01x21 - French Fries

[bunniefuu]

(male commentator on TV)
'And this looks like
it's gonna be'

'about a 38-yard field goal.'

'And Dallas better be..'

What are you doing?
I was watching the game.

"Off Duty Cop" marathon.

I knew it.
You're a cop!

I'm an off-duty cop.

[jazz music]

Oh, brother.

Aah! Hot coffee!

You know what's great
with hot coffee?

Coffee cake?

No.

Coffee kick.

Turn it back.

Unless you want a coffee kick.

You asked for it.

'Hah!'

[glass shatters]

I gotta get a stunt man.

[theme music]

(male commentator on TV)
'The field goal is up,
and it's good!'

Yes! We're going
to the playoffs!

[machine drilling]

[jackhammer whirring]

[saw buzzing]

[hammer pounding]

[pounding continues]

What is this?

Goal post.

Well, I get to kick
a field goal at half-time

at this weekend's playoff game.

If I make it,
I get a million dollars.

Forget the million dollars,
you get to go to the game?

I don't care about football!

All's I cares about
is making that field goal.

Now step aside

'cause I got to get
to practicin'.

Uh, you do realize that if you
actually make a field goal

it'll go right through
my window.

Well, then you better get
the window repairman on the line

'cause I'm about to
bust some glass.

You want me to go ahead
and get that window
repairman

on the line?

[instrumental music]

I have some exciting news.

- You finally got a girlfriend.
- Ah, no, I...

Okay, hot plates,
hot plates coming in.

Fettuccine Alfredo

a personal pan pizza

and the meatball sub.

Hey, Speedy, Porky finally
got a girlfriend.

Ooh! Good for you, Pinky.

I thought you're gonna be one
of those always-lives-alone guys

'who just gets more
and more desperate'

'until he alienates
the few friends that he has'

'and then he's just alone.'

So what a relief for you.

Now when can we meet
this new girlfriend?

Ugh. I don't have
a girlfriend.

Well, stay in the game, Pinky.

But maybe you should think
about growing a beard.

You got so much... face.

That was your exciting news

that you don't have
a girlfriend?

No.
I got us playoff tickets.

What?
How did you get tickets?

They've been sold out for weeks!

My uncle works
in the league office.

Porky, I can't believe
we're going to the playoffs!

I'm picking up the tickets
this afternoon.

You know, I've never said
this before, but thangu.

You mean, "thank you".

Is that how it's pronounced?

Well, then, thank you.

There's no two people
I'd rather go with.

[chomping]

[dramatic music]

[rapid heartbeat]

My friendship with Porky
is over.

- What?
- He ate my French fries!

What French fries?

The ones that came
with my sandwich!

He probably thought
they were for the table.

They were not for the table.

They were my fries.

They came with my sandwich.

You want fries? Order fries.

But you do not take
someone else's fries.

That is a garbage move!

Porky is a piece of garbage.

Don't you think you're being
a little dramatic?

I am not being dramatic!

Now, if you'll excuse me,
I'm going to walk myself home.

That's right, walk home through
this unsavory neighborhood

where I'll surely be sat upon
by ruffians and miscreants

street hustlers
and road monkeys.

None of whom, by the by

come close to being
the kind of garbage

that is Porky Pig.

Now good day, sir.

[siren wailing]

Bugs?

[instrumental music]

[horn honking]

Hey, I fixed your window.

'That'll be a $170.'

Bill me.
I'm about to be a millionaire.

Hyah!

[tires screech]

Uh-oh.

[upbeat music]

[dog snarls]

[Sam screaming]

(Sam)
'Down, boy! Down!
Whoa! Nice doggy, ow!'

[screaming]

'Down, boy! Down!'

[door opens]

Don't you know
when someone's being dramatic?

[telephone rings]

- It's Porky.
- Hide your French fries.

Hey, Pork.

I just picked up the tickets.

'Our seats are even
better than I thought.'

Oh, that's great.

Daffy, Porky got the tickets.

Tell that piece of garbage that
he can keep his garbage tickets.

- What did he say?
- He didn't say anything.

- It was nothing.
- It was not nothing!

'I definitely said something.'

What's wrong with Daffy?

I guess you ate
some of his fries.

What?

Daffy's mad at you because
you ate some of his fries.

I thought they were
for the table.

He thought they were
for the table.

They were not for the table!

Relax, he just got us
playoff tickets.

- Let me talk to him.
- He wants to talk to you.

I'm not talking to him.

I'm not talking to you!

You ate my fries!

I thought they were
for the table!

Did you pay for those fries?

Because if you didn't,
then you don't get any fries!

Uh, I did pay for the fries.

I bought everybody lunch.

Oh! So you think that
if you pay for a meal

then you get to eat
everyone's food.

Well, remind me to never pay
for anyone's meal.

You never pay for anyone's meal.

That's because I have class.

But none of this matters
because I am not talking to you!

