02x08 - All My Life, My Heart Has Yearned for a Thing I Cannot Name

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Euphoria". Premiered June 16, 2019.*
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Series follows a group of students as they experience all the dilemmas of High School.
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02x08 - All My Life, My Heart Has Yearned for a Thing I Cannot Name

Post by bunniefuu »

[TYPING]


[CLICKS TONGUE]

All right, y'all, I'm finna head out.

Wait, you're, uh, you're leavin'?

[PHONE DINGS]

Yeah, I'm about to leave right now.


[EERIE MUSIC PLAYING]

Is-is everything good?

Yeah, before you go, bro,

I, I really gotta talk
to you about somethin'.

[SIGHS] Like what, man?

Everything.

The f*ck is you talkin' 'bout, bruh?

CUSTER: Bro...

The f*ckin' cops found Mouse's body.

[GLASS SHATTERS]

FAYE: Sorry.

[TENSE MUSIC]

Did you hear what I said?

Ch-ch-ch...

I thought you told me that
Laurie k*lled Mouse, right?

- FAYE: Laurie?
- Wha...

I never said that.

What are you talkin' about?

Yeah, you know, Laurie,

the drug dealer that lives in
the apartment complex off Kemper.

Yeah, you were the one that
told me she k*lled Mouse.

I never said that.

- Yes, you did.
- CUSTER: What are you talking about?

- Are you high?
- FAYE: You know that Laurie and those

f*cking people, they scare me.

Why are you trying to protect them?

I'm not f*ckin' protecting anyone.

What the f*ck is this?

- So, you're working for Laurie?
- CUSTER: Hey, no!

So how about you just shut the f*ck up!

Okay, then why are you trying to
cover up a m*rder that she committed?

- [NERVOUS LAUGHTER]
- FEZCO: All right, now.

Think it's time for you to
get outta here, big fella.

Bro... we gotta figure out
what the f*ck we're gonna say.

Okay, this is becoming a f*cking issue.

- No!
- Wait, Ash. No!

[CUSTER WHEEZING]

[GRUNTING]

[WHEEZING]

[CUSTER GRUNTING]

[CHOKING]

[GRUNTING]

[GAGGING, CHOKING]

LEXI: Do you ever
think about the future?

- FEZCO: [ON PHONE] Yeah, all the time.
- Really?

FEZCO: Yeah.

LEXI: [ON PHONE] Like you have a plan?

I mean, I don't, I don't
got, like, a plan-plan,

but I be thinking about

living on a farm, you know?

I don't really see you as a farmer.

FEZCO: Yeah, f*ck it.

Get some horses, cows,
pigs, chickens, goats.


Have a little family.

Like some "Little House on the
Prairie"-type sh*t. You know?

I don't know if I know that show.

FEZCO: You never heard of
"Little House on the Prairie"?


LEXI: Okay, this might
sound kind of crazy but,

my plan is to have,
like, three kids at .

Like, each one a year and a half apart.

So from to , I can focus on,

you know, being a good mom and
raising my kids, et cetera, et cetera.

And then, drop the last
one off at college at .

Which will give me, like, years

to focus on me and live my life

and take my time with writing.

I mean, you really got this
sh*t all figured out, huh?

LEXI: Yeah. [LAUGHS]
It's kind of crazy, right?


I mean...

they got, they got
three kids in that show.

There's no need to forget your manners.

Just because we're hundreds
of miles from civilized folk.


If you lived in a place like this,
do you think you'd have a g*n?

FEZCO: Hell yeah, I'd own a g*n.

I hate g*ns.

Nobody's ever got sh*t at
and thought to they-self,

"Whoa! Thank goodness we didn't
have a g*n to sh**t back." You know?

LEXI: Yeah, but then
what are the police for?


f*cked if I know. sh*t.

Wait, are you on Instagram or Twitter?

FEZCO: Hell no.

- Really? Why?
- Oh yeah.

Well, why would I want anybody

knowin' what I'm thinkin' or feelin'?

LEXI: I don't know. You can connect

with people who have similar interests.

FEZCO: Mmm. I just feel like people

be sharin' way too much on there.

- Online?
- Yeah.

They be ruinin' the mystery, you know?

