01x04 - Starboy

[bunniefuu]

ZOEY: Mark Zuckerberg.

Tavi Gevinson.

Malala Yousafzai.

[Bleep] those people.

Okay, fine. They're amazing.

But that's the problem.

These guys set the bar so high,

they put a ridiculous amount of pressure

on the rest of my generation

to figure it all out before we hit ,

the pressure to graduate summa cum laude

or to have a million
Instagram followers...

or to become
the next Soundcloud superstar...

[ELECTRONIC MUSIC PLAYING]

...or the pressure to find
the perfect internship

that will one day lead
to the perfect job.

But as much pressure
as we think we're under,

it's nothing compared
to college basketball players.

I'm Cash Mooney
from Oakland, California,

and I can't wait to bring
my game to the college level.

♪♪

♪ Heart of the lion ♪

♪ Fire inside me, blaze like a siren ♪

♪ Why won't you try it? ♪

♪ Wake up the beast,
no, I can't keep silent ♪

ANNOUNCER: All-American Cash Mooney!

What a move! He's as good as cash money!

♪ Get loud for me ♪

The number-one high-school
player in the country...

♪ Get, get loud for me ♪

...coming to
a Division-I college near you.

♪ Get, get loud for me ♪

Wait. So, he asked for me
to be his tutor?

I'm just as shocked as you.

♪ Watch out, world, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

♪ Learn something new every day ♪

♪ I don't know know,
so I'ma feel my way ♪

♪ Got the weight of the world on me ♪

♪ But no regrets, this is what I say ♪

♪ Watch out world, I'm grown now ♪

- ♪ I'm grown ♪
- ♪ You can tell me ♪

♪ My heart b*ating so loud ♪

♪ Mama, look, I'm grown now ♪

♪ I'm grown ♪

Well, why does it have to be me?

Don't you... Don't you have
people for this?

Uh, yeah. You.

You signed up for the tutoring program.

You must "toot."

And remember Cal U's motto...

"You do me a favor, I do you a favor."

I thought it was,
"Per Studia Mens Nova."

Well, I thought it was, "You asked me

to write you a recommendation
for a Teen Vogue fellowship."

Uh, yes.

I mean, you can say it to
yourself in Latin if that helps.

I don't know how to.

...coming to
a Division-I college near you.

My new student.

I can't believe Dean Parker's
making you do this.

Making her? Dude's insane.

I saw a video of him
dunking at years old.

Yeah, even I know that.

He's on the short list of black guys

that my dad would be
cool with me dating.

- Okay, pause. Your dad has a list?
- Yeah.

Um, Cash and Odell Beckham.

Kevin Hart was on it,

but then he got scratched off.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

- That makes sense.
- You know what?

Guys, I get who Cash is.

I just don't care
about a basketball player.

Right now, all I'm about
is getting this fellowship.

He needs to pass a class.

I need a rec letter.

They're totally gonna bone.

[LAUGHTER]

No, we're not.

I am off of guys for a minute,

especially after
the whole Aaron/Luca mess.

Hey, what the...

Wow.

I know you ain't talking to this clown.

I'm the clown?
Bro, you look like Willow Smith.

Guys.

- [CELLPHONE BEEPS]
- Yeah. You're wack.

[COMPUTER BEEPS]

Yeah, but Aaron and Luca are clowns

- compared to Cash Mooney.
- Yeah.

Seriously. You don't see
a -foot banner

of Aaron's ducktail
blocking the wheelchair ramp

on the way into the library, do you?

[GRUNTING]

This is not about a guy.

This is about getting a good rec
from the Dean of Students

so I can lock down
the flyest fellowship in town.

You guys are ridiculous.

You're ridiculous, bitch.

Whoa.

My bad. I-I felt threatened.

I felt it too, girl.

You have nothing to apologize for.

- Okay.
- Yeah, just...

My first study session with Cash

wasn't off to a great start.

- In fact, it never started.
- Yo, Zoey, where you going?

Where am I going?

Dude, you were an hour late.

I'm sorry. I had practice.