[telephone beeping]

How do you hang this up?
Tell him goodbye.

No, I'm not talking to him.

Tell him I didn't say goodbye.

Porky, don't listen to Daffy.

All that matters
is you got the tickets

and we're all going to the game.

'So what if you ate
a few of his fries?'

His fries?
You're on Daffy's side?

No, I'm not on anybody's side.

You know what?
Forget about the tickets.

No one's going to the game!

[glass shatters]

[grunting]

[dog growling]

(Sam)
'Aw, not again! Aah!'

What are you doing?

What does it look like
I'm doing?

I'm putting the garbage
in the garbage can.

Those are pictures of me.

Well, you only had
two photos of Porky

but by then it was too late.

I was on a roll.

Daffy, you've gotta
apologize to Porky.

Why? Because he's done so much
for me over the years?

Because he's shown himself
to be a generous person

of tremendous character
and integrity

and it's petty of me
to hold a grudge

over a tiny, harmless
misunderstanding?

No, because I wanna
go to the game.

Well, you can forget
about the game

because I'm not apologizing.

He thought they were
for the table!

Oh! So now you're taking
his side?

I'm not taking his side.
I'm not taking your side.

There are no sides.
It's French fries!

This isn't about French fries!
This is about morals!

You don't have morals!

Well, then I guess
it's about French fries!

[slams door]

That's my room.

[glass shatters]

Your room, your problem.

Wow. Thank you.

Don't thank me.
Thank Daffy.

- It's from him.
- Really?

He feels terrible about
what happened.

But how come he didn't
bring it over?

He was too ashamed.
He couldn't face you.

But he wrote you a card.

Here, read it.

"Dear Porky, I'm so sorry."

"You were right, I was wrong."

"The French fries were
for the table."

"Dear Daffy, I'm so sorry."

"You were right.
I was wrong."

"They were your French
fries."

"I hope we can put
this all behind us."

"Go to the game,
and be friends again

at the game."

"In friendship, Daffy Duck."

"In friendship, Porky Pig."

So what do you say?

Can we let bygones be bygones
and all go to the game?

Of course we can.

I mean, just look at this
incredible gift basket.

I guess we can.

But you've got to admit

that's a lame gift basket.

Twenty two, 23, 24.

There's only 25 people
in front of us.

We're almost inside!

Playoffs!

Daffy, I'm really glad
we settled things.

Well, it took a big man
to admit they were wrong.

I couldn't agree more.

Great.
Everyone agrees.

Took a big man, there's no need
to talk about it anymore

because we're only 16, 17, 18
people away from the big game!

That was a really nice
gift basket.

You know, the thing about gift
baskets is they're so much nicer

when you don't talk about them.

I don't know about really nice.

I mean, once you take off
the ribbons and the bows

and all the straw, it's just
a couple of scented candles

and some weird fruit.

Whatever it is, it's over

it's done, we've moved on

and we're nine, ten,
11 people away.

So let's just silently
bide our time.

Well, regardless,
it's the thought that counts.

- I agree.
- So, thank you.

- For what?
- The gift basket.

- What gift basket?
- We're two people away.

Let's talk about this
when we get inside.

The one you gave me.

You gave me a gift basket.

But why would I give you
a gift basket?

- Just give him your ticket.
- For eating my fries.

You're holding up the line.

I thought they were
for the table.

They came with my sandwich.

So you didn't get me
a gift basket?

No! You got me a gift
basket.

I didn't give you
any gift basket.

I got the gift baskets!

I don't care about
the French fries!

I just wanna go to the game!

Well, no one's going
to the game!

No!

I wouldn't wanna go to a game
with a piece of garbage, anyway!

Here's my ticket.

Kind of a long story.

'They had a fight.'

French fries.

♪ When the snow flurries swirl ♪

♪ And we're all filled
with cheer ♪

♪ It's time to celebrate ♪

♪ My favorite holiday
of the year ♪

You know which one
I'm talking about

Presidents' Day!

♪ It's Presidents' Day ♪

♪ It's time to reflect
on this wonderful man ♪

♪ That we elect ♪

♪ Abraham Lincoln
and George Washington ♪

♪ Thomas Jefferson
and Alec Baldwin ♪

♪ Celebrate Oscar De La Hoya ♪

♪ He fought off the British ♪

♪ So they would not annoy ya ♪

♪ Raise the flag ♪

♪ The stars and stripes ♪

♪ Our 41st President
Wesley Snipes ♪

♪ Charles Nelson Reilly
won the w*r ♪

♪ With the help of his mighty
Vice President Thor ♪

♪ We were in trouble
at the Battle of Manila ♪

♪ But lucky for us
we had President Godzilla ♪

Thanks, President Godzilla

♪ My country 'tis of thee ♪

♪ Sweet land of Mr. T ♪

♪ And Mrs. T ♪

♪ They did so much for us ♪

♪ Like President Spartacus ♪

♪ Who chopped down a forest ♪

♪ So we can have
softer toilet paper ♪

Okay, this is really soft.

