04x09 - You b*at Me to the Punch

[bunniefuu]

♪ I got a feeling that you
brought me to you ♪

Zoey:
They say the best romances

are the ones
where you don't overthink.

♪ Yeah, you did, babe ♪
You just act.

Zoey, wait.
♪ Look what your mind's
imagination can do ♪

And of course, by "act,"
I mean, smash...

A couple's ability
to spontaneously

get lost in their emotions
is exactly what leads

to those hot, passionate,
"never forget" moments.

♪ So let me take away
your pain ♪

But often, that spontaneous
couple's inability

to manage their impulses
can lead to messy,

tense blowups, those "I wish
I could forget" moments.

You can't fix it.
You're not letting me.

Because you're too late,
Zoey!

Maybe I was
a little tired

because I had to cater
to your every need.

Oh, got you.
So it's my fault?

Luca's not your man, and he
overstepped some boundaries.

This has nothing to do
with him being my man

and everything to do
with your bruised ego.

♪ Aye, baby,
this right here your moment ♪

♪ Life is but a dream ♪

♪ Here we are inside of it ♪

And over the years,
I had learned

that those big, loud,
passionate moments

could be combustible;

and the bigger the expl*si*n,
the messier the fallout.

So in an effort
to mitigate the fallout

after my last
spontaneous blowup with Aaron,

I knew I had to do
some damage control.

♪ Baby, this right here
your moment ♪

♪

So, it turns out, I really
couldn't sleep without you.

♪ Aye ♪

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪

And of course,
by "damage control,"

I mean, make-up smash.

♪ Yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Watch out, world,
I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new
every day ♪

♪ I don't know,
so I'mma feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world
on me ♪

♪ But no regrets,
this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out, world,
I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪
♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart b*ating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

Mm.
Good morning,
sleepy head.

Morning.

Oh, my gosh.
Why are you even awake?

Aren't you
exhausted, too?

Mm-hmm.

Are you not exhausted,
honey?

Boys.

Oh, yeah.
I am -- Ooh, I'm exhausted.

I am satisfied.
Okay.
Okay, yeah.

But I just need to look
at the internship page

because they post new ones
first thing every morning.

Obviously,
no fashion ones.

Plus, anything that's
just halfway decent
is gone by 10:00 a.m.

I mean,
at this point,

I think I'm gonna have to roll
with the -- what is it? --

the We Wash Doggy
Mobile Grooming internship.

Ah. Nope.

Spoke too soon.
That's gone, too.

I think it's so wild that Cal U
is sweating you

over these stupid
internship credits.

I mean, haven't you done
like five of them already?

Uh, two.

And technically,
I never finished them,

and without the credit,
I can't graduate.

Which is crazy, because I've met
my class requirements,

I have more than enough units
to graduate,

and my grades are fi--

well, okay,
my grades are decent,

but I was so excited
for the big luau tonight

and celebrating
finally seeing the finish line.

Instead, I'm just gonna
be stressing

about
this internship stuff.

What luau
are you talking about?

Uh,
Doug and Luca's luau.

They're calling in the
"Lil' Litty Luau."

Remember?
No.
I don't.

And I would because
I hate alliteration.

Uh, yeah, no, I'm not --
I'm not gonna go to that.

And I don't know
why you're going.

Isn't Luca the reason why you're
up at the buttcrack of dawn

applying for
a poodle-washing gig?

I don't know why
you'd still want to go.

You should be
mad at him.

Oh.
I am.

But it's my Senior year,
and I'm not gonna let Luca

stop me from going
to my last handful of parties.

Plus, fun fact, I --
I love fire.

And a luau has pigs
roasting over fire.

They have fire walkers.
They have fire eaters.

They have so much fire.

Yeah. You like fire.
I get it.

Come on.
Be the moth to my flame tonight.

Listen, even if I wanted
to go to this thing,

which I absolutely do
not want to go...

Hmm?
...I have to teach
my midnight class.

Really?
Yeah.
I'm sorry.

