05x15 - A Lobster, an Armadillo and a Way Bigger Number

[bunniefuu]

- Previously onYoung Sheldon...
- I'm Georgie.

Mandy.

How about while this runs,

I take you to dinner?

How old are you?

GEORGE JR.: Do not say .

Twenty-one.

Well, funny seeing you here.

I'm just taking a little dinner break.

Here we go. Two margaritas.

I love their margaritas.

Well, this was fun.

It was for me.

Nice meeting you.

I don't want to get ahead of myself,

but the strength of the
temperature deviations

is looking rather spicy.

- How spicy?
- Five microkelvin.

- Muy caliente.
- [chuckles]

When should we publish?

Not yet. There's only

a three-sigma significance.
It needs to be higher.

That'd require a much
more robust signal.

And you know what that means.

Road trip to the super telescope?

Road trip to the super telescope, baby.

When are we leaving?

Oh, right. You.

♪ Nobody else is stronger than I am ♪

♪ Yesterday I moved a mountain ♪

♪ I bet I could be your hero ♪

♪ I am a mighty little man ♪

So far, the data is extremely promising.

Five microkelvin!

HAGEMEYER: Ah.

Well, you seem excited,

so... cool.

- [chuckles]
- We just need

budget approval to travel
to the radio telescope

in the Davis Mountains.

Fine by me.

- Yes!
- On to more pressing matters.

- Does Sheldon Cooper have to come?
- STURGIS: Shouldn't he?

He is part of the team.

But isn't there some rule
against minors traveling?

- No.
- Can there be?

No, it's better for the
project if he's out there

in the field with you.

But isn't it better for his education

- if he stays here in class?
- HAGEMEYER: Oh, I think

that a trip like this
could be very educational

- in its own way.
- LINKLETTER: Mm.

You just don't want him
around here bugging you.

Winner winner he's-going-with-you dinner.

Hey, there.

You're Georgie's friend, right?

- Yeah. Mandy. Hi.
- [chuckles]

- You grow up around here?
- I did,

yeah. And then I, uh,
moved to San Antonio

for a while after college.

- After college.
- Yeah.

A&M. Then I got an internship
at Good Morning San Antonio.

- Uh-oh.
- MANDY: Then I worked my way up

- to doing the morning weather report.
- Hey, y'all.

Well,

speak of the devil.

- What's going on, ladies?
- MEEMAW: Just

getting to know Mandy here.

Yeah, I was telling
her about San Antonio.

Oh, she's from Texas. She
knows all about that stuff.

- Anyways, I'll let you get back to work.
- MEEMAW: Well,

I'll leave you two kids be.

And listen to me, calling
you young adults "kids."

[chuckles] Like you were
still teenagers or something.

I wish. [chuckles]

Mom, can I have your AAA card?

- Why?
- I need to order

a TripTik for my road
trip to Fort Davis.

Who said you could go to Fort Davis?

President Hagemeyer.

Well, I didn't say you could go.

It's fine. I'll be with Dr.
Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter.

For how long?

Three days.

And they're okay with this?

Why wouldn't they be?

No reason.

- Hmm.
- Just the same,

I'm gonna check in with them.

In the meantime, can I call AAA?

- Can it please wait?
- No.

[sighs] Card is in my purse.

You're what guys call "a keeper."

Mandy seems nice.

She's all right.

Things getting serious?

- I don't know. Why?
- Just wondering

when you were gonna
tell her your real age.

- Age ain't nothing but a number.
- Yeah,

well, her number's way
bigger than your number.

You ain't never lied about your age?

I'm a lady. Different rules.

- It's not a big deal. We're just having fun.
- Yeah,

well, before you have too much fun,

you better tell her.

That sounds less fun.

Welcome to being an adult.

It sucks.

Dr. Linkletter? Mary Cooper.

Ah, Mrs. Cooper.

I assume this is about the upcoming trip

and perhaps your very
understandable reluctance

to let Sheldon come.

I have to admit I do have some concerns.

As you should.

So, you're saying you'd prefer

- he not go with us?
- [Mary sighs]

But he'd be so disappointed.

Not more disappointed than me.

So, you feel good about him going?

Only if you feel good about it.

You're his parent. I'm just
an absentminded academic

who's never had children.

Come on, now.

You've been such a great help

looking after him at college.

Yes, but college isn't the
same as three days in a van.

Huh.

Sheldon can be a nervous traveler.

Ah. Sounds like you
don't want him to go.

No, I do want him to go.
I just want to make sure

that you and Dr.
Sturgis are okay with it.

We're okay with it.

If you're okay with it.

If you're okay with
it, I'm okay with it.

Then it would seem
we're both okay with it.

Okay.

- Okay.
- MARY: Oh,

he's gonna be so happy.

Uh-huh.

You ready for your road trip?

