09x04 - Mr. Mozzarella's Hamburger Skateboard Depot

[bunniefuu]

[Whirring]
[Theme music plays]

[Whirring]

Man: It's alive!

[Thunder rumbles]

Pixar's "Inside Out"

lets you peek into the mind
of a middle-schooler.

Now go on another journey
with all your favorite emotions

and some new ones
as Riley enters adulthood.

- Wait, what?!
- Super Horny...

[Slurring] Guys, come on.
It's only : A.M.

We can still hit another bar!

...Hungry and/or Depressed...

Should I k*ll myself
or eat a sandwich?

...and Bigotry!

Oh, like, if I'm signing along
I'm supposed to not say that word?

This summer, experience the movie

critics are calling
"Uncomfortable and not fun"

and also "Not even worth it
for the short."

You know what?
Joy is going away now.

Call me when she figures out pot.

- [Scoffs] Women.
- I'd [bleep] her.

Sorry, Captain Hook!
I won't let you get your hooks

into my Peter Pan Peanut Butter.

Ohh! Get away!
I have a peanut allergy!

- But, uh ...
- But, but, but, but, but!

Even smelling it could
trigger anaphylactic shock,

you insensitive little turd!

- Wow, I am so sorry I ... [Grunts]
- I lied!

This is one weird
peanut butter commercial.

[Handcuffs click] In the next
seconds, two things will happen.

That phone over there
is gonna ring,

and you're gonna be wearing
these cuffs on your way to prison.

Well, that is one magnificent
prophecy, Mr. Reacher.

[Laughs]

[Telephone rings]

[Police radio chatter]
How did he know?

Want answers?
Call me ... Mr. Reacher. [Cackles]

Mr, Reacher predicted my husband
would get his legs broken.

And then he did, by Mr. Reacher.

Mr. Reacher said to pay my bar tab

because soon I wouldn't be able to,
and he was right!

Seconds later, my hands
were broken by Mr. Reacher!

Want to know your future?
Duck!

Call now!
$ . per second.

[Gasping]

All right,
who brought the peanuts?

[Piano music plays]

Buh...

Wonka says the bad-egg furnace
is only lit every other day,

but it's always lit, man.
It's always [bleep] lit!

Don't talk to me until you work
the taffy stretcher.

You ever hear a tiny kid's
vertebrae snap?

Pop, pop ... It's like
freakin' bubble wrap.

[Glasses slam]

Another round, Jingles.

Will, talk to me, baby!
Mommy's here.

[Eerie synthesizer music plays]

Joyce Byers has her
Christmas lights up already.

Oh, she thinks she'll get
a jump on the Davenports?!

Where's my ladder?

Honey, no!
It's only November th!

Oh, hell no, Davenport!

Not on my watch, Anderson!

[Balloon inflating]

...A ...T ...U ...S.
Huh?

What?
Oh, like hell, Ted Davenport!

Ooh, I got Christmas, you
got Christmas, Ted Davenport.

[Roars]

Don't just stand there!
Grab a hammer.

This lion's spent its life in captivity.

This is its first time
ever walking on wild grass.

[Circus music playing]

Darling, there's something
I want to ask you.

I can sing all romántico

for you and your
bonita señorita?

Sure. Uh, do you know
"Tu Enamorado"?

♪ Tu enamorado ♪
[Upbeat mariachi music playing]

Nedra, will you be my wife?

♪ Somo so protectores de piedra ♪
[Rock music playing]

Stop, stop.

You're singing something
about guarding stones.

Sí, señor.

"Tu Enamorado"
is a beloved folk tune

about musicales who find
magical space stones

and become guapos heroes!
Increíble!

It's not, but whatever.
Just play something else.

♪ La cucaracha, la cucaracha ♪

- Nedra, will you ...
- # Somo so protectores de piedra #

No, God damn it, no!

There is no mention of stones
in "La Cucaracha"!

Agree to disagree, señor!

Wait a second.
You're not a mariachi band!

- You're the Stone Protectors!
- You got us, amigo.

Times are tough,
so we take any gig we can.

Plus we sell our blood for cash!

Ugh!
[Guitar strings twang]

Hope you're not mad.

Mad? Nedra and I met
at one of your shows!

Baby, isn't this the
greatest day of ... Nedra?!

[Smooching]

- That happens a lot.
- Well, he is on her freebie list.

- You're on mine.
- Uh-oh!

Man: This is the lion's first hunt
on the wild plains of the savannah.

[Circus music playing]

[Suspenseful music playing]

[Pig oinking]

So, the British prime minister had sex

with a barnyard pig.
Did you see that, Robin?

[Chuckles] I think
the whole world saw it.

And, uh, nobody asked the pig

how she felt about being
violated like that. Until now.

Here with us today ...
Lydia Piggerson.

So, Lydia, tell us, what was
the prime minister like?

[British accent] He was all
right for a three-hour shag,

but it was worth it.
For sure.

This season on "Pigging Out
with the Piggersons"...

Lydia and her sow sisters

are using her sex-tape fame
to build an empire.

- Hello, boys.
- Lydia!

- That's right, get my good side.
- It's me! Babe!

