03x12 - We're All Mad Here

[bunniefuu]

[DING]

Any other dormice want
to come out to play?

Huh!

[ALL GRUNTING]

Oh, oh, oh!

[SIGHS]

Heh heh heh.

Hello, little friend.

[ELEVATOR DINGS]

Oh, my God!

You're Alice!

Correction.

I was Alice.

[BUZZING]

[HEART MONITOR BEEPING]

[MOANS]

What is happening?

[ALARM DINGING]

Oh, my God.

You're awake.

How am I here?

The Batteam got wind of your break-in,

found you unconscious

underneath Marquis's pool table.

b*at the GCPD by a few seconds

and dumped you here.

Y-Y-You were... You were
out for a few hours.

I didn't know that you'd wake up.

[SIGHS]

Oh. Alice, you okay?

Alice?

How do you feel?

I feel like Beth again.

WOMAN: We've gathered
this morning to discuss

the psychological evaluation
of Elizabeth Marie Kane.

This is the case of a -year-old child,

who after witnessing
the grisly decapitation

of her mother was abducted
and held against her will

by a madman.

After enduring years
of his psychological

and physical t*rture, Beth escaped,

where she eventually encountered
a corrupt hypnotist,

who compelled her to fully break
from her humanity.

As a result, Ms. Kane
disassociated from reality

to become a character

named Alice.

Well, when you put it like that.

WOMAN: For the past weeks,
the Gotham City Psychological...

Is it just me, or did they make

Alice sound like a victim?

Shh. I'm listening.

Our findings indicate
that after exposure

to a single electrical charge
Ms. Kane's brain

essentially rewired itself.

The area that had been cut off
from love and empathy

has been restored.

It is our recommendation to the court

that the criminal charges are dropped

and Ms. Kane be relieved of her trial

as we can no longer deem her
clinically insane.

REPORTER: Ms. Kane, where did
you get this magical buzzer?

ALICE: Ryan, Ryan, I'm sorry.

Apologies. You knew I needed
that buzzer for Marquis.

You knew I needed it for me.

The court of public
opinion may have changed

their mind about you,

but that doesn't change the truth.

Take it. Maybe Luke can figure out

a way to make it work again.

It's fried, Alice.

It's dead. You won.

Ms. Kane, how're you
feeling about today?

- Ms. Kane, what's next for you?
- Ms. Kane...

As much as I'd convinced
myself you were dead,

you were always there.

You just needed to be found.

OCEAN: I've always been a sucker

for a happy ending.

Ocean?

How are you... you can't be here.

You mean... because I'm dead...

Because of you?

That's the thing, Alice.

I don't think you
deserve a happy ending.

[GAGGING]

No, no, no. No.

What are... what are you doing?

[COUGHING]

No! No! I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

I'm sorry.

It wasn't my fault.

I'm sorry.

I'm s...

What is happening to me?

[SOBBING]

Where is it?

[CRYING]

Leave me alone!

Leave me alone! Get away from me, Alice!

Get away!

[CRYING]

Oh! What the?

Somebody, hel... aah!

Holy crap! You're Batwoman.

And you're Marquis Jet's
loyal number two...

In every morning before sunrise,

never takes a sick day,

keeper of Marquis's schedule,

and... shall I presume... his secrets.

Heh.

[SIGHS]

[KEYS JINGLING]

Heh heh.

Hey.

So. If you leave me alone in bed,

you better have coffee.

Oh!

Cream and sugar, dear?

Alice? What are you doing in here?

I have patients coming in.

- Alice!
- Where's the...

Haloperidol, the... chlorpromazine?

The... the antipsychotics, Mar-bear?

- Cough them up!
- I thought you were leaving!

I packed you a bag!

I gave you enough cash to get halfway

across this country.

Alice, there's an APB on your head!

You can't be here!

I am losing my mind!

I'm... I'm losing my mind.

