05x01 - F*ck Anatoly's Mom

[bunniefuu]

♪ Whenever life gets
you down, Mrs. Brown ♪

♪ And things seem hard or tough ♪

♪ And people are stupid,
obnoxious or daft ♪

♪ And you feel that you've had ♪

♪ Quite enough... ♪

- [BEEPING]
- ♪ Just ♪

♪ Remember that you're standing ♪

♪ On a planet that's evolving ♪

- [KISSES]
- ♪ Revolving at miles an hour ♪

♪ That's orbiting at miles a second ♪

- ♪ So it's reckoned ♪
- Hmm.

♪ A sun that is the source
of all our power ♪

♪ The sun and you and me ♪

♪ And all the stars that we can see ♪

- ♪ Are moving at a million miles... ♪
- Guys.

[WHISTLES] Chewy.

- Good baby!
- [BARKING]

Come here, guys. Go afuera.

Good.

[GARAGE DOOR OPENS]

[SIGHS]

[GROANS]

- ♪ Our galaxy itself ♪
- [SIGHS]

♪ Contains a hundred billion stars ♪

♪ It's , light-years
side to side ♪

♪ It bulges in the middle ♪

- ♪ , light-years thick... ♪
- Yes.

METEOROLOGIST [ON TV]:
Santa Ana wind advisory is in effect...

♪ We're , light-years
from galactic ♪

Where are you?

♪ We go round every million years ♪

♪ And our galaxy is only
one of millions of billions ♪

♪ In this amazing and
expanding universe ♪

PAISLEY: Um...

I totally am gonna block him, I think.

Because, like, if he wants
to go and do stuff without me,

like... Anyway.

My mom will not leave me alone

about all the tattoos that I'm getting.

[THREE MUFFLED THUMPS]

- ♪ The universe itself ♪
- [PHONE CAMERA CLICKS]

♪ Keeps on expanding and expanding ♪

♪ In all of the directions
it can whizz ♪

♪ As fast as it can go ♪

♪ The speed of light, you know ♪

♪ million miles a minute ♪

♪ And that's the fastest
speed there is ♪

♪ So remember, when you're feeling ♪

♪ Very small and insecure ♪

♪ How amazingly unlikely is your birth ♪

♪ And pray that
there's intelligent life ♪

♪ Somewhere up in space ♪

♪ 'Cause there's bugger
all down here on Earth ♪

[PHONE VIBRATING]

MAL: Leave it!

- CHILD: Daddy, daddy, daddy.
- Leave it!

- CHILD: Go up.
- You called me.

- Daddy!
- Not you, Sam. It-It's my son.

- [SCREAMING]
- I swear to God.

Do not test me, mister.

CHILD: Get off the phone.

Daddy's on the phone.
We talked about this, honey.

- Put the phone down.
- Honey.

- Honey, honey.
- No. No.

- Honey? Honey.
- Daddy!

Thank you.

Jesus Christ.

[CHUCKLES]: Kids, am I right?

- Okay.
- Hi, Sam.

I'm confirming you have that
fitting at Western Costume.

- Friday, : .
- Okay, I forgot.

How long do you think?

Because I have a thing at : .

What are you talking about?
It's a four-hour fitting.

Y-You've got to block out four hours.

Jesus Christ. Four hours? Why?

Because you're gonna be
wearing pinafores and sh*t.

It's a period piece.

Don't eat anything
for the next hours.

Only fluids. They had very
tiny waists in those days.

Very tiny waists.

Okay, but why does it
have to take four hours?

You're in almost every
scene. You have looks.

[CHUCKLES]: I-I'm so jealous,

you're gonna be wearing
a f*cking bustle.

I could spit. My wife's gonna die.

- CHILD: Daddy!
- MAL: I got to go.

- Ugh!
- [PHONE BEEPS]

[GROANS]

I don't want to wear a pinafore.

[BIRDS SQUAWKING]

[PHONE RINGING, VIBRATING]

- PHIL: Hello?
- H...

I'm extremely frustrated.

I went to the Verizon store
to switch out my phone,

- and they kept me waiting for about...
- Okay.

- [LINE BEEPS]
- Oh, hang on.

Hold, please.

- Hello?
- MARION: We still on

for this thing today, or what?

Yes, Marion.

Why wouldn't we be on?

I'm just checking. Jesus.

Mom, it's your son.

I'll pick you up soon for the thing.

I have absolutely no interest in that.

