01x04 - Fish and Visitors

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music]

[lawnmower revving]

Why am I stuck doing this?

Don't you remember?

We agreed
that you'll do the chores

for the first 365 days
of the year

and I'll do them
for the rest of the year.

Oh, right!

[laughing]
Sucker.

[rumbling]

I wonder what he's up to?

What do I always say?

Don't get involved

in your neighbor's business.

Before you know it
their business is your business.

It's a very slippery slope.

Daffy, when you live
in a neighborhood

you live by a strict
code of conduct.

Part of it is being friendly
to your neighbors.

Even the bad ones.

Ah, what's up, neighbor?

None of your business,
you buck-toothed varmint!

[laughing]

What are you laughing at,
beak-face?

We're just trying
to be friendly.

I don't need friendship!

I don't need nothin'!

I'm totally self sufficient.

Or at least I'm about to be

with these here solar panels.

Goodbye, high energy bills.

Hello, self sufficiency!

thud

Whoops.

I wanted to keep that.

[static]

Wish I had labeled these things.

[dramatic music]

[knocking]

Jackpot! I'm off the grid!

[drumbeat]

Sun, do your thing!

[instrumental music]

[whirring]

You hear that?

That's the sound of Yosemite Sam

never needing nothing
from nobody

never again!

Have fun paying
your electric bill

losers!

[thunder rumbling]

Oh-oh!

This... could be a problem.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

Meteorologists are saying
there is no end in sight

for all of this rain.

This is Elmer J. Fudd reporting.

[laughing]

[thunder rumbling]

I'd hate to be
Yosemite Sam right now.

I'd hate to be Yosemite Sam

any time.

[doorbell rings]

Pardon me, neighbors

I know I said I, I never

needed nothing from nobody

but, uh, could I possibly

use your microwave to heat
my frozen dinner?

Don't get involved.

He's standing right there.

Where's your microwave?

[microwave beeping]

[microwave whirring]

[clears throat]

Hmm?

I thought you said something.

Uh... no.

[microwave beeps]

Oh, thank goodness!

I-I mean, it's ready.

Okey-dokey.

Well, thanks, neighbors.

Let's never do this again.

Out of my way, beak-face!

[doorbell rings]

(male #1 on TV)
'Of course in this rain
the extra is not..'

Sorry.

Code of conduct.

Apparently no power means

heh, no hot water.

You mind if I grab
a-a quick shower?

I'll just be in and out.

Sorry I took so long.

'Wound up taking a long bath'

after the quick shower.

I won't bother you again.

[door shuts]

Was he wearing my robe?

Yeah. He used your bathroom.

[dramatic music]

[shaver whirring]

[music continues]

[screaming]

[thunder rumbling]

(Adam on TV)
'I had to see you.'

(woman on TV)
'Adam, this won't work.'

[door opens]

Ah, Sorry.
Electric toothbrush.

Good for fighting
tartar, but, heh

bad for when you lose power.

[whirring]

Oh! What you watching?

Aah, I've seen this movie!

[spits]

[laughing]

Yeah, she dies at the end.

Ooh, I almost forgot

but one of you's
gotta wake me up

at 4:30 in the morning.

Now, when you're waking me

you gotta do it
very gentle-like.

I'm a sensitive sleeper.

'I-I also tend to have
night terrors.'

So, trust me on this

you do not want to wake me

if I am having a night terror.

'Oh, and if there's a tie
on the door'

don't come in at all.

[laughing]

Nighty night, neighbors!

[instrumental music]

[alarm beeping]

[thunder rumbling]

Sam, Sam!

[Sam speaking
in foreign language]

[speaking in foreign language]

- What are you doing here?
- I never left.

[speaking in foreign language]

Who are you talking to?

I'm talking to a Russian.

Some dope cut my phone line.

[speaking in foreign language]

Sheesh! Why don't you
just move in?

[gasps]

You were thinking that, too?

Well, that's a great idea!

I'll go rustle up my gear.

BRB, roomies!

Please tell me
I'm having a night terror.

Is that my robe?

[door shuts]

(Yosemite)
'Whoo-hoo! Hee-haw!'

[laughing]

[screaming]

[Daffy grunts]

[laughing]

Thanks for breaking
my fall, roomie!

No. Thank you
for breaking my back.

Eh, this living arrangement

is only temporary, right?

Absolutely!

Soon as that sun comes back out

Imma gone!

But in the meantime

I should probably stock up

on some groceries.

I feel like I'm starting
to get hungry.

And believe me

you won't like me
when I'm hungry.

I don't like you now.

[thunder rumbling]

And thanks again
for spotting me.

I'll pay you back.

This temporary
living arrangement

is starting to feel
very permanent.

