01x02 - Members Only

[bunniefuu]

Hmm.

[giggles]

Excuse me, sir, the country club
is for members only.

- Well, I'm a member.
- What's your membership number?

One. I'm number one.

One is not a valid
membership number.

Did I say one?
I meant two.

Sir, if you're not a member,
I'm going to have to insist

that you exit the property.

Fine.

I don't wanna belong to a club

that would have me
as a member, anyway.

We don't have you as a member.

And you never will.

- 'Membership number?'
- '1673.'

1673, huh?

[rustling]

- Membership number?
- 1673.

Looks like I have
a new lucky number.

- 'Fore!'
- No, dummy, 1673!

[groans]

[theme music]

Membership number?

and this gentleman is my guest.

Welcome to Royal Oaks Glen Oaks
Oakwood Oaks Country Club.

Or ROGOOOCC

'as us members call it.'

Daffy, how did you get
into a country club?

- I'm rich.
- No, you're not.

- I'm beloved in the community.
- No, you're not.

Well, this is a real
He said-she said situation.

Now, what do you feel like doing

golf, tennis, swimming?

We've got everything here
at the ROGO, uh..

"R-O-G-O-O-O-C-C."

I'm up for some tennis.

Not looking like that,
you're not.

Wow. This place
is pretty impressive.

Oh, we only let in
the real hoi polloi

the top Philistines,
the finest bourgeois.

You don't speak French.
I'm sorry for that.

Dickey, Aggie!
Hugs, hugs, kiss, kiss.

Wanted to introduce you
to my friend, Bugsy.

Bugsy, Dickie. Dickie, Bugsy.
Aggie, Dickie. Bugsy, Daffy.

Dickie, Aggie.
Dickie, Bugsy, Daffy..

...Dickie.

- Out!
- What? Ow!

(Daffy)
'Ace! 30-love.'

Ooh. Ooh.

Hey. This is ridiculous.

(Daffy)
'Ace. 40-love.'

Excuse me. Excuse me

- Excuse me.
- Oh!

Hi.

- Oh!
- 'Ace! game!'

Are you okay?

I don't know. Do I look okay?

I think you look great.

I think you look great, too.

Well, I still got it.

I don't know
what you're talking about.

I won the match
while you were gone.

You should have called time out.

Then I guess we both won

'cause I just scored a date

with a beautiful woman.

- She's perfect.
- Oh!

Absolutely perfect.

[soft piano music]

Can I get you anything to start?

(in unison)
I'll have the carrot soup.

Oh!

Two carrot soups.

And try not
to mix up our orders.

Oh! He he.

'Oh.'

I'd hate to jinx it

but this date is off
to a pretty good start.

[giggles]

You look very pretty.

I like your hair.

Oh, thanks.
They're my ears, so..

But how long have you
been playing tennis?

My whole life.
It's kind of my passion.

[cell phone ringing]

Oh, sorry. That's my phone.

Sorry.
Lot of stuff in here.

Makeup, keys, rubber band ball

'deck of cards, stapler..'

'...flashlight, mini fan.'

[glass shatters]

I like to record my thoughts.

Note to self,
clean out your purse.

Oh. Here it is.

Hello? Hi. Oh. Nothing.

I'm just on a date
with a really cute guy.

He's sitting across
from me right now.

He's totally looking at me.
Oh, no, wait.

Now he's looking down.
Now he's looking around.

Oh, no,
he's looking at me again.

I better go. Okay.
Call me later.

Okay. Bye.

- Friend of yours?
- Nope, wrong number.

Oh. Is there butter in this?

I'm not supposed to have butter.

I'm allergic to butter.

'Oh. No, wait.
It's gluten, not butter.'

'I'm allergic to gluten.'

'No, wait.
Not gluten, pollen.'

'Oh, no, wait.
I love pollen.'

Is there pollen in this?
Can I get some pollen in
this?

You know what,
now that I'm thinking about
it

I don't really want carrot soup.

Actually, maybe
just one little taste.

[slurping]

Oh. Oh, that's good.

Oh, maybe just one more.

'Mmm. Oh, one more.'

[slurping]

Just one more. Mm. Mmm.

You can really taste the pollen.
Are you gonna eat yours?

So what do you have
planned for after dinner?

How about a movie?

We'll just sit together

watch a movie

and not talk.

- That'll be nice.
- Mmm.

[slurping]

Mmm. Mm, this is so good.

I am so glad, I'm not
allergic to butter.

Do you like this movie?
I love this movie.

Oh, it's so sad.

But, like, uplifting, too.

It's like a feel-good movie

'a sad feel-good movie.'

'It's funny also and scary.'

Oh! Oh! This is the best part.

Oh, no. Wait.
This is the worst part.

Oh, I hate this part.
Oh, I have to pee.

Sorry. Excuse me. Excuse me.

Excuse me. Watch your leg.
Excuse me.

