01x06 - Reunion

[bunniefuu]

(female #1)
Darling, I probably
shouldn't be writing to you

but I can't get you
out of my mind.

That weekend we spent in Ramonte

was the most powerful
experience of my life.

You were the most perfect man
that was ever created.

And I must have you.

- Uh, what are you doing?
- Reading a letter.

That's not addressed to you.

Oh, is that a crime?

Yes. This is your mail.

Look, here's a 20 spot
if you give me back the letter.

Bribing a government official
is also a crime.

(mailman)
And is this counterfeit money?

What? You're gonna tell me
that's a crime, too?

Last time I checked,
I was living in America.

Ooh! Look over there!

Ohh!

Aah!

Aah! Aah!

[Daffy screaming]

See what happens when you people
don't let me read your mail?

Soon as I can make
a counterfeit passport

I'm moving to Mexico.

[instrumental music]

[theme music]

Restraining order.

Medical bill.

Invitation to my
high school reunion.

Another restraining order.

What are you throwing
that out for?

You can't restrain me.

I'm a free spirit.

Not that, the invitation
to your high school reunion.

A bunch of people
standing around

talking about their babies
and their minivans?

Huh. Sounds thrilling.

You should be excited
to go to your reunion.

You always said high school was
the greatest time of your life.

Hmm, that's true.

High school was epic.

I remember it
like it was yesterday.

There were three seconds left

and everyone knew
I was taking the last sh*t.

Hi, I'm P-P-Porky Pig.

Yeah, that's great.

I'm Daffy Duck,
the guy who didn't ask.

Now b*at it!

Now, where was I?
Oh, right.

So I get the ball,
the clock starts ticking.

Three, two..
Nothing but net.

[giggling]

Daffy Duck gets
all the pretty girls.

Is t-this seat taken?

No, it's right there.

You're looking right at it.

Greetings.
I'm Marvin.

The foreign exchange student.

- Oh. Where are you from?
- Mars.

Well, ladies,
I better get to class.

Those straight A's aren't
going to make themselves.

[giggling]

Hi, Daffy.

Well, aren't you sweet?

In fact, the only thing
sweeter than you

is that cake over there.

Hey, cake for the lady!

You know what?
Cake for everybody! It's on me.

[cheering]

Are you nerds enjoying the cake?

- It's stupendous.
- Yum!

I-is it really on you?

No, it's on you!

[Daffy laughing]

[chanting]
Daffy Duck! Daffy Duck!

Daffy Duck! Daffy Duck!

Yech! I bet Porky's
not going to the reunion.

But you were
the big man on campus.

Why wouldn't you wanna go?

Look at my life now.

I live in a dump.
No offense.

I have a stupid roommate.
No offense.

And I've piled up tons of
credit card debt. No offense.

Why would I
take offense to that?

Because I used your credit card.

The point is,
I peaked in high school!

At least you got to go
to high school.

You didn't go to high school?

Let's just say my youth
was unconventional.

What was so unconventional
about your youth?

It's not important.

My unconventional, incomparable

inimitable youth
is not important.

What is important is that
you attend this reunion.

Why do you want me to go
to my reunion so bad?

Because you can.
Don't you see?

'You have the opportunity to do
something I can only dream of.'

Stand around with people
you barely remember.

Reminiscing about the big game

senior prom, homework!

You're weird.

Alright, the reunion's
on Saturday

which means
you have a whole week

to make something of your life.

I can't make something
of my life in five days.

You can with my help,
and a week is seven days.

Five! I'm not letting this
cut into my weekend.

That's my me time.

I'll see you on Monday morning.

Eh, that's a little ambitious.
Monday afternoon.

You know what? Nothing ever
gets done on a Monday.

Let's start Tuesday,
noon... ish.

This is you in high school.

Which I don't need to remind you
I never got to go to.

And this is you now.

There's only four days
until your reunion.

A reunion that I would love
to attend, by the way.

So we don't have much time
to get you from here to here.

How do we do it?

Hmm, let me think.

You've got to do something
special, something admirable

something heroic.

Like destroy the Earth!

More like, I don't know,
climb Mount Everest?

[gasps]
That's it!

Everyone at the reunion
would hail the conquering hero!

[Daffy screaming]

[hisses]

You know what?

I can't climb Mount Everest

because I don't have
a winter jacket.

- You could buy.
- Nope.

- You could borrow.
- Nope.

I can't climb Mount Everest

because I don't have
a winter jacket. Shame.

Well, I think that
was a good day one.

Same time tomorrow?

Probably not tomorrow.
I'm pretty blown out.

Let's sh**t for Thursday.

You know what?
I have a thing on Thursday.

Friday, I swear.
See you Saturday!

So when's this reunion again?

It's tonight.

What? What have you been
doing this whole time?

I guess I'm not
going to my reunion.

We've got to go!

I mean, you've got to go.

And there's still
something you can do

to impress everyone
at the reunion.

And it's not destroy the Earth.

Then what is it?