Like, say if I like a girl,

I wanna find out what she's
about on my own, you know?

I don't wanna google the scraps.

I wanna, I wanna peel back the layers.

Yeah, but, like, why would you wanna

waste time getting to know someone...

if you don't have anything
in common with them?

I don't know. That's what I like

about you the most, though, like...

we don't really have nothin' in common.

LEXI: That's not true. We both...

have the same sense of humor,

and... are empathic and curious.

And wanna have, like, kids.

FEZCO: Those aren't
interests, you know, those are


real character traits.

It's... That's the important
sh*t that, that

people don't post online.

LEXI: Yeah, I never
thought about it that way.


FEZCO: Well, aren't you
glad that we became friends?


Yeah... very much so.

Yeah, me too.

[SHUDDERING BREATHS]

[SWALLOWS, PANTING]

[LIGHT CLASSICAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Hey, Lexi! It's going so well!

We're gettin' a lot
of really good laughs.

Yeah, let's not get cocky, okay?

♪♪


[AUDIENCE APPLAUDING]

[BREATHING HEAVY]

♪♪

[HEAVY BREATHING CONTINUES]

♪♪

[DOOR OPENS]

♪♪

Oh, God.

[CLASSICAL MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

♪♪

♪♪

[MUSIC SWELLS]

- ... thousand versions of myself.
- [SLOW CLAPPING]

Only do I look good, but
I f*cking feel good...

- [SCATTERED LAUGHTER]
- [CLAPPING CONTINUES]

Lexi, you really outdid yourself.

[LAUGHS] I mean...

where did she find these knock-offs.

Oh, sh*t.

CASSIE: I had no idea

that my sister had this in her.

Good job, right?

Isn't she brave?

She's up here, unpacking
all of her trauma.

I had no idea how hard
your life was, Lexi.

Can we give a round of applause

for how hard Lexi's life is?

- [SCATTERED CHEERING]
- [CASSIE CLAPPING]

CASSIE: Come on, guys.

I know they hack the heads off of
women in Afghanistan or wherever.

- STUDENT: That's r*cist!
- CASSIE: God.

It is nothing compared
to living in my shadow.

Yo, is this like a part of the play?

- [QUIETLY]: Is this part of the play?
- [AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

I don't know.

- Lexi.
- STUDENT: Her name's Luna!

CASSIE: Is this part of the play?

- Lexi?
- LEXI: Stop, please stop.

This is your show. Come out!

You're the big star of the day!

- Oh, sh*t.
- Please, Cassie, stop it.

You're the star of the night.

She's always wanted to be the star.

STUDENT: Whoo-hoo! Go, Lexi!

This is your big moment. Shine!

[QUIETLY]: Please, stop. Please,
stop. Please, stop. Please, stop.

CASSIE: I should stop? Me?

I'm not the one putting on a play

- to humiliate and embarrass you!
- I didn't do that.

Oh, really?!

Then what is this?!

- What act are we in?
- Don't question it.

That's the brilliance of Lexi Howard.

SUZE: Hi, everyone.

I'm Suze. I'm the girls' mom
in real life.

Um, played by Ethan.

Where is he? Ethan?

- Who by the way...
- [AUDIENCE CHEERS]

he... you have me down to
a, to a, to a science, honey.

- Thank you. Thank you. I appreciate it.
- He's gonna win an award.

Honey, let's go home.

- I deserve this, right?
- Oh my God, please, Mom, Mom.

- I deserve this?
- LEXI: Stop!

- CASSIE: Mom, stop!
- Shh, you stop it.

CASSIE: Lexi, I'm going
to f*cking k*ll you.

I deserve this, right?

Because I've actually lived a life?

Mom?

I'm the one who takes risks.

STUDENT: Show us your boobs!

I'm the one who falls in love?

I'm the one who gets
hurt, not you, Lexi!

[AUDIENCE MURMURING]

You never even f*cking lived!

That's why you're able to stand
up here and judge all of us!

You're just a f*ckin' bystander.

- Alright, alright...
- Mom, stop!

- Alright!
- [AUDIENCE BOOING]

[SCOFFS] Oh, okay...

Well if that makes me a villain,

- Whoo!
- Then so f*ckin' be it.

