01x05 - The Play, Part 1

[bunniefuu]

[ALEXA] It was weird, but now that
people thought Katie had cancer,

nobody thought I did.

It's not like I wanted
to take advantage of it,

but what's the point in them
thinking we both have cancer, right?

Here, Katie. I got you a candle.

It smells like birthday cake.

[SNIFFS]

[EXHALES]

Oh. Uh... Um...

[CHUCKLES] Thanks.

[SIGHS] Thanks for not ratting me out.

I couldn't handle those pitying looks.

I-It's not that bad.

Really? Not even the
concerned head tilt?

"How are you, Katie?"

How are you, Katie?

Hannah, you know I don't have cancer.

I know.

But I don't want people
to think I don't care.

[EXCLAIMS LOUDLY] You're my hero!

Doesn't it drive you nuts
that people treat you differently?

Not that differently.

OK, who cares?

In the meantime, I'm getting
my holiday shopping done early.

Merry Christmas, Grandma.

[FANFARE RECORDING PLAYING]

Attention, students.

For those of you who don't know me,
I'm Ms. Rogers.

And I'm excited to announce auditions
are tomorrow for the fall play.

Have you noticed? Love is in the air.

For me, anyway.

His name is Scott.
Not that it's anyone's business.

And it's inspired me to choose

Romeo and Juliet.

That's right.

We are going to William
shake it up a bit.

[IN BRITISH ACCENT] Until then,
good morrow, my lords and ladies.

- [KATIE GASPS]
- Aw!

Do you remember
the last play that we were in?

Oh, yeah. Beauty and the Beast.

You were Belle and I was a dancing fork.

[LAUGHS] You were an awesome fork.

I've always wanted to play Juliet.

Well, it's a natural progression
from fork to Juliet.

You should totally sign up.

Yeah, I-I'm going to.

And this time I won't have to dance
around with a meatball on my head.

I don't know. It's Ms. Rogers.

Last year she made everyone
in The Sound of Music a vampire.

Oh, yeah. The hills were alive,
but everyone else was dead, so...

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ When I can't take it any longer ♪

♪ You make me feel stronger ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ When I can't take it ♪

♪ You make it so much better ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh, we'll do this together ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪

Hey, guys! I'm ho...

Who left their dirty dishes out
from breakfast?

Oh, I did.

[JACK] Sorry, Mom!

Just make sure
it doesn't happen again, buster.

- Hey, Mom.
- Hey, sweetie. How was school?

Great! I signed up
to audition for the fall play.

That's fantastic!

Did I ever tell you that I was once
in a production of My Fair Lady?

[IN COCKNEY ACCENT]
Had a bit of a Cockney accent, I did.

Yeah. Yeah, I'm not doing that.

I am going over to Alexa's
to work on my audition.

Sorry guv'nor, you're
supposed to watch...

Mom, Mom.

You're supposed to watch Jack.
I have to go to school.

But, no, I can't concentrate
with him around.

He's quiet as a mouse.

[LOUD CLATTERING UPSTAIRS]

[CLATTERING STOPS]

[CLATTERING RESUMES]

Well, that was unfortunate timing.
[CHUCKLES]

All right, you just focus
on doing what you need to do

and I will figure it out,
because that is what moms do.

- Thank you!
- Mm-hmm.

[MUTTERS] Oh, God.

I need a mom.

[GASPS] "But soft, what light
through yonder window breaks?

'Tis the east, and Juliet is the sun."

[GIGGLES] It's so exciting!

Well, yeah, I have to get cast first.

Oh, I saw your fork.
You're getting this part!

Hi, honey.

That was close. When she gets like that,

she starts singing Katy Perry songs.

I'm not afraid to roar.

Let's get started.
[CLEARS THROAT] I'll be Romeo.

Oh, but I'm not ready to just...

I'm already in character.

"Shall I hear more
or shall I speak at this?"

Wait! Wait!

I-I always get nervous before auditions.

And uh...

This is going to sound silly,

but remember when we used to do our

plays in front of your stuffed animals?

Yeah.

They were just always so supportive.

Oh, except for that big bunny
with the judgmental eye.