I'm ruining my manicure.
Give me your quarter.

I'm starting to think the
odds
of winning the lottery

are pretty low.

Three sixes?
Three sixes!

I won! I won the lottery!
I'm rich!

We can go to your reunion!

I mean, you can go
to your reunion.

I'm so happy for you!

Happy and jealous!

Mostly jealous!

Ha ha! I'm rich!

I'm rich!

I knew I didn't
peak in high school!

Daffy, you didn't get
three sixes.

You were holding it upside-down.

You got three nines.

Besides, you were playing
lucky eights.

This is hopeless.

Excuse me. Do you have
a quarter for the parking meter?

- No.
- But you're holding a quarter.

What, this?
This isn't a quarter.

- That's not a quarter?
- No. This is a fake.

I'm Agent Jimmy Glass,
and this is Agent Ira Buttles.

And we're with
the Treasury Department.

We're investigating
a highly illegal

counterfeit operation
in the area.

I'm gonna need to
see your wallet.

Oh! Uh, of course.

Yep, this one looks
a little iffy.

Gonna have to run some tests.

Now get out of here.

But keep your eyes
and ears open!

That's it!

I thought in order
to go to the reunion

you needed to be someone
you're not, a success.

But it turns out
you should just go

as someone you
already are, a liar!

You want me to go to the reunion

and just lie about
how successful I am?

That's a horrible idea!

I'm lying.
It's a great idea.

Or was that a lie?

This lying could get
out of control.

Or is that a lie?

The lying is in control!

Oh, brother.

Well, after high school

I just had to
get away from it all.

Get back to what's important.

The land.

I've got about 30,000 acres
in Montana.

Probably about 50,000
head of cattle.

That's about two heads
of cattle per acre. Yeah.

[dings]

'I love a cattle drive.'

[Daffy spitting]

Too much spitting.

I signed up after graduation.

I heard the call of duty,
and I answered.

Oh, this?

What you call heroism

I call duty.

Believe me,
when you're doing your duty

you don't think about the fact
that you're doing your duty.

It's your duty.
You just do it.

'You do your duty.'

Too much saying
the word "Duty."

I'm Batman.

So what lie did you settle on?

One lie is too limiting.

It's gonna be a big reunion.

I can tell a lot of lies.

That couldn't possibly backfire.

What are you saying?

Well, if I were you

I'd bring someone along

to help you keep
track of all those lies.

But who would want to go
to someone else's reunion?

Me! I want to go
to your reunion!

You? Then why didn't you
say something earlier?

Just stay close.

The lies are about
to get complicated.

Name?

Count Leopold von Lichtenstein.

How do you spell that?

Bob Jones.

- Well, which one is it?
- Uh, both!

Eh, maybe ease into the lies.

This is him.

Phew, that was close.

Promise me you won't leave
my side the rest of the night.

I promise.

[gasps]
Are those lockers?

Bugs! Bugs!

♪ Party tonight ♪♪

[theme music]

[siren wailing]

♪ I say I say ♪

♪ Everyday I go out walkin' ♪

♪ All them ladies
start to squawkin' ♪

♪ 'Cause they know that
I'm the coolest bird around ♪

♪ Now son I've been to Paris
on a boat with 50 sails ♪

♪ Got thrown into the water
and I wrestled me a whale ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a bird of action ♪

♪ I don't just talk the talk ♪

♪ One thing about
old foghorn son ♪

boom

♪ I'm the cock of the walk ♪

♪ I redesigned the Taj Mahal
and painted every room ♪

♪ I drive a big
ol' monster truck ♪

♪ That runs on cheap perfume ♪

♪ I've won Olympic gold
for every race I've ever run ♪

♪ And I got a Nobel Prize
just for havin' too much fun ♪

♪ A tiger tried to eat me
but I punched him in the nose ♪

♪ I caught the Loch Ness Monster
and a flock of UFOs ♪

♪ Harvard hired me to be
their number one head teacher ♪

♪ I won an Oscar for best
rooster in an animated feature ♪

♪ I walk into the hen house all
the chickens start to squawk ♪

♪ You look at me
you're lookin' at the.. ♪

♪ Cock of the walk ♪

♪ You look at me
you really see the.. ♪

♪ Cock of the walk ♪♪

Bugs! Bugs!

Remember me? We were
in homeroom together.

Oh, hey, Tanya.
Long time no see.

Whatcha been up to?

Me? Oh, I, uh, um..

- Are you married?
- Married?

Uh, yes.
Happily married.

Very happily married,
to a model.

Wow. Any kids?

Two kids. Boy and a girl.

Tegan and Cassidy.
Also models.

Gee. Well,
it's great to see you.

It's great to see you, Tanya!

What was I so worried about?
I don't need Bugs.

[chuckles]
Elliot Howser.

Oh, Heidi Gardner.
Heh heh.

- Jimmy Banket.
- Friends of yours?

Oh, I don't know
any of these people.

Andy Friedman.

Did you hear that Daffy Duck

won a bronze medal
at the Olympics?

