01x14 - Country Dean

[bunniefuu]

ADULT DEAN: In Alabama,
what most people called

"spring break" was called A.E.A.

It had something to do with a week-long

teachers conference,
blah, blah, blah, blah.

All we cared about was no school.

Lots of my friends went on
trips with their families

to the mountains or the beach,

but I was gonna spend my
vacation in my happy place...

On the couch, in front of the TV.

I planned to eat cereal
till my teeth fell out

and watch cartoons
till my eyeballs fell out.

Basically, if something
didn't fall out, I failed.

[Music stops]

- Get dressed, Dean.
- And pack your suitcase.

W-What? It's my vacation.

I've been looking
forward to it for weeks.

Change of plans.

We're going to visit
Grandpa and Grandma's farm.

We're going to the country?!

Why?!

Contrary to popular belief,
there's a difference

between growing up in "the South"

and growing up in "the Country."

I did the former.
My mom and dad did the latter.

This is how I grew up.

[Toilet flushes]

And this was them.

My groceries.

Their groceries.

My chores.

Their chores.

Okay, that last one may have
been over a hundred years ago,

but that's how old they seemed to me.

My point... We were not the same.

Your Grandpa called and said he needed

my help with something.

And as you know,
family always comes first.

But I-I planned out my whole week.

There's a good episode
of The Beverly Hillbillies.

Jethro gets a pet kangaroo.

Grandma and Grandpa
don't even have a TV.

It's so boring there.

Don't you dare call my parents "boring."

It's been a minute since we visited,

and it'd be good for you
to spend some time with them.

Don't get me wrong... I loved
Grandma Bessie and Big Jim,

especially when they visited us.

But going to the country was a pain.

And the fresh air will do you good.

I hate the fresh air.

Oh, please don't say that
in front of my mother.

She doesn't need any more amm*nit*on

to judge my parenting.

You two have a complicated relationship.

Well, it's tricky
with mothers and daughters.

I'm all packed.

If that little piece of cloth
is what you call "clothing,"

then clearly, I need to check
everything else

in your little suitcase.

What? You don't trust me
to do anything.

If you're referring to that trip
with your friends,

then the answer's still no.

I'm going to college soon.

Why can't you let me go away
for one weekend?

What's the difference?

The difference is college

is not in the back of a van

driven by a boy named Kwame.

And pack your boots.
You're gonna be helping

your Grandpa in the fields.

- Could you at least...
- Are you serious?!

And just like that, my dreams

of a week off from school
were shattered.

Instead, I was going to experience

two of the unhappiest words in
the English language...

"No TV."

♪ All I know ♪

♪ I'mma find my way home

After three hours in the car,

two fights between Mom and Kim,
and one pee break,

we pulled up to the family homestead.

♪♪

Where are my grand-babies?

[Laughing]

- I need some hugs.
- Hey, Grandma.

- Hey, Grandpa.
- Look at you.

Kim, when did you turn into a woman?

And is this Dean? Oh, my goodness.

You've got even more handsome! [Laughs]

Lillian, are you feeding these children?

- They're so skinny!
- Feed them.

I knew I was forgetting something.

I hope y'all don't talk to your parents

as fresh as your mama talks to me.

[Chuckles]

Bessie, great to see you, too.

I brought something for you.

- Oh.
- My latest .

How sweet. 'Course I can't play it,

'cause it's the devil's music.

But I am going to hang it up

so I can brag on my talented son-in-law!

- All right.
- I'm glad you're here, Bill.

I could really use your help.

She's about ready to drive.

Still need to replace all the fluids.

And I'll make sure that me and you

stay well-lubricated, too.

[Chuckles] You the boss, Big Jim.

Daddy, is that why you brought us here?

To sip on whiskey
and work on that old jalopy?

No, no, we've got a real problem.

Let's discuss it over some sweet tea.

We're so glad you're here, baby.

You look good.

Yes, you do.

I guess you're enjoying all those salons

you're spending all
your money on up there.

[Sighs]

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

No way!

Maybe this wasn't gonna be
as bad as I thought!

Hold your horses. We only turn that on

for two programs...
The news and Lawrence Welk.

Nope, it was exactly as bad
as I thought.

Maybe just one cartoon?

Won't be having you use up
all our electricity.

I hope that rule doesn't apply
to the telephone.

They'd have to sell the farm to
cover your long-distance bill.

So, we got some trouble
with the neighbors.

They say our cow has been
coming onto their property

to graze, and they want
to build a fence to stop her.

Big fuss over nothing!

