01x07 - The Play, Part 2

[bunniefuu]

[ALEXA] 4:00 p.m. was naptime, for
me and babies and old people.

But there's one thing I had
on the pudding-and-diaper crowd:

when I woke up, Katie would be there.

Usually Katie would be there.

At some point.

- [CRIES OUT]
- [THUDS]

Ouch!

[GRUNTS]

Alexa?

[YAWNS] Katie.

[YAWNS] How long have you been here?

OK, so, how did rehearsals go?
Tell me everything.

Oh, OK. The craziest thing happened.

You know Emma, the girl
playing the Nurse?

Yeah.

Well, a bat flew into the auditorium,

smacked her right in the back of the

head and just knocked her off the stage.

Yeah. She sprained her ankle
and had to get a rabies sh*t.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, we're not laughing at that?

Oh, that reminds me, the funniest thing
happened in sixth period.

OK, so, Jeremy bent over and he fl...

- [CELL PHONE CHIMES]
- Ooh, it's Kendall.

[LAUGHS]

- Seriously?
- [CELL PHONE CHIMES]

Oh, sorry.

[LAUGHS]

- Look at this picture Beth just texted.
- Who's Beth?

Is that an armpit?

Oh, that's so Beth.

Oh, sorry. So, what were you saying?

- Oh. So, Jeremy bent over and he...
- [KNOCKING]

Hey, guys.

You're into books, right?

Uh... Y-Yes.

Cool.

I've got to find a classic
and write a report,

but the only book in my room
was Curious George,

which totally holds up, by the way.

- Any ideas?
- Pride and Prejudice?

Not prejudiced, can't relate.

Um... The Grapes of Wrath?

Hmm.

I do love me some high-intensity wrath.

And grapes.

Thanks, Lex.

That will be disappointing for him.

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ When I can't take it any longer ♪

♪ You make me feel stronger ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ When I can't take it ♪

♪ You make it so much better ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh, we'll do this together ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪

Oh, wow! Look at all these posters!

So cool! I'm so excited for you!

Yeah, maybe we'll have a full house.

Oh, my gosh! A full house!
No, I can't handle that.

- Are you kidding me?
- But you're so good!

Thanks.

[ADMIRERS] Katie!

Katie! Wherefore art thou, Katie?

[CHUCKLES] Save it for Verona,
Lord Capulet.

[LAUGHTER]

Hey, Alexa.

[ALEXA GASPS]

Dylan! [LAUGHS]

What's going on?

[INDISTINCT CHATTER]

Nothing much. Hey, don't forget
that tutor session we have later.

[LAUGHS]

Oh, my God, Dylan! You're so funny!

That... wasn't really a joke.

Oh, stop it!

The Romeo and Juliet meeting
commenceth now.

Commenceth now
the Romeo and Juliet meeting.

[GIRL] One of those
dresses is for Katie.

Katie, wait.

Cast... only.

Commenceth elsewhere.

Have not saints lips,

and holy palmers, too?

Ay, pilgrim,

lips that they must use in prayer.

- [CELL PHONE RINGING]
- Oh, that might be Scott!

My boyfriend.
I haven't heard from him in a while.

His cell phone's been in the shop.

That's a thing.

Keep acting.

Uh...

Saints do not move,

though grant for prayers' sake.

Then move not,

while my prayer's effect I take.

"And kiss."

[RYAN CHUCKLES]

Well, it wasn't Scott,

but my much-younger sister's
getting married.

[LAUGHS]

Great job, everyone... I think.

Uh... Shouldn't we kiss in this scene?

I-I mean, to practice for Friday.

Or... do we even have to kiss at all?

See, I'm not sure
how necessary it is to the story.

It's Romeo and Juliet.

Not all couples kiss these days,

or come to the door to pick you up.

Sometimes it's just
a couple of honks and you're off.

Katie is really good.

Oh, I know, right?

People have been telling me,
but I just assumed they were being nice.

I'm Bennett, Romeo's dad.

Jennifer.

Uh... Ryan's good, too.

Eh.

Ryan's pretty overwhelmed
with two days left.

He asked about Katie coming over
to rehearse tomorrow.

Oh, that's perfect.

Your family should come
over to our place.

"Hosting rehearsal,"

that sounds like something from the
volunteer list, doesn't it, huh?

- Great. We'll bring pizza.
- Perfect!

Will you bring one with veggies
so I don't have to make a salad?

[CHUCKLES]

Great.

Ooh! I'm so excited
to finally try this on!