It's gotta stop
raining some time.

Soy cheese nachos?

Try one. Try one.

Try one.
Try one.

Tastes like real cheese.

Try one. Try one.

Huh? No?

[laughing]
Okay, more for me.

[burps]

Well, time for bed.

Ahem, ahem.

And, uh, you're sitting on it.

I didn't want it to come to this

but I think it would be best
if you slept somewhere else.

Are you saying
what I think you're saying?

I'm afraid so.

You can't sleep here.

Well, then it's settled.

You sleep on the couch
and I'll sleep in your bed!

What? You can't sleep
in his bed!

Oh, I get it.

You're jealous.

Well, don't worry,

I actually like to sleep

like I'm in a sandwich.

You know,
one mattress on the top

one mattress on the bottom.

So I'll take your bed, too.

There, problem solved.

Nighty night!
Don't let the bed bugs bite.

[chirping]

Seriously,
keep that lid on tight

or those bed bugs willbite.

[door bell rings]

I am here to meet Yosemite Sam

my new husband.

[gasps]

Svetlana?

Uh... you, uh... ooh..

You don't look
like your picture.

You don't look like
your picture, either.

That was, uh,
that was before the beard.

Come on, let me show
you to your room.

[instrumental music]

[Yosemite giggling]

Mm, hmm.

Uh, what the..

Uh, how'd these rascals
get on my hands?

Now, get!

Get, you soft and pretty gloves!

Heh, uh..

...what's up, roomies?

Sam, we need to talk.

There's simply not enough room
in this house

for the four of us.

I couldn't agree more.

That's why I sent Svetlana
packing this morning.

Oh, it's no big loss!

She was one of those

has-to-tell-you-about
the-dream-she-just-had

kind of girls.

Although, now that I think
about it

I had a crazy dream last night.

I was in the house I grew up in

but it was different, you know?

All the rooms were like

uh, on the wrong side.

It was weird.

Anyway, neighbor's dog was there

but we was all acting
like it was our dog.

Silky!

Does the term slippery slope
ring a bell?

You were right.

When I first moved in here

I remember stating very clearly

let's not be nice
to the neighbors.

You were right.

And I remember thinking

to myself as I was saying it

Daffy, this is sounding
a little harsh.

but you know what?

You were right.

I was right!

- What'd you say?
- You were right!

[gasps]

I've dreamed of this moment

for so long.

It just doesn't get
any better than this.

And I need your help.

Aagh! It just got
so much better!

[instrumental music]

[rooster crowing]

♪ Chickenhawk gettin' hungry ♪

♪ Chickenhawk gettin' hungry ♪

♪ I want some chicken to eat ♪

♪ It is my favorite meat ♪

♪ I like it crispy or glazed ♪

♪ It puts me in a daze ♪

♪ I like it fried up or baked ♪

♪ On my birthday
I eat chicken cake ♪

♪ Chickenhawk's not a chicken ♪

♪ He's just a hawk
that eats chicken ♪

♪ Now just one second alright? ♪

♪ I've got something
for your appetite ♪

♪ There's so many things
that you could eat ♪

♪ There's a Chinese restaurant
down the street ♪

♪ Or how about
a fish taco son? ♪

♪ This bakery's got
good honey buns ♪

♪ Don't you seem so tasty ♪

♪ Hey chicken get in my mouth ♪

♪ How about a hot dog ♪

♪ With mustard and sauerkraut? ♪

♪ No I want some chicken no lie
you are my chicken pot pie ♪

♪ Instead of chicken try pork
just please put down that fork ♪

♪ Try my grandma's baked beans ♪

♪ They've got ten
grams of protein ♪

♪ They're gooey sweet
and piping hot ♪

♪ You'll want to eat
the whole dang pot ♪

♪ Chickenhawk gonna
eat the beans ♪

♪ Chickenhawk is enjoying
the beans ♪

I knew you'd come around, son.

You know what would go
good with these beans?

- Chicken.
- Uh-oh.

Get over here, chicken.

♪ Chicken does go good
with beans ♪

♪ Beans and chicken
what a heavenly combo ♪

(male #2 on TV)
'Time for bies and tries.'

'Hit it! And one. And two.'

'And three. And four.'

- 'Reach for it.'
- Umm..

'And... rest.'

Oh! I'm sweatin' like a hog!

Daffy, it's your greatest skill.

Repelling people. Use it.

Well, he's not gonna leave

as long as he likes being here.

We have to make it so unpleasant

that he wants to move out.

But how?

We have to fill our home

with incessant fighting

resentment, and so much tension

that no one could stand
to live here.

At least that's what
my parents did.

So you're saying we should stage
a fake fight?

That's exactly what I'm saying.