Okay, look, I get
that you're the king of Cal U

and I get that
everyone loves you around here,

but I don't need this.

You know, there's gotta be easier ways

to get a recommendation letter,
so I'm out.

Zoey, wait.

Oh, my God.

Seriously, stop.

Dude, can you stop? Please!

This is not a good look.

Campus security is gonna think
I'm chasing you.

Because you are.

Look, I-I'm sorry.

I had a rough night.

Coach got in my ass
about how I've been playing.

I'm not sure if you heard,

but my first couple of games
didn't go so great.

Probably because your cardio sucks.

Zoey, I need you.

I really need your help.

You're probably just trying
to run some stupid little game,

and I'm not interested.

There are a million other tutors.
You don't need me.

Look, I'm gonna be honest with you.

Did I ask for you
because you're super cute?

Yes.

But I knew if I had
a pretty girl tutoring me,

I wouldn't want to look stupid.

Look, I gotta pass this class,
or I'm done.

So, that's all it's about?

♪♪

You passing your class
and me being stunning?

Yes. %.

No creepy stuff.

Besides the fact that you just
chased me right now.

Besides chasing you.

♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

- Okay.
- ♪ Ooh, ooh ♪

♪ Oh, oh, oh ♪

♪ We live in an almost world ♪

♪ Where cellophane dreams disappear ♪

♪ Into the lost and found ♪

Man, everything used to
just click in high school.

Then I get here,

and everybody's expecting me
to be that dude.

But I've been putting up bricks.

Coach took away my spot,
got all in my head.

I can't find a rhythm anymore.

I get it.

I mean, I ran my high school,

and I thought I was gonna
run this place,

but it's... it's just so different,

trying to balance classes
and friends and guys.

Nothing comes easy.

Oh, no, wait.

There's one thing that's come easy...

my new nickname.

Can we get some cups?

They're calling you the "Cup Bitch."

♪♪

[CHUCKLES]

- No.
- Yes.

You're the Cup Bitch?

- You've heard of me?
- No way.

[CHUCKLES]

Well, at least I have someone famous

who's gonna help me ace this test.

Oh, slow down, cowboy. Ace it?

Let's aim for a low "C"
and just call it a win.

Okay. I'm in.

- [CHUCKLES]
- AARON: Hey.

Hey.

What's, uh... What's...
What's... What's up?

What's up, guys?

Yo. What's up, lil' man?

♪♪

Yeah, it's, uh, not the best
time for a selfie right now,

but I'll catch you on the way out.

♪♪

I actually didn't come for a...

Sorry about that.

Oh, no, you have nothing
to apologize for.

Did you just see that?

♪ Left hand, right hand,
left hand, right hand ♪

Game night at Cal U

meant you had to get
to the Titanium early enough

so you didn't end up like this guy.

Bobby! Marshawn!

Hey, hey, can you tell
the bouncer who I am?

Boys, I know you see me!

You just pointed at me and laughed!

♪ Left hand, right hand ♪

♪ Left hand, right hand ♪

Hi. Um, what's the cheapest beer

you've got at this fine establishment?

Uh, Madison Lager.
There's not even a close second.

Do you, uh... Can I get you one?

♪ Left hand, right hand ♪

Thank you. [CHUCKLES]

But, um, we're on a date.

- Can I buy you both one?
- We're not looking for a threesome, Slick.

Oh, no, no, no, no.
II didn't mean it like that.

I mean, they're cheap beers.

I was just trying to apologize
for the misunderstanding.

You don't need to apologize.

You should just leave.

♪♪

Okay.

You were, um, coming in
kinda hot there, weren't you?

I just hate straight guys

with the whole lesbian-fantasy thing.

It's so cliché.

Oh, my God, yeah, it is so cliché.

I hate clichés, too.

But I feel like
the threesome one is pretty hot.

So you're down with the
objectification of our people?

Oh, no. I mean, technically, I'm bi, so...

You are?

I wanna say, "Yeah,"

but you're giving me
a real strong "no" vibe.

Look, I don't want to be
some girl's experiment, okay?