Oh, you're going to be
a beautiful Juliet.

Or maybe a headless ghost.

[LORI LAUGHS]

Hey, sweetie! I thought I'd stop by
before class to see you.

[KATIE] If only you could.

[LORI LAUGHS]

Yeah, I think you got here
two inches too early.

[LAUGHTER]

Neckline humor. That's... funny.

Oh, Katie, in case you get hungry,
I made you a PB and J.

Well, we were almost out of jam,
so it's more like a PB and "juh."

[JENNIFER CHUCKLES]

Lori brought me a
turkey sub, but thanks!

[GRUNTS] Here.

- Bye!
- Oh, wrong way.

Oh. Bye, Mom.

OK. I'll see you tonight, um...
or two inches later.

[SILENCE]

Or whatever. Just...

- [SIGHS]
- All right.

Well, I still have a
little bit of work on

my end, but then you'll be set to shine.

Uh... Yeah. Yeah, hopefully. I'm not
sure that last scene was working.

The kiss scene?

Yeah.

Is this your first kiss?

Yeah.

[GROANS] My first kiss
will be in front of an audience.

You know, I-I barely know Ryan.

Well, then don't count it.

I had a first kiss that didn't count.

Yeah. It was tenth grade
and he was a football player.

His name was Zack, uh...

It started with an "M."

Anyways, I was cheering at a game
and I kicked him in the head.

So I tried giving him CPR, um...

but it didn't work.

It was a sloppy mess.

So... So this doesn't have to count?

- Uh-uh.
- Thanks, Lori.

So, was it good CPR at least?

Well, I swallowed his mouth guard,
so I'd have to say no.

OK, SO THE ANSWER IS: A, 21;

B, -6; or...

C, I'm secretly a superhero?

Yeah. Yeah, that makes sense.

Hey, pay attention! I'm important.

Katie's posting pictures
of her Juliet dress.

It's like, we get it already.

I know, right? I mean, I look cute in my

Juliet dress, but I don't show it off.

I just never see her.

I'm sure she'll make a great Juliet.

She could work a little on her Katie.

Feeling left out?

- Aren't you supposed to be tutoring me?
- Thank you.

So the answer is: A, 21...

[SIGHS] I just feel a little left out!

You know, I could play the Nurse!

[CHUCKLES] OK, a girl
sprained her ankle.

It's a really funny story.
I'll tell you later.

How about you do two more problems,

then tell me how it's funny
when people hurt themselves?

Hm. You know, clearly your superpower
isn't a sense of humor.

And she was weaned...

I never shall forget it...

of all the days of the year,

upon that day.

Captivating!

Hey.

Hey! Hey, thanks for
coming by to see me.

No, I'm auditioning for...

Sorry, can't talk. Working on my lines.

...the Nurse.

So?

You were great, but with your health...

Please.

I can do it.

Well,

my mind wants to say no,
but my heart wants to say...

- [LORI] No!
- ...also no.

Mom, seriously?

You can't overexert yourself. I'm sorry.

[MS. ROGERS GASPS] Wait.

I have the perfect job!

She'll be able to sit the whole time,

and it will be under the tutelage of one

of the most dynamic members of our team.

Don't touch anything.

Watch and learn, and maybe someday
you'll find a way to tame this...

beautiful beast.

Though I doubt it. This place is doomed
when the Garth-man graduates.

I heard the vacuum. Is Grandma coming?

Katie's friend and his parents
are coming over for dinner,

so you've got to put
on some pants, Jack.

You can't just spring pants on someone.

They're coming soon and bringing pizza.

Pizza! I can pants for pizza.

[DOORBELL RINGS]

Katie, get down here!
I'm being a theater mom!

Hi.

[CHUCKLES] Welcome.

- Thanks for having us.
- Hey, Ms. Cooper.

Just... Just you two?
Where's uh... Romeo's mom?

- [CHUCKLES]
- We're separated.

Oh. Oh.

Well, more pizza and wine for us.

[LAUGHTER]

But we went crazy
and brought Indian food instead.

[YELLS] What?

I put on pants!

OK.

And what is that accent she's doing
for Lady Montague?

I have no idea.

[IMPERSONATES] It's like British
with a hint of Muppet, you know?

Oh, this is fun! Theater w*r stories.

[BRITISH ACCENT]
You know, I played Eliza Doo...

Mom!

I just think when someone says
they're gonna bring pizza...

Jack.

- You and your pants are excused.
- Fine!

[BENNETT] Oh.

