08x19 - The Angelic Sounds of Mike Giggling

[bunniefuu]

[Whirring]
[Theme music plays]

[Whirring]

MAN: It's alive!

[Thunder rumbles]

- Care for some coconut milk?
- Yeah, I'd love some.

Yeah, suck my nuts dry, girl.
Mmm!

Yeah, suck the milk
right out of my nuts!

What are you looking at?
You done it, too.

You've all sucked these nuts!

[Laughs]
Coconut tree wins at life!

Fellow Renegades,

today we shall destroy
the Guardians once and for all!

Ah, yeah, Screwhead
gonna whip all the butts.

Screwhead a mean little Gobot.
Got a big old screw on his head.

Screwhead gonna be like
pow, pow, smack, pow, pow ...

knocking good guys down.

They all be like, "Who are you?"

- And I'll be like, "Screwhead."
- All right.

We are going to launch a surprise
att*ck on the Guardian base!

Ah, yeah!
Screwhead gonna be like this ...

Doop, dee, bop, doop, doop!

Guardians be like, "What's that?"

"Oh, it's just a car
with a screw in the front."

Then they be all relaxed
and thinking I'm not Screwhead.

Then I'll be like
bing, bang, bow, bow!

Good guy runs into the other
room all scared of Screwhead.

I knock on the door like,
"Knock, knock."

"Who's there?"
"Not."

"Not who?"
"Not Screwhead."

Then he open the door and be
all like, "Uh-oh, Screwhead."

Oh, Screwhead, let's cool it
with the commentary.

We will att*ck in two teams.
I will command Team .

Team 's leader will be t*nk!

Oh, snap!
He say Screwhead!

Heck yeah!
Y'all be high-fiving Screwhead

'cause he be all leading Team .

Screwhead, I-I said t*nk.

My bad.
Screwhead's not leading Team .

t*nk is.
Love t*nk.

Screwhead see t*nk in the halls
and be all, "S'up, t*nk?

How are you doing today?"

t*nk be like, "I'm good, Screwhead."
I'll be like, "Okay."

Oh [bleep] me.
I-I just couldn't with him, right?

I-I mean...

♪ We will remember Screw ♪
[mellow music]

♪ Will you screw-member him? ♪

CSI initial evaluation
of Lois Lane m*rder scene.

[Both shuddering]

Back of victim's head
blown outwards,

consistent with a firearm
discharge in her mouth.

No powder burns visible.
[Gasps]

Hold it together, Kent.

Blood spatter indicates
low angle of trajectory.

Hmm.
No b*llet holes.

g*n would have been about here
when he fired.

- Putting her head about here.
- Higher.

Here?

- Huh? Huh?
- Oh, my God.

Could be the bastard
made her get down and beg.

W-Well, I'll k*ll him myself!

No, her expression reads
as total surprise.

- She never saw it coming.
- Huh. The chair's facing the TV.

Where they watching something?

Announcer: You're watching
the Blow Job Network.

[Gulps]

Huh. Is the Blow Job Network
on C-Comcast?

- Just asking for a friend.
- Any neighbor testimony?

Yeah, old lady across the hall
said she heard someone yell,

"Here comes a super load,"
followed by a noise she described as, uh,

"bear screaming into a megaphone."

And then a cry of
"Oh, my God, I've k*lled her."

I don't know.
Call me crazy,

but I think she might have been
giving Thor a hand job.

That cheating bitch! She blew
me in this chair just last night!

- Uh, I mean, uh, yoink!
- Hello, Comcast?

Does my extended digital package
cover the Blow Job Network?

[Music]

Max, what are you doing?

- It looks like you have brain freeze.
- I'm doing Kegels.

Mmm. Is that like a mix
between a croissant and a bagel?

[Snap]

Uh-oh.
I think I just broke my vag*na.

Man: We interrupt this program
with breaking news.

A powerful . earthquake has
struck off the coast of Europe.

Now back to " Broke Girls,"
already in progress.

You're not going to bandage her labia?

- Where'd you even go to school?
- No, no, no, it will heal

if she'll just leave it alone
for a few days.

[Scoffs] That's like
asking a fish not to swim.

Man: An update
on the European quake.

A wall of water feet high is
expected to reach land within the hour.

Now, " Broke Girls."

Oh, your soup's cold, lady?

Well, guess what?
I just broke my ... [Cat meows]

Oh, my gosh.
Whose cat is that?

Man: Ladies and gentlemen,
Europe is now under water.

Millions of lives are presumed lost.

Please, pray for everyone
affected by this tragedy.

And now back to " Broke Girls."

Penis!
[Music]

♪ Yeah, we're the Stone Protectors ♪
[Metal music]

♪ Our stones of power glow ♪

♪ Guardians of the stones, yeah ♪

Hey. [Chuckles]
Hey, um, you guys sound great,

but this is my wedding,
so I really need you guys

to play a song
that isn't about your stones.

But we were just goofy nobodies
until we found these magical stones,

which transformed us
into rocking heroes!