We could
link up afterwards.

And I could give you
some litty lit lovin'.

You saw
what I did there?
You know what?

You're right.
I do hate alliteration now.

You loved them.
You literally loved them --
No.

Stop talking.

Doug said
he updated our budget.

I just need to know
if we have enough money

to properly execute
my vision for this luau.

Okay.
Well, let's check it out.

Dude, you've already
got like

500 confirmed pre-sales
for tonight.

Looks like you guys
are sitting pretty great.

Yeah, our Lil' Litty Luau
is gonna be lit...

literally.

I just wish Kervell
would hit me back.

Kervell?

Yeah.
My fire guy.

You do realize you don't need
a "fire guy" to make fire.

Peasant.

I just hope Doug got enough
security for tonight

'cause that sh*t
is going to be cuh-raaazy fire.

Like Hanukkah.

Oh, can you actually
hit up Doug to double-check?

I got to try
Big Kerv again.

Mm.
I don't know.

I mean, are you sure you're
gonna be comfortable with me

calling Doug, you know,
considering you had

such a big problem
with us texting?
No.

Pretty sure I have a problem
with you entangling with my boy.

And I'm pretty sure
I have a problem

with you telling me who I can
and can't entangle with.

Listen, I don't want
to infringe

on your advanced
educational experience,

but you're my sister.

Doug's my guy.

The three of us equals
a trifecta of greatness.

The two of you hooking up
could put our greatness at risk.

And to be honest,

the most important third
of this trifecta is you.

[ Chuckles ]
Oh, my God.

You're so
full of it.

[ Cellphone rings ]
Kervy Kerve!

What up?

What -- What do you mean
you're out of the fire game?

Both hands?

Oh, my God.

To us!

I cannot think of
a more satisfying way

to put months of studying
behind us

than throwing on a lei
and throwing back some tequila!

Seriously.
Those LSATs can suck it.

Those were the worst
four hours of my life today.

Mnh!
You pushed a whole human
out of your vag*na,

so I highly doubt that.
Thank you.

But I was on so many dr*gs,
I didn't even know

Luna came out
until they handed her to me.

So, yes,
today was way worse.

Well, in that case,
mazel, bitch!

Yeah!
Whoo!

Wait, wait,
wait, wait, wait!

Let me get in
on this pregame.

Wait, wait, wait.
What are you wearing?

Yeah, this is
a Hawaiian-themed party.

Trust me.
I know.

It's just that I couldn't
put together a themed costume

because I spent all day trying
to find a dumb-ass internship.

All good. Consider yourself
lei'd, baby girl.

Yeah.
Thank you.

Cheers.
Cheers!

Whoo! Cheers!

Whoo!
Mmm!

Mmm!
Mm-hmm!

Another, another.
Let's go.

Alright.
What's up?

Whoo!
Nothing.
Des just texted me.

Oh. Okay.

You, uh, making a plan
to meet your new boo

under the starts
tonight?

Yeah.
Nomi,
he's not my boo.

Please, it's so obvious
there's something

brewing between
you two.
Okay.

Nothing's brewing.
We're just friends.

And maybe at some point
something was a-brew...

And?
And nothing.

You know, we had a few drinks.
Had a few mozzarella sticks.

Des showed up
in a dress.

And, uh,
brewing ended.

I'm sorry,
what?

[ Sighs ]
Look, I knew Des was q*eer,

and I didn't think
I'd have a problem with it,

but when he showed up
wearing a dress,

it was game over
for me --

Now, look, before any of you
come for me -- Nomi --

I just want to say that I know
it's more of my issue

and not Des's issue,
alright?

But I can't imagine myself
having sex with someone

who also shops at the club dress
section at FashionNova.

Okay, well,
in Des's defense,

it seems like you can't see
yourself having sex with anyone,

considering the last person
you were with

was Doug
a year ago.

Look, Jazz,
zero judgment, okay?

I'm just -- I'm wondering
if this is less of a Des issue

and more
of a Doug issue?