[SCOFFS]

I can play the f*cking villain.

- STUDENT: Yeah, do it!
- [AUDIENCE BOOING]

Lexi, is this the part of the play

where I steal Jake from Marta?

No, Cassie, that's not in the play.

It is now!

- [AUDIENCE REACTS]
- Who said that?

- Look, I wanna say, I get it.
- Oh, God...

I understand what you're going through.

- I do not want to hear from you.
- I lived it.

Wait, Hallie steals Marta's boyfriend?

I don't know how many
times I have to say this.

They were not f*cking together.

Yeah, not only that,

but she was f*cking him the entire time

Marta was talking about
getting back together with him.

No... Why?

Because Hallie is a two-faced c**t.

- I'm not a c**t! You're the c**t!
- [AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]

You're the f*cking c**t, bitch!

- I am not a f*cking c**t.
- [AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]

Language, missy!

SUZE: Okay, okay, you know what?

You're just f*cking
embarrassing yourself.

- Let's go home.
- I'm not going home.

- The play's not over.
- Oh, my God.

[AUDIENCE CHATTERING]

I feel like I'm gonna throw up.

- Mom, this isn't fair!
- It's not her fault. She's a writer.

- She's a writer!
- This isn't fair, Mom!

How can she do this...?

$ . for a grapefruit?
What is this, Venezuela?

[AUDIENCE LAUGHING]

Lexi, Lexi,

- I'm gonna f*cking k*ll you!
- SUZE: Okay, enough!

- CASSIE: Mom!
- I don't know. I'm panicking.

- Go away. Just go away.
- [FANFARE PLAYS ONSTAGE]

SUZE: Stop. Stop it!

Oh, my God, yes! Oh, that's it!

Oh, my God, I just
love f*cking everything!

[SCREAMING]: No! I'm going
to f*cking k*ll you!

- Get the f*ck off of the horse.
- Ow!

- Get off!
- [AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING]

Get off! You f*cking bitch!

- [SHOUTING CONTINUES]
- [CARNIVAL MUSIC PLAYING]

Oh, this bitch needs to be put down.

KAT: No, no, no. Maddy! No!

Maddy, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no!

No, no, no, Maddy! No, no, no, no, no!

- Maddy, no!
- Maddy, b*at her ass!

- [CARNIVAL MUSIC CONTINUES]
- f*cking bitch!

f*ck you!

- [LOUD SLAP]
- Oh, f*ck.

AUDIENCE: Ooh!

[APPLAUSE]

♪♪

[INDISTINCT SHOUTING]

[MUSIC CONTINUES]

KAT: No, no! Stop! Stop!
Stop this! Stop, stop...

[MUSIC CRESCENDOS, ENDS]

KAT: Maddy! No, no, no,
no, no, no! No, no, no!

Maddy! No!

[ALL SHOUTING, SCREAMING]

b*at her f*ckin' ass, Maddy!
She f*ckin' deserves that sh*t!

She f*cked your boyfriend!

It's all make-believe.
This is all scripted.

Can you believe this?
My baby's a genius.

- [APPLAUSE, CHEERS]
- Close the curtain!

Close the f*cking curtain!

Now!

[APPLAUSE]

[LIGHT PIANO PLAYING]

[PLAY CONTINUES, INAUDIBLE]

RUE: A few days earlier,

I stopped by Elliot's.

[KNOCKING]

ELLIOT: Yo... Hey.

- What's goin' on?
- Ah, nothin' much. I was just, uh...

walkin' around the neighborhood.

Thought I'd stop by and come tell ya

to go f*ck yourself for bein' a snitch.

[CHUCKLES]

RUE: Uh...

uh...

I know, but for real, man, I, um...

I think you might've
accidentally saved my life.

So, uh, you know, whatever happened...

however it happened,
you know, however...

it got to be... whatever it is, uh...

thank God it did.

'Cause I wouldn't be here to
tell you that I forgive you.

And that feels...

that feels really,
really nice because, uh,

I have a lot of "I'm sorry's" to do.

But not a lot of "I forgive you's."

So...

thank you for that.

So, you're not doin' anything?

Nah, you?

Yeah.

Don't worry. I'm not gonna tell anyone.

