01x10 - Eligible Bachelors

[bunniefuu]

- Alright, I'll do it.
- Do what?

I'm hosting a b-bachelor
auction for charity

and I asked B-B-Bugs
to be in it.

What am I, invisible?

I'm the most eligible
bachelor here.

What's the charity?

[stutters]
The literacy.

That's my favorite charity!

There's too much
literacy in the world!

We need to fight
against literacy!

Uh, Daffy, the-the fight
is for literacy.

What? Who's for literacy?

Our highways and byways
are covered in litter.

I, for one, think
it should be a crime.

Littering is a crime.
You went to jail for it.

Literacy is the ability
to read and write.

Oh! Then count me in.

O-N, in.

[slurping]

Aah!

[theme music]

(female #1)
'Two hundred dollars!'

S-sold for $200!

[laughing]

'T-t-the next bachelor'

'B-B-Bugs Bunny.'

[applauding]

- Nine hundred dollars!
- I want him!

- 'Fifteen hundred!'
- Two thousand!

- Three thousand!
- You better back off.

- Five thousand!
- I'll fight you for him.

- Five thousand!
- Oh, that's it!

Uh!

[glass shattering]

N-n-now, ladies, t-take it easy.

(Lola)
'A hundred thousand dollars!'

[all gasping]

Bun bun, I'm back!

- Lola?
- S-sold!

I'm back in your life!

At least for one date,
and he can't say no

because it's for a good cause.

Littering!

Our next bachelor is

D-D-Daffy Duck.

Let's keep this money train
rollin', ladies.

D-Daffy has no job

'and n-no education.'

'And a c-c-credit score
of ne-ne-negative 13.'

E-eh, let's start
the bidding at $50.

[man coughs]

A-anyone?

It's for ch-ch-charity.

Tax deductible.

(female #2)
'Gross.'

W-well, we tried.

- Our n-next bache...
- 'Two bits!'

Sold!

[laughs]

[clattering]

Oh, my bachelor.

Knock off the pleasantries,
grandma!

Let's get this date over with.
So what's the plan?

Dinner, movie,
moonlight stroll on the beach?

I thought we clean out my attic.

Clean your attic?

What's romantic about that?

I'm a 90-year-old woman.

Get your mind out of the gutter.

[crash]

You're sure you don't wanna
start with the living room?

clang

[knock on door]

(Bugs)
'Coming.'

[banging on door]

I said I'm coming!

[doorbell ringing]

Oh, brother.

[siren]

(Lola)
Oh, you're home!

Yes, Lola. I'm home.

But not for long, 'cause we are
going to Paris, France!

- What?
- For our date!

We're going to Paris, you know

the city of lovers.

No, no, no, no, no.
That's not a date.

A date is dinner
at a restaurant.

So, we'll have dinner
at a restaurant in Paris!

Lola, I'm not leaving
the country.

Oh, yes, you are.

It clearly states

in article five section three

of the Bachelor Auction Bylaws

that "the bidder," that's me

"will decide where and what
constitutes a date

while the bidee," that's you

"must escort the bidder,"
again, that's me

"on said date for up to
but not exceeding 24 hours."

Again, the bidee is you,
and I'm the bidder

and these are the by-laws.

And this is a megaphone!

[instrumental music]

[indistinct chatter]

Oh, I'm so bored.

I read all my magazines,
I did the crossword.

I ate all my peanuts.
I ate all your peanuts.

I peed four times.

Oh, I feel like I've been

on this plane forever.

(male #1)
'Flight attendants, please
prepare the cabin for takeoff.'

- How long is this flight again?
- Ten hours.

Ten hours there
and ten hours back.

That's 20 of your 24 hours.

[chuckles]
Mm... someone's
good at math.

That's what I love about you.

That and your smile.

Or when you frown.

And that in between
smile and frown face.

And your profile.

Oh, and the back of your
head.
Aw! Look at your ears.

What are those?

Noise-canceling headphones.

You don't happen to have
another pair, do you?

[instrumental music]

[instrumental music]

Well, this is my attic.

Great day in the morning!

'How much junk can
a person hoard?'

Oh, if it's broken,
throw it away.

Otherwise, just organize
and clean as you go.

I'll go get us some tea.

[instrumental music]]

- Here we are.
- Oh, thank goodness.

I'm melting!

Are you kidding me? It's a
thousand degrees up here!

Ever heard of iced tea?

Ice will chip teeth.

Oh, I haven't seen
these in ages.

(Daffy)
'Hubba-hubba!'

How about you
set me up on a date

with your granddaughter, huh?

That's me.

During the w*r, I was a WAAC.

Hate to break it to you,
but you're still a whack.

[blowing air]

Oh, no, silly.

The Women's Auxiliary Army Corp.

- You were in the army?
- Yes. I was a spy.

[spits]

It was the final days
of World w*r II..

[g*nf*re in distance]

Germany still had
control of Paris.

I was told to meet my
contact at the Louvre.

In front of the Mona Lisa.

Hold on. What's a contact?
What's the Louvre?

And what's a Mona Lisa?

Just listen.

[instrumental music]

From now on

all exchanges are
to be delivered

by carrier pigeon
from the Eiffel Tower.

Carrier pigeon?

I hate birds.

[music continues]

[whispering]
I was never here.

[dramatic music]

(male #2)
'Hurry, you fools!'

[music continues]

'The Americans will
be here soon!'

Und we will no longer
control Paris.

But we're not leaving
here empty-handed.

We're going to steal
all of their art.

[cackling]

smack smack

smack smack

Get to work!

[camera clicks]

A spy! Get her!