Yes. I'm plotting bathroom breaks.

It's tricky because I'm not sure

how frequently Dr. Linkletter
and Dr. Sturgis need to urinate.

Maybe I should call them.

Ooh, I wouldn't. You ask
old guys about their bladder,

you're in for a long conversation.

What's with the maps?

I'm going with Dr.
Sturgis and Dr. Linkletter

to a radio telescope
in the Davis Mountains.

[sighs] Of course you are.

- Problem?
- Nope. He gets to do

whatever he wants, and
I'm not even allowed

to go the beach with my friends.

It's just a school trip.

It's fine.

SHELDON: Oh. Says here Fort Stockton

is home to the world's
largest roadrunner statue,

which is the stuff of nightmares.

But they do have a restroom.

[knock on door]

Can I talk to you?

- Am I in trouble?
- No.

It's about a girl.

Oh. You're in trouble.

Yeah, sure.

I'm not really in trouble.
I'm just dating this girl,

and she's a little older than me.

What's the problem?

She doesn't exactly know how
much older than me she is.

How much older is she?

Like ten years.

But she's blond and she's really hot.

Well, that doesn't matter.

I mean, if you're lying
to her, that's not okay.

Hold on.

You're saying if you were my
age and dating this hot girl,

you'd tell her the truth
and blow your chances?

Well, that's not the
question you asked me.

So, what would you really do?

[exhales]

She married?

- No.
- She got kids?

- No.
- I don't see the problem.

- Thank you.
- My pleasure.

You're like the son I never wanted.

Hey, I know I don't work here anymore,

but could I use this office tonight?

No.

Fine.

Did you used to?

[scoffs softly] No.

You might want to pace yourself.

Our next rest stop isn't for another...

miles.

If anyone needs to go before that,

I've got a trucker's buddy in back.

What's that?

A bottle you urinate in.

I'm sorry,

are we the Donner Party?

Societal norms are
different on road trips.

Normally, I don't eat junk food,

but here, it's tradition.

I'm not even sure what a chicharron is.

It's the deep-fried skin of a pig.

That seems like something
they should say on the bag.

How about some music?

No one likes music.
How about a car game?

Ooh, I have a fun one where I say

a formula, and then you
have to say another formula

starting with the last letter or number

- that I said. So, for example, if I said,
- [Linkletter groans]

- "X" equals negative "B" plus or minus...
- Music it is.

[classical music playing]

I'm sorry I can't help
out on driving duty.

- You really never learned?
- I got

my permit, but I've never been
comfortable behind the wheel.

That's a shame.

I do enjoy the tranquility
of the open road.

I find it produces a Zen-like calm.

Mm.

You know what else is calming?

A fun car game.

How about this.

We'll count out-of-state license plates.

First one to a hundred wins.

Not as fun as mine, but very well.

Um... Ooh, Oklahoma.

Silently.

[crunching]

- [TV playing indistinctly]
- [door opens, closes]

Hey. Is your mom home?

Church.

Oh. What are you up to?

Nothing.

Put your shoes on.

Why?

Let's you and me go do something fun.

Something I think is fun or
something you think is fun?

Something we both think is
fun. Come on, get in the truck.

- You gonna teach me how to drive?
- No.

You sure? It would just
make me feel so much better

- about all the stuff Sheldon gets to do.
- You're not driving.

I would seriously love
you so much if I could drive.

Stop it.

At what age do guys
stop acting like idiots?

Oh, no. What'd I do now?

Not you. Georgie's

dating an older woman and
he's lying about his age.

Oh. That rascal.

You already knew.

You don't know what I know.

I see it in your face.

[sighs] Fine. Well,
he asked for my advice.

Well, I hope you told him
that he has to come clean.

I did.

Sounds like there's a "but" on the way.

[sighs] But then he asked
me what I would've done.

- Dale.
- Well, uh,

you don't know all the facts.

What are the facts?

[clears throat] He said

that she was blond and hot.

And that makes it okay to lie?

At my age, no.

At his age?

No.

STURGIS: Does it go straight
like this for a while?

It's Texas.

Goes straight like this
for the rest of our lives.

You thinking of giving it a try?

Well, there aren't any cars around.

Uh, seems like a good place to practice.

Excellent. I could use a break.

This is exciting.

I'm all atingle.

You are not peeing in a bottle.

- [engine turns off]
- Here we are.

Red Lobster?

You love this place.

Holy moly.

It's good, huh?

Unbelievable.

Yeah, when I was, like, eight.

Well, come on, we had our
first daddy-daughter date here.

Oh, my God, don't ever
call it that again.

What?

I have friends who come
here on actual dates.

They might see us.

Thought it'd be nice.

[indistinct chatter]

Can we please go anywhere else?

[sighs] Fine.

- You know, they have those cheddar biscuits.
- Dad.

