09x07 - We Don't See Much of That in 1940's America

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Robot Chicken". Aired: February 20, 2005 –present.*
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American adult animated comedy with a series of pop-culture parodies about everything.
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09x07 - We Don't See Much of That in 1940's America

Post by bunniefuu »

[Whirring]
[Theme music plays]

[Whirring]

Man: It's alive!

[Thunder rumbles]

It's hard to find
a great-tasting breakfast

that won't raise my cholesterol.

Did somebody ask
for a tasty breakfast?!

- Wow!
- Ohh!

Nothing beats the taste
of oats and honey!

It's gr-r-r-r-r-eat!

- What the f*ck
- Aah!

No! No! Oh, my God, no!
This can't be happening!

It'll be okay, bee.
You'll be okay.

Yeah, yeah. I'll be okay.
I'll just... [Groans]

[Groans, screams]
[Riiiiiiiiip!]

- Whoa! Ohh!
- Ohh!

- Oh, man!
- It's so cold.

Oh, my heart ...
I can feel it slowing down.

Oh. Oh, it stopped.
I'm ... I'm so scared.

[Both crying]

Honey Nut Cheerios has oats
that'll help lower cholesterol ...


part of this nutritious breakfast.

[Music]

Mmm! Mmm!

- Ohh.
- Ohh. Sorry, babe.

Damn. That is creepy.

The way our neighbor's ex-wife
spies on us every day?

[Gulping]

No. I mean, that ...
that freakin' thing!

[British accent] Don't mind me.
Ah-la-la-la-la!

[Laughs]

Adam can't defeat Count Marzo,
but He-Man can.

And maybe He-Man can ...
can do it himself this time?

Oh, Cringer, always so afraid.

By the power of Grayskull!

I never consented to this.
I'm literally pissing myself!

- Is this what you wanted? Is it?!
- I have the power!

And I have no power!

What kind of hero forces
his best friend

into violent adventures
without permission?!

[Splurt!]
Oh, great.

Now I'm sh1tting myself
in addition to the piss.

- Ha ha!
- [Crying] No!

[Sobs] Oh, don't point
that sword at me! No!

[Warble! Twinkle! Zap!]

Feeling better, Battle Cat?

Yes, of course I do!
I'm Battle Cat now!

I'm standing in a pool
of piss, sh*t, and vomit,

but otherwise great.

♪ On the Magic School Bus ♪

[Children cheering]

Today we're going to be learning
about the geology of mountains!

Whoo-hoo-hoo-hoo!

[Children screaming]

- Goin' down!
- Oh, my God!

[Screaming continues]

Aaaaaah!

A mountain! Ohh!

Stay calm, children.

This... is...
a learning experience.

I knew I should have stayed
home today and cut myself.

We're stuck in the mountains!

What are we gonna do,
you dried-up hippie?!

There's only one thing
we can do ... cannibalism!

What?!

Whoever picks the shortest
straw will get eaten.

- Eat this, you psycho!
- Don't be silly, Ralphie.

Your penis wouldn't feed a fly.

In fact, the buttocks
are the most nutritious.

Thanks for the tip.
[Grunts]

[All munching]

Miss Frizzle takes just like chicken!

I just remembered ...
we all brought food!

Ew! Bologna?!

Now, that's what I call eating ass.

And that sucker was flying
all over the place.

- Now, stop me if you've heard this.
- I will, 'cause I've heard

every one of your Quidditch
stories, Harry.

It was zigging around.
Oh, those things can move, man!

And I was the best seeker
ever to play the game.

Bartender, Accio another round!

[Whoosh! Splash!]

Jesus! That's enough butterbeer
for one night, all right?

Oh, my God, Ginny.
I didn't realize you were here.

Didn't realize I was having
a beer with my wife, Ginny.

Come on, Harry...

I love your new
snakeskin jacket, Ginny.

Agh! Hogwarts!

Best years of my life, man.

Now my freakin' kid's there,
having all the fun,

while I get stuck with the tuition bill.

Do you know what, mate?
I'm done.

This conversation d*ed at exactly
minutes past : tonight.

Oh, you don't like talking to me?

Well, good luck finding another wizard
who can speak parseltongue. [Hissing]

I can talk to other snakes,
you f*cking narcissist.

Me, too!
I'm gonna go find the other snakes

and tell them what
a butthole you are.

♪ All the snakes gonna know
you're the biggest butthole of all! ♪

Dude, you are in no condition to fly.

Oh, is that you, Mum?
Oh, no, it can't be my mum.

My mum is dead!
Heigh-ho, Firebolt!

[Crashing, thudding]
Aaaah! Ugh! Ugh! Aaah!


Man: Iceberg, dead ahead!

[Music]

Hard astern!
This is the end, lads.

- Save the women and children.
- Belay that order, captain.

Who dares?!

There's only one order that
matters here ... ride or die!