Mm. Bernard.

What happened
to our little buddies, anyway?

[SCOFFS] Well, you know,
obviously I outgrew them.

[CHUCKLES] You know,
at a certain point you say,

"What am I doing with a bunch
of stuffed animals at my age?"

[ALEXA LAUGHS]

[ALEXA GASPS]

They came home!

[KNOCKING AT DOOR]

Hey, Lucas.

So, I forgot what we agreed on.

Uh... Eight dollars an hour, right?

I think we said ten.

Right. Right.

Well, I feel lucky

that such a fine young man
is available to be with Jack.

I mean, you know,
he thinks the world of you.

We all do.

Thanks. It's still ten.

[CHUCKLES] All right.

But I know how many corn dogs
are in the freezer.

Lucas! I knew I heard your voice.

Hey, bud.
Thought we would hang out tonight.

Really? You got my text
about hanging out?

- You have a phone?
- Not a real one.

That's why I'm surprised
you got my text.

Well, we're hanging out now.

Like best friends?

Sure.

OK, OK! Let's play Pokémon.

No, ride bikes. No, build a fort!

I know, lightsaber fight.

[SIGHS] I am Obi-Wan Kenobi.

I can control your mind.

How about we just chill?

So...

this is chilling?

Yep.

Chilling's kind of quiet.

Could be quieter.

"That which we call a rose
by any other name would smell as sweet;

so Romeo would, were
he not Romeo called,

retain that dear perfection
which he owes without that title."

Whoa, Katie! That was really good.

[CHUCKLES] Was it?

Well, don't take my word for it.

Listen to them.

Go, Katie! Yes!

I could get this.

Oh, my gosh! They're rushing the stage!

Are we done chilling?

Not yet, bud.

A lot of people stop chilling
when it gets boring,

so they never really hang in there
to achieve a true state of... chill.

I can't believe
I'm going to say this, but...

it's my bedtime.

Uh-huh.

[DOOR OPENS]

Hey.

Oh. Lucas?

Uh... [CHUCKLES]

W-What are you doing here?

I'm watching Jack.

Uh...

Oh. So where is he?

Hard to say.

So... [CHUCKLES]

Wow.

Here we are.

Alexa says you're going out
for the school play.

Mm-hmm. Yeah, yeah.
It's, uh... It's Romeo and Juliet.

You know, the story of two teenagers
who are madly in love

but can't be together.

It's a tragedy.

- You know what I just realized?
- Yes?

You're here.

I am.

I can go home!

[LAUGHS] Yeah, let's do this again!

"What is Montague?

It is not hand nor foot..."

[PERFORMS VOCAL EXERCISES]

Here we go!

See Juliet; be Juliet.

Hey, you're gonna go out there
and do great.

I hope so. Gosh, I really want this.

[PERFORMS VOCAL EXERCISES]

"What's in a name?

That which we call a rose
by any other word would smell as sweet."

[SIGHS] I nailed it.

- That was good, Vanessa.
- I know, right?

[CELL PHONE DINGS]

Scott!

He wants to have dinner tonight.

The horn has sounded, the pursuit is on.

Dare I open my heart?

I don't know. I'm 14.

Right.

OK, next up we have Katie Cooper
reading for Juliet.

Oh, Cancer Girl's reading for Juliet?

Why did we even show up?
She's totally gonna get it.

- [MS. ROGERS] Katie Cooper?
- I-I'm Coopie Kater.

Uh... Uh... Juliet. Uh...

"What is Montague?

It is not hand, nor foot...

nor..."

[KATIE GROANS]

Come on!

Um...

OK.

"That which we call a flower

by any other word
would still smell, right?

So Romeo would still totally,
totally be Romeo,

you know, even if...

You know, I don't care
what my family says. I love Romeo!"

Huzzah!

Everyone, I think
we've found our Juliet!

What?

- What?
- What?

You are Juliet.

Coopie, your raw potential...

and my minor in drama...

Wow. Wow. Thank you so much.
I will not let you down.

Oh, my God! Juliet!

I'm Juliet!

How did that happen?

