01x09 - The Foghorn Leghorn Story

[bunniefuu]

[instrumental music]

(Bugs)
'When are you gonna learn
how to swim?'

Swimming's for losers
who can't afford boats.

[splash]

[blabbering]

(Daffy)
'Go away.'

[blabbering]

'No, I don't want to play.'

pop

[blabbering]

I said I don't want to play.

[panting]

There's leash laws, you know.

[theme music]

[birds chirping]

What the..

[panting]

Hey!

No! Stop it!

Bugs, control
your Tasmanian Devil.

'He's digging up
the yard again.'

I'm warning you

'you get anymore dirt on me'

and there will be consequences.

Well, next time
there will be consequences.

Maybe. Probably not.

Hmm.

What's this line for?

- A movie.
- Movie, huh?

Must be good. Long line.

Next.

One ticket and a large popcorn.

Oh, and I'm a senior citizen.

And a student.

And active m*llitary.

So just go ahead
and give me those discounts.

Excuse me?

What's this movie about anyway?

It's the Foghorn Leghorn story.

A rags to riches tale
of a poor rooster

who grows up to become one

of the world's greatest
entrepreneurs.

Snooze fest.
What else is playing?

This isn't a movie theater.

We're making a movie.

This line is to audition
for the role

'of Mr. Foghorn Leghorn.'

This guy? You're making a movie
about this guy?

Pfft! Hah!

Lemme give you
some advice, sister.

No one's gonna wanna spend
two hours

looking at some ugly bird

with a red pompadour

two weird balls hanging
from his chin

and a big, fat gut.

Ugh!

(Foghorn)
'Son, you better watch
what you say.'

Or you might just find yourself
with the lead role.

[laughs]

Mr. Leghorn

I think
that would be a huge
mistake.

A huge mistake is wearing that
blouse with those shoes, Carol.

Hmm.

Son, I say, son

has anybody ever told you
you've got chutzpah?

Sounds vaguely familiar,
but I don't speak Spanish.

Sir, don't you remember?

He's the idiot
who destroyed your company.

I only remember
the positive, Carol.

That's why I'm a success.

I like you, son.

You speak your mind.

That's just
what this movie needs.

Pfft, I have a lot better things
to do with my time

than to star
in your stupid movie.

Like what?

Touche.

[laughs]

You can all go home.

The role, I say the role's
been cast.

[indistinct chattering]

But he's not even a rooster.

He's more of a rooster

I say, he's more of a rooster

than you'll ever be.

Don't you think
it's a little weird

having a duck play a rooster?

It's called acting, son.

Don't you think
it's a little weird

that I'm not an actor?

[laughing]
That's a knee-slapper.

You're k*lling me.

[snoring]

Good boy.

I don't know why Daffy's
always complaining.

You don't dig up the yard.

[screaming]

thud

[Bugs sighs]

[instrumental music]

I gotta gets me
an electric clothes dryer.

[screaming]

thud

'Uhh.'

[groaning]

Eh, what's up, neighbor?

I'll tell you what's up.
Your dumb dog.

He's not a dog,
he's a Tasmanian Devil.

I don't care what breed he is.

When it digs up my yard,
we got a problem.

Well, we've got another problem.

How'll we get out of this hole?

Come here, boy!

[blabbering]

Go get help.

[blabbering]

[snoring]

Like I said, dumb dog.

Oh, here we go.

What's this?

This is interesting.

It's mine!

[grunting]

[screams]

You don't even know what it is.

No.

[blows horn]

No.

No.

No.

Nope.

[panting]

- It's a vase.
- You mean my vase.

W-why do you want it so badly?

You said it was interesting.

And that's all I needed to hear.

Now, good day, sir.

Uh, little help?

[grunts]

[instrumental music]

If I'm going to play
Foghorn Leghorn

in "The Foghorn Leghorn Story"

then I need to know
all about Foghorn Leghorn.

Let's start with your name.
What is it?

Foghorn Leghorn.

Foghorn Leghorn.

Okay, Foghorn

tell me about yourself.

Well, I was born,
I say, I was born in 19...

Hey, this isn't the DMV.

I don't care
when and where you were born

'or what your childhood
was like'

'or where you went to school'

or what experiences

shaped your outlook on life.