I don't know why they
think it's their land.

It's always been our land.

Well, they don't agree.

And they done gone and hired a lawyer.

Why'd they have to get
a lawyer involved?

My cow is pregnant.

She doesn't need the agitation.
She's eating for two.

She needs as much grass as she can get!

Still, it would be good
for you to take a look

at what the lawyers sent us.

Don't bother Lillian with that!

It's just a couple of letters.

[Sighs]

Well, what does it say?

They all say the same thing.

I don't have time to
read every last one.

It's planting season.

Which is harder now
because the clock's

moving forward because
of your President Johnson.

Oh, so now I'm wrong for voting.

Without television, watching them fight

was the most entertaining show around.

Still, Mama was no Shecky Greene.

Well, you can't keep ignoring this.

I'd be happy to take care of it.

We appreciate it.

"Take care of it"?

Which means "take over."

That's just like her, trying to
control everybody.

Kim, don't be disrespectful
to your mother.

Wonder where she learned that from.

Bessie, our daughter is
as smart as any lawyers.

Let her help.

At least Mama had something to do.

I was already bored.

Okay. [Grunts] Time to get to work.

Dean, come on.

You might learn a thing or two
from your Grandpa.

Ugh! Can't you see I'm busy being bored?

[Chickens clucking, cows mooing]

Mm, mm.

Transmission fluid tastes burnt.

Could be a cr*ck in the fluid line.

Don't worry. It won't hurt him.

But too much of this will
definitely make you go blind.

- [Both laugh]
- Years later,

when I took a sip from Grandpa's flask,

I got the joke.

Then I threw up and passed out.

- Ahh.
- [Chuckles]

Dean, look, your cousins are coming.

Well, some were cousins,
some were second cousins,

some were cousins of my play cousins...

I-I never knew for sure.

Like I said, country.

They're gonna help me shuck corn.

You wanna come?

Go. It'll do you good
to reconnect with them.

And I pay a dime a bushel.

A day with my country cousins?

I'd rather drink a gallon
of transmission fluid.

But it didn't seem like
I had much of a choice.

♪♪

[Birds chirping]

So, you live in Montgomery, right?

- What's that like?
- It's okay.

What do you do for fun?

Um... baseball, I guess.

If we make the finals, we get
to play in Paterson Field,

where the Montgomery Rebels play.

Hmm.

Yeah, my team's really counting on me.

I bat around . .

I just made my third All-Star team.

Whoa, cool!

All right, all right,
I was basically describing

my brother Bruce, but these
kids would never know that.

Yep, I got some high school
coaches interested in me.

Of course I have a girlfriend!

Her name's Keisa.

She's the prettiest girl
in school. Crazy about me.

Sure, I go to concerts all the time.

I even get a chance to play
with my dad's band

whenever he needs a soloist.

As we got comfortable with each other,

my cousins shared details
of their "embellished" lives.

Well, that's cool.

We mostly do stuff outdoors.

Like jumping our dirt-bikes
off that -foot hill.

The mounts aren't back yet,
but the taxidermist says

it's the biggest buck he's ever seen.

When I turn next month,

I'm gonna get my driver's license.

No way.

They call it an agricultural license.

So we can drive tractors
on the road and stuff.

Motorcycles, too.

Okay, that actually sounded legit.

And pretty cool. I had to keep up!

[Laughs] Uh, yeah, my dad's teaching me

to drive right now.

So he can send me out
for a pack of smokes

whenever he needs to.

Your dad, Bill Williams,
teaching you to drive now?

Granddad.

Right, right. Of course he is.

[Chuckles]

Well, there you go.

So, we gonna see you tomorrow, Dean?

Sure will. Oh, and call me "DJ."

'Cause my middle name starts with a "J."

That's what everybody calls me
back in Montgomery.

Yeah, nobody ever called me that.

But I felt like a cool
cousin from the city

should have a cool nickname.

Come on, uh... DJ.

Time to get back to the house.

♪♪

MAN: Planting season
continues to progress...

Is that Green Acres?!

Nope. Morning farm report

on the news. You wanna watch?

A show about a farm that doesn't
have a pig who can drive?

- No, thanks.
- [Knock on door]

- Morning, Big Jim.
- Morning.

Dean, wanna come ride bikes?

We got one for you, too.

ADULT DEAN: At least
that's kind of similar

to what I'd be doing at home.

♪♪

You guys make your bikes yourselves?

Yeah, there's always parts lying around.

Oh. I just get a new bike
whenever I outgrow my old one.

You mean whenever you
outgrow Bruce's old one?