Um... Well...

Well, we have to rehearse.

Oh, great! We can all take a part.

Or we can go sit on the deck.

Perfect. I'm tired of being Juliet.

Although I do have the legs for it.

[RYAN CHUCKLES]

- So um... where do you want to start?
- [CLEARS THROAT] Um...

- You know what we haven't practiced?
- Death scene.

- The kiss.
- The kiss!

Sure. Yeah, why not?

I should probably apologize
in advance if it isn't... good.

I haven't, uh...

Oh, I-is this your first kiss?

[RYAN SCOFFS]

What? Come on!

Yes.

[CHUCKLES] So... maybe...

[CLEARS THROAT]
...maybe, for the sake of the show...

Yeah, yeah. Oh, for
the sake of the show.

For the show's sake. For the...

Let's just do it, yeah?

- OK.
- Um... Hmm.

[DOOR OPENS]

[GASPS] Lucas!

[LUCAS] Hey, Katie.

Turns out Grapes of Wrath is a downer.

You got any other ideas?

Um... I'll go look. Yeah.

Hey, man.

Nice!

Ryan seems like a sweet kid.

Yeah. Yeah, it's just a little awkward.

Awkward?

Because it's your first kiss?

- Mom.
- Are you a little nervous?

Mom!

Oh, honey. First kisses are a big deal.

You know, my first kiss...

I'm fine, Mom, OK?
Lori already talked to me about it.

You talked to Lori
about your first kiss?

Yes. Yes, so I'm good.

[KATIE GIGGLES]

[KNOCKING, DOOR OPENS]

Hey, neighbor.
Hey, listen, I broke my scissors...

You stole my moment!

You're a... moment stealer!

- What?
- You know darn well what.

Ever since you started doing the
costumes, you and Katie have been all,

"two inches too late,"
and "turkey subs,"

and "Jennifer's a jerk."

- What are you talking about?
- Overreacting? I am not overreacting!

OK, it's late and...

your teeth are stained red,
so I'm gonna go.

But I still need your scissors.

- Well, I will go get them.
- Thank you.

I heard that!

Buddha, Buddha.
Gouda, Gouda, Buddha, Buddha.

Wow, wow, wow, wow.

- Hey. I just wanted to...
- Huh? What?

I just wanted to tell
you to break a leg.

I'm sorry. Can we talk after the show?

You want me to tell you to break a leg
after the show?

[KATIE GROANS]

- Can you find a place to put these?
- Where do you want me...

Oh, Agnes, where's my gold snood?

[SIGHS]

Is this going to be fun?

It's kids doing Shakespeare,
don't get your hopes up.

- Oh, Lori dropped something.
- Oh, Lori doesn't need our help.

She can do it all.

Mom, why is your eye twitching?

- Are you OK? You look flushed.
- I'm fine.

- Did she look flushed?
- Please don't pierce my Adam's apple.

It's my moneymaker.

Oh, thank you. Um...
Will you put it there?

OK, then. I'll, uh...

Jennifer, wait.

Listen,

I'm sorry if I stole your moment.

It's just,

with Alexa...

we're always talking about her health.

I don't get those fun talks,
like first kisses.

Ow!

- I'm sorry.
- That's OK.

No one's talking to you.

I'm just afraid
that I'm no longer around enough

to have any impact
on my own daughter's life.

Oh, honey, that's not true.

Come here.

This was beautiful.

And a little painful.

All right, thespians,
let's get ready to blow some minds.

You're a high school lighting guy.

That's right.

God said, "Let there be light..."

and there was Garth.

[KATIE] For saints have hands
that pilgrims' hands do touch.

And palm to palm is holy palmers' kiss.

O, then, dear saint,

let lips do what hands do.

They pray;

grant thou, lest faith turn to despair.

Saints do not move,
though grant for prayers' sake.

Then move not,

while my prayer's effect I take.

Ew!

Whoa.

Straw me.

[SLURPING]

[EXHALES]

[FLUTE PLAYING]

So, how do you like it so far?

- There's more?
- Here, read the program.

Look at all these parents
who volunteered.

Did you know you're
allowed to help, Mom?

[SIGHS] Yeah.

Hey, here's Katie.

Oh, look, she thanked Lori.

- Mm.
- And Garth.

The lighting guy?

Eighteen hours of labor
and she thanks the lighting guy.

"And... Mom." That's you.

What? What does it say?

Eh, too long.

"And, Mom,
watching you work so hard for our family

is what's inspired me
to work so hard for this show.