[gasps]

I love this part.
Ooh, excuse me.

No, sorry. Going back.

Excuse me. Excuse me.

Sorry. Excuse me.

[laughing]

[crying]

[screams]

Wow. That was a good movie.

(narrator on screen)
'And now, your feature
presentation.'

So basically,
to make a long story short.

Wait, what was I talking about?

- I have no idea.
- Huh! Oh, my gosh.

I never peed.

That was the worst date
of my life.

That was the best date
of my life.

Wait. Didn't I have
to do something?

[automated message]
'Note to self,
clean out your purse.'

That's right.

[telephone ringing]

No. Don't answer that.

'Hi, Bun-Bun. It's Lola.'

'Just trying to get
ahold of you. Again.'

'So, anyway, call me.'

'If I don't hear back from you
in the next minute or so'

'I'll just go ahead
and call you again, bye.'

[kissing]

Sounds like she likes you.

You two going out again?

Not if I can help it.
That girl's exhausting.

I-I mean, I barely said
a single word all night.

She just keeps talking
and talking and talking.

It's like she doesn't know
how to listen.

Sorry, were you
saying something?

Well, I'm off to the club.

There's a Mahjong tournament

and the Goldbergs
are going down.

[telephone ringing]

[grunts]

[automated message]
'You've got email.'

[instrumental music]

(Lola)
'Bun-Bun!'

Ah. Lola.

Mmm. Mm!

How crazy to bump into you here.

Did you get my messages?

Oh, yeah.
I-I haven't been home.

I've just been really busy.

I had to go here

and now I have to go

somewhere else.

Oh, I'll give it to him.
We're a couple.

It's pretty serious.

Ooh.

Beep, beep. Oh, my gosh.
We got into a car wreck.

Now, we have to exchange
information.

What?

Oh, my gosh, you like bread?

How crazy is that?
I like bread.

We're like soulmates.

I-I just remembered,
I'm late... for that thing.

He likes milk, too?
Oh. This is getting scary.

We both like milk!

Hi.

[yells]

Ugh!

Bun-Bun! Help him!

Oh, thank you.

Your body looks crazy.

You should do more cardio
and less weights.

Oh, thank goodness, you're okay.

I don't know what I would do
if I ever lost you.

- Lola, I can't see you anymore.
- Say what?

I-I just don't think
we're right for each other.

[whimpers]

Don't cry.

[whimpering]

Oh, my God, no!

Please. Please, don't cry.

[sobbing]

Why?!

Lola, please.
I-I didn't mean it.

Really?
So you wanna go out again?

- Fine.
- Yay!

We're back together, everybody.

Oh, we just had our first fight.

But I think
we're stronger for it.

I feel very hurt.
Do you feel very hurt?

- No.
- See you at lunch.

Could you drop
that thing on me again?

[theme music]

[upbeat music]

♪ Every time you see me ♪

♪ You earthlings turn and run ♪

♪ I don't know
what your problem is ♪

♪ I'm really super fun
I'm a Martian ♪

♪ Not a great white shark
I'm a Martian ♪

♪ I play frisbee in the park ♪

♪ Come over to my party ♪

♪ It's not that long a trip ♪

♪ You'll be glad
you made the journey ♪

♪ For my seven-layer dip ♪

♪ I like sharing cheese pizza ♪

♪ You see I'm not so bad ♪

♪ Do you like little puppies? ♪

♪ I make them in my lab
I'm a Martian ♪

♪ I hold for you no ill will ♪

♪ A Martian ♪

♪ Does some need
a chill pill? ♪

♪ My name's Marvin
I'm a Martian ♪

♪ La-la la-la lee
la-la lee-lee lou ♪

♪ Let's share a lemon soda ♪

♪ And talk about our feelings ♪

♪ But don't insult my helmet ♪

♪ 'Cause then
I'll hit the ceiling ♪

♪ I've got a laser ♪

♪ And it's pointed
at your planet ♪

♪ It's my laser ♪

♪ So don't take me for granted ♪

♪ I'm a Martian ♪

♪ Boom shaka-laka
I'm a Martian ♪

♪ Shaka-laka ♪

♪ Boom ♪♪

Pardon me, doll.
Another round of Arnold Palmers.

Put it on 1673.

Now, ladies,
what I'm about to tell you

does not leave this table.

Estelle and Abe are breaking up.

[all gasping]

You didn't hear it from me

but apparently,
Abe prefers blondes.

Don't get your hopes up,
Phyllis, natural blondes.

[all laughing]

Hi, Estelle.

Give my regards to Abe.

[laughter]

[sighs]

Time for plan B.

Where is Bugs?

(Bugs)
'Bugs Bunny?'

You know him?

Oh, I know him.

Bugs Bunny is the worst man
I've ever met!

Bugs bunny is a saint.

That's what he'd have
you believe.

Let me guess, you met him
on a tennis court?

[gasps]

'Unbelievable.'

