02x11 - Help for the Lovelorn

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Felicity". Aired: September 29, 1998 –; May 22, 2002.*
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Follows Felicity to NYC after high school as she navigates life and discovers who she really is.
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02x11 - Help for the Lovelorn

Post by bunniefuu »

What's the matter?

Nothing. Nothing.

It's such a gray day, isn't it?

You've been sitting
there like that all morning.

Have I?

Gosh, I have. I'm late.

So what's in there, anyway?

Excuse me?

Your box. Your secret box.

Honestly, we've been roommates
for almost two years now.

Don't you think it's
about time you let me in?

Oh, you'll find
out. Soon enough.

Have a nice day.

(RETRO SONG PLAYING)

I woke up this morning
with the strangest feeling.

You know, it's funny. So did I.

Then I realized what it is.

What?

Three semesters.

Three semesters?

I only have three semesters left

until I graduate.

It struck me how it's
all going by so fast,

how before we know it,
college is gonna be over.

Then what?

That's a good question.

It's a scary question.

What was yours,
your strange feeling?

Oh, I don't know. It
was probably nothing.

Well, I've got three
chapters to read.

Ew.

Yeah, if you hear me
moaning back there,

free cookies might help.

♪ Some shall we say

♪ Not spoken

♪ Of the moment

♪ Not for all time

♪ 'Cause, darling,
we'll be unbroken

♪ As I swear on
this heart of mine

♪ Oh, forever... ♪

WOMAN: Lovesick?

Excuse me?

I don't mean to intrude,

only I saw you staring
at that boy at the table.

Oh. Well, you're
very perceptive.

Is he a boyfriend?

Sort of.

Ex-boyfriend.

Ex-boyfriends, actually.

I see. That is difficult.

It's just complicated.

Love always is.

May I help you?

I think I might be
able to help you.

What's this?

Help for the lovelorn.

"The Clinic"?

If you're romantically
frustrated,

lonely, dejected,

you owe it to yourself to call.

What is it, like
hypnosis or something?

It's a treatment.

All my life, I'd been
unhappy in love,

and it never got better.

Finally, thankfully, I called.

For the incurable romantic,
The Clinic is the cure.

I'd like a bagel, please, plain.

Of course.

I carried the card
around for three months

before I finally
decided to phone them.

Don't wait as long as I did.

(SIGHS)

Hi.

Sorry.

NARRATOR:
Witness Felicity Porter,

in many ways, your typical
19-year-old college sophomore.

Studious, dedicated, kind.

Felicity Porter, who
serves coffee and pastries

to nameless patrons.

Patrons who, until today,

haven't had the
particular talent

of glancing at her face
and reading her mind.

Felicity Porter,
making a phone call

that will change
her life forever.

Felicity Porter? Yes.

I'm Janice. Janice King.

You can come back
now. Thank you.

Have you ever had
any surgery before?

Surgery?

It's a standard question.

Oh. My tonsils when I was eight.

All right.

And how long have you
been experiencing heartache?

It's for the file.

Confidential.

I see.

Um, I guess it all started
when I came to New York

15 months ago.

I've only really been
involved with two people ever.

Three if you count David.

Four total.

I put too much importance
on things, romance and sex.

And I guess with the holidays
and weather and everything,

I don't know, for some horrible,
annoying reason, love matters to me.

Ben matters to me.
Noel matters to me.

And I'm sick of it already.

I'm sick of caring so
much, of feeling torn

and wanting that
connection, that soul mate.

I just want this
feeling to go away!

Sign here, please.

What is it exactly?

Is it some kind
of psychotherapy?

The sooner you sign, the
sooner you get to see the doctor.

All right.

Very good. The doctor
will be in in a moment.

Thank you.

Felicity Porter?

Oh, I didn't hear the door.

Heartache, 15 months. Hmm.

Have a seat.

Look here.

I think there might be
a misunderstanding.

I only came here
for a consultation.

I understand.

Then, if you don't
mind my asking,

why am I getting
a physical exam?

Oh, not everyone
qualifies for the treatment.

The treatment?

Breathe normally.

What is the treat...

(SHUSHING)

Hmm.

Is there a problem?

Oh, thank you.

No, thank you.

Oh, go ahead. I
hate to waste the cup.