(male #2 on TV)
'Okay, time for the abs
and glutes.'

Oh, you're k*lling me!

But those are my problem areas.

(Bugs)
'How many times
do I have to tell you'

'to put your dirty dishes
in the dishwasher?'

Really? That's the best fake
fight you can come up with? Ha.

Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot

you're the reigning king
of fake fight land.

We wouldn't even need
to have a fake fight

if you didn't get us
into this mess!

Well, some of this
is your fault, too.

Me? What did I do?

I specifically remember

hearing you pray for rain
two days ago.

- What?
- Don't play dumb with me.

I heard you complaining
about how the dry air

was exacerbating your eczema.

[exhales]

First of all, it's not eczema.

It's psoriasis

which is a much less
serious skin condition.

And second of all, a man's
prayers are his own business

and you shouldn't
be eavesdropping.

Break it up. Break it up! Whoa!

Y'all can't be fighting.

He means the world to you

and you know that.

And he means the world to you

and you know that.

And I mean the world

to both of you

and we all know that!

It is so clear

that you need me here
to keep us all together.

We're like a family now.

Like brothers.

Or fathers.

Nah, brothers.

Let's hug.

I'll never ever leave.

Never, ever, never.

I'll never leave.

Never.

[thunder rumbling]

Well, that didn't work.

Operation Roommate Removal

is about to enter phase two.

(Yosemite)
'Keep it down.'

Oh, right. We don't wanna
upset Mr. Light Sleeper.

Or do we?

[upbeat music]

Hey! Having a good time?

Feel free to use the coasters.

And turn up the music!

The louder, the better!

And we will be losing

one annoying house guest

in five, four

'three, two..'

What in tarnation
is goin' on here?

...one.

'If this is the kind of'

'shenanigans'

'that's gonna go on here'

I'm just gonna pack
my bags and get the..

[gasps]

Is that karaoke?

[rock music]

♪ Wherever you go
I'll be with you ♪

♪ Whatever you want
I'll give it to you ♪

♪ Whenever you need someone ♪

♪ To lay your heart
and head upon ♪

♪ Remember after the fire
after all the rain ♪

♪ I will be the flame ♪

♪ I will be the flame ♪♪

[crowd cheering]

[laughing]

Time for phase two.

[instrumental music]

Yosemite, wake up.

Huh! What's happening?

There's a ghost in this house!

- A ghost?
- Yes, a ghost!

And he's a very angry ghost.

I said, he's a very angry ghost!

[Bugs howling]

Ooh! He does sound angry.

Uh..

[howling]

Come on, Bugs, this is no time

to be playing in the laundry!

There's a ghost in our house!

[instrumental music]

You two will be safe out here
in the cold and rain.

What?

I locked the door.

That durn ghost ain't escaping!

[dramatic music]

Come on, ghost.

It's just you and me now, ghost.

Is that you? Ha!

Ha!

'Oh, you think
you can get away, huh?'

[glass shattering]

[Daffy snoring]

Wake up, boys!
It's a good morning!

I got him.

It took all night, but in this

I believe I have your ghost!

Either that or it's just
a jar full of air.

You idiot!
There was no ghost!

We told you that
so you would leave!

[whimpers]

Brother, is it true

what my other brother just said?

It's true, doc.

You can't stay with us anymore.

- I can take a hint.
- Well, not really.

We've dropped a ton of 'em.

Alright. I don't need
to be told twice.

Apparently, you need to be told
about a thousand times.

I'm a bad house guest.
Always have been.

You give me an inch,
I take a mile.

You give me a secret,
I post it online.

You tell me under
no circumstances am I to look

in your third desk drawer

and I got your third desk
drawer right here.

Here you go.

I guess I'll just go back

to my cold, dark

lonelyhouse

'cause I ain't got no family.

[sobbing]

I know I'm gonna regret this.

- Are you crazy?
- Crazy? Yes.

Heartless? No.

Come on back inside,
you can stay!

You... you really... mean it?

[gasping]

[birds chirping]

[instrumental music]

[whirring]

Whoo-hoo! I'm back in business!

Toodle-oo, you buck-toothed,
beak-faced losers!

I don't need no one!

Well, I hope
you learned your lesson

about talking to neighbors.

Daffy, letting him stay with us

was the right thing to do.

And if I had it to do
over again, I would.

[thunder rumbling]

[whirring]

Brothers!

Quick! Get inside! Run!

[instrumental music]

Heh, heh, I can't
believe that fool

thought there was a ghost
in this jar.

[laughing]
Yeah.

- What a maroo..
- What?

Uh, is that the jar

that had the bed bugs in it?

[both grunting]

[theme music]

[stutters]
That's all, folks.