]

[Roars]