The... the hallucinations
are back but worse,

and I... I just need a little edger

until you can get me the Joy Buzzer.

But Kiki, she said that there
was only one buzz left.

Exactly, so why are we
still standing here?

Because Ryan needs it for her brother.

But you need it for you sister.

Except you're not my sister.

Why didn't you stop me?

A real sister would have stopped me

before I k*lled someone.

You think this is my fault?

That was all you...

Poison Mary.

I was there for you, making sure no one

got in your way.

You weren't there for me.

You took advantage of me.

You needed me, so you encouraged me,

and... and now a wife
is without her husband

and their two boys without their dad,

and their life is ruined,
and my life is ruined!

Got it. I am so sorry

that you gutted a man
with a tree branch.

My bad!

Would you just get the hell out of here?

What is this, "Gilmore Girls"?

Ryan and I have some
family matters to discuss.

You mean, you need her
protection from Marquis.

Now that the evidence
of him k*lling his father

has been destroyed,
you don't have anything

to hold over his head.

Ryan's life is complicated enough

without you playing Mom all of a sudden.

The only one who's
playing here is Marquis,

and if we don't get
our hands on that Joy Buzzer

and use it on him soon,

all of Gotham City
could become his sandbox.

You know, maybe if you had treated him

like a criminal and not
your precious baby boy

we wouldn't be in this
situation to begin with.

- RYAN: Mmm, mmm.
- JADA: Do you really think you...

Tell me that is not vegan puff pastry.

Hey. You could have warned me
your mom was coming over.

At least when I lived
with Alice, she knocked.

Your mama almost saw me naked.

I am sorry. I... I should
have said something.

She wanted to huddle
so we can game plan a way

to stop Marquis.

JADA: What's all this?

This is Marquis's calendar.

Step one... we can
get a sense of his day,

so step two... we can ambush his ass.

- RYAN: Huh?
- SOPHIE: What's wrong?

There's nothing on his schedule.

Yeah, but look at tomorrow

and every day last week.

He's booked solid to ...

Meetings, lunches, calls, drinks.

Is there something special about today?

Not that I know of.

Okay. Hold on.

Wait.

- Who's Barbara Kean?
- Why?

He e-mailed miles asking him to find

her home address.

Okay. Barbara Kean is
the owner of an art gallery

in the Bowery and Jim Gordon's ex-wife.

As in Commissioner Gordon?

Yeah. Apparently, they used to dine

with Gotham's upper crust but divorced

after their son J.J. was found

with body parts in his closet.

Barbara's reputation never recovered.

Probably for the best.

Well, I'm actually late for my : ,

so I'll get going.

Wait. What happened to finding Marquis?

Well, I will keep an ear to the ground,

and you'll do the same,
and whatever you need,

uh, resources, money, manpower,

you got it, it's yours.

That was weird, right?

- What?
- Stay here.

Where are you going?

Just give me two minutes.

I don't know how he knows
or what he's doing,

but if it involves Barbara,
it could very well involve

you, me, Mario, all of us.

Let your security teams
know we're not safe.

From whom? BGS?

How'd you get down here so fast?

It's a lesbian bar. Know your exits.

Why didn't you tell
Ryan that Barbara Kean

is part of the Black Glove Society?

This doesn't need to involve Ryan.

Ahh. Worried her knowing
you're still affiliated

with a murderous cabal might screw up

mother-daughter bonding time?

Despite appearances, Sophie,

I'm trying to do what's right.

Now excuse me before people get hurt.

Ryan wants to trust you.

You're not even giving her a chance.

If you care about Ryan,

you'll keep this to yourself.

Hi. Can I ask you who
you're here to pick up?

Who are you?

Is it Jada Jet?

Why are you asking me that?

Call . Your boss was just kidnapped!

Oh, my God!

- Hi.
- Can I help you?

Um... is your mom home?

Mom, door!

WOMAN: Noah, you're gonna
wake up your little brother.