Thank you, Nurse.

NURSE: Certainly.

I'm going to draw some blood.

Then we'll run a
test that will tell us

whether or not
you're a candidate.

What sort of
therapy is it exactly?

Treatments exists for broken
bones and torn muscles,

kidney, liver,
even heart disease,

and procedures
to fix the physical.

Why not a therapy
for the brokenhearted?

What is it you do here?

What is it that you do to
people? Now, now, now.

I'll tell you everything, but
first I need to draw some blood.

No! Stop! What?

I'm sorry. I'm leaving.
What are you doing?

I've changed my mind.

Wait a minute.

Felicity, there's no
need to be afraid.

I never said I was afraid.

(SIGHING)

(PHONE RINGS)

MEGHAN ON ANSWERING MACHINE:
Hi. You've reached Meghan and Felicity.

We're not in. Please
leave a message.

(ANSWERING MACHINE BEEPS)

NURSE: I'm calling for Felicity
Porter. This is The Clinic.

We'd love to schedule
a second visit.

Please call us at your
earliest convenience.

Listen, this is Felicity
Porter, and I was in today,

and I appreciate your
calling and everything,

but I made it pretty clear
there will be no second visit.

I'm just not interested.

NURSE: I see.

Okay, I'm sorry if I was...
(CALL DISCONNECTS)

(DIAL TONE)

A glass heart?

I just called The
Clinic yesterday,

so when did they send it?

And how did they
even know my address?

And you went because you heard
they could cure a broken heart?

Yeah. But don't tell
anyone, all right?

It makes me sound desperate.

You understand that's
because you're desperate?

But the doctor tried to draw
my blood without asking.

Maybe it's an
office of vampires.

That's what it felt like.

I'm telling you, weird
things happen there.

Sounds like this one time
I was sort of desperate

and I was walking by this church

and they were offering
this free happiness test,

so I went in, and they start telling
me how they were gonna help.

Help make me a better
person and how I needed them,

so I actually took the
test. How lame was that?

And then they wanted
me to buy this book.

Elena.

It's not too long of a
story. Let me finish.

There's a man over
there. He's looking at me.

Is he cute?

No. He look... He looks dead.

Then just say no, thank you.

He wants to talk to me.

So, when you went to The Clinic,

what exactly did you take?

Nothing.

Except the water.

You.

What do you want?

I have to be quick.
They'll see me.

Don't let it happen to you.

Find a way out.

What are you...
I don't know how.

It's too late for me.

But you still have a chance.

Stay away from snow.

Snow?

Don't you see?
You've got to get out.

You can't let them do it to you.

Who? Do what? What
are you talking about?

The Clinic.

The procedure.

I left The Clinic. I said
no. I'm not doing it.

Yes, you are.

Felicity, don't you understand?

They're doing it
to you right now.

Stay away from snow?

How disturbing is that?

So what did he say happens
to you when it snows?

He didn't say. He disappeared.

Okay, I hate to be
the voice of reason,

but how does a guy disappear?

I don't know. He was in the
stacks, and then he wasn't.

What are you doing?

Checking the weather forecast.

If you're gonna disappear or
something the next time it snows,

I wanna be prepared.

What do you think he meant,
"They're doing it to you right now"?

Hello.

Hi.

So, how did it go?

I left. I went, but I left.

Yes, that's what I heard.

That's what you heard?

Then why did you
ask me how it went?

You really should go back.

They wanted me to tell you that.

Can I get you
anything? A bagel, plain?

No, thank you. I
just came to see you.

Okay, she's weird.

(LINE RINGS)

NURSE: The Clinic.

Yes, hello. Is there
someone I can talk to

who's in charge of
the office, please?

Felicity?

Yes. Is there...

Is there someone I can talk to?

I feel like you're harassing
me now, I really do,

and I'll report you
if you keep it up.

I'll take care of it.

Thank you. And I didn't
appreciate you hanging up on me...

(DIAL TONE)

MALE VOICE: (EERILY) Felicity.

Felicity.

Felicity.

Open 67.

Open 67!

God! Are you ever gonna
stop making those stupid tapes?

Felicity?

You look terrible.

Do you wanna tell
me what's going on?

Yes.

But you'll think
I'm losing my mind.

No, I won't.

Julie...