Thank you. Yeah.

You talk to Jules?

- No, you?
- Not really.

Yeah, that one's gonna
take me a little bit longer.

ELLIOT: I get that.

- [STRUMS GUITAR]
- Can I play you something?

Uh, yeah, sure. Go ahead.

Okay.

♪ I've got no place ♪

♪ Buildin' you a rocket
up to outer space ♪

♪ I watch you fade ♪

♪ Keepin' the lights on
in this forsaken place ♪

♪ Little star ♪

♪ Feels like you fell right on my head ♪

♪ Gave you away to the wind ♪

♪ I hope it was worth it in the end ♪

♪ You and my guitar ♪

♪ I think you may be my only friend ♪

♪ I gave it all to see you shine again ♪

♪ I hope it was worth it in the end ♪

♪ Us against the world ♪

♪ Just a couple sinners
makin' fun of hell ♪

♪ If I keep you here ♪

♪ I'll only be doing it for myself ♪

♪ Little star ♪

♪ Feels like you fell right on my head ♪

♪ Gave you away to the wind ♪

♪ I hope it was worth it in the end ♪

♪ Yeah, I hope so ♪

♪ Think you may be my only friend ♪

♪ I gave it all to see you shine again ♪

♪ I hope it was worth it in the end ♪

♪ I know this thing is broken ♪

♪ So I leave my door wide open ♪

♪ Been some time since we've spoken ♪

♪ One day we'll meet again ♪

♪ Some distance when you're older ♪

♪ You'll come laying on my shoulder ♪

♪ Tell me that storm is over ♪

♪ That day we meet again ♪

♪ Feels like you fell right on my head ♪

♪ Gave you away to the wind ♪

♪ I hope it was worth it in the end ♪

♪ You and my guitar ♪

♪ I think you may be my only friend ♪

♪ I gave you away, mm-mm-mm ♪

♪ I hope it was worth it in the end ♪

I'm still workin' on it.

[SOFT CHUCKLE]

I like it.

[SIGHS] Um... truth or dare?

[SCOFFS]

Truth.

Do you think we can still be friends?

You know you're the one who said
we weren't any good for each other.

ELLIOT: I still think that.

[LIGHT PIANO PLAYING]

♪♪

[PLAY CONTINUES, INAUDIBLE]

Yeah... I, I found her.

I'm telling everyone that
that was a part of the play.

It's the only thing I've
ever done and it's a disaster.

It could be worse.

How?

It could be boring.

LEXI: That's true.

I mean, how many shows

in the history of East Highland High

has started a riot?

[SOFT CHUCKLE]

It's not even over yet. [LAUGHING]

Art should be dangerous.

The show goes on.

[JAZZY PIANO PLAYING]

♪♪

♪♪

[INAUDIBLE]

♪♪

[JAZZ CHOIR VOCALIZING]

[INAUDIBLE]

♪♪

[CHANTS]: Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!

Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!
Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!

Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!

Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!

Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!

Lexi, Lexi, Lexi!

[MUFFLED CHANTING]

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

♪♪

[CHEERING CONTINUES]

Hallie... dust yourself off...

and get back on that pony.

Giddy up.

Let's f*ckin' do this.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

Um, as you may have noticed,

we're experiencing some
technical difficulties.

[AUDIENCE LAUGHS]

Um, but seriously,

I think we're gonna need a few minutes.

Um...

I just wanted to thank
you all for being here.

I didn't know any of that
was gonna happen, uh...

A little bit ago,

I was talking to a friend
about this play,

and I asked him...

"What if I upset people?"

And he said to me,

"Sometimes, people need to
get their feelings hurt."

Um...

so even though he couldn't
be here with us tonight...

this one's for you.

[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

[ASHTRAY PANTING]

[GRUNTS]

FEZCO: I'm sorry, bruh,

but we have to make it
look like you ain't do this.

Just get out, man.
The cops are gon' kick down

that door any second, bro.

Even if they know that
you did this, bruh...

I'm still gonna go down longer.

- [QUIETLY]: No.
- Come here, bruh.

Listen to me.

Just go out there and surrender.

It's all on me, bruh. You hear me?

- No.
- They gon' come in here.