[ Sighs ]

The only issue is figuring out
a way to break it to Des

that I'm not interested
without ruining the friendship.

Which is exactly why you need
to be honest and direct.

Just go down there and rip
that q*eer band-aid right off.

Okay. Okay.
You're right.

You're right.
I'm gonna do it.

I'm gonna rip it off.
I'm gonna go do it.

Yeah!
Yeah, okay.
Rip, rip, baby!

I-I think my ripping game'll
be a little bit better

with another sh*t
in me.
Hey!

So let's quit talking
and get to pouring.

I'm gonna do it.

[ Knock on door ]

You got a minute?

I got a favor I need
to ask you about Zoey.

Saldana?

Johnson.
Earvin Magic?

Zoey Johnson.
My girlfriend.

Andre Johnson's daughter.
You've met her a billion times.

Oh, yeah!
Yeah, yeah, yeah!

Well, say that next time,
brother.

Come on in.
Okay.
Thank you.

Look, I need a favor because
the university is insisting

that Zoey get
an internship to graduate.

Which is ridiculous,
because she spent

six months
out in the workforce.

She's done two internships
already.

Did she finish those?
No, but still...

I'm figuring,
if she did half of two,

could that equal a whole one?
What do you think?

Well, let's see.

♪

What are you doing?

The math.
Okay.

Well, I just figured
if anyone has the power,

you know, to, um, sign off
on these internship credits

or waive the requirements
entirely, that'd be you.

♪

Because you're
the Dean of Students, Charlie.

I agree to disagree.
Just trust me,
alright?

You have the power.
So what do you say?

You think you can hook it up
or what?

Hmm.

♪ You see the baddest women
in the room? ♪

♪ I got it ♪

♪ That money stackin'
to the ceiling, fool? ♪

♪ I got it ♪

♪ And people watchin' you,
watch how I move ♪

♪ I got it, you got it? ♪

♪ I got it, you got it?

♪ I got it ♪

♪ You see the baddest women
in the room? ♪

♪ I got it ♪

That money stackin'
to the ceiling, fool? ♪

♪ I got it ♪

♪ And people watchin' you,
watch how I move ♪

♪ I got it ♪
Fire, right?

♪ I got it, you got it? ♪

♪ I got it ♪

Look, I know you're still
mad at me,

but the only reason
I called out ol' girl

for stealing your design

is that I respect you
as a designer.

As an artist.

But mostly
as my friend.

I just couldn't stand
the thought

of somebody
taking advantage of you.

Mm.

Okay, well, if you're not
gonna talk to me, fine.

I just wanted to let you know
I'm sorry.

What I did
wasn't fire...

It was water.

Possibly wind.
Definitely not earth.

Oh, my God.
Shut up!

What?

Dude, shut up.

You know you had me
at fire, kid.

♪ Talkin' about my commission ♪

Look,
don't get me wrong.

What you did was reckless
and irresponsible,

and did I mention
it was so dumb?

But I know you,
and I know

it was your impulsive,
knee-jerk way of protecting me.

And I appreciate it,
but I didn't need it.

And now I'm so screwed
because I can't even find

an internship
wiping a dog's ass.

Well, um, then I might have
a really nice, um,

proposition for you.

♪ I'm loose off the juice,
what it do ♪

♪ Told 'em we gon' get it
poppin', it's the truth ♪

♪ Yeah, we got it too turnt, got
'em jumping out the building ♪

Looking out at this party
of fine specimens

and thotty-hotties,
it's hard to believe

that Jazz
hasn't had sex in a year.

I mean, you know, admittedly,
I'm no sexual jackrabbit,

but a year with this kind of
talent pool seems crazy.

I mean,
I haven't had sex

since I screwed
everything up with Phil.

Yeah.
And I haven't had it

since I made
that vow of celibacy with Javi.

Hold up.

So you mean to say
that I am currently

the most sexually active
single person in our household?

Um...
We're -- We're fine.

Yeah.
I'm fine.