Yes, you will.

(SIGHS) I think the best thing to
do is just to not talk about it, okay?

The Clinic called me.

They told me what happened.

They what?

They want you to go back.

They called you?

Julie, I only went to that
place for a consultation.

They haven't left me alone.

Now they're
harassing my friends?

Felicity...

Since I went to The Clinic,
things have been happening.

Last night, my tape
recorder spoke to me.

It said, "Open 67." What
do you think about that?

Maybe it's stress.

Huh, stress!

Emotional turmoil can have
a bigger effect than you think.

I'm so sorry they bothered you.

I'm going to call the
police, put an end to this

before I start my
new job tonight.

I went there myself
over the summer.

What?

How do you think I got over Ben?

How do you think I
could finally forgive you?

I had the procedure.

You?

I know it seems like a
weird place, a little cult-like.

But it's like anything that
works well, you get fanatics.

You went to The Clinic?

It's the best thing
I've ever done.

So tell me, what'd
they do to you?

What is the treatment?

I can't tell you that.

Why not? They have you sign
a non-disclosure agreement.

Julie, this is me asking.

Please, for my own sanity,
what do they do to people?

Only they can explain, and
it's really best that they do.

And any leftover
burners or test tubes,

just put them in
a tray for cleaning.

Okay.

And don't forget to
wear your rubber gloves.

You never know
what's in those tubes.

One quick mop-up every night.

Don't worry about
getting out all the stains.

You'll never get
out all the stains.

Sounds easy enough.

One more thing.

Give these a wipe-down
before you leave.

You ever seen a dead body?

Uh-uh.

Oh, don't, please.

Lately, things have been
spooky enough as it is.

All right.

Good luck.

Thanks.

How much you gonna
get paid working here?

Not enough.

You're telling me.

Girl like you, alone
in a place like this.

Dead bodies all around.

I wouldn't want that job.

Well, gee, thanks.

I meant what I said before.

Good luck.

MALE VOICE: Felicity.

(SCREAMING)

You want to see what
The Clinic does to people?

Unzip me.

Unzip me!

Come look what they did.

Come look!

(GASPING)

This is how they
cure a broken heart.

The rip your heart
right out of your chest.

It's what they're
going to do to you.

Felicity?

What did you put in that water?

Excuse me?

The water. Forget it.
Where's the doctor?

I need to see the doctor!

I'm here.

Felicity, what is it?

What did you do to me?

I, uh, don't understand.

Since the last
time I was in here,

I've been hearing
things, seeing things,

having conversations with people

I'm not sure even exist.

That's why we wanted
you to come back.

I'm not talking to you!

Felicity, please relax.
Just take a deep breath.

Don't you tell me to relax.

Just tell me what
was in the water.

The water? The water.

The water she brought in.

The water you dared me to drink.

Why was it really so important
to you that I drink that water?

Felicity, you need help.

No, you need help,
because I'm gonna report you

to the police and the
AMA and the FDA.

There was nothing
in the water, Felicity.

You saw me drink it, too.

You drank from another cup.

That must be how you do it.

She brings in two cups, and
the one you drink is the water,

and the one she
hands the patient...

Listen to yourself.
You sound insane.

You want to hear insane?

Last night, I hung out and had
a conversation with a dead guy.

You know what he told me?

That you take out
people's hearts!

Mmm. And replace it with what?

I don't know. Uh, maybe
a... Maybe a machine,

a computer, anything that
isn't feeling, isn't human.

You are imagining things.

Oh, yeah? Well, I'm
not imagining this.

The postmark says you sent
it the day before I called you.

How did you know to send it?

How did you even
know my address?

Let me ask you
a simple question.

How do you know you're not
imagining the glass heart, too?

What? Your story is impossible.

How do you know where
truth ends and fantasy begins?

I know this is real
because I can feel it,

just like I can feel
the pain in my left arm.

Felicity, whatever's
the matter with your arm

is a physical condition that
you need to get checked out.

Now let me see it.

Get away from me!
Stay away from...

Stay away from my arm,
stay away from my heart.

The best thing you could
possibly do is co-operate.

Oh, she's right, Felicity.

The more you fight,
the worse it will get.

Get away from me!

I promise you, I swear,
this is for the best.

Aah!