I don't know. Just keep walking.

Hey, Lex. What do you think?

Flop left or flop right?

Life's full of tough choices.

- Is Mom home?
- No.

- Is Dad?
- No.

I'm here.

[GROANS] All right.

[SIGHS] So, Katie went out
for Juliet today.

Oh?

And she did terrible!

- Oh.
- But she still got the part!

- Oh! Who's missing Mom and Dad now?
- Still me.

I'm worried she got the part
because people think she has cancer.

It's my biggest fear: that people
would give me things I didn't earn.

And now that's happening to Katie.

But what am I supposed to do?

If I tell people,
the same thing's gonna happen to me.

If I don't, I'll feel guilty
for letting it happen to Katie.

Uh... Mom will be home soon.

Yeah, you're right.

Katie said she was fine, so I shouldn't
even be worrying about this.

- It's gonna be OK.
- Thanks.

Oh. Uh... I was talking to my hair.

Hey, honey!

How did the audition go?

I didn't get a text from you.

But from the look on your face,
I can tell that it was good...

Bad...

Good...

Can you just tell me?
I had a really long day.

- I'm Juliet.
- Really?

Wait, why? Do you think
I shouldn't have?

Of course you should have gotten it!
I'm so proud of you!

Thanks! Yeah, rehearsals start tomorrow.

I need to find a babysitter again?

I need to find a babysitter again!

I just heard! Oh!

Congratulations!

[WITH INCREASING VOLUME] Today Juliet,
tomorrow Broadway, then an Oscar.

[LAUGHS] Sorry, I just had an espresso.

Now, this is going to
be a lot of work, but

you're going to have such a good time.

Oh! Oh, that reminds me.

They need our parents to sign up
to help out with the production.

"Set construction,
costumes, rehearsal snacks."

Um...

Where are the options for tired
but otherwise delightful single moms?

Oh, I used to love doing all the
costumes for Alexa's productions.

The King and I was a favorite.

I still get compliments.

[CHUCKLES]

- You did a great job.
- Oh, fantastic. Beautiful.

Thank you.

So, any chance...

Oh, I'd love to!

Oh, you know, I was actually saying
that I was feeling left out

that Alexa wasn't in it this year,
so... count me in!

- Thank you.
- Yeah!

This will be fun, right?

I mean, Juliet may be
doomed, but nobody's

going to call her wardrobe a tragedy.

[CHUCKLES]

Hey! Excuse me!

I'm stuck!

- Oh, good. Alexa, my skirt...
- I hope Katie's rehearsals go well.

If you could just maybe...

Because she needs to know that she

deserves this role because she's good.

Do you have scissors?

Otherwise,
how will she know she earned it?

I don't want her to live like that,
always wondering.

- Even a jagged house key?
- I've got to go.

You deserve this. You deserve this.
You deserve this. You deserve this.

Hey. H-How are you feeling?

I deserve this!

Oh. I just... wanted
to introduce myself.

- I'm Romeo. Ryan. Romeo.
- Oh.

"What's in a name?" Am I right?

Yeah, yeah. I-I'm sorry. I-I'm Katie.

- Juliet.
- I know, yeah.

[TAUNTING WHISPERS]

So I hope that you're not nervous about

the kiss, because we do kiss later.

But as Romeo and Juliet.

I just wanted to let you know
that I'll be a gentleman.

Uh... What? Oh!

Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah, me, too.

Um... I mean, I'll be a gentlewoman.

- So we'll both be gentle.
- Mm.

Well um... Anon, milady! [CHUCKLES]

All right. I need my Romeo and Juliet.

Wherefore art my Romeo and Juliet?

It's a moonlit night
at the Capulet villa

as our star-crossed lovers rendezvous.

- And... act!
- [RYAN] Uh...

"Lady, by yonder blessed moon I vow...

that tips with silver
all these fruit-tree tops."

- "Oh, swear not by the moon..."
- Wait, wait. Something's missing.

[BOY] No joke.

Vanessa should have been Juliet.

She's terrible at this.

Vampires?

[MS. ROGERS] Let's try it again, Katie.

What? Oh! Oh, OK.