[Chuckles nervously]

[Breathes deeply] All right.

Here you go.

Where are we gonna ride?

I dunno. Where do you ride at home?

Oh, all over the city.

But if I was at home right now,

I'd be sitting in front of a TV

until my eyes dried out.

You get to watch that much TV?

Well, yeah, when school's out.

I don't see how you
guys survive without it.

I mean, some of us have TVs,

but not ones we can watch all the time.

We have four.

Whoa! There's only one place
I know with that many.

Where?

♪♪

That's the episode where Mrs. Kravitz

thinks Darrin and Samantha have a baby.

My neighbor in Montgomery, Ms. Stringer,

is nosy just like that.

Ooh! And that's the one
where Gomer and Sergeant Carter

lose the Colonel's dog.

I'm not saying they stole the idea,

but same thing happened
to me and my friend Cory.

Oh, and that? That's The Mod Squad,

where they catch car thieves.

Just like the crime in Montgomery.

♪♪

I'm telling you exactly what
they said at the courthouse...

There's no record
of you owning this land!

What do you call this?

My mama's granddad was
a sharecropper on this land.

He bought it from the
man that owned it...

Paid him a little each month
till it was his,

free and clear. The proof's right here.

I got a map, too.

Here is the boundary between us
and the neighbor's.

Goes from the creek to the rock pile
to the walnut tree... The tree's gone,

but you can still see the stump.

Yeah, I-I don't think the county
is gonna accept that.

Why'd you need to get
the government involved?!

Next thing you know,
they're gonna make us pay taxes!

I'm gon' pretend like I didn't
just hear that.

[Chuckles] Uh...

what I think we should
do is get a lawyer.

Bill and I can help pay for it.

Wait. What now?

This one of those lawyers we can pay

with a chicken or something?

Oh, so it's not enough for you
to stir up trouble,

now you're gonna start throwing
your money around?

We're not throwing money around.

We just want to help out. Right, Bill?

Of course. Right.

I'll go up to three
chickens, but that's it.

[Chuckles]

♪♪

PEARL: You're gonna love this, DJ.

We jump into there...

from up there.

There's no way you
guys actually do that.

I know you're not scared, DJ.

Yeah, this is nothing
compared to the g*nf*re

you said you fall asleep to
in Montgomery.

And the interstate highway
you said you walk across

to get to school.

♪♪

[Sighs]

♪♪

ALL: DJ! DJ! DJ! DJ! DJ!

It shouldn't have mattered.

It was just a childish dare.

But I felt like all
my previous arguments

about how I was growing up was better

than how they were growing up

rested on me proving
there was nothing they could do

that I couldn't.

It all came down to this moment.

DJ! DJ! DJ! DJ! DJ! DJ!

Aww!

DJ?

Grandma, you made all this by yourself?

Said she didn't want any help.

I didn't think you'd
have the energy to cook

after a day of meddling
in people's business.

And you stripped all that corn
the kids shucked

without breaking a nail?

Uh-oh. We got another city gal
on our hands.

[Chuckles]

Well, sweetie, let me fix your plate.

Oh, the patriarchy's alive and well.

She only doing this to compete
with her mother.

Don't overthink it, son.

Enjoy it till it's over.

Bill, I made those buttermilk biscuits

because I know you love 'em.

Well, you know, Mama,
I use that same recipe.

My recipe's different.

It's not written down like yours.

Well, I learned it from watching you,
so I don't see how it's different.

Because writing it down
makes it taste different.

Now I see where Mama gets it from.

But do you see where you get it from?

Don't you agree, Bill?

♪♪

Well... I think everybody's
biscuits are perfect.

It's over.

So, Bill, you'll be leaving soon.

Let's finish up the car after supper.

She should be ready to drive by morning.

♪♪

[Horn honks]

ADULT DEAN: Grandpa was right.

We'd be going home soon.

Time was running out
for me to redeem myself.

I had one sh*t to prove to my cousins

that my city life was superior.

Whoa, DJ! You really can drive!

Of course I can, guys.

I told you, I do it all
the time. No biggie.

It was a moment of pure triumph.

And you know what? Driving a car

was a lot easier than I thought.

♪♪

[Metal crunches]

♪♪

As if a whooping wasn't
enough punishment

for my automotive mishap,
my grandparents gave me

the worst farm chore of all.

Come on, now. The manure's
not gonna shovel itself.

Mama, I spoke to the lawyer,
and he's got a solution.

He can get you a deed for the land

based on proof of continued residency.

And the neighbors have agreed to
give you an easement.