It's okay. It's
gonna be all right.

(SOBBING)

What if I'm losing my mind?

What if there never
was a man in the library

telling me to fight,
to beware of snow?

I mean, maybe Julie was right.

About the stress.

Oh, God.

What?

Maybe I never even talked
to Julie about this at all.

Noel, am I going crazy? Is
that what's happening to me?

No. There's an
explanation for everything.

You know that.

I so wanted to feel better,

to lose this
emptiness in my heart,

that I was willing
to do anything.

I was so stupid.

(SOBBING)

Felicity, everyone's different.

For some people,

alcohol's their weakness, for
others, it's gambling or dr*gs.

For you, it's love.

For you, love is
that elusive quality

that can make
you feel whole or...

Or unhinge you entirely.

But they were so real.

The man in the library

and the voice on
the tape recorder.

The corpse in the biology
lab. They were so real.

Then they were real.

I believe you, Felicity.

For better or worse, that's...

That's my burden.

Always believing in you.

Thank you.

The real question
is what to do next.

Well, I don't want
to take a chance.

I want to report The
Clinic to the police.


If I'm going mad, if
this really is a delusion,

so be it. I'd rather be
wrong and thrown in jail

than let an innocent
man or woman

succumb to whatever it
is they do in that place.

Fine. We'll go together.

Really?

If that's what you want, we'll
report The Clinic to the police.

Noel, thank you. Thank you.

I've got to go change.

What else did the man from the
library say to you about The Clinic?

Nothing. He was
just very afraid.

He didn't give you
his name, did he?

Did you recognize him? I
mean, had you seen him before?

Uh, no.

Because I really want to
know who that guy was.

I guess it's been a while

since you've seen
me without my shirt on.

Noel.

The truth is, Julie told
me about The Clinic

only a few weeks ago.

No. No.

Think about it, Felicity.

It's the only way
we're all gonna survive.

All this emotional turmoil.
Who's in love with who?

Who's sleeping with who?
I mean, is it really worth it?

I mean, what the hell are
we all looking for, anyway?

Love. Love?

Unbelievably overrated.

Let me ask you a question.
The Clinic guarantees

that you will never have
an aching heart again.

Isn't that what you
said you wanted?

Yes, but not anymore!

If not feeling heartache
means not feeling anything,

forget it. You can
do it, Julie can do it,

you all can do it, but not me.

I'll take all of love's pain

if it means I might get to
feel some of love's happiness.

That is so old, Felicity.

It's who I am. It's...
It's who I want to be.

You don't understand what's
happening to you, do you?

You don't feel it.

Feel what?

Just take a deep breath.

Why does everyone keep
telling me to take a deep breath?

'Cause that's how
anesthesia works.

Anesthesia?

Just take a nice...

DOCTOR: Deep breath.

Where am I? What...
What's happening?

You're okay.

What are you doing? Ow! Ow!

What are you gonna do to me?

Why, nothing.

What do you mean,
nothing? Then why am I here?

You were having quite a dream

during the procedure.

You even spoke a few times.

We, uh, had to
increase your dosage.

What procedure? I never said
you could do anything to me.

Well, you signed it
hastily, but you did sign it.

Oh, my God.

I think you'll be most pleased.

In my dream, I dreamed
that you removed hearts,

which is crazy, isn't it?

Doctor. Doctor...

Uh, Dr. Snow.

Dr. Malcolm Snow.

Congratulations, Felicity.

Your days of heartache are over.

Sedate her again.

NOEL: It's no good.

Get away from me.

I felt the same thing
when I woke up here.

Disoriented, confused.

I'm Noel, remember?

I'm not kidding.
I'll kick your ass.

I took a self-defense
course over the summer.

How could you do this to me?

How could you not tell me
the truth about The Clinic?

I don't know what
you're talking about.

Let me see your chest.

Why? Just do it!

(LAUGHING)

Oh, my God.

I don't know what
you're so happy about.

Nothing. It was just...

Oh, God, it was just
a dream, obviously.

Oh, I had the most
horrible dream.

It was like a nightmare.

Well, guess what. The
nightmare isn't over,

unless you can tell
me where we are.

What do you mean?

This room, this place.
How did you get here?

What route did you take?
What building did you turn into?

What elevator
did you ride up in?