So, why don't you call me

when you're done going through
this whole bi phase?

Wait. Did you just...
Did you just say "phase"?

She just said "phase," you guys.

I heard it.

You know, it's LGBTQ!

Respect the letter, bitch!

♪ Left hand, right hand ♪

[CLEARS THROAT] Hi.

♪ Left hand, right hand ♪

♪ Left hand, right hand ♪

♪ Right hand, right hand ♪

Hey. I'll take that beer now.

Cal U faces a tough opponent
tonight in Campbell State.

But before we can get to that,

we have to address
the elephant in the room...

Cassius Mooney.

Cal U had high hopes for
the top recruit in the country,

but, Kenny,
as we come to the third game,

he's not even in the starting lineup.

KENNY: You know what?

I watched him in the McDonald's game,

and I just knew he was gonna be
in the League.

But now... I hate to say it...

in this day and age,
if you're not a one-and-done,

you better start looking for a major.

Ohh. Looks like, uh, lil' man's
having a rough go.

He's a kid.

I just don't get how anybody
can be expected to play

when you've got millions of people

who don't even know you
talking crap about you.

I can barely play Bop It
when people are watching.

♪♪

I don't feel sorry for him.

Do you know how much my parents paid

for me to go to school?

And he gets to go to school for free

for throwing a ball through a net.

You think it's just about

throwing a ball through a net, Ana?

Being a college athlete's
your whole life.

SKY: Yeah. For us with track team,

there's practice, conditioning,

weights, meets, therapy, film, travel.

And you get paid for it.

Mm. Paid?

Maybe with an education,
but Cash doesn't get any money.

He's broke.

He couldn't afford a piece of pizza.

- What?
- Mm-hmm.

Wow. If he's broke,
then what are you guys?

Sitting here wondering if you're
gonna finish those poppers.

VIVEK: It's classic market economics.

You know how much colleges make
off these guys?

Like [SCOFFS] billions.

Cal U throws out, what,
K, K for a scholy,

but the basketball program alone

made $ mil last year, so...

Wow. That is so messed up.

Oh, it's real messed up.

Lemme break it down.

Now, you see this network right here?

Paid $ billion, with a "B,"

for the rights to play
games like this on television.

Oh, you see this guy right here?
That's the coach.

He makes $ . million, win or lose.

Now, you see these people
sitting in the seat right here,

these great seats?

These are the boosters.

These guys paid $ , a pop
to sit in these seats

and $ for these jerseys

that these -year-olds wear
and get no money from.

And for all the money
they make for the university

and the collegiate
athletic system, you know what?

Only less than % of them
actually play professionally.

Yeah, that's real messed up.

[SCOFFS] Once again, the
system profits off the backs

of the black man, you know?

Or woman.

And we don't get paid for it.
It's the same old story.

You know what? We're just gonna
take these poppers.

Yes. Grab the ranch, too.

[LAUGHS]

But, I mean, truth be told, your
boy shouldn't be getting paid.

He kind of... He kind of sucks.

- Mm-hmm.
- [SIGHS]

Inbound to Mooney.
Brings the ball up the court.

- [ALL GROAN]
- MAN: Yes!

Wow. He dribbled the ball
off his foot and out of bounds.

Yeah. Damn.

Poor Cash.

- [BUZZER]
- And those Titans lose again.

ZOEY: So, Cash had another rough game,

and it turned out

he wasn't the most popular guy
on campus anymore.

I have lattes for Zoey
and Cash "So-not-money"?

Great.

Zoey, if you check your inbox,

you'll see that I sent you
your letter of recommendation

for the Teen Vogue fellowship.

- Oh, my God, thank you so much.
- Eh.

But I'm not done tutoring Cash.

Well, according to the boosters
and the athletic department,

you most definitely are.

But Cash hasn't even
taken his midterms yet.

And he's gonna struggle.

Look, I admire what you did
for that kid, truly,

but if you really
want to help the school out,

we have a ' " outside linebacker

who's having a muy hard time
with Español.

Okay, wait. So, you guys
are just gonna give up on him?