I'm supposed to be
keeping track of Daffy's lies!

And instead, I've been
standing around drinking punch.

Well, I'm now the head
of a very profitable

non-profit organization.

I used to be a pro-surfer,
but after the shark att*ck

'I had an epiphany'

and decided to dedicate my life

to the betterment of society.

And I'm also a model.

Sorry, Daff. Okay, what lies
have you told so far?

Bugs, relax.

I've got this under control.

- Really?
- Easy breezy.

It's like stealing babies
from a candy store.

Go enjoy the reunion.

I don't know.
I think you might need my..

[gasps]
Is that somebody else's

old algebra teacher?

Pete! Marvin!

What have you guys been up to?

Oh. High school
was a horrible time for me.

Therefore, I have spent
every moment since graduation

plotting to destroy the Earth.

Heh. I hope you have better luck
with that than I did.

What about you, Pete?

Oh, I'm still
waiting to graduate.

What about you?

I'm the starting quarterback
for the Dallas Cowboys.

I thought you said
you owned the Dallas
Cowboys.

Oh, uh, yeah.
That's, uh, I..

- Well, which is it?
- Uh, uh..

Ooh, look over there!

[upbeat music]

- Bugs!
- Hi.

I've heard you've become
a famous movie star.

Can I have your autograph?

Oh, uh, sure.

I've never had my picture
taken with an astronaut before.

Do you mind?

You're an astronaut, too?

Well, uh, before I was
a movie star, I was, uh..

Batman, come quick! There's
a break-in at the museum!

- Batman?
- Batman?

Wait, are you saying this man,
the president of Mexico

is Batman?

[indistinct chatter]

♪ Come on girl
let me rock your world ♪

He's so cute.

I don't remember him
from high school.

B-B-Bugs,
wh-what are you doing here?

I'm here with Daffy.

What are you doing here?

From the story I heard

high school
was pretty rough for you.

[stammering]
Rough? Ha ha ha!

High school was the
g-greatest time in my life.

I'm surprised D-D-Daffy came.

- Huh?
- 'Porky!'

Hey!

Excuse me, but do you
remember Daffy Duck?

- Who?
- Daffy Duck.

Come on, you gotta remember him.

He was the coolest guy
at your high school.

Daffy Duck,
you know, black feathers

big beak, about this tall.

Oh! You mean, Daffy Dork.

Ew, that guy was such a nerd!

[giggling]

I've been looking
all over for you!

My web of lies has entangled
me in a web of lies.

In high school, were you
ever called Daffy Dork?

Daffy Dork?

Why would anyone
call the coolest guy

in high school Daffy Dor..

[gasps]

[stammering]
There were 3 seconds left

and everyone knew
I was taking the last sh*t.

Hi, I'm Daffy Duck.

Yeah, that's great.

I-I'm the guy who d-didn't ask.

Now b-b*at it.

Is this seat taken?

C-cake for everybody!
It's on me!

[cheering]

Hey, nerd, a-are you
enjoying the cake?

It's delicious.

Is it really on you?

N-no, i-it's on you.

[chanting]
Daffy Dork! Daffy Dork!

Daffy Dork!

[all laughing]

So this means I wasn't
the big man on campus.

I was the big dork on campus!

Wow, I really am a liar.

And the greatest lie
I ever told was to myself.

Wait! Don't you see?

This is good news.

You'd thought you'd gone
from here to here.

But it turns out
you never went anywhere.

What's good about that?

It means you haven't peaked yet.

[gasps]

You're right.

You hear that, you losers?

I didn't peak in high school!

But you did! And you did!

And you certainly did!

D-Daffy, I've apologized
a-a thousand times.

And you!

You used to be
the prettiest girl in school

and now you're..

Well, you're still
very beautiful.

The point is
you all peaked too soon.

Except for you.
So long, jerks!

I'm off, and unlike you

I have nowhere to go but up.

crash

Aah!

[chanting]
Daffy Dork! Daffy Dork!

Daffy Dork! Daffy Dork!

Daffy Dork!

It's got a ring to it.

Daffy Dork! Daffy Dork!

[theme music]

[crow cawing]

beep

whoosh

hiss hiss

hiss hiss

hiss hiss hiss

thud thud thud

hiss hiss hiss

whoosh

meep meep

[dramatic music]

whoosh

hiss hiss hiss

[rumbling]

thud thud

meep meep

thud

[rumbling]

swoosh

thud

[rumbling]

[beeping]

[instrumental music]

I may have missed out
on high school

but I got to go to one heck
of a high school reunion.

Oh! Home movies from
my unconventional youth.

I haven't seen these in a while.

[instrumental music]

You were
the president of Mexico?

Eh, interim.

You did all that instead of
going to high school?

Do you know what this means?

[laughing]

You peaked too soon!

[laughing]

[door opens]

[door shuts]

Meh, I don't think
I peaked quite yet.

beep

whoosh

[tires screeching]

[theme music]

[stuttering]
Th-Th-Th..
That's all, folks.