I think she gets distracted
because of the cancer.

[GIRL] The show's ruined because of her.

[MURMURING CONTINUES]

"Oh, swear not by the moon,

the, uh, inconstant moon...

that monthly..."

I'm gonna barf!

"I'm gonna barf"? I don't have that.

Oh! Use the garbage can!
Use the garbage can!

- [KATIE VOMITING]
- Oh, that is so close.

Oh, good! Katie, my skirt is...

Oh, Hannah.

I just had the worst rehearsal.

- If you could just maybe...
- All the talk started getting to me.

But, you know, I-I know I'm good.

- Do you have scissors or...
- It doesn't matter what people think.

Right? Yeah, right. OK, I've got to go.

Even a jagged house key?

How's it going, buddy?

I ate a bunch of nickels.

Cool.

Hey!

I thought this was going to be fun.

Hey, Jack, your mom called.

- What did she say?
- She told me to give you a dart dinner!

[JACK GASPS]

You started w*r with the Skrull warrior.

There will be no mercy.

Yes! No mercy! Freedom for Earth!

Skrulls forever!

My force fields were up!

Force fields only work
on the second floor!

There's a secret basement!
We're on the second floor!

- [LUCAS YELLS]
- [JACK SCREAMS]

- Hey!
- Hey! Did class get out early?

Shh! I'm paying Lucas through the hour.

I have 15 more minutes of me time.

Me time? Ooh! I could really
go for a glass of me time.

Oh, thank you for covering me
for the wardrobe.

I feel so guilty.

Oh, honey, you're a single mom
who's struggling with work and school.

- You're an inspiration...
- Is that mine?

So, you want to sew a hem?

- I do not.
- Mm, yeah.

Yeah, me neither. Hmm. Let the kid trip.

I totally got you! You're dead!

Now I'm a cyborg! I can't die!

You two are having fun.

Yeah! Lucas is the best!

I cannot thank you enough, Lucas.

You are a lifesaver.

Wait.

You were babysitting me?

I thought we were hanging out.

We are.

You don't have to pay me.

I'm just hanging out with Jack
because... he's my friend.

That is so swee...

Hanging out with you is awesome.

Seriously?

Hyperspeed!

I'll chase you to the
end of the universe!

[JACK] Ow!

[LORI LAUGHS]

Oh, wow. The end of the universe.

You know, that could take a while.

- I'm in no hurry. Now it's free.
- Yeah.

[BOTH LAUGH]

- Oh, hey.
- Hey.

I know that you had a
rough day yesterday,

but just don't forget, before
all the whispering started,

we saw how great you were.

We?

Oh, Bernard came!

Oh, and he hates riding in cars.

Hey, thanks.

Uh... I don't want you to think the kiss

is the only thing on my mind. It...

You know what? I will see you up kiss.

Up there! There. I... [LAUGHS]

[GROANS] I...

Hey. Hey.
Uh... You know, I thought about it,

and it doesn't really matter
if it's a good production.

Making you Juliet
was the right thing to do.

Have a great rehearsal.

[KATIE] Uh...

Oh. What?

No, I didn't even do anything.

Please stop it.

Stop it!

Stop it!

Stop it!

I quit!

[APPLAUSE STOPS]

Katie, wait!

Katie!

Katie, wait! Don't quit.

Now I know
why you don't want anyone to know.

It is hard to believe in yourself
when nobody's being real.

I-I thought I was good,
but I guess I was wrong.

No.

You were great.

I know what's real,
and they need to know, too.

Alexa?

- Is everything all right?
- No.

[ALEXA CLEARS THROAT]

OK.

We all know about this rumor
that a girl in our class is sick.

I know some of you think
that girl's Katie.

And I know some of you think
she got the part because she has cancer.

You have cancer?

I had no idea.

I've been kind of focused on Scott.

- He's my boyfriend...
- Katie doesn't have cancer!

She shaved her head for me.

I'm the girl with cancer.

[ONLOOKERS GASP]

[ALEXA] The secret was out.

I was officially Cancer Girl.

Bring on the scented candles.

[UPBEAT THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