They gon' find me with
the Kn*fe in my hand.

Tell 'em you had nothin'
to do with this sh*t.

Listen to me. I did this sh*t!

I k*lled this muthafucker.

You hearin' me? Not you.

Mm-mm. No.

C'mon, now go wash your f*cking hands.

I love you, brother.

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

♪♪

[SOFT STATIC]

[DOOR CREAKING, METAL SCRAPING]

[POLICE RADIO CHATTER]

[CLATTERING]

Ash, stop playin'!

I need you to walk out
this f*ckin' door right now, bruh!

Ash, we not doin' this sh*t, man!

How you think this gonna end, bruh?!

You trying to die?

[DOOR CREAKING]

Give me the g*n, bruh.

Ash...

I'm not finna let nothin' happen
to you. Now, give me the g*n.

Come on, bro.

[SHUDDERING BREATHS]

FEZCO: I'm not f*ckin' askin', bro.

Come on, bro, please.

♪♪

[CLATTERING, SQUEAKING]

[DRILL WHIRRING]

[CLANKING]

[METAL BANGS]

[BANGING]

[ACCELERATING]

f*ck!

Ash! Ash, open the f*cking
door right now!

I'm not playin' with you!

- [BANGING ON DOOR]
- Ash!

Open the f*cking door!

[FEZCO YELLING]

[DRILL WHIRRING]

♪♪

[CAR DOOR CHIMING]

[SHUTS CAR DOOR]

- [INDISTINCT CHATTER]
- [MUSIC PLAYS]

[PEOPLE LAUGHING]

Wrong. I know.

CAL'S FRIEND: Enough
with the dirty dad joke.

Who is that?

You know him?

["I CAN'T GET YOU OUT OF
MY HEAD" PLAYING ON RADIO]

You're not even gonna
give me a hug, Dad?

That's your son?

♪ Just to be there in your arms ♪

Yep.

Got all the best parts of him.

Think I know what part that is.

[ALL LAUGHING]

You know what I think we have in common?

When we both get off
on hurting other people.

What do ya think?

- You wanna talk about this upstairs?
- NATE: No.

[KNOCKS ON TABLE]

So, you, uh, livin' here now?

Uh, for the moment, yeah.

Ya happy?

I'm figuring it out.

[CAN OPENS]

Sorry.

[FRIENDS CHUCKLING]

Are you happier?

Why don't we go talk
about this upstairs?

- It's a simple question.
- Yes...

In some ways.

- That's not fair.
- CAL: I know.

You don't get to ruin our lives.

And then, just... move
on and get to be happier.

I've made a lot of mistakes.

When I was...

eleven years old...

I found these videos of my dad
f*cking hookers in a motel room.

You know, for the longest time,

I had this recurring
nightmare, just over and over...

and in it, he was f*ckin' me
the way that he f*cked them.

Did I ever tell you about that, Dad?

I think it's time that...
uh, that everybody go.

- Um, um, I need to talk to my son.
- Oh, God.

[WHISPERS]: Good luck.


- Bye.
- See ya, buddy.

I spent my whole life
tryin' to protect you.

And instead of loving me,
you f*ckin' hated me for it.

I'm not proud of the person I've been.

I know that I've hurt you.

I don't wanna hear it.

CAL: I tried to keep it separate.

I failed.

I f*cked up, Nate...

but I love you.

I love you.

And I should've protected you,

I should've kept you safe, and I didn't.

I didn't.

And there's nothing I regret more.

I don't want your apology.

I just want revenge.

What does that mean?

What is that?

It's everything.

Everything.

[CAR PULLS UP]

Nate...

[CAR DOOR OPENS]

don't do this.

[CAR DOOR CLOSES]

Nate, look at me.

Do not do this.

Nate, don't do this.

I'm, I'm, I'm begging you.

- Don't do this.
- You are...

who you are.

I don't think you're ever gonna change.

Chief Greenwood? He's in here.

Thanks, Nate. Appreciate it.

Cal, you're under arrest.

Put your hands behind your head.

Both of 'em.

[HANDCUFFS CLICKING]

[HANDCUFFS TIGHTENING]

[LOUD BANG]

[GAS HISSING]

OFFICER: Hands up!