Sorry. If you're here to sell
something, it's not a good time.

Oh, no. I'm not selling anything.

I'm Mary Hamilton.

I'm sorry to stop by unannounced

when your family's going
through such a difficult time.

Yes?

I believe I have information pertaining

to your husband's death.

Uh...

Come in.

MOUSE: Uh-oh.

Look who's losing her grip...

Figuratively and literally.

Heh heh. My sweet Mouse.

No.

Did you think this was over?

I... am not listening to you.

You're not here,

and you're not real.

What are you doing here,

trying to get yourself
a little Joy Buzzer,

an undo switch?

Wouldn't that be nice?

Get... out of my head!

Unh!

You didn't really think you'd
seen the last of me, did you?

Okay. Well, the good news is
black Rolls-Royce

with cranberry leather interior

are rare even for rich people.

This was targeted.

How else would someone
know the identical make

and model of Jada's car?

Speaking of identical,

weren't you wearing that yesterday?

Oh. Um... actually, I...

Helped me track down
Marquis's assistant all night.

She didn't have time to go home.

Oh. Oh, okay. Got a hit.

Partial plate belongs to a car purchased

two days ago by Wayne Enterprises.

Marquis. He made his move.

Call me crazy, but I think this

has something to do with Barbara Kean

and the Black Glove Society.

Explain it to me on the road.

Luke, give me a trace on that car.

We need to know where
the hell he's taking her ASAP.

On it.

Make me a Joy Buzzer!

This can be an exciting
tale to tell the grandkids

around the campfire.

Ha ha ha! Nice try,

but nothing beats the one about the time

I helped the Joker b*at Robin
to death with a crowbar.

Holiday family classic.

See, the thing is, sweetie,

I only have the patience to work

for one psychopath,
and unfortunately for you,

Marquis Jet signs my W- s. Ha ha ha!

Agh!

A little tip about managing psychopaths.

It's best to appease the one who has

the Kn*fe at your throat.

Heh heh.

I've worked for the Joker
since I was .

You think you're
the first crazy blond woman

I've ever dealt with? Ha ha!

[g*nsh*t]

Sorry about that. Heh.

Way too many crazy people in this room.

Ugh. Of course, it's in her pocket.

She was making some
last-minute tweaks for me.

Alice of freaking Wonderland.

May I just say it is an honor.

Marquis Jet, I presume.

In the flesh. Don't steal it.

Ha ha.

So, Alice of freaking Wonderland,

what... what could you possibly want

with my Joy Buzzer?

Here's the thing. That
has one more buzz in it,

and if you play your
razor-sharp cards right,

it doesn't have to be used on you.

Oh, pretty please tell
me you didn't want to

use it on yourself.

I mean, you're a legend.

You're the menace of Gotham,

the ringleader of rabbits,

the queen of heartlessness.

Like you said, too many
crazies, too small a space.

- Now give me...
- Ah, ah, oh!

Now the thing is, Alice, you know,

I might be new to this whole...
the world of public psychos,

but I'm not about to start my reign

by losing one of the legends.

Ha ha ha!

Let's see if I can't change your mind.

Ha ha ha!

[SOUND MODULATING]

Ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha ha!

Ha ha ha!

What in the cult from hell?

MARQUIS: Ladies and gentlemen
of the Black Glove Society,

thank you for joining me this evening.

Now in honor of tradition,

let us commence with roll call.

Barbara Kean?

- Here.
- Ohh!

Then we have Burton Crowne.

Nice 'stache, bro.

Next, one of the biggest
profiteers of crazy,

Mr. Jeremiah Arkham himself.

Mario Falcone, welcome.

[GRUNTING]

And last but certainly not least,

the lady who is responsible
for this fine evening...

Ms. Jada Jet.

Now allow me to welcome you
to the Black Glove Society's

final ceremony.

Go on. Look around.

The person to your right
and the person to your left

are going to die tonight.

[HOSTAGES GRUNTING]

We having fun yet?