And now, let's salute
one of our greatest presidents

President Johnson.

Oh, no.
No, not that one.

No, no, sorry.
Not him either.

Oh, there he is!

♪ So celebrate
our fearless leaders ♪

♪ Like Harrison Ford
and his VP Derek Jeter ♪

♪ And let's not forget
President Pacino ♪

♪ Who fought at the Alamo
with Robert De Niro ♪

♪ Celebrate
everyone's dancing ♪

♪ For the first woman President
Scarlett Johansson ♪

♪ It's Presidents' Day
yeah yeah yeah ♪

♪ Oh yeah yeah ooh ♪♪

Oh, my gosh, I just sounded

exactly like President
Christina Aguilera.

[sighs]
That is so crazy.

Somebody park this thing.

Excuse me. Pardon me.

Uh, would you mind just
lifting your foot a little bit?

I think you're standing
on a piece of my ticket.

Oh, nope.
Now you're standing on my hand.

Excuse me, coming through.

VIP. Million dollar VIP.

Sam?

Meh, what's up, neighbor?

Out of my way!
I got a field goal to kick.

Well, good luck.

You're gonna need it.

What's that supposed to mean?

Well, if I only had one chance
to win a million dollars

I'd want luck on my side.

And you know, nothing's luckier
than a rabbit's foot.

Ooh!

You'd be willing
to part with it?

No, you idiot!
Take me in there with you.

Oh, right.

Where do you think
you're a-going?

- Watch the game.
- Unh-uh.

You and them lucky feet
ain't leaving my side

till I kick that ball
through them uprights.

A deal's a deal.

[whistles]

[crowd cheering]

Fine.

But after you kick the ball

I'm kicking you to the curb.

Ugh, I should have
just taken his foot.

(male commentator on TV)
'And Dallas better
be careful here'

'because New York's been better
than anyone in the league'

'at blocking field goals.'

Oh, hey, Pinky. Table for one?

I can get a girlfriend
any time I want.

Whoa, easy.

Why are you so defensive?

Maybe that's why
you don't have a girlfriend.

No, it's that face.

Start growing a beard, man.

Can I just get a table?

Unfortunately, we don't have
any tables available.

Packed house for the game.

If you want, there's a seat
at the counter.

[indistinct chatter]

Great.

Without question, I have
the worst seat in the stadium.

[panting]

Five minutes till halftime.

You know, you're missing
an incredible game.

[whistles]

[groans]

[grunting]

You're not wearing cleats?

Hah! These dudes
are my secret w*apon.

A pointed toe makes the ball
fly through.

You're gonna slip.
You gotta wear cleats.

Ooh, I see what's going on.

You're jealous of me.

You don't want me to win
a million dollars.

I'm not jealous of you.

Well, too bad for you

'cause the bootsies
is staying on the tootsies.

Come on, rabbit.
Bring your feet.

Finally! I'm gonna see
some action.

[crowd cheering]

What's happening?
What's happening?

What happened?

(male announcer)
'Touchdown.'

Whoa!

[thud]

Should have worn cleats.

Why, you razzle fra..

Uh, pardon me, doll

but may I borrow your nail file?

Oh, I'm sorry.

Is this for the table,
or is it just for you?

I'm not talking to you.

Well, I'm not talking to you.

Too late.
You just talked to me.

- Real mature, Daffy.
- Daffy.

- Stop copying me.
- Stop copying me.

- Daffy, stop it!
- Daffy, stop it!

- I'm serious!
- I'm serious!

- Ugh!
- Ugh!

(male commentator on TV)
'And it's halftime.'

'Now let's go back down
on the field'

'as one lucky fan will get
a chance to kick a field goal'

'for a million dollars.'

Are you wearing cowboy boots?

Cowboy cleats!

[laughs]

Come on, feet.
Lucky, lucky feet.

Alright, just kick the ball
so I can watch the second half.

[screaming]

(male commentator on TV)
'Ooh! You hate to see
that happen.'

[Sam screaming]

Ay, he should have worn
more appropriate shoes.

Can I get you anything else?

I never got my side of fries.

What side of fries?

The fries that come
with the meatball sub.

Fries don't come
with the meatball sub.

- They did last time.
- No, they didn't.

I just gave them to you guys
compliments of the house.

You know, for the table.

Well, that answers
that question.

You gonna eat that?

Is that Senor Bugs?

Aah! It hurts so bad!

'Why me?'

Well, someone's gotta kick it.

[intense music]

[whistles]

Hmm, I guess these feet
are lucky after all.

I can't believe you gave
the million dollars to cha-rity.

- You mean "charity."
- Oh.

Is that how it's pronounced?

Hey, look over there.

Porky got a girlfriend?
How?

[giggles]

I was right about
the beard, huh?

Maybe I should grow one.

[theme music]

That's all folks!

[glass shatters]