[OFFICERS SHOUTING, MUFFLED]

[BANGING ON DOOR]

Ash!

[OFFICERS SHOUTING]

Hands in the air!

Hands in the air!

Don't do this sh*t!

OFFICER: Hands up!

Hands up!

On the ground!

OFFICER: Open door right!

[OFFICERS SHOUTING]

OFFICER: Get 'em up!

Come on! Come out!

Ash!

Ash, open the door!

- Don't move!
- Drop the Kn*fe now!

FEZCO: Don't sh**t, don't
sh**t! There's a kid in there!

Don't sh**t! Don't sh**t! Don't sh**t!

- There's a kid in here!
- Drop the Kn*fe now!

Please, don't sh**t!

Ash, come outta there!

OFFICER: Drop your Kn*fe!

Move slowly! There's a kid in here!

Please, don't sh**t!

- Please, Ash, come out!
- Move back to my voice!

- Keep backing out!
- Ash!

Come out, man!

[MUFFLED SHOUTING]

There's a f*ckin' kid up in there!

[SHOUTING]

[BANG]

[RAPID g*nf*re]

Aaaah!

[SCREAMING]: Ash!

[RAPID g*nf*re]

[SCREAMING]: Ash!

[GROANS]

Don't sh**t!

Ash, come on! Get outta there!

[TENSE MUSIC PLAYING]

Please! Ash, come on, please!

Don't sh**t him! It's a f*cking kid!

Don't sh**t! Don't sh**t! Ash!

[RAPID g*nf*re]

Ash!

[g*nf*re CONTINUES]

Ash!

Ash!

Ash! Ash!

Answer me!

[GLASS CRUNCHING]

[COUGHING]

Ash!

Shh.

[TENSE, PERCUSSIVE MUSIC]

[DOOR CREAKING]

He's down!

[COCKS g*n]

[BREATHING HEAVY]

♪♪

[g*nsh*t, BODY THUDS]

RUE: I was in the hall when you d*ed.

You let out a loud cry like you
didn't know what was gonna happen...

and then, it was silent.

My... my first thought was...

"This feels like a movie."

I know a lot of people
feel that way when

traumatic things happen to them.

Uh, at least, I, I hear that a lot.

It didn't feel real.

It felt like a movie.

Uh, and this is it. This is...

This is the part where the
character never recovers.

The part where... life takes them down.

This is the s...

This is the scene
that scars her forever.

[CLASSICAL PIANO PLAYING]

[DOOR OPENS]

SUZE: Lexi.

- Get dressed. It's your dad.
- LEXI: What?

♪♪

[MUSIC INTENSIFIES]

♪♪

[INAUDIBLE]

Feel like your whole life you've been

forced to take care of everyone.

[MUSIC CRESCENDOS]

[MUSIC ENDS]

[AUDIENCE MEMBER COUGHS]

[SOMBER MUSIC PLAYING]

I, uh... [CLEARS THROAT]

I watched you die...

and all I could think about
was how none of it felt real.

The lights, the heavy boots of the EMTs

and their respectful, quiet voices...

"Let's lift him on three."

It was so quiet.

[RUE EXHALES]

I was numb.

I didn't care.

I wasn't feeling life in the way
it was meant to be felt because...

I wasn't present.
I wasn't actually there.

I was just watching it.

But that's not true. [SNIFFLES]

[CRYING] I do care.

And what if...

what if... the reason
it felt like a movie


was because I wanted to
believe that losing you...


is a part of a larger story.

One that maybe I could...

maybe I could still shape.

[RUE SOBBING]

I... I remember a couple of
days before you passed away.

You told me...

that if I ever wanted to be with you...

all I would have to
do is close my eyes...

and we'd be together.

[CRYING]

You said that...

memories exist outside of time...

and have no beginning or end.

You said as long as I live...

you'll be with me forever.

[SNIFFLES]

I miss you, Dad.

I miss you until I close my eyes.

That's it.

[PAPER RUSTLING]

Thank you.

♪♪

[LINE RINGING]

LEXI [ON PHONE]: Hey.

Hey.

Um...

I, I just, I just wanted
to tell you that I...

I thought your play
was really beautiful.