So as I've recently come to discover,

the Black Glove Society was founded

by Marla Elliot in .

Her son Tommy had
this deeply creepy need

to be just like his bestie Bruce Wayne.

Even wanted to be an orphan like Bruce,

which meant he went at Mommy
with her sewing scissors. Oof.

"Uh-oh!" said Marla Elliot,

hiding her s*ab wounds
behind her plastic surgery.

"I'm Gotham's high society.

I can't have a freak show for a son".

[KISS]

"What if somebody stops inviting me

to lunches at the Polo club?

Guess we got to do something
about that, right?"

And thus...

The Black Glove Society was born.

Am I getting this right so far?

Nod if I'm close.

Good.

[CLACKING]

Barbara Kean,

now you're the mother
of J.J. Gordon, right?

If I'm remembering this correctly,

when J.J. was , he tied a labradoodle

to train tracks?

Ah. That's, uh...
That's rough, you know,

because what happens when you run

for philanthropic chair,
and somebody's like,

"Hey. Didn't your kid m*rder
a freaking labradoodle?"

So to hide an unsightly scene,

you hired some off-the-books
doctors to fill J.J.

with experimental medication

so you could try to fix him.

Problem is... shocker... it didn't work.

Now he's just a drooling husk at Arkham.

Jada, what the hell is happening?

You need to do something, please!

MARQUIS: Oh, come on.
Don't fight it, Babs.

I mean, you did use this
on your own son,

so how dangerous could it be, right?

clinical trials in all.

This dose contains
every single ingredient

of every single medicine
you've given him.

[GAS HISSING]

I'm sorry.

[WHIMPERING]

[MEN GRUNTING]

[GASPING]

Say hi to Marla for us, would you?

Who's next?

You know, I bet you he'd
let you k*ll a few of them.

MARQUIS: Mario Falcone.

He seems to really like you.

- I'm good, thanks.
- You sure?

Isn't this sort of thing kind
of like your Super Bowl?

Revenge, flair,

a fun, little wheel to make it a game.

Why are you here?

The Joy Buzzer, Alice.

You don't deserve that.

Plain and simple.

See... that's confusing

because you are
a figment of my delirium,

and I know in my bones

that I not only deserve it, I need it,

so be gone, sweet Mouse.

Your logic doesn't fit
into my working narrative.

You poisoned me.

At our tea party.

You taped a live rat to my chest

to lure bats to my flesh.

My blood.

That's what you did...

to your best friend.

Do you think you could
just walk away from that,

erase it, move on?

Get away from me!

[g*nsh*t, THUD]

WOMAN: So you said you had information

about my husband's m*rder?

Right. Ahem.

So... this is difficult,

but... I know your husband's k*ller.

Um, so do we.

You do?

Uh...

It's very brave of you, Mary,

to come here,

considering your stepsister
took his life.

I'm sorry. What?

I figured that's why you came here.

Yesterday, the police informed us

they received a call from a woman

claiming to be Alice.

She owned up to the m*rder.

They're still confirming all the facts,

but it adds up.

She knew the exact location

and the cause...

And the description matches

what my youngest told us...

That he saw a woman with blond hair

att*ck my husband.

I... I assume that's what
you were here to tell us.

Yes.

That.

I'm so sorry.

I'm sorry

for how I responded with Luke.

I froze.

Not a big deal.

Maybe a little bit of a deal, though.

I'm not saying we need to
shout anything from rooftops,

but you have to admit
there's a difference

between keeping something private

and hiding something.

I wasn't hiding anything.

It was none of his business.

LUKE: Batwing to Batmobile.

Batwing, we're here. Status update?

Found a match on our car.

It's parked on the edge of a cemetery

on the other side of Gotham U.

- Just sent you the coordinates.
- Okay. Thanks.

Unh!

[MOANING AND WHIMPERING]

Hyah!

Aah! Aah!

I wonder who we got next.