I wouldn't be who I am without you."

[LAUGHS AND SNIFFS]

That's right, I-I made an impact!

[CHUCKLES]

Uh... Read the bio. I-I'm "Mom."

[JENNIFER LAUGHS]

Why is it so hot in here?

[SIGHS] I'm sweating like crazy.

[GROANS] Now I have to pee. Thanks!

How is that my fault?

You let me drink too much soda.

Total rookie mistake.

You can make up for it
by getting us snacks from backstage.

Got to keep fueling the Garth-mobile.

Eat up, Garth-mobile.

Thirty seconds! Thirty seconds!

Oh, Alexa! I'm so glad to see you.

Me, too. You're doing great.

Some of the lighting cues have been off.

What?

Yeah, when they're off even a
little bit, it ruins my focus.

I am barely hanging on out there.

Places, everyone! Places!

It's not my fault. Garth...

I don't care whose fault it is,
just make it happen.

Oh, I'll make something happen.

[DOOR HANDLE RATTLES]

[GARTH] Hey. Hey!

What are you doing in there? Let me in!

- [BANGING ON DOOR]
- Let me in!

Uh...

Nurse, will you go with me into...

Uh...

...into my closet to help...

me sort such needful ornaments...

ornaments... ornaments...

as you think fit to furnish me tomorrow?

No, not till Thursday.

There is time enough.

[BANGING ON DOOR]

[GARTH] I'm begging you!

There might be college theater scouts
in the audience!

[KATIE] Come on, Alexa! Open the door!

- [KATIE GROANS]
- [GARTH] Come on.

Yes!

[GARTH SIGHS]

I'm so sorry, Jezebel.
I should have never abandoned you.

What are you doing?

Sorry, tech crew only.

Aren't you supposed to be on stage?

If only thy Juliet were thee around...

Ay, that would be goodeth.

Oh, my gosh!

[GARTH GROANS]

[SIGHS] You feel good about yourself?

I licked those.

For never was a story of more woe

than this of Juliet and her Romeo.

[RENAISSANCE MUSIC PLAYING]

[CHEERING AND WHISTLING]

They die?

You didn't tell me they die!

You were amazing!

Ah.

Oh, honey, I'm so proud of you!

Oh, thanks, Mom!

Katie, nice job out there.

Oh, hi! Thanks!

I-I can't believe you came.

Well, when I saw the posters of you
up in school, I suddenly realized,

why read a whole book when I could just

watch the play and do my report on that?

[KATIE LAUGHS]

Yeah, cool. Cool, cool.

- Good show, Katie.
- Uh... Yeah. Yeah, you, too.

Katie.

[KATIE SIGHS]

You were amazing out there.

And I was definitely
rooting against you.

Oh. Uh... Thanks, Vanessa.

How did you memorize all those lines?

Well, I mean, it took
a ton of hard work.

But Alexa helped me almost every night.

Oh, right. You're friends with her?

Yeah, she's my best friend.

Really? I never see you guys together.

I'm the worst.

Go on.

I'm sorry, OK?

I was so in my head wanting to be good,

I-I didn't even realize
how rude I was being.

OK, if it weren't for you,

I never would have gone out for
this play in the first place.

I'm glad you did. And you were great.

I'm sorry, too.

I was just feeling really left out
and I snapped.

And you know the worst part
about not talking to you?

I had no one to complain about you to.

[ALEXA CHUCKLES]

And, boy, did I have some stuff to say.

[KATIE LAUGHS]

Oh, you're... you're burning up.

Uh... Lori?

Honey?

Yeah, you have a fever. OK, it's
no big deal. You know the drill.

You have a fever,
you gotta be monitored at hospital.

- OK.
- [NATHAN] Hey, Katie.

After-party at my house.

I'm so proud of you.
Have a great time tonight.

Come on, Katie.

[ALEXA] Katie had to go
to the after-party.

She deserved every bit of praise
she was gonna get there.

But I should have known better.

I mean, this is Katie
we're talking about.

It's just a tiny fever. Go.

Maybe you can still make it in time
for pin the tail on the Garth.

Hey.

This is where I want to be.

Fine.

Well, since we're stuck
here for a while,

how about that first kiss?

Hey, look, it doesn't count, OK?
We were... We were acting.

Yeah.

Acting like you loved it!

I did not!

- Yeah, you did!
- No!

It was like a...

[NO AUDIBLE DIALOGUE]

[UPBEAT THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

♪ Hey! ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