If I'm gonna play you

then I'm gonna need more

than just some dumb facts.

I need to know what's in here.

Hmm. My passion.

Okay, son.

From my earliest days

I remember being fascinated
by a tale

a tale of a King Baku

and his beautiful Queen Yimyong.

[instrumental music]

Now, the Queen had a pet turtle

that she loved
more than anything.

But one day, I say, one day

the King found the Queen
in tears.

The turtle had d*ed.

[sobbing]

Well, King Baku couldn't bear

to see Queen Yimyong cry

so he sent eight ships,
I say, eight ships

in eight directions
with orders to find

the most exquisite turtle
in the world.

One that would never die.

Only one ship,
I say, one ship returned.

And the Captain gave the King
a Burmese Turtle

made of pure gold.

And when the King
gave the Burmese Turtle

to his Queen

she burst, I say,
she burst with joy..

pop

...literally.

The King took the Burmese Turtle
and hid it

so that no one, I say no one

would ever burst with joy again.

'Well, I'm gonna tell you
something, son.'

'When I heard that story,
I vowed, I say I vowed'

'to find that turtle.'

'And you know what?'

I never did.

But I learned something worth

more than the Burmese Turtle.

It ain't the treasure, son.
It's the quest.

And that's, I say that's,
what's in here.

So basically, you say
"I say, I say" a lot?

Got it. See you on the set.

I say, I say my name
is Foghorn Leghorn

'and I tell boring stories.'

Hmm. That boy,
I say that boy gets me.

[chuckles]

[door opens]

[footsteps approaching]

- You lied.
- Excuse me?

You said this vase
was interesting.

Well, I've been watching it
for two hours

and it ain't done a thing.

It's not supposed
to do anything.

Then what's interesting
about it?

Well, it looks pretty old.

It could be valuable.

Valuable?
That's all I needed to hear.

So long, sucker.

[laughs]

[door closes]

[door opens]

Thanks.

This, I say, this is the opening
scene of the movie

where I say good-bye
to my wonderful mama
forever.

And she's gonna say her line

and then you break down
and cry like a baby.

Just like I did.

I say, I say action.

Son, I say, son

remember what I always told you.

It's not the treasure,
it's the quest.

Uggh!

Cry.

Your mama's gone.

Boo-hoo-hoo, man.

I'm crying so hard.

I say, I say,
look at how hard I cry.

Don't say it, son, do it.

[laughing]

You're laughing?

I don't know,
I'm grasping at straws here.

I mean, she's not giving me
anything.

Can't somebody get me
a real actress to work with?

You heard him, somebody help
that women out of that bed

so we can put a real actress
in it.

Somebodymeansyou, Carol.

One electric clothes dryer.

Will you be paying
with cash or credit?

Vase.

[door opens]

[door closes]

Are you trying to make me
look like a fool?

You don't need me
to make you look like a fool.

You're darn right, I don't.

This thing ain't a valuable.

I said it could be valuable.

You'd need an expert
to know for sure.

That's all I needed to hear.

Now who's the fool, idiot?

[laughs]

[door opens]

[door closes]

[door opens]

You know any experts?

Now, son, in that box,
I say in that box

you believe
is the Burmese Turtle.

It's what you've wanted
your whole life.

Now, after you say your
line,
you will start running

which will be my cue
to press this button

'causing an elaborate
chain reaction'

'which will destroy
the entire set.'

'So we only have one sh*t
at this.'

- Are you ready?
- I was born ready.

Let's sh**t this, you turkeys.

Action!

I say, I say

the Burmese Turtle is mine.

[rumbling]

Quick question. When's lunch?

pew pew

Uhh.

[roaring]

[gasps]

[clank]

[instrumental music]

Unbelievable.

- It's ridiculous.
- I'm out of here.

I'm done.

You blew the entire stunt.

Way to go, turkey.

I'm a rooster!

Union guys.

Well, if you win some,
you lose some.

Gotta know when to hold 'em,
when to fold 'em.

Four score and seven years.
You know what I mean?

Are you quitting on me, son?

Everybody else quit, so I quit.

Mob mentality.

I guess I was wrong
about you, son.