You might be the only
one who thinks that.

Yeah, well,
could you imagine if I, like,


hated it and Cassie loved it?

[BOTH LAUGHING]

Um, but what are you doing today?

Um, I was...

Yeah, just laying in bed.

[LAUGHS]

Cool, well, um, can I...
maybe, like, come over?

Yeah.

Totally.

Okay cool. I'll... see you later then.

- Okay.
- Okay, bye.

[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

♪♪

I feel like all the kids in
high school are super crazy.

It's literally the same as eighth grade.

People are just way more dramatic.

All the senior guys are, like, nice.

How are you feeling?

I don't know. I'm okay.

♪♪

All right, all right.
I never see the five

of you little babies together,

so we're gonna take a photo, okay?

- No, Mom, please don't take a photo.
- All right, everyone come

together like that. Beautiful!

Mom, no one wants
to remember this moment.

- You little sugar sweethearts.
- Please, stop, stop.

[AUDIENCE APPLAUDS]

I think your play was the first time

I was able to look at my
life and not hate myself...


for everything I've done.

What do you mean?

I don't know. I think
I've been through a lot.

And I don't know what to do with it.

But you've been through a lot
and you know what to do with it.

- I don't know about that.
- Lex, look what you made.

I don't know how to do that.

I don't know how to
get to where you are.

But I just wanted you to know that

seeing it meant the world to me.

[SOFT CHUCKLE]

Do you think about your dad often?

Me too.

RUE: I feel like I had so much to learn

from him still, you know?

I also think I'm really angry about it.

LEXI: Yeah.

RUE: Do you ever... get angry about it?

It's a bit more complicated than that.

RUE: What do you mean?

I think, like...

I was kind of relieved
when he stopped showing up.

'Cause I was so worried
something bad was gonna happen.

I get that.

LEXI: Now...

every time the phone rings, it's like...

You know?

But you figured it out.

You f*ckin' figured it out.

When my dad d*ed, everybody
would tell me that...

he d*ed for a reason.

Ah, that sh*t used to piss me off.

I would literally wanna
f*cking strangle them.

But...

I think what they're actually saying

is that you gotta give it a reason.

You gotta give all this sh*t a reason.

Because I don't wanna
hold on to this forever.

I can't, I can't hold on to it forever.

Just doesn't feel good.

It's just...

I know other people are,
like, built different, but...

Yeah.

It's too much for me.

- I'm sorry. I'm sorry.
- No.

- No, sorry.
- I'm sorry. I didn't...

Lexi...

I promise you, it's not all his fault.

I don't know for certain...

but I'm, uh...

I'm pretty sure he wakes up every day

and he thinks,
"I'm gonna be better for her.

I'm gonna be there for her."

That's also the problem.

Because he only wants
to be better for you.

[INHALES, EXHALES]

Because I know that he loves you
a lot more than he loves himself.

Mm.

I don't know if
that made you feel better.

Thank you.

[LEXI CRYING]

[SOFTLY]: It's okay.

I miss you.

[CURTAIN PULLING]

[APPLAUSE, CHEERING]

[CHEERING CONTINUES]

- [CHEERING]
- [WHISTLING]

[CHEERING CONTINUES, MUFFLED]

CASSIE: Do you know what's funny?

Nate broke up with me before
I even went on that stage.

Don't worry.

This is just the beginning.

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

JULES: Sorry.

Sorry.

Sorry.

Hi!

[SNIFFLES]

I know you're probably
still really angry at me...

but I just wanted to
tell you that I love you.

And I miss you.

So much.

[KISSES]

[DOOR SHUTS]

[MELANCHOLY MUSIC PLAYING]

RUE: Jules was my first love.

I'd like to remember it that way.

I don't know if that's
actually true, though.


I think I was high for too much of it.

I know it wasn't easy for her.

And I hope she forgives me.

I stayed clean through the
rest of the school year.


I wish I could say that
was a decision I made.


In some ways, it was just easier.

I don't know if this
feeling will last forever...


but I am trying.

I remember Ali said,

"The thought of maybe
being a good person,


is what keeps me trying
to be a good person."


Maybe there's something to that.

♪ Hey, Lord ♪

♪ You know I'm trying ♪
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