There's nothing to learn from the dead.

Okay, well, thanks. Bye.

Hey, can we do a thing
sometime where you

talk to me and explain
stuff to me about money?

Like, I'm really confused about credit

and my finances and sh*t.

And I want to know about NFTs.

Like, what the f*ck are NFTs?

I don't have enough days left in my life

to explain to you
what an NFT is, and no.

We tried to talk about money before.

It doesn't work with you and me,

- specifically because of you.
- I'll be better.

You have the attention
span of a rainbow trout.

Wait, what were you just talking about?

- f*ck you...
- [CHUCKLES]

Hey.

Do you remember...

What?

Never mind. I'll see you at : .

[DROPS PHONE]

MAX: Mom, hurry up. She's waiting.

I'm trying, I've been
driving around for mi...

Oh, my God! Be right back.

- [HORN HONKS]
- [TIRES SCREECH]

Sorry. Whoa.

- [HORN HONKS]
- [ENGINE REVS]

Just one sec. That's my space.

That's my...

[TIRES SCREECH]

All right.

- [TIRES SCREECHING]
- Whoa!

- [HORN HONKING]
- Yes.

SAM: Yes.

And middle finger to you,

and lots of road rage back at you, sir.

Mm-hmm. Yes.

MAX: Come on.

SAM: I'm not wearing the right shoes.

- MAX: She's been waiting.
- She is?

[SAM GROANS]

SAM: Ooh.

[OUT OF BREATH]:
It's the only building in L.A.

with a five-story walk-up.

♪ His help... ♪

Are you kidding me?

[PANTING] Wait.

Literally. [COUGHS]

Yeah, I actually love
this exposed brick.

Ooh, it's kind of hot.

[CHUCKLES] Is there any AC in here?

Uh, no, unfortunately.

But, you know, you can open the window,

get a nice cross breeze, and, you know,

check out the view
down in the courtyard.

I will do that.

Um, I love you, by the way.

- Oh.
- I... [CHUCKLES]

I stole my mom's VHS
copy of Mystic Flow.

Yeah, I grew up watching you.

- Oh, that's so cute.
- [CARLA LAUGHING]

Thank you.

[GROANS]

Does everybody in
the world pee down there?

No offense.

CARLA: Welcome to Hollywood.

[MAX SIGHS]

- I love it so much.
- Yes.

But... Mm.

- Mm-mm.
- I'll take it.

- Hmm?
- Oh. Okay.

Let me get the paperwork.

[CHUCKLES]:
We'll just need Mom to cosign.

- Okay.
- Oh...

CARLA: Can I get a selfie with you?

- Uh... Oh, sure.
- [CHUCKLES] Yay.

Okay.

Spinelli! [LAUGHS]

- Ha.
- Thank you. Okay, I'll be right back.

I'll be right back.

- Okay.
- [DOOR OPENS, CLOSES]

You don't just say, "I
love it, I'll take it."

[LAUGHS]: The... Wait. Who does that?

- This is the whole thing.
- MAX: I'll put my bed right here.

- SAM: Oh, my God.
- And I'll have my studio right here.

- Okay.
- That's perfect.

And...

we'll put the meth lab over there and...

SAM: What is this? This...
It's, like, a panic...

- No, it's a... Don't turn it on.
- It's a panic smoke alarm.

- Yeah.
- Oh, my God.

Dude.

Oh, no. Really?

- Ugh...
- MAX: Mom,

how can you have the same
credit score as me, Mom?

Why do you have such bad credit?

- How can you let things go like that?
- Oh.

Is there anyone else
who can cosign for me?

[LAUGHS]: God, Jesus.

[PHONE RINGING]

[GASPS]

What's up, Mom-balomm?

Hi, baby. I miss you. I miss my baby.

- LOL.
- Honey, honey, pull your hood back.

Let me see some face.

- Mom, no.
- Hi.

When are you coming back?

Mom, please get me pickles and Takis.

And red Gatorade. And hard-boiled eggs.

And have all my favorite
foods for when I get home.

Please, Mama. And gum.

- Did you feed Gary?
- You know it.

BOTH: We know dis.

[CHUCKLES]

God, I miss my little stink bug.

It hasn't been the same without you.

Mom, want to say hi to Dad?

- Say hi to Dad.
- XANDER: Hey.

- Hi. Hello.
- Uh, how are you?

- Yes. Oh, great.
- Um, we just...