Let me give you
a little piece of advice

girl to girl.

If you don't want your heart

shattered into a million pieces

you'll break up
with Bugs Bunny today.

[instrumental music]

[whistles]

(Bugs)
'Hey, Lola. Sorry I'm late.'

Oh, I'm not.

I just had a very

interesting conversation
with an ugly woman.

- Ugly?
- Very ugly.

But she told me something
that has me looking at you

in an entirely different way.

Bugs Bunny, you..

...are a bad boy.

I've never been
with a bad boy before.

That makes me a bad girl.

Meow.

(female #1)
'Lola! Over here, darling!'

- Who are they?
- My parents.

It's about time you guys met.

Be on your best behavior,
bad boy.

Bugs. Lola's told us
so much about you.

She doesn't know
anything about me.

[laughs]

See? Told you he was funny.

[all laughing]

Oh, he's wonderful.

Excuse me, I'll be right back.

You have to end this.
I don't care if she cries.

I don't care
that her parents are there.

She's crazy and this ends now.

And you are not an ugly woman.

Ooh. A mint.
Thanks for the pep talk.

You can do this. I-it's like
ripping off a bandage.

I don't know what it is but it's
like, we complete each other.

- Ooh!
- I think he's my soul mate!

Ooh!

- Yes!
- What?

Of course I'll marry you.

Huh?

[clears throat]
My daughter's getting married.

To the future,
Mr. and Mrs. Bugs Bunny..

...and the son I never had.

- Bravo!
- Bravo!

[all cheering]

(female #1)
'Oh, it's so romantic.'

Why are we clapping?

One of the club members
just got engaged.

Darling! Send the happy couple
a bottle of your best bubbly.

Compliments of 1673.

Someone's bucking
for club president.

Well, you know what they say

first comes love,
then comes marriage

'then comes lots of bunnies
in a baby carriage.'

Wait until you meet Pepe.

He's the wedding planner
for the ROGOOOCC.

Can't you people
just say country club?

Lola,Mon Cheri.

And this must be
the lucky groom.

Mmm.

So lucky. So, so lucky.

Your wedding day is the single
most important day of your life.

I should know,
I've been married seven times.

Now, I'm seeing
an outdoor ceremony.

You should feel the beauty
of nature embracing you

as you walk down the aisle.

The smell of honeysuckle

kissing your cheeks
as you exchange your vows.

Ugh.

There won't be a dry eye
in the house.

I'll be crying
harder than anyone.

What's wrong, Bun-Bun?

You don't want a big wedding?

Well, we could have
a small wedding

'or a wedding on the beach.'

Or we could get married in Vegas

or we could just go down
to the courthouse right now!

Or... we could just not
get married.

[sobs]

What is going on with you?

This isn't the Bugs I know!

[crying]

Mwah! Love you.

Don't forget, we're having
dinner with my parents.

[crying]

Mmm. So lucky.

Good game, Nakamora.

Sorry about losing
my temper on 14.

And for throwing your clubs
in the water.

Go buy yourself a new set.

'Charge it to 1673.'

[grunts]

Ooh! I haven't crashed
a wedding in a few months.

Ah. Are you a guest
of the bride or the groom?

Please say the groom.

I don't know either of them.

But if there's more
of these guys

I'll sit wherever you want.

[coughs]
What are you doing here?

Did you sneak into the club

using someone else's
membership number?

[gasps]
Disgraceful.

I didn't sneak in.
This is my wedding.

[gasps]

You're getting married?

And you didn't ask me
to be the best man?

You didn't even invite me!

Do not expect a quality
wedding gift from me.

[gasps]

[instrumental music]

We are gathered here today

'to celebrate the marriage
of Bugs and Lola.'

Before we begin, if anyone
objects to this marriage

speak now or forever
hold your peace.

[grunts]

- I object.
- What?

I'm sorry, Bun-Bun.

I know how much you love me

but I can't marry you

because I'm in love
with someone else.

[all gasping]

I'm in love with him.

You know what they say,
"The eighth time's a charm."

Will you ever get over me?

It's gonna take a long time.

We probably shouldn't
talk for a while.

I understand. Peppers!

So lucky.

So, so lucky.

Bugs Bunny dumped.

I've been there, brother.

You'll never get over it.

Let me buy you some golf clubs.

Waiter! Bring this man,
your finest set of golf clubs

and charge it to 1673!

1673?

That's my membership number.

[grunting]

[theme music]

[whooshing]

[dramatic music]

[truck approaching]

[horn honking]

[tire screeching]

[thudding]

[popping]

[instrumental music]

[upbeat music]

Beep beep.

[dramatic music]

[clucking]

Beep beep!

doing

[engine whirring]

[buzzes]

[blows]

[thuds]

[toilet flushes]

Mint?

- A dollar.
- 'Thank you.'

I hate the ROGOOO..

Oh, oh, I hate this place!

[theme music]

That's all, folks.