Did they catch you?
Did they k*ll you?

They k*lled you, didn't they?

What? It's a
legitimate question.

Now, where was I?

A spy! Get her!

[indistinct shouting]

[intense music]

[tanks rumbling]

Oh, my goodness.
Oh, I'm so excited!

It's the Louvre!
I love the Louvre!

Oh, I am a Louvre lover!

You can't help but fall in love
when you're at the Louvre.

Surrounded by so many
beautiful things.

Beautiful, expensive things.

The Louvre is the most

incredible place in the world!

The Louvre is an art museum?
I thought it was a mall.

Oh, well, heh.

When in Rome!

[gasps]
Wait a second.

We're not in Rome.
Huh! We should go to Rome!

Or we could just
roam around here.

They have great malls in Rome.
The Mall of America is in Rome.

Oh, no, wait, that's in Canada.

[gasps]
We should go to Canada!

[whoosh]

(Granny)
I had lost the Germans.

Or so I had thought.

[dramatic music]

[g*nf*re]

[indistinct shouting]

[intense music]

[blowing whistle]

[intense music]

You don't look like
a carrier pigeon.

(male #3)
'There's a shortage of pigeons.'

They're using any birds
they can get their hands on.

'Go.'

'I said go!'

whoosh

Good luck.

Take this film
to the Allied Forces.

[doors open]

[music continues]

Go!

[grunting]

Uh!

[dramatic music]

- Aah!
- Whoa!

[grunts]

Oh! Oh!

[thud]

Aah!

Did you fall?
Did you fall to your death?

You fell to your death!

Oh, it's time for my nap.

I'll continue my story
when I wake up.

Oh, yeah, she fell to her death.

[birds chirping]

(Lola)
Stonehenge.

One of the oldest structures
in the world.

Lola...

Was it the droids who built it?

Or aliens, hmm?

The world will never know.

It's the Eiffel Tower.

The world will never know.

[watch beeps]

Oh, my gosh, hurry!

We only have two more hours
left in Paris

and we haven't fallen
in love yet!

Wait, have you fallen
in love yet?

Okay, well, quit staring
at Stonehenge

and let's see the rest
of the city!

[snoring]

[door creaking]

[footsteps approaching]

- 'Wake up!'
- Aah!

thud

You know, that's a good way
to k*ll an old person.

I can't stand the suspense!

What happened
at the Eiffel Tower?

Eiffel Tower?

Oh. Oh, yes.

I was holding on for dear life.

I am not leaving Paris without
France's finest piece of art

'The Eiffel Tower.'

[all screaming]

Help!

Aah!

- No one can save you now!
- I can!

[whoosh]

[screaming]

Ah, you saved my life!

He's getting away!

We need to stop him.

[intense music]

[birds chirping]

Wow! The White House.

Lola...

I thought it'd be more white.

And a little more house-looking.

Oh, our poor president.

Has to commute ten hours
to work every morning

and then do a bunch
of politics all day

and then get right back
on that plane

and fly another ten hours
just to do it

all over again the next day?

- That man deserves our support.
- Lola!

♪ Oh say does that
Star-Spangled Banner yet wave ♪

Lola, stop!

You need to stop talking.

We're in one of the most
beautiful cities in the world.

Let's take a deep breath,
look around

and just take it all in.

- That's a great...
- With no talking.

[instrumental music]

[music continues]

Yeah, no, that whole thing
would have been

a lot more better with talking.

Oh!

thud

[intense music]

[gasps]

[g*nf*re]

Get her!

[gasps]

Idiot! I'll do it myself.

[screams]

[grunts]

A little closer.

Now!

Aah!

[g*nf*re]

[speaking in foreign language]

You!

Land this blimp, Frankenheimer.

I don't take orders
from a woman!

I'm not just a woman.
I'm a..

...whack!

[grunting]

Aah!

Aah!

This art does not belong to you!

It will soon, when we cross
the German border.

[grunting]

- And who are you?
- Your worst nightmare.

[grunting]

[screaming]

You're not much of
a carrier pigeon

'but you're one heck
of a Tweety bird.'

Now, let's turn
this blimp around.

Did the blimp explode? Did it
explode into a million
pieces?

It exploded and k*lled you,
didn't it?

You're not very bright, are you?

Huh?

We arrived back in Paris
to an incredible reception.

The rest of the art
was returned to the Louvre.

The allies liberated France.

Colonel Frankenheimer
was sent to prison.

And I was rewarded
witha very special gift.

A gift? What was it?

[instrumental music]

You think I would have
noticed
that before.

Then what's the one
they got in France?

It's a fake.

Wow!

Oh, hey, we never finished
cleaning your attic.

Well, truth be told,
I didn't bid on you

just to clean my attic.

It's also nice to have someone
to talk to.

Anytime.

That was a fun date.

Aren't you gonna walk me home?

Ah, just kiddin'.

[laughs]

[door opens]

- Hey.
- Hey.

Huh?

[instrumental music]

Beep beep!

whoosh

thud

[computer beeping]

ding

thud

[wind blowing]

[machine sputtering]

[instrumental music]

Beep beep!

Beep beep!

whoosh

Beep beep!

vroom

thud

Beep beep!

whoosh

[dramatic music]

whoosh

thud

Beep beep!

whoosh

Beep beep!

whoosh

bang

thud

thud

So now, let me
get this straight.

You fought in World w*r II?

- Yep.
- How old are you?

I'll never tell.

Well, can you at least tell me
if you're a boy or a girl?

[whispering]

Huh. I was wrong.

[theme music]

[stutters]
That's all, folks.