What hallway did you walk down?

Um... Well, I...

I just woke up
there on the floor.

Then I'm sure you can't tell
me what door you entered.

'Cause this room
has no doors at all.

That's impossible.

No, he's right.

We've examined
every inch of this place.

There's nothing.

And we've been here for months.

Hi.

Months?

No, that's impossible.

Wait. It was just
Christmas break,

and we were just getting
back to New York, right?

We don't know.

Who else is in here?

This is it. Just us.

It was the four of
us. Now the five of us.

We're all here, so there
must be some explanation,

something rational.

Look, we all know how it is.

You're trying to be normal,

use normal logic.

Here's the truth of the matter.

Normal logic
doesn't work in here.

How? That's your
next question, right?

Who feeds us if we've
been here that long?

Where does the food come from?

Are you ready
for this? It doesn't.

This must be a dream, too.

Then we're all having
the same dream.

No, there's gotta be a
door here somewhere.

Look all you want.
You won't find anything.

Elena's right. You're
wasting your time.

You'll wrack your brain.

You'll try and solve this thing

like it's a puzzle or a midterm.

Then you'll give up out of
frustration and exhaustion.

JULIE: Unless she's the
one that can figure it out.

Julie, I am so sick
of your optimism.

Hey, don't jump on her
because she's got hope.

There's no answer to this.
We're stuck here. All of us.

Maybe. Maybe there
was an accident.

Maybe we're all dead.

Maybe this is hell.

Hell? Stuck in a room
with two cute guys like this?

(ALL LAUGHING)

We've gone through all
the obvious scenarios.

Maybe we're dead.

Maybe we've been
abducted by aliens

and this is a waiting room

for some intergalactic
slaughterhouse.

Maybe we're all at a party

and the punch was spiked.

JULIE: Or maybe we're zoo
animals for some superior race.

Or pets for their kids.

What about the most
intriguing one of all?

What if we were never
really people to begin with?

That's crazy. Of
course we're people.

What do we really
know about each other?

We know our names.

We know that we all go to the same
college. We know the few stories

that we've decided to share
with each other, but what else?

Supposedly, I grew up
with my adoptive parents,

except I can't remember
what they look like.

I've gone to college for three
years and have basically no friends?

None of us can remember
anything before college,

and even then,
only bits and pieces.

No food, no water,
no sunlight, no doors.

No real memory of anything
that's happened before.

It's only a matter of time

until you start asking
yourself the same question.

Who are we?

Maybe all of that, all that we
thought was normal before,

maybe that was the dream.

Maybe this is what's
real. This place.

Maybe this is all that's real.

(POUNDING)

I wish I at least had my guitar.

Thank God, you
don't have your guitar.

What is that supposed to mean?

Nothing.

How am I ever gonna
become a doctor in this place?

Or me, a graphic designer?

And me.

What are you gonna
do with your life, Ben?

Nothing. Not a damn thing.

Look around. This
is what I'm doing.

We cannot stay in
this place forever,

in this nowhere place.

What is out there?

Whatever it is, it's got to
be better than what's in here.

(CHUCKLES) Nice one.

At least I'm man enough to try.

At least I'm smart enough
not to run into walls.

Ben, are you okay?

How can any of us ever be okay

trapped in here like this?

I want out!

We all want out.

FELICITY: What
if we climbed out?

What if we all got on each
other's shoulders and climbed out?

Whoever got out
could go get help.

Come back for the rest of us.

I'm too scared. Who
knows what we might find?

Then I'll do it.

(GRUNTING)

Give me your hand.

Oh, God.

Okay. Ugh.

Give me your hand.

(GIRLS SCREAM)

How close are you?

I'm almost there.

Will you reach it?

Almost. You guys
have to stretch.

Stretch. Everyone stretch.

(SCREAMING)

(ALL SCREAMING)

Are you okay? What do you see?

What is it?

Felicity, what's out there?

Where are we?

Felicity!

ELENA: Now how did that happen?

Get back in there

with your little friends.

NARRATOR: Felicity
Porter, stuck inside a box,

but not just a box
which happens to be

the sole magical
possession of her roommate,

but another kind of box.

A strange, gray area

where what you
want, what you need,

and what you'll be
are forever in question.

Felicity Porter in a
place called college.
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