- How's the... Yeah.
- Just, uh...

- Must be hot as balls. Yeah, I...
- Really fun here. We're, uh...

Thank you, for...

- Thank you.
- MAX: Hi, Dad.

XANDER: Oh, hey, how are you?

Just... stressed.

What's going on?

I'll-I'll text you
later in the family chat.

Family chat?

Family chat. Hmm.

Bye.

Mom?

Are you poor?

Oh, I don't know what to tell you, Max.

Welcome to the world. Everything
isn't so black-and-white.

This blows.

I loved that apartment.

Frances Farmer lived there

before she was institutionalized.

Or after. One of those.

Okay.

Um... [CLEARS THROAT]

Well...

I'll see you at : for genealogy.

Don't flake. Frankie already bailed.

Mom, I can't. I...

Now I'm screwed.

Paisley has a new place
to live and I don't.

Of course you do. You could
always move back in with...

with u-us.

[GROANS, SIGHS]

MARION: No. She seems late.

Well, I was here first.
She's always late.

- I'm so over this. Okay.
- Yeah. Well, it's...

- CAROLINE: Still a question...
- Hi. Hi.

Can I talk to you?

No.

Hello to you, too, Sam.

Hi.

She's my wife. I'd like
her with me for this.

- Mm.
- [DOOR OPENS]

Sam, Marion. Ready?

[SIGHS]

- CAROLINE: Thank you.
- Mm.

It's private.

- Uh... Uh-huh.
- It's private.

Hi, I'm actually Sam, and she's not...

part of it.

CABLES: Here are your charts.

As you can see there, you're
exactly % Ashkenazi Jew.

And % other.

Irish, Scottish, Celtic
and two percent italiano.

- Hey!
- [LAUGHS]

[BOTH LAUGH]

Doc, can we skip the theatrics?

Bro. Rude.

Theatrics? Son, these are your roots.

You're doing great, Doc.
Please continue. Sorry.

Turn the page.

Murray Fox.

His father Harry Fox was a junkman,

and he came from people who were from...

- Poland. Poland.
- Russia. Russia.

The Ukraine.

Oh.

In this little area here, see,

that was your highest
concentration of Jews,

and they were under h*tler's rule.

Do you think any made it out?

Oh. Here we go.

Ooh, boy. Uh, no?

Turn the page. [CHUCKLES]

Meet Clara.

She is your one cousin who survived.

- BOTH: Yes.
- [CHUCKLES]

She met Anatoly, who was Ukrainian,

and they had two beautiful children.

Anatoly's mother found
out that Clara was a Jew...

and she turned them over to the Nazis.

- Oh.
- What?

W-What about the-the kids?

The two children? The girls?

- Them as well.
- Jesus.

They were all ex*cuted.

Anatoly went on to remarry.

- And had nine more children.
- Of course.

So, the mother-in-law.

[SCOFFS] f*cking mother-in-laws.

[EXHALES]

CABLES: Your maternal
grandfather Jurist Wallem

had moved to California.

No. His name is Leland Darby.

That is what is so fascinating.

Leland Darby is not your
biological grandfather.

Sure he is.

Your grandfather was a
man named Jurist Wallem,

and he lived within nine miles
of your mother's childhood home.

He worked as a milkman.

She knew.

This is what she does best.

She keeps secrets.

This is one of the million
whys she makes me crazy!

[SIGHS]

That is so cool.

Look. Grandpa.

N-New Grandpa.

[GROANS SOFTLY]

Ow. Jesus.

It all makes sense now.

- What?
- The neglect.

Her lack of sentiment
and love. Makes sense.

Oh, get over yourself.

This is about something so much
bigger than what you're saying.

When we were just in there,
seeing all of those lives,

all of those people,
that makes me feel like

we're a part of a greater
chain of history and humanity.

Like, the past and the future.

It gives me confidence, somehow.

Like, I'm important?

And you are.

Don't you see? We come from people

who were workers and laborers, Marion.

CAROLINE: Oh, God. Come on.

[WHISPERS]: For God's sakes.

What's the... This...

That's why I said it's private.

Don't you get it, Sam?

Our grandmother f*cked the milkman.

- Huh?
- [SIGHS]

[STIFLED LAUGH]

Bye, Marion. See you around.

♪ I've been worrying... ♪

Hey. f*ck Anatoly's mom.

f*ck Anatoly's mom.

In the eye like Moe Greene.