[MUFFLED] Marquish, marquish, s-s-shtop.

Does that look familiar?

- Ohh!
- Hmm?

Shtop. Shtop.

You... you don't have to do this, son.

I'm gonna freeze you

like you tried to freeze me, Mom.

It's gonna be just like
you always used to say...

Go stand in the corner

and think about what you've done.

You're gonna have decades
to do exactly that

except they're not gonna
be pleasant thoughts.

They're gonna be the thoughts

of a woman who is more like

her crazy son than
she'd ever like to admit.

[WHIMPERING]

Marquis.

Welcome to the club, Jada Jet.

Marquis, Marquis, don't!

- We're all mad here.
- Don't.

Agh!

Raah!

Damn. I throw you a party,

and this is how you thank me?

Give... it to me.

Or... or...

We rule Gotham together.

You could be the Harley to my Joker.

Heh heh.

I think you have that backwards.

Besides, we come from different
schools of looney tune.

Is that what you really think?

Mm-hmm.

You have no idea, do you?

... my second grade
class was on a field trip

when all of a sudden out of nowhere,

someone bangs on the door,

and lo and behold,
it's the freaking Joker.

He blows bus driver's head off.

[KIDS SCREAMING]

Now I realized nobody was
gonna do anything to help,

so I thought, you know,
maybe it should be me,

so I walk up to him terrified

but acting all brave,

and he looks down at me

with his deformed smile,

and then he just starts
laughing and laughing.

[JOKER LAUGHING]

Then the Joker leans in,

and he says,

"I'm taking you kids to Amusement Mile,

where I'm hiding the biggest
acid b*mb you've ever seen,

and Gotham City's gonna rain chemicals

until everybody looks like the Joker".

Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Zzzap!

Next thing I know,

somebody yells that
Batman is following us.

[SCREAMING]

And there was this, uh...
There was this car

in front of us driving hella slow.

I just heard the Joker
revving his engine.

[TIRES SQUEALING]

You... were on the bus that drove
my mom's car off the bridge.

Alice, that's what
I'm trying to tell you.

It's fate.

You and I were born on the same day.

You hear that, Mom?

I guess that means
today's your birthday.

Buckle up.

What if I were to give you something

that would make
the Joker wish he were you?

SOPHIE: That's not yours.

- Oh. Thank God.
- Where is he?

I don't know. He just left.

You should have told
me about Black Glove.

I could have helped.

And risk losing you all over again?

You need to get out of here now.

I'm not leaving you with him.

Go!

Give me the buzzer, Alice.

Why are you here?

We need it for Marquis.

Says who? Jada?

The woman who turned
your sister into olaf?

I'm not doing it for Jada.

I'm doing it to stop Marquis from
wreaking hell across this city.

Well... if it's hell that you want...

You've come to the right girl.

Ohh!

[BOTH GRUNTING]

Heh. Ha ha ha!

I'm sorry. I know you said
never to touch your g*n,

but, oh, it's so alluring. Ha ha!

Unh!

That is so unfair!

- Rrr!
- Unh!

[ALICE AND SOPHIE GRUNTING]

ALICE: What are you doing? Let go of me!

Ohh! No. No, no, no, no!

That's mine!

Don't. No!

[SOBBING]

No, S-Sophie, please.

Don't make me go back there!

Don't make me go back to Arkham.

Barbara? Barbara Kean, wake up.

[COUGHING]

I'm gonna get you help, okay?

Just stay with me.

Arr!

I don't want to hurt you.

Hurt me? What, you wore a supersuit here

because it's cute?

Look at you.

Just a coward hiding her face.

Otherwise, everyone
would know she's just

a punk-ass street rat whose
own mommy didn't want her.

- That better?
- Oh, look at you. Tough girl!

I'm not competing with you Marquis.

Oh, is this the part where
you tell me it's not my fault,

that I'm a victim, that
you feel sorry for me?