- Do I know you?
- [bleep] bitch was my assistant.

Let me just get my bum in there.

[Cellphone camera clicks]
Mm-hmm! Snapchat!

[Giggles]

[expl*si*n]

These diamond-encrusted
snout rings are so very posh.

[Bell dinging]
Ooh!

And the bell means
they are sold out!

On the next "Black Mirror,"
what do violated pigs dream of?

He put up one hell of a fight.

[Alarm sounding]
Intruders!

Come on, baby. We've got
to get to the panic room.

- The panic room?
- The panic room!

[Suspenseful music playing]

Mom? [Door slams]
Is this the panic room?

It is.
It is the panic room.

Oh, my God. There are
burglars downstairs!

Just take what you want
and leave!

You have five seconds to open
the door, or we'll do it for you.

Where did they go?

They're in the panic room's
panic closet!

Just take what you want and go.

Damn it, lady. Open up or
we'll blow the closet door!

- I don't see them.
- Well, look again.

Look again where?
It's a closet!

They must be in the panic room's
panic closet's panic attic!

Just take what you want and go.

Lady, just open the door!

Oh, for [bleep]'s sake, Mama.

They're in the panic room's panic
closet's panic attic's panic crapper!

Oh, my God, baby!
They found us! [Sighs]

Just take what you want and leave!
[Whimsical music playing]

[Laser fires]

- [All exclaiming] Whoa!
- No way!

- Touch it.
- No, you touch it.

- Isn't the speed of light constant?
- JK will touch it.

- JK will do anything.
- BB- , listen to me.

[Beeping]

Oh, my gosh!
I'm in the movie!

I must be dreaming this
whole thing. I do that a lot.

Somehow, I think recycling old plots

is not gonna be a problem around here.

[Whispering] You must
safeguard the map

- to Luke Skywalker's location!
- Ow!

- JK ! Whoo!
- Wow!

Okay, I'm out of here.

Oh, cool, those wipes are so iconic.

[Camera shutters clicking]

[Music theme]

Whoa!

My God!
I have no brakes!

Well, hello there, little guy.

You are literally the first person
I met on this planet.

You know what would be weird?

Like, you know what would be so weird?

If you were, like, the savior
of the universe somehow.

- That would be crazy!
- My name is Rey.

I'm a scavenger.
I have no friends.

[Chuckles] Uh, no friends?
You are hot as sh*t.

You're probably thinking,
"That girl is hot as sh*t."

Sadly, I'm a Coruscant ,
but a Jakku .

Okay, then. Look out, Rey!
Don't get wiped!

[Laughs] Just kidding.

My name's Finn.
I'm definitely not a stormtrooper.

I'm Rey!
I'm not a big deal.

She's probably Luke Skywalker's
daughter. That's my theory.

Somebody's always
somebody's hidden kid.

Hey, is Finn related
to Lando Calrissian?

Is that r*cist?
It feels r*cist.

It's probably r*cist.

Hey, maybe "Star Wars"
is really about the Kenobis,

not the Skywalkers! I think
I just blew my own mind!

[Gasps] Ohh!

What if Rey is Palpatine's
daughter with Padmé?

Gross.
Oh, my gosh, that's gross.

[Gasps] Oh, my gosh!
The Millennium Falcon!

What are the odds?!

Your droid is really chatty
and r*cist, I think.

[Epic music playing]

Chewie, we're home.

Oh, my God!
Trailer moment!

- Shh!
- Shh!

Good trailer moment, though.
Maybe right at the end.

Hey, how come Chewbacca's
fur isn't gray?

Looks like we've got
some stowaways.

Did you really have sex with Carrie
Fisher? She said yes in a book!

Don't you dare wipe away
before I get an answer!

Tell me everything
you know about the map.

You merely adopted the dark.
I was born in it!

[Hiss] Oh, wow! You are the
spitting image of Harrison Ford

crossed with Carrie Fisher.
It's uncanny how much ...

I'm being sarcastic, though.

Come on, stop resisting
my mind powers.

Oh, but I am, with no
Force training whatsoever.

I was trying to take you
seriously as Darth Vader, but

I never saw Darth Vader
jerking off on Lena Dunham,

so it's ... it's a struggle.

Say, is Allison Williams nice?

Did you see her in the "Peter Pan"
thing, or did you just pretend like

you saw it and then tried to change
the subject when she brought it up?

[Groans]

Yeah, I didn't see it, either.
Still doing these, huh?

- Ben, please.
- Ugh, don't call me that!

I'm either Kylo Ren
or Baron von Poonslayer III.

Baron von Poonslayer, please.

s*ab!

Aah!

Chewie, I'm still falling!
Aah!

Ha! Han Solo's gotten out
of tougher straits than this.

[Groans]

Oh, my God!
That's how he dies?!

[Roars]

I know!
Enough with the wipes!

[Purring]
[Music]

Ugh.
Get the [bleep] out of here.

Rey!
Strange droid!

Oh, hugs.

[Moans]
Sad wipe.

[Music]

Master Skywalker!

I brought you your ...

Aw, sh*t. Sorry!
I was cutting off a log.

Oh... Ah.

[Majestic music playing]

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪

- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.