11x06 - May Cause Random Wolf att*cks

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Robot Chicken". Aired: February 20, 2005 –present.*
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American adult animated comedy with a series of pop-culture parodies about everything.
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11x06 - May Cause Random Wolf att*cks

Post by bunniefuu »

[Theme music playing]

♪♪
[Cackling]

♪♪

MAN: It's alive!

♪♪

[Cackling]

♪♪

[Cackles]

Who watches the Watchmen?

Ah, sh*t, they're onto us!

[Rustles]

[Pop music playing]

♪ If you're goin' to be
our lice host ♪

♪ We're going to latch
onto your head ♪

♪ This one belongs to Jessica ♪

♪ And she just turned ten ♪

♪ Lice breed in close proximity ♪

♪ We multiply with ease ♪

♪ She picked us up in the ball pit ♪

♪ At a local Chuck E. Cheese ♪

♪ So, here's the deal
on parasites, baby ♪

♪ It's really hard to get rid of
her and her and me ♪

♪ Got nits on the root,
laying eggs to boot ♪

♪ Got bugs in your rug from
a dirty fella's nugs ♪

♪ Use shampoo,
you better rinse, repeat ♪

♪ Look at me, ha-ha,
I'm in the laundry ♪

- Lice Girls!
- You are never going to

Chuck E. Cheese ever again.

What do you think we
abducted this time, Zandar?

I dunno, Zortex, probably
another cow or farmer.

Whatever it is,
get ready for probes city!

[Roaring]
[Both screaming]

Oh [bleep]!
Oh [bleep]!

Aah!

[Screaming]

[Splat]

I regret everything!

[Roaring]

[Beeping]

[Warbling]

- Courage sure looks relaxed.
- Ahh.

Oh, how many Prozac
did you give him?

Enough.

- Oh!
- [Roaring]

Stupid dog! Help us!

He can't! The Prozac!

That's gonna leave a mark!
Oh, my!

Ah! Stupid Prozac!

[Courage sighs contentedly]

♪ I've been a bad, bad dog ♪

♪ Bad dog ♪

♪ I've been a careless
man's best friend ♪


- ♪ Woof ♪
- ♪ Oh ♪


So I said we should all pitch in
on a coffee maker,

- since we all enjoy coffee.
- Coffee maker?

That's what I said.
[Squeaking]

It's General Leia!
She's right outside the window!

Move the ship!
We need to help her inside!

I hear we might get a coffee maker.

Well, it makes sense.
We all enjoy coffee.

- [Thud]
- Oh, my God!

MAN: Damn it, we got to catch up to her!

MAN: Pull up alongside her, we
can pull her through the side door.


MAN: Yeah, let's open the door to space!

That should have no consequences.

I can't reach her.
Turn the ship.

Aah, no, that was too fast!

[Thudding]

She's coming back!
Turn the ship again!


♪♪

Come on, come on,
almost there, come on.

Yay!
Excited cheering!

- What did I miss?
- We're getting a coffee maker!

[Shopkeeper's bell rings]

Ah, Squall Leonhart,
I heard you were coming to town,

but I didn't dare dream
you'd walk into my humble store!

I am always looking for new
and unusual weapons.

For you see, I'm the master
of... zapow!

The g*n blade!

Cuts like a sword,
and when I pull the trigger,

it vibrates extra hard...
bzzt!

Inflicting super mega damage
on my foes!

I doubt you have anything
for sale as cool as this.

Ah, don't be so sure...

[Crash, roaring]

Aah! Aah!
[Bleep] bear!

Oh, Goddamnit [bleep]
[Vibrating]

[Munch, squelches]

[Roars, hatch squeaks and thuds]

[Whooshing]

Ugh, all right, Neo, you can
make your one phone call.

Thank you.

- Connection, disappearing.
- Hey!

♪ I'm only a bill,
yes, simply a bill ♪

- Whoa!
- Wow. Stealing the Declaration

of Independence
was easier than I thought.

It's inside, you idiot!

Now, where did that
little anthropomorphic

rolled up piece of paper go?

Wait, was it never here?
Am I having an acid flashback?

Oh, my God, I'm freaking out!
This stupid Prozac!

[Screaming]

[Screaming]

[Blade rings, bear roars]

[Sword vibrating, man screaming]

[Roar, munch]

[Grunting, sword vibrating]

[ -bit sound effects]

I am the terror that
quack in the night!

I am the poison ivy rash
on the nuts

that ruined your hunting trip!

Now that Darkwing Duck is here...

[g*nsh*t]
Jesus! Gah, what the...

[Groaning]

[g*nsh*t]

Flapping ineffectively...
I'm a duck!

Why the hell can't I
get out of here?!

Gah, shoulder hit!
Highly survivable.

Okay, D.W., ready to hit the road?

[g*nsh*t]
Aah!

Launchpad, is that you?

[g*nsh*t]
Oh, God, why?!

Uncle Scrooge?
Aah!

Dewey!
[g*nsh*t]

♪♪

Greetings, viewers!

You may call me the Lookie-Loo,
for that is my name.

I have transported you
to my battle dome

on the planet lowyo.

[Roaring, flames roar]

This is Fang Banger!

He will soon destroy your planet.

Only Earth's strongest
can hope to stop him.