I don't feel sorry for you.

When I first learned about you,

I was jealous of you.

You had everything... security, love,

family, a future.

Oh, yeah, yeah. My brains
were scrambled eggs,

but, hey, Disneyland
fast pass, am I right?

You grew up believing
you could be anyone,

that you could do anything.

I was jealous I didn't get that

till I realized I had something
you didn't have... hope.

I have hope!

I got hope coming out
of my ears, Wilder.

For example...

[RYAN GROANS]

I was hoping that didn't k*ll you...

- Unh!
- So I could freeze your ass

alongside Mom.

JADA: That's enough.

[COCKS p*stol]

Don't make me do this, Marquis.

What are you gonna do,
sh**t your own son?

You're not my son,

not anymore.

[GAS HISSING]

Thought I told you to run.

Nice try, baby girl,

but I'm not making that mistake again.

[CELL PHONE CHIMES]

So I've never been in an
out relationship with a girl.

Okay. So we're doing this.

Just hear me out.

I've never introduced
a girl to my friends

or had to get Jordan's approval

or... God help us all...

Had a girl meet my mom,

so that's what today triggered for me.

What if I finally find
the courage to be out

but the person I'm interested in

doesn't want the same thing?

One... I'm pretty sure Jordan loves me,

and two... you're right.

I was hiding,

not from Luke, from myself,

because every time I get something good,

I end up losing it.

Well, that's not gonna happen this time.

You're gonna make me
meet your mom, aren't you?

Do I need to remind you what happened

the night I met your mom?

[SNORTS]

Ha ha ha!

- You owe me big time.
- Okay.

Can I wear the Batsuit at least?

I'm the one she's gonna
try to k*ll, not you.

She... she's gonna be trying to tell

me to do all this other stuff that...

[FOOTSTEPS]

LUKE: Well, Marquis ditched the rolls,

so we lost eyes on him.

Knowing him, he won't
stay off the radar very long.

So we call the police, smoke him out

before he makes his next move?

I'm not letting him rot in Arkham

for the rest of his life.

Look. We have the buzzer.

Alice can't take it from us.

Give me hours.

If I can't stop Marquis, then fine,

take it out of my hand,

but I deserve one sh*t.

Sorry. Weren't you
wearing that yesterday?

Oh, my God. You, too?

What is with the fashion police today?

Are... are you two...

Wait.

No. Hang on.

Wait.

Oh, my God!

You are, aren't you?

[GASPS]

LUKE: Sorry. What is happening?

Ryan and Sophie are totally a thing.

Seriously?

Yeah.

We're officially a thing.

[MARY CLAPS]

Ha ha ha ha ha!

This is... wow! Okay. Yay!

Oh, I actually can't
remember the last time

I heard good news, so... Aah!

Are you okay right now?

Why are we still here?

We're leaving, okay,

so you two can have
the whole place to yourselves

to be all cute and couply. Ha ha!

Ha ha! Oh, my go... oh, my God, no!

Okay. Come on!

[GASPING]

Aah!

[WHISTLING]

[GASPS]

OCEAN: You figured it out yet?

We're never gonna leave you.

Should have buzzed yourself
when you had the chance, Alice.

You are the one who stopped me.

Heh heh heh.

Exactly.

So that every second of every day

we can be here to remind you

what you did to us.

Please go away.

Just go away!

I said get away from me!

Ow!

- Are... are you real?
- Yes.

Yes, Alice. I'm... I'm real.

I... I told the facility that I was

your personal physician.

You have to get me out of here.

I... I had to come

and say thank you.

What you did for me

was... above and beyond anything

that anyone's ever done for me.

Thank you.

What's one more on the resume?

Consider it a parting gift.

Hey. You don't have to deflect.

I know you're trying.

I'm sorry, Mary.

It's okay.

No.

I'm really... really sorry.

What did you do?

Ha ha ha! Ha ha ha!

Ahh!

Let's have some fun.