♪ Hoo-hoo ♪

Yeah, and that's great, but,
um, today is about me and Josh,

and you've been playing songs
about stones for minutes.

But our stones of power glow.

Look, next up
is the father-daughter dance,

so it is very important that
you play something appropriate.

Get it?

[Soft song begins]

♪ Look at you, my lovely ♪

♪ Look at you, my little one ♪

♪ Look at you, my sweet little ♪

♪ Stone ♪
[Metal music resumes]

♪ Stone Protectors ♪

[Bleep] this!

[Music stops]

Stone bros,
get off my [bleep] stage!

Can someone with Pandora
on their phone

please come up to the stage?

- Thank you, San Dimas High!
- Bill and Ted out!

[Crowd cheering]

Yes!

Wow! Oh, my God!

How could anyone follow that?
Hoo, hoo, hoo!

Well, here with the last report
of the day is Katie Hall.

Whoever said behind every
great man was a great woman

must have known First Lady
Abigail Adams. [Chuckles]

Sorry, Morticia, but I think
Abigail was the best Mrs. Adams.

I can't listen to crappy jokes
after the actual Napoleon

- was just out here cracking my ass up!
- Oh, wow!

Here to tell you
what she thinks of San Dimas,

it's Abigail Adams.
Also known as my mom.

Oh, my God!

Bill and Ted just did this
concept but so much better!

Get off the stage, Katie!

Bill and Ted!
Come on, guys.

[chanting] Bill and Ted!
[Screams]

Did somebody say our names?

Tell me...

do you bleed?

Before you answer, just know
that I don't give a [bleep]

J.K.
I give so many [bleeps]

Inside that bag
are all the [bleep] I give.

It's empty.
[Thunder crashes]

Darn it! I'll just run over
to the [bleep] store.

It's open till : .
Oh, no, it's : !

Enough with this silliness.
Your fight is not with me.

- There is a greater thr*at.
- Oh, look! A vending machine!

And there's one [bleep] left.

All right, you're gonna
check your pockets

and say something like,
"Oh, man, I don't have a dollar.

Looks like I can't give a [bleep]"
So don't waste your time.

But I have a dollar.
[Thunder crashes]

[Beeping]

Oh, no!
The [bleep] got stuck.

I cannot believe you went to all
that effort just for this bit.

I'm out of here.

Got your [bleeps] here!

- Fresh hot [bleep] two for a dollar!
- No, no, no, he left, bro.

He's already gone.

When your crush takes you back,
you be like...

[Gibbering]

When your crush takes you back,
you be like...

[Gibbering]

When your crush takes you back,
you be like...

[Gibbering]

[whispers] Hey, I know this is Monday
morning quarterbacking,

but building a liquid metal
version of the humping robot

- was a really bad idea.
- But on the bright side,

hiding in this factory
was an even worse idea.

[Clanging]

[Chainsaw whirring]
[Crying]

This isn't how I wanted to die.

This is exactly how
I wanted you to die!

Hi, I'm "Robot Chicken"
co-head writer

and executive producer
Douglas Goldstein.

If Matt Senreich and Seth Green
are the faces of the show,

consider me the puppet master
pulling their strings.

Uh, Mr. Goldstein,
did you get a chance

- to look over the script that I gave you?
- Yep, saw it.

Put it in the toilet
'cause that's where sh*t goes.

So for our season finale,
we had an online vote.

Would you like to see
a finale starring me

or starring Matt and Seth?

And the results are in.
[Buzzer]

Maybe this will change your minds.

My finale involves me wearing
a dope jacket from Wet Seal,

kicking ass on a flying motorcycle

and open-mouth kissing
Christie Brinkley

with my whole tongue.
[Buzzer]

[Grunts]

Hey, enjoy your same old
Matt and Seth bullshit.

[Chainsaw whirring]

Thanks, Robot Chicken!
Looks like it's a happy ending.

Oh, no.
We have to destroy you?

Wait, we have to be destroyed?
Why?

Hi, Matt and Seth.

It's Mike Feinberg,
Adult Swim's lawyer.

Bad news. The network's
canceling "Robot Chicken."

What? No.
We ... We've got a contract.

And it's non-compete clause
clearly states

that when your show is cancelled,

the creators are lowered
into a vat of molten metal.

Hey, I really can't get sued again
after that intern class action.

In retrospect, making
d*ck-out Thursdays mandatory

was going too far.

[motorcycle whirrs]
Aagh!

Oh, wow!
This feels kind of good, actually.

Like a Jacuzzi, except ...
Oh, no!

No, God, that's [bleep] hot!

[Music]

Uh, Doug, do I really have to
wear this Halloween costume?

Oh, yes, Christie Brinkley.

[Slobbering]

Oh!

Ugh!
Geez!

How does my freaking throat taste?

Like prime grade-A
Brinkley throat beef.

"Brinkley throat beef?"

You told me I was gonna be
in a "Vacation" sketch.

Is Chevy even here?

I lied, baby. It's what I do.

[Tires screech]

We still doing d*ck-out Thursday?

Well, it's already out, so...

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.