But who is your
mightiest super team?

Let the Secret Infinity Contest
of Crisis Champions begin!

♪ Secret Infinity Contest of
Mother[bleep] Crisis Champions ♪


♪ Cha-cha-cha Cheese League,
Cheese League, baby! ♪


Colby!
The leader and the brain!


Cheddar!
He's straight up making it rain!


Brie!
Sexy mama with a Southern sass!


Muenster!
Bustin' heads and bustin' ass!


And don't forget about Baby Swiss!

♪ Baby! Cha-cha-cha-cha-cha
Cheese League! ♪


♪ Squatch Squad, Squatch Squad ♪

♪ Come get your crotch gnawed
by the Squatch Squad ♪


- Bigfoot!
- Peace on Earth is his goal!


- Spacesquatch!
- He's comin' for your black hole!


- Batsquatch!
- Echolocates with sonar!


- Skunk Ape!
- He's got a stinky faux-nar!


- Sheep Squatch!
- Don't you call him a lamb!


- Blurryfoot!
- Never caught on cam!


♪ Squatch Squad, baby,
Squatch Squad! ♪


♪ Road Hawgs, grab a cheese log
and roll these dawgs ♪


♪ They're the Road Hawgs ♪

- Man Pig!
- More man than pig!


- Pig Man!
- Favorite Newton fig!


- Flank!
- Favorite Campbell knee!


And don't forget about Steve!

♪ Road Hawgs, up your [bleep]
ass with Road Hawgs! ♪


♪ Hang on to your ass, here
comes Bigfoot in Bigfoot! ♪



♪ One's a beast
and one's a truck ♪


♪ Yes, we know you already saw
Bigfoot on that other team ♪


♪ But this one's different! ♪

♪ Bigfoot in Bigfoot! ♪

♪ You won't get chiseled by
the Marble Mob ♪


♪ Gettin' their rocks off
on the job ♪


♪ Marble Mob, Marble Mob ♪

- David!
- A straight-up masterpiece!


- Venus de Milo!
- Don't need arms to bitch-slap your niece!


- The Thinker.
- He's gonna blow your mind!


- Manneken Pis!
- His pee will make you blind!


- Abe Lincoln!
- He invented basketball?


♪ Marble Mob,
don't be a slob ♪


♪ You idiotic knob-job, get down
with the Marble Mob! ♪


Now then, the tournament
grid will be divided thusly.

VOICE: Warning, warning, oxygen levels
[Alarm blaring]


approaching fatal minimums.

[Grunts]

[Alarm blaring]

Baa!
[g*nsh*t]

[Alarm blaring]

Sorry, the Fang Banger will
definitely eat the entire earth now.

We gave it
the old college try, though.

That's what's important.

Peace out, yo!

[Beeping]

[Bleep] bear!

[Roaring]

- Bored with the same old Easter?
- Yeah!


Resurrection of Christ
not holding their attention?


It sure isn't!

Now Easter can really get hoppin'!

God sacrificed his only son, so
you won't have to sacrifice the fun.


Mom and Dad love to hop,
even Grandma just can't stop!


The Jesus Pogo Sticks
commercial aired


to a world wide
Super Bowl audience.


And at that precise moment,
the rapture began.


God could take no more.

[Adventure music]

Mind control tigers?

You're usually more of a snake guy.

I know, but my exotic animal
guy had a deal on tigers

I couldn't pass-ss up.

We can't go hand-to-hand
with tigers, Duke!

We're not trained to deal with them!

Luckily, we have someone who is...

I'd like to introduce our newest
recruit... everyone, meet

Joe-e-e Exotic!

Howdy, Joes, y'all, we're
looking for someone who knows

how to handle tigers and
gaslight two meth addicted

husbands, you've got a bull's eye.

Okay, let's get to that machine

- and destroy it before it's too late.
- Yo, Joe!

- Here we go, att*ck, hut, hut!
- We're under att*ck!

Mind control button push!

[Sinister laugh]

Tigers, k*ll all the Joes!

[Roaring]

The tigers are coming!

Aah! My arm!

Go, go, go.
Flank 'em to the right!

Flank 'em to the left!
Oh!

You gotta...
you gotta do something!

[Playing Country tune]

♪ Hey, Cobra kitties ♪

♪ Papa's gonna sing you a song ♪

♪ Hey, Cobra kitties ♪

♪ Can't we all just get along? ♪

- ♪ Hey, Cobra kitties ♪
- Aah! Cobra kitties!

♪ It's time to let Cobra go ♪

♪ Hey, Cobra kitties ♪

♪ It's time to be a G.I. Joe ♪

Way to go, Exotic... now it's
you who controls the tigers!

Girl, I've always controlled
these tigers.

k*ll that [bleep] Cobra assh*le!

Oh! Run away!

Somebody stop these stupid cats!

Oh! Oh! Run away!

Way to go, Joe!

How do you get that tight outfit on
and can I watch?

Look here, Carol, this machine
you sold me doesn't work.

What happened
to the Baskin guarantee?

Well, cats and kittens, it
worked on my husband. [Chuckles]

It should work just fine.

Oh, my God.
She admitted it.

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk ♪

♪ Ba-bawk bawk bawk-a-wawk
wawk bawk bawk ♪


Ba-gawk!
Bawk.
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