I'm fine.
Are you fine?

I'm totally fine.
Yeah.
We're fine.

We're good.
You're so not fine...

which means one thing --
tonight,

I'm going to
get you guys laid...

to completion.

Okay,
let's go for a lap.

Oh, there we go.

Brown wavy hair, 11:00,
nice teeth, amazing tan,

and the gait
of a division-three athlete.

I'm secure enough
in my heterosexuality to say,

I'd hit that.
Alright.

Vivek,
what makes you even think

that we need you
to get us laid?
Yeah.

Because neither of you have
a built-in "lay-dar."

A "lay-dar"?
What the hell is that?

See, after years and years
of unsuccessfully

trying to get laid,
I've developed a radar.

I can tell exactly
who is down to get laid

and who is going to be
a complete

and total
waste of your time.

And honestly,
what do you have to lose?

Like,
besides our dignity?

[ Chuckles ]
You haven't had sex in a year.

I'd say
you've already lost that.

Now, let's go check
this guy out.

♪ Don't you give it up
to anyone? ♪

♪ Oh ♪

♪ I just need your love ♪

♪ I just need your... ♪

♪

Wait.
I'm so sorry.

Aaron!

Oh, my God,
you're here!

I didn't realize
you were coming.

No, I, uh,
ended my class early

so that I could surprise you
and get some chill time in,

but it looks like

you've already
been getting some chill time in.

That's not typically the way
I handle my beefs, Zoey.

So, what exactly
are you doing?

Yeah. No.

I-I know, but surprisingly,
Luca and I are good.

I mean,
he apologized,

and he extended
the ultimate olive branch.

He came to me
with this great idea

about how I can get
the college credits I need.

Okay,
how's that?

By interning
with his company.

You're gonna be
Luca's intern?

Technically, on paper,
I'll be an intern,

but creatively, I mean,
he's given me carte blanche

to build his company
from the ground up.

And Anti-Muse
is in terrible shape.

And I'll have to get
the right domain name.

Hi.
Thank you so much.

And for some reason, he has it
set up as a nonprofit.

But hey, it is so much better
than not graduating, right?

Hmm?
No, thanks.

I'm good.

Aaron, I don't know
what to tell you.

I get it.

Luca is not your favorite
person in the world,

but it's kind of
all I've got.

I mean, if you're really
that uncomfortable with it,

I can always go back to him
and tell him no.

Oh, so you --
you already said yes, then?

Yeah.

Awesome.
You know what?

This is -- This is great,
you know? Seriously. Enjoy.

Sounds like a great opportunity.
I'm gonna go grab a drink.

Dude, we can still
talk about it.

No no, I'm good.
Enjoy yourself.

♪ Hey, hey, hey ♪

So...you know, when we hung out
the other night...

That was, uh --
Fire, right?

Yeah.
And it was also, um...

a little bit confusing.

At least for me.
Yeah, no.

It was definitely confusing
for me, too.

I mean, the whole time,
I was thinking to myself,

why haven't we
done this sooner?

[ Chuckles ] Yeah.

You know, I've gotta go
to the bathroom.

But I'll be back.
Okay.

I'll be back.
I'll see you.

See you, too.

♪

Thank you.

♪

♪

Doesn't this seem
ridiculous to you?

Sneaking around,
hiding behind curtains

and corners
just to mess around?
Oh, yeah,
you're right.

Yo, there's a walk-in freezer
right there. We should --
No!

No.
I-I mean --

Look, I-I don't want
to sneak around anymore.

Look,
Luca's not my dad.

And honestly, I'm not even
sure he's my full brother.

My mom did, like,
a lot of stepping out

when my dad
was gaining weight, so --

Okay, Ki-Ki, baby,
we've been over this already.

I know you're grown
and do your own thing

and Luca's not your dad,
but he's my boy, okay?

And I just don't want
to mess up things

between
the whole trifecta.
Trifecta.

Right.
Yeah.

I -- I get it.