I don't want to lie to you.

So don't make me.

MAN: I have a chai latte
for Dean Parker.

Oh.

So, the school was giving up on Cash.

Ah. He turned the "D"
into the head of a penis.

♪♪

But was I ready to?

While the term "filibuster"
ultimately derives

from the Dutch term "vrijbuiter,"

to mean a pillaging
and plundering adventurer...

Cash, can you please stop
making dunk videos and focus?

- ...its first recorded usage...
- What's the point?

...in modern English

- ...comes from a book...
- How about so you can pass your midterms

and stay eligible?

Zoey, none of that sh*t matters anymore.

They're saying I'm
the biggest bust in the country.

No one's saying that.

Cash, a lot of people are saying

you just might be
the biggest bust in the country.

Whatever, Cash.

No one watches sports on TV, anyways.

It's like all of a sudden,

I forgot how to play basketball.

I don't even know
what I'm doing here anymore.

This was my dream.

Now it feels like
I'm never going to the League.

You don't know that.

Cash, a lot of people are saying

you're probably never
going to the League.

Well, a lot of people said

Hillary Clinton
was gonna win, too, so...

[CHUCKLES] That is true...

and also making me feel worse.

All I'm saying is,
let's say, worst-case scenario,

- you don't go to the League.
- Hold on. What?

No, like, worst, worst, worst case.

You're still getting a great education

at one of the best universities
in the country for free.

Take advantage of it.

Use this place.

I mean, I always see you
making these amazing videos,

and you're always watching movies.

I'm sure you've probably
seen everything.

This school has a great film program.

Maybe you can do that.

And if that's not your thing,

we'll find you something else.

My point is,

you're more than
just a basketball player.

♪♪

Thanks.

Yeah.

So, Cash promised me
he'd stay in the fight

and keep going with the tutoring.

And I promised him I would
never wear one of those shirts.

[DRAMATIC MUSIC PLAYS]

Well, here we are, friend,

back at it again, and this is a big one.

This is the number-one-ranked
Minnesota Blackhawks

looking to continue their winning streak

against the struggling Cal U Titans.

Oh, hey, look, Zoey.
Your boy's getting up.

Is he getting in?

No. No, he's not.
He's just untucking his shirt.

I think he's settling in for the night.

Can you stop hating
for like two seconds?

Cash is gonna be fine
with or without basketball.

[SIGHS]

He's actually considering
becoming a director.

Really? A director?

Oh, o-okay.

Like that's a far-fetched idea.

Tell me... how many jobs
for revolutionaries

are there on Monster?

All right, all right, all right,
fries, everybody.

- I love this guy.
- Me, too.

Girls. All of them?
Please, can I have...

- They're hungry.
- You're such a sweetheart.

Oh, I'm not that big of a sweetheart.

She's just used to
not being treated well.

That's true. [CHUCKLES]

Okay, so, the other night,
we got totally trashed,

but it was so cool 'cause
he came back the next morning

with a hangover care package.

Okay, Tylenol, Pedialyte,
and a big-ass cheeseburger.

- Huge.
- A man who gets you drunk

and then buys you a cheeseburger?

Girl, that is boyfriend material.

[SCOFFS] That's husband material.

[WHISTLE BLOWS]

- Robinson goes down hard.
- [ALL GROANING]

- This would be a big loss for the Titans.
- Uh-oh.

Looks like we're gonna have
a rare Cash...

Y-Your boy's taking off his warm-ups.

ZOEY: Oh, my God, he's going in!

Yes!

Finally, another Cash Mooney fan.

No, no, no, not at all.

I bet the spread,

and I need the Blackhawks
to blow our guys out.

Otherwise, I'm not gonna make
my car payment.

Mooney over half-court,

looking to get the ball in the post.

And his pass goes sailing out of bounds.

It looks like he's got those jitters.

Hey, it happens.

- We all make mistakes.
- I just can't watch this.

Where you going? Zoey?

- Really? We're doing that?
- Hey.

- What was that all about?
- You know what?