[LAUGHS]

- ♪ Why I got to think this way... ♪
- [SIGHS]

[EXHALES]

♪ I've been wondering all my life ♪

♪ Well, I've been
wondering all my days ♪

- Go.
- O-Okay. Jesus.

♪ Tell me, ain't that the life? ♪

♪ Well, all I know is that life ♪

♪ Can be a grind ♪

♪ Sometimes you got to give it time... ♪

Hello? Is this on?

We just found out that
your dad isn't your dad.

What difference does
all of this make now?

Everyone's gone.

Except me.

"'Tis a wise child that
knows their father."

My mum always used to say that to us.

Uh, that pile is for giveaway.

- Good job, Phil.
- [CHUCKLES] And that.

And all of those boxes. Throw it away.

- It's gack. All so much gack.
- [EXHALES]

No, you can't have that. That's Spode.

- I don't want... Okay.
- Mm-hmm.

- Mom. Phil.
- Mm? What?

You can't just get rid of this stuff.

Look. It's your brother.

You can have that. Take the rest away.

I can't bear the idea of people
looking through my things.

And all of this being
your mess when I've gone.

It's all just ephemera.

It's been in a box so many
years, it becomes a box.

[LAUGHS]: That's all it is.

- Meaningless boxes.
- But that's not true, Phil.

Look.

- You take the box...
- Mm.

You open the box,
and there's your brother.

Never mind.

He's gone now. That's it.

A life, and then gone.

- Hmm.
- [PAPER RUSTLING]

- [SIGHS]
- [SIGHS]

[MUSIC PLAYING SOFTLY]

This is pretty. [GASPS]

Oh, whoa.

[EXHALES]: Phil.

There's dozens of them.

- [TITTERS]
- Mom.

My God, look.

Your mom, Mom.

"Your windows are bare,
your chimneys are cold,

"your garden a tangle
of weeds, seasons old,

"an empty house is a lonely soul,

"a drear look of
sorrow sharply is etched

on a creaking signboard
with the words 'to be let.'"

Oof.

By Shirley-Jane Darby.

I typed all of those.

- You did?
- Mm-hmm.

Why did you never show me these?

Well, they were here.
They were just in a box.

- Can I have them?
- No.

I need to look through them myself.

- [SIGHS]
- You can have those when I'm dead.

- You've had decades with them.
- Eh, pshaw...

You can take from that side over there.

Ooh. Oh, wait.

I think these were yours.

[SIGHS]

[GASPS]

My baseball cards. [GASPS]

I'm having Council Thrift
pick all of this up tomorrow.

No, you can't. I have to
go through everything first.

Well, look through them
now. It's all going tomorrow.

[SIGHS]

I have arms because of you.

- What?
- Nothing.

Well...

is it okay if I take this right now?

- Yes, yes.
- [PHONE RINGING, VIBRATING]

- Hello?
- Sweetie, sweetie,

sweetie, pay attention,

- pay attention.
- Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

- Whoa. Hang on. Slow down.
- Red phone, Sam.

You have to read something.
It's a newspaper.

I can't tell you.
You have to read it for yourself.

I'm outside your house.
Come on over. Where are you?

Okay, I'm-I'm across the street.
I'm at Phil's.

I'm coming over. Hang on.

Okay, um...

- Phil?
- Hmm?

Uh, I've got to get going, but...

Keep this stuff for me.

Just, uh, I'm gonna c...
Keep all of this stuff for me.

- Don't get rid of anything.
- It's going away tomorrow.

- No, it's not. No, it's not.
- Yes, it is.

- Yes, it is.
- No, it's not.

- [DOOR CLOSES]
- I'm afraid it is.

I did say.

Well, it's going to go
whether you like it or not.

[SPUTTERS]

[SCOFFS]

- Hi.
- Hi.

What? Okay. I am.

- Okay. Ok... Oh.
- Okay?

- What is going...
- I want you to sit right here.

Oh. Okay.

- Right here.
- [GRUNTS]

Okay. Read this.

You're not gonna believe
it. Read it right now.

- Okay.
- Get your glasses.

[CLEARS THROAT]

"My Sister Made Me Realize that
I Was as Cruel as our Father,

"exclamation point,

an Appreciation and a Public
Apology by Alan Emerson."

- [EXHALES]
- [BLOWS RASPBERRY]

Sorry, pal, we don't want any.

We gave at the office.

Come on, honey, I said, come on.