What's that supposed to mean?

Roosters are loyal.
Roosters never quit.

Roosters, I say roosters
fight to the end.

And, son

you are no rooster.

Did you just call me
a "No rooster?"

What are you gonna
do about it, huh, son?

I say, what are you
gonna do about it?

[grunts]

[instrumental music]

[spits]

[grunting]

[grunting]

thud

[screaming]

Well, what's your expert
opinion?

Ooh, unless my eyes deceive me

it appears to be
an authentic Satsuma vase.

Ooh!

What's a Satsuma vase?

It's an ornate ceramic vessel

from fourteenth century Japan.

- Is it valuable?
- Oh, I dare say.

Look at this finish,
how expertly ex*cuted it is.

And the color.
It's remarkably even.

Oh, and we mustn't forget
the glaze.

Ooh, don't get me started
on the glaze.

And the scalloped rim.

Lustrous texture.

The buff-tinged enamel.

Get to the point,
you stupid squirrels.

- We're gophers.
- Indeed.

What's the darn thing worth?

Well, given the variables
of today's marketplace.

The scarcity
of Satsuma ceramics.

And factoring in
the current value of the yen.

I'd say your vase
is worth approximately..

(both)
'A million dollars.'

Oh!

Now, which one of you
lucky two found it?

- I...
- I did!

I was swimming laps in my pool

when my dumb dog
dug a hole in my yard.

I saw the vase, I picked it up

and I very clearly stated,
"This is interesting."

That's all I needed to hear.

thud

[groaning]

[shatters]

No, it's quite alright.
It's just a Tiffany lamp.

After all,
things are replaceable.

[shatters]

Well, not that.

That was one of a kind.

[gasps]

[shatters]

[both gasp]

[grunting]
Aah!

thud

Take that! Ow!

And that!

And that!

[both grunting]

thud

[grunting]

Is that all you've got?

I'm still standing here.

They've broken nearly
everything in the store.

Well, look on the bright side

soon they'll be nothing
left to break.

[laughing]

[glass shatters]

- Daffy?
- Bugs?

- Uhh!
- Mother.

Well, look who finally
learned to cry.

[grunting]

[groaning]

[laughs]

Ow!

'I say ow!'

[snarling]

[grunting]

Are you thinking
what I'm thinking?

thud

Oh, you were.

[laughing]

[plates shattering]

[grunting]

Isn't this so much fun? It's
smashing. Oh, I made a joke.

[laughing]

I think you might be a rooster
after all, son.

That's all I ever wanted to be.

[grunts]

[panting]

- Oh!
- Ahh.

No!

[shatters]

[gasps]
The Burmese Turtle!

We found it.

(Foghorn)
'It's beautiful.'

I say, it's beautiful.

It's mine!

Oh, I'm so happy.

I've never been filled
with so much joy.

I feel like I'm about to..

pop

That was interesting.

It's beautiful.

I say, I say it's beautiful.

It's mine!

I gots me so much joy

I'm a-gonna burst with joy.

[blows horn]

Well, it ain't the..

Well, it ain't the treasure,
it's the quest.

That's the lesson of this movie.

I say, I say!

thud

[applause]

(Mac)
'Bravo, bravo!'

Oh, I demand a sequel.

I don't get it.

Shut up and clap.

[snoring]

[mumbling]

Looks like we only sold
six tickets.

Six tickets
we wouldn't have sold

if we hadn't have made
that movie.

I call it
my proudest achievement.

Well, if we're being honest,
I didn't pay for mine.

[laughing]

(Foghorn)
'That boy is one of a kind.'

[instrumental music]

[wind gusting]

[instrumental music]

[fly buzzing]

[rattling]

Ahh!

[coughs]

thud

[fly buzzing]

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Beep beep.

[clanking]

swoosh

thud

[music continues]

Beep beep.

[metal clanking]

[instrumental music]

It's just about appreciating
the journey.

It's about valuing experiences
over things.

What don't you get?

Well, for starters,
why is a duck playing a rooster?

And then the same duck plays me?

That don't make no sense.

And am I the only one who found

all that fighting gratuitous?

[theme music]

That's I say, that I say..

Uh..

...what do I say, Carol?