♪ 'Cause they heard
the kid makin' moves ♪

"I get it." You don't.
♪ 'Cause they heard
I ain't gonna lose ♪

♪ All this money
is what I choose ♪

♪ Get it all, never issue ♪

See.

Just needed
a little bit of time

to warm up those
matchmaking skills,

and now I'm gonna
do the same for you.

Uh...Ooh!

Butch redhead,
4:00 --
Vivek, stop.

Every person you've
tried to hook me up
with tonight is absurd.

You literally brought me
a homeless man off the street.

He was hot.
Come on.

Just have sex
with him.
Okay, fine.

Seriously?
No, dumbass!

Not seriously.
This is crazy.

This whole matchmaking situation
is crazy.

I'm going home
to tuck my kid in.

Just hold on one second,
okay?

Hey, have either of you guys
seen Kiela?

Uh, nope.

But I have seen you alone
all night long.

And just
so you know,

your boy's batting
500 right now

in matchmaking,
so if you need any help...

Sorry, man. You wanna have sex
with me tonight?

Yeah.
Of course.

I think I'm good.

♪ Break the bank, get it down ♪

Nice.

Here you go.
Thank you.

♪

'Sup, playboy?
Nice sweater.

♪

Oh, my God!

Whoa!

That feel good,
chief?

Yeah. Yeah.
It did.

♪

Dude! Aaron, stop!
What the hell was that?!

Just go back and enjoy your
little luau, Zoey, seriously.

Are you s--

♪

Uh, Nomi.

Where is she?

Sorry.
Nomi, can we please leave?

I'm trying to catch up
with Aaron

to see
what that was about.
Sure.

Dude,
what the --

Nomi?

Hi.

♪

Hey,
who was that weirdo?

That weirdo
is Luna's father.

He's what?!

Dude, I swear,

everything you've ever told me
about this girl

always results
in some sort of drama.

Yeah, but this time,
it wasn't Zoey's fault.

I offered her
an internship,

and her crazy-ass boyfriend
spazzed on me.

Okay, well,
maybe he wouldn't spaz on you

if you would just
stay away.

I don't know. It just feels like
everything you do

is an attempt to keep
this girl in your orbit.

Whatever.
Okay.

Where the hell have you been
all night?

I've been looking for you
everywhere.

Oh, yeah,
I was just...

Y'know, hanging out
at your awesome party,

not getting punched
in the face.

Come here.
Hold still.

♪ Can't believe
the way you treated me ♪

Yo,
there you are.

Yeah. Sorry.

The line at the bathroom
was really long.

And I tried to get a
drink, and the line was
really long and it --

It's --
It's all good.

I was just hoping

we could finish our conversation
from earlier.

You were trying
to tell me something?

Actually, I was trying
to tell you this...

♪ Tell me how I trust again ♪

♪ See the shadows rushin' in ♪

♪ You took all the lust within ♪

Aaron? Babe?

Dude, are you here?

♪

While they say
the best romances

are the ones where you act moe
and think less,

what they don't tell you

is that those split-second
impulsive moments

can also ruin everything,
and maybe if you'd just pause,

instead of allowing yourself

to get carried away
in the moment...

♪

...you'd save yourself
and your relationship

a lot of heartache
and frustration...

♪

Well, that is, if there was a
relationship to still be save.

Whoa,
that was quick.

I figured
you'd still be smashing.

Did you even
leave satisfied?

I didn't have sex
with him, Vivek.

What?
Why not?

It seemed like you two
were hitting it off great.

Which is why I didn't want
to mess things up

by having sex
with him the first night.

Come on.
I worked hard for that penis.
[ Chuckles ]

Look, the whole point was to
just, you know, get in there,

rip the celibacy
band-aid off,

and just have some uncommitted,
unemotional,

sloppy, spontaneous sex
with someone that I'd never,

ever consider being
in a relationship with...

Yeah.

We will never speak
of this moment again.

Ever.
You understand?

Mm-hmm.

Oh!

♪

Oh, God!

[ Door slams ]