[EXHALES] Honey, do you not remember

that you were in the fetal
position for nine months?

You gestated a baby, you
were in so much agony.

And now here you are on
the other side, over him.

Am I right?

Remember the Princess Di interview?

There were three of us
in that relationship.

Alan and I and you.

I knew you were gonna
say that. So annoying.

You have to give me the space

to let me do this.

I don't know what'll happen.

I know I'm setting myself up
for another anvil to my d*ck.

I know you love me and
you want to protect me.

And, you know, f*ck me once, f*ck you.

But you need to let me.

You need to let me see.

Let me try.

He's owning his sh*t.

I still love him.

This isn't me trying
to hurt myself, or you.

This is me doing something for me.

And, you know, I don't even
know what's gonna happen.

Give me a minute.

What an assh*le.

What a dee-ick.

I'm wearing a neck
doily. I'm Judge Judy.

[RICH LAUGHS SOFTLY]

You want something else.

And I don't need that part of you.

We have our own thing, right?

- Yeah, we do. We really do.
- [LAUGHS SOFTLY]

[EXHALES]

Stay for dinner? I'll make for you.

As long as it's liquid.

- Okay. I got that.
- Yeah.

FRANKIE: Mom?

- Hi.
- Hey. Are you ready to go?

- Hi.
- RICH: Hi.

SAM: Um, what? What do you mean?

Did you forget about Brig's dinner?

- I forgot! I did forget.
- Can I drive, please?

What? No, no. Not you driving.

We're gonna take an Uber so Mommy can...

Cool. Um, you can come if you want.

No, thank you, but I am gonna
raid your liquor cabinet.

[SAM HUMMING]

♪ It's been a little... yeah. ♪

- FRANKIE: Hello.
- SAM: Hi.

Uh, we have a reservation
for four under Sam Fox?

Yes. We have you here.

The rest of your party
is already seated.

- Thank you.
- Thank you so much.

We are celebrating a young man tonight

who got into Harvard.

- My son went to Harvard!
- FRANKIE: Oh, my God.

- [LAUGHS]
- See? I told you it's a big deal.

Means a lot to people. Congratulations.

- Thank you. Thank you very much.
- [CHUCKLES]

- This way, please.
- Thank you so much.

See? It's important
to celebrate rituals.

And big life milestone moments.

- FRANKIE: Hello! How are you guys?
- FREDERICKA: Hello!

FREDERICKA: So good.

- Nice to see you.
- Hello. Wait, wait.

- Come here.
- Nice to... Okay.

- Congratulations, young scholar.
- BRIGHAM: Thank you, thank you.

SAM: Oh, my God.

Yes, abalone sashimi, please.

Just with the lemon and salt, and, um...

Can we get some sake?

"Can we get sake?" Girl.

Sake? "Can we get sake?"

- Now you're talking my language, girl.
- FREDERICKA: Okay.

Um, can we get one large,
cold, unfiltered sake, please?

With, um, four glasses.

Uh, I'm just kidding. Two glasses.

Thank you. [LAUGHS]

But maybe we could have four glasses.

Oh, yes. We will have four.

- We could... We keep it going.
- FREDERICKA: We could do it.

- Driver.
- There you go.

♪ And it's dragging me down below. ♪

FREDERICKA: So, I came to
L.A. from Utah on my own.

I was the only one in
my family to move away.

I was a little bit of the black sheep.

[CHUCKLES]

And, yeah, I couldn't
wait to get away from home.

So I went as far away
as I could go. Indonesia.

- Whoa.
- Yeah.

I immersed myself in
this culture that was

the polar opposite of where I came from.

- Mom, you should speak Bahasa.
- Um...

[SPEAKS BAHASA]

- [LAUGHS]
- SAM: Whoa.

FRANKIE: Oh, my God.

- SAM: That is so cool.
- Anyway, I,

you know, I found my way
to L.A. and started again.

I decided I wanted to be a mother.

And Brigham has been everything.

I don't even remember my
life before him, you know?

And I...

I don't know, but I
had a whole big life.

I did.

Yeah, I really did.

And it's astonishing to me
that now he's going to be gone.

And, um, I don't really
know what I'm gonna do.

Oh, Mom, I'll come
home for the holidays.

No, you won't. It's fine.

It's just, you're gonna
have your own new life.

It's the natural order.
You... It's just what happens.

Congratulations.

- Thank you.
- Oh, yes.