It's... It's nothing.

She's just... She was a girl
I was hooking up with.

She tried to make a big deal
about me being bi.

Okay, she thinks that I'm...

I'm an immature lesbian
going through a phase.

DAVE: That's ridiculous, right?

I mean, I've messed with guys.
Doesn't make me gay.

Huh?

♪♪

[CLEARS THROAT] Sorry. [CHUCKLES]

- So, when you say...
- Mm-hmm?

...you've messed with guys,

that was, like,

a "one time, I messed with a guy" phase?

[CHUCKLING] No, no.

No. I'm bi, just like you, huh?

- [CHUCKLES]
- Totally. Just like me.

♪♪

- [COUGHS, CLEARS THROAT]
- You good?

Yeah, I'll be all right. Thank you.

♪♪

[ELEVATOR BELL DINGS]

So, I bailed on the game,

but it seemed no matter where I went,

I couldn't get away from it.

WOMAN: Are you kidding me?!

MAN: I've never seen anything like it!

I finally understood how these
people got into Cash's head.

They were monsters.

WOMAN # : How is this happening?!

MAN # : This Cash guy is unbelievable!

Why don't you guys
just leave him alone? God!

ball.

[ALL CHEERING]

Oh, my God! Zoey, did you
just see what happened?!

- No.
- Come here before they replay!

Come on! Come on! Hurry! Hurry!

It's awesome!

Hurry up!

Cash Mooney with
the performance of a lifetime,

- a school-record points!
- Yeah, Sean.

Not only did this guy
almost single-handedly

take down the number-one team
in the country,

but he's made a statement
that he's for real.

- Oh, my God. Oh, my God! Oh, my God!
- [SCREAMING]

[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE]

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

And we're here with the man of the hour.

Cash, that was unreal.

You couldn't have scripted it
any better than that.

Tell us... what happened out there?

Well, I mean,
my guys found me in my spots,

and, uh, I guess I was just locked in.

[CHUCKLES]

It's got to feel pretty good
to silence your naysayers.

Am I right?

Right now it's not even about
the naysayers.

It's about the people that
stuck with me when I was down.

Shout-out to my curly-haired Cup Bitch.

[GASPS]

Uh, sorry, folks.

I don't think we can actually
say that on TV.

Oh, no, don't worry.
Nobody watches sports on TV, anyway.

Oh, my God. Oh, my God!

He's talking to me. I am the Cup Bitch.

I am the Cup Bitch!

I really need a new nickname.

♪♪

Or... Or maybe I can live with it.

- [SQUEALS]
- ♪ Hey ♪

So, I'd gotten
my letter of recommendation,

and Cash had k*lled his game.

I got two lattes for Cash and Cup Bitch.

It was time to see if we could
both rise to the occasion

and just barely pass our U.S. Gov test.

Hey, you will not believe
what they wrote on my cup.

Oh. Thank you.

I'm sorry.

You must be in the wrong seat.

My friend Cash actually
usually sits here.

- No, wait. You're not...
- Shh!

Be cool, Cup Bitch.

What?

♪♪

[SIGHS]

[ROBIN LOXLEY'S
"OWE YOU NOTHING" PLAYING]

[CELLPHONE CHIMES] _

Yo, Zoey.

- Uh, hey.
- You see the game last night?

Hey, who was taking
your midterm for you?

Midterm? Oh, yeah,
don't worry about that.

What do you mean, don't worry about it?

Zoey, I'm good now.

We're good.

♪ Wanna take my heart and soul,
but I owe you nothing ♪

♪ Young, gifted, and black ♪

Yo, Aaron, wanna hit Titanium,
catch the game?

- No, I'm good.
- You all right, man?

- Yeah, I'm fine.
- ♪ To be young ♪

Go on ahead, bro, without me.

- Go, Titans.
- ♪ Gifted, and black ♪

♪ Open your heart to what I mean ♪

[SIGHS]

♪ In the whole world you know ♪

♪ There's a million boys and girls ♪

♪ Who are young, gifted, and black ♪

♪ And that's a fact ♪