[Music]

Jesus f*cking Christ!

[Squeak! Pop! Pop!]

Oh, it's all about family.

[Music]

- Mr. Toretto, you've saved the Titanic.
- My work here is done.

Here are two tickets to the
premiere of my new "xXx" movie.

Uh, no, thank you.

Oh, being naughty is the best!
[Laughs]

We are the bad kids!

[Music]

Ew! Are you in costume,
or do you really look like that?

I have been sent to help especially
rude and naughty children.

I am Nanny McPhee.
Now get down from there.

[Twinkle! Pop!]

Nanny McPhee, your wart!

- The more you behave, the prettier I become.
- Is that right?

♪ Penis, vag*na,
penis, vag*na ♪


♪ Penis, vag*na,
penis in your vag*na ♪


♪ Penis, vag*na, penis, vag*na ♪

♪ Penis... ♪

Ooh. Perhaps we took it too far.

No, ugly people are worthless.
She said it herself.

That would be a terrible
message, say, in a movie.

Doc, it hurts when I bend
my arm like this.

Then don't bend your arm like that.

Oh, excellent diagnosis!
[Laughing]

[Mourning music]

Mr. President, they've reached
the Bin Laden compound.

Send in SEAL Team .

[Music]

Oh, oh! Aah!

Ooh! Cha!

Ohh! Hah!

What is happening?

Hee! Cha!
Ho! Ahhhh.


Okay... I have no idea
what's going on right now.

Hoo! Cha!

Someone remind me
what they're doing.


It's an act of faith made physical
through the beauty of dance.

Okay f*ck it.
Initiate plan "B."

[Whooch!]

I'm ready to make a comeback.
[Music]

Great, Jem! Great!
Very exciting.

And how many Instagram
followers do you have?

- What's Instagram?
- Okay, get the hell out of my office.

There are children here somewhere.
I can smell them.

Come out, my kiddie-winkies.

Come out, come out for candy!

Hello! Little children!

Is there a child in here somewhere?

- Hmm?
- Hello. I'm Chris Hansen.

God damn it! Ugh!

Okay, I've seen the show.
I'll take a seat.

It says here your given
legal name is Child Catcher.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!
I don't have sex with children.

I want to make that absolutely clear!

I use them as sl*ve labor
in underground mines.

That's no so bad, is it?

Okay. You're free to go.

Oh-ho-ho-ho!
I know what this means.

[Laughs] Oh, yes!

Indeed, as soon as you
exit the front door,

- you will be tackled and arrested.
- Oh, brother, what a show!

[Laughing]

[Laughing] Yeah! Yeah!

[Bones cr*ck]
Ohh! Ohh! Ugh!

Ohh! Oww!

[Wham!]
Ugh! [Whimpers]

We've searched far and wide
[Music]


to find the most eligible
bachelor on earth.


This season, women will
compete to win the hand of...


James Bond.

James Bond.

To me, a beautiful woman
is like a beautiful flower. [Chuckles]


I can't wait to fertilize it.

He seems a little retro to me.
I bet he smells like my dad.

But that's cool.
Guys who smell like my dad

and take my car away and
f*ck my mom are my weakness.

Romaine: Yeah, a spray-tan date
just sounded like the perfect way

for James and I to bond.

[Laughs]

I just made that up.
I did, really.

[Laughs]
Turn to camera and smile.

I prefer to get my tans
the old-fashioned way ...

from the glowing
cancer ball in the sky.

But I must say, this shade
looks fantastic on me.

Romaine, come see!

So sorry, Mr. Bond,
but there was an accident,

and Romaine's spray-tan
went on a little too thick.

Oh, that's so tragic...

yet sexy.

At the moment of death,
her bowels released.

Like I said, sexy.

[Music]

You're eating a bowl of red meat,

- and your chopsticks are lit cigars!
- It's an art.

Ow! sh*t!
b*rned my f*cking face!

I'm not crazy about
the way you eat.

Oh, well, I'm not crazy about
the name Sienna Johnson.

My girls usually have
more playful names.

How'd you feel if I called you

- "Sienna Thingyoulike"?
- Please don't.

- How about "Wanda Handjob"?
- No, thank you.

Platter O'Labia.

Yeah!
Point break, b*tches! [Music]

James and the contestants
went on many dates


and attended the boom
guy's funeral. [Grunts]


Now it's time for the rose ceremony.

Chris, beautiful women
are like snowflakes ...

completely interchangeable.

So I guess I'll give this rose
to the babe with the hoots ...

Bendover Von Assex.

Yeah, it's Amy, and you already
gave me a gift, James ... chlamydia.

You gave her chlamydia?
You gave me chlamydia!

I got chlamydia!

Who in this room didn't get
chlamydia from James Bond?

[Crickets chirping]

It burns really bad, huh?

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


- Ba-gawk!
- Bawk.
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