- Congratulations.
- Yep.

- SAM: Oh.
- FREDERICKA: You got it?

- There you go.
- SAM: Ooh, this was fun.

Can we get some more sake?

Uh... [STAMMERS]

Now? Yeah. We can...

- Yeah.
- You.

- You.
- Can we...?

- FRANKIE: Oh, God.
- SAM: Oh, God.

SAM: Had a little bit, a lot.

Yeah. Ooh, oh, oh, oh.

- I got it.
- Ready? There's the curb.

- SAM: Be careful.
- BRIGHAM: Good?

I'll ride in the back... with your mom.

[SAM CHUCKLES]

Okay.

Ooh. Full.

- [GRUNTS SOFTLY]
- Yeah.

[EXHALES]

Maybe we go a little
slow. Your mom, with the...

[GRUNTS]

- I'm scared. I'm scared.
- Oh.

- SAM: Oh. You're okay.
- Okay.

And she's out.

- Curtain down.
- Aww.

Mom, that's so cute.

- It's like you're her mom, too.
- [CHUCKLES]

[SNIFFLES]

What?

What, Mom?

- You know what, Frankie?
- Oh, God. What?

You're just as brilliant as Brig.

- No offense, Brig.
- BRIGHAM [LAUGHS]: None taken.

She's a million miles beyond
me. I'm just good on paper.

Frankie, seriously.

Look at you. Look at your life.

You graduated early, you
work an honest living,

you punch a time card,
you go to work every day.

And you're saving me
a sh*t-ton in tuition money.

LOL.

[SNIFFLES] You're both shining stars.

I'm jealous of everybody who
gets to meet you down the road.

BRIGHAM: Thanks, Mama Sam.

Had to celebrate you.

Ow! Ow.

Ow.

[GROANS]

I'm gonna be sick.

No, I'm not. I am not gonna be sick.

- I'm just really scared.
- It's okay.

[MUTTERS SOFTLY]

Okay.

- Oh.
- I'm just gonna stay here for a second.

Okay.

Very sweet. Your mom is very sweet.

Do you have any water in here for her?

- Got to take my shoe off.
- Oh, yeah.

- I need them off. I need it off.
- Okay.

- I need them off.
- Yeah.

Open all... Put the air for her.

[DOOR OPENS]

So, the joke really only works...

if it's pronounced
"So-Thuh-Bees," but it's not.

- So...
- Yeah. See, that's the thing

about jokes and comedy.

When you have to explain
it, it's not so funny.

Okay, boomer.

Okay, for the last
time, I am not boomer.

- I am Gen X.
- Okay.

- Whoa. Okay.
- Mom! What the f*ck?

- FRANKIE: Oh, my God.
- You scared the sh*t out of me.

- Why?
- I never left.

FRANKIE: Good. We like you here.

Well, I went down a deep rabbit hole.

Gay sleepover. I'll be right back.

Do I want to know?

I'll let you know what
I know when I know.

- Oh...
- FRANKIE: Mom!

Mom?

- Mom!
- Okay.

- Mom!
- Okay. Okay.

- Mom!
- I know. I know.

But guess what, Mommy got a generator.

We ha... Let me get my flashlight.

It's never in the place I put it.

I don't like that! Mom!

I know I put it in...

Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.

Come on. I just...

Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom. Mom.

I swear to God. I always...

wanted to just have...

Yes! Yes!

Yes! Here we go.

- Ow. f*ck.
- [ENGINE STARTS]

Oh, the genny works.

Ha, ha!

The genny works. We have a genny.

Yes.

So good.

Mommy did it.

Honey? See?

[PANTING]

See? Your mom has a generator.

We are boots on the ground
for when sh*t jumps off.

Aren't you proud of me?

Hello? Hello?

- "You're awesome, Mom."
- RICH: Come down.

- I think I know what I don't know.
- "Thank you

for ensuring our safety
and for the dinner.

You're so nice."

I mean... [GASPS]

[GASPS]

[RAPID FOOTSTEPS]

Mom.

RICH: Sam?

Oh, my God, Sam. Oh, my God.

♪ The roof, the roof,
the roof is on fire... ♪

Sweetie.

♪ The roof, the roof... ♪

- Ooh.
- Sweetie.

♪ The roof, the roof,
the roof is on fire ♪

♪ We don't need no water,
let the m*therf*cker burn ♪

♪ Burn, m*therf*cker, burn ♪