What does that mean?

It means they own the land in dispute,

but they'll let you use it
for the cow to graze.

All you have to do is sign these papers.

What kind of solution is that?
I ain't gonna give them my land!

It's been in my family for generations.

Mama, a map drawn on the back

of a Sears catalog

is not gonna hold up in a court of law.

I ain't gonna give 'em this land
without a fight.

And we know you love to fight.

What does that mean?

Ever since I've been here,
you've had something to say

about every little thing I do.

'Cause you come in here thinking
you're better than us!

You're not the only one
smart enough to go to college.

Mama, we know.

We know that college wasn't an option

for a Black woman when
you were coming up.

College was an option for me.

I was gonna study
veterinary medicine at A&M.

But your grandma wouldn't let me go.

Told the admissions man
that she needed me

too much here on the farm.

Well, why couldn't Big Granny see

that it would've been better
for you in the long run?

'Cause she'd never seen anybody do it.

So I made sure I worked damn hard here

so I'd get to see somebody do it.

And, Mama, I appreciate it.

But you can't be blaming me

for what I had nothing to do with.

I know you appreciate what I gave you.

But sometimes...

it's hard to see from three hours away.

♪♪

[Cow mooing loudly]

Grandma, is Lurleen okay?

[Cow moaning]

She's probably in labor.

[Cow moos]

Oh, no. It's breeched.

What's that mean?

Baby's coming out backwards.
She needs our help.

Uh, Lillian, get me the...

Already got it. Is the cord wrapped?

Doesn't look like it.

But the water bag ain't broke yet.

Need to get in there and pop it.

No, not with your arthritis.

Let me do it.

[Amniotic sac bursts, cow moos]

[Moans, body thuds]

[Cow moos]

♪♪

I hardly recognized you.

Yeah, it all just came back to me.

How long has it been, years?

At least.

Well, Mama, I want you to know

there is no amount of time or distance

that will take this place out of me.

That's nice, baby.

But you gotta toughen that boy up.

[Laughs] That's for sure!

I should've put a blanket down for him!

Mama and Grandma were finally united...

In making fun of me.

But it made me realize that I was guilty

of what Grandma accused Mama of.

I'd been approaching my time
in the country all wrong.

[Gasps]

♪♪

I realized that part of
this place was in me,

just like it was in Mama,

and I shouldn't have been
trying to run from that

all this time.

So on my last day, I
let my cousins awaken

the "Country Dean" in me.

You want to squeeze the trigger.

Don't jerk it.

[BB g*n fires, can clanks]

Bam!

We should call you "Eagle Eye DJ."

Nah. "Dean" is fine.

♪♪

So, guess you'll be happy getting back

to all the things you do in Montgomery.

Actually, I can't wait
till we come back here.

Can we name the calf Melvin?

And can I help take care of him
the next time I come?

- Oh, sure.
- Yes!

Put those in the trunk, son.
We'll be right out.

Look like next time,
we'll have some body work

to do on the car, thanks to Dean.

Goes to show how good a job
we did on that transmission...

A -year-old could drive it.

[Both laugh]

- Mm-hmm.
- Uh-huh.

[Both laugh]

Where are the easement papers?

Mom, did you...

I signed them.

I figure it's the only way to end
this business you stirred up.

Let's go home, baby.

♪♪

♪♪

[Speaking indistinctly]

Uh, excuse me.

Uh, we just stopped by
to pick up some papers.

Oh. Are you the neighbors?

Yeah, I'm Gerald. This
is my wife, Edith.

- Hi.
- Hi, I'm Lillian.

Ah. "The" Lillian.

[Both laugh]

What do you mean?

Your mama will not stop bragging on you.

No offense, but everyone
in town is sick and tired

of Bessie talking about
her big-sh*t daughter

- in the city!
- Mm-hmm.

[Both laugh]

Is that so?

♪♪

♪♪

Yes, Mama, I just wanted to let
you know we got home safe.

I know. I miss you already, too.

I never understood how Mama and Grandma

would be so mean to each other,

then cry about how
they'd miss each other so much.

And, no, I'm not trying to waste up

all your electricity.

I'mma hang up now. Love you.

[Sighs]

Kim, that is not how you slice a tomato!

Cut against the core...

You know what?

Nothing wrong with your way.

You just keep on
being you.

Um... okay.

Those don't look like chickens
we buy from the store.

It isn't. They're from the farm.

Wh... Lucy and Peggy?!

They were my friends.

Better not tell him he gon'
be eating Melvin in two years.

[Laughing]