- Fine.
- [engine starts]

STURGIS: I'm doing it.

This is going quite well.

Feel free to pick up the pace.

- A butterfly just passed us.
- STURGIS: Well,

- what's the speed limit?
- .

And I'm going...

ten.

I'll pick up the pace.

Speaking of slow-moving transportation,

did you know that the slowest
express train in the world

is the Glacier Express in Switzerland?

I spent a month in Switzerland at CERN.

- [thud]
- STURGIS: Oh, no!

I hit an armadillo.

So? Just keep driving.

No, I can't. I have to check on it.

- [car door closes]
- Is he hoping it's alive or dead?

Alive.

Ugh.

Oh, no, what have I done?

It's still moving.

Like we should be. Let's go.

We need a box and a towel.

We don't need a coffin.
The birds will eat it.

It's to keep it safe until we find help.

John, these animals carry
all kinds of diseases.

That's what the towel's for.

This is Texas. Armadillo roadkill

is practically the state animal.

So, where you want to go?

I am up for anything.

I was thinking the bar,
but I go there so much.

What about a movie?

Or we could just go back to your place.

Oh.

That-That'd be amazing.

Well, amazing's a lot of pressure,

but I'll give it a sh*t. [chuckles]

♪ I don't know who I am... ♪

Listen,

when I said I moved out
of my parents' place,

that was true.

But I'm kind of living in their garage.

Well, my parents are in
the bedroom next to mine,

so it's your place or nothing.

My place works.

[faucet running]

[faucet turns off]

Don't get bitten. I'm not
wrapping you in a towel, too.

I'm just giving it water.

Okay, there's a firehouse miles away.

I bet they can help.

I was thinking we'd leave
it on their doorstep.

This isn't a joke. I
injured this creature,

so I have to take care
of it. Do you understand?

Yes, sir.

GEORGE SR.: Well, it's not lobster, but...

least your friends won't see us.

Sorry.

It's okay.

You're just getting older.

I guess.

Sure I was a jackass to my parents, too.

Hey!

How's your burger?

So good.

It is pretty good.

Hey, maybe this can be our new
spot for daddy-daughter dates.

- Please stop saying that.
- What?

Daddy-daughter dates?

Yes.

Mm. Okay.

What would you like me to
call our daddy-daughter dates?

[chuckles]: You're so annoying.

[chuckles]

["Cry for the Bad Man"
by Lynyrd Skynyrd playing]

[toilet flushes]

LINKLETTER: This isn't

exactly the firehouse I was expecting.

Are minors allowed in here?

No one should be allowed in here.

I'm sure they have a phone we can use.

Excuse me, barkeep?

Could we get some help over here?

And don't say "barkeep."

♪ Well, he knocked me down,
but I'm on my feet... ♪

Y'all must be lost.

Oh, we're not lost. You can't
get lost with a AAA TripTik.

I mean, I don't know
where you're trying to be,

but this ain't it.

- Message received. We'll be on our way.
- Please.

We have an injured armadillo
that needs medical assistance.

You brought that filthy
thing into my bar?

And now we're taking it out. Let's go.

- If we could just use your phone.
- Look,

you seem like nice folk,

but Yankees ain't popular around here.

I suggest you be on your way.

Sorry to have troubled you.

- Let's go.
- Excuse me.

My colleagues may be from the North,

but for your information,
I'm a Texan, born and bred.

I know that real chili has no beans,

and when my meemaw
says, "Bless your heart,"

she means something very different.

Now, my friend here is in need of help,

and since our state motto
is literally "friendship,"

may he please use your phone?

♪ Well, I work... ♪

Well, dang.

♪ Eight when I am able... ♪

And could I trouble
you for a yellow pages?

Oh, boy.

MEEMAW: Oh, Georgie.

I'm so disappointed in you.

Is everything okay?

Yeah. Very okay.

Tell her before things go too far.

DALE: Would you leave the kid alone?

- He's just having some fun.
- He's lying,

and she deserves to know.

Just let it go.

No. He's feeling guilty,

and he's gonna do the right thing.

DALE: Connie, the second

that girl's shirt comes
off, it's game over.

No. My grandson has

more integrity than
you're giving him credit...

GEORGE JR.: Amazing.

[exhales]

Boy, I am stuffed.

You know, if you're too
full to drive, I could help.

You're not driving my truck.

Come on. Just here in the parking lot?

No.

Please, Daddy?

I know what you're doing.

Creating memories
that'll last a lifetime?

[exhales]

Okay. Foot on the brake.

Which one's that?

Oh, boy. The one on the left.

- Got it.
- All right. Now

pull the shifter toward you

and then down to "D," like this. Here.

- [gear shifts]
- All right?

Now, the most important step.

Do not ever tell your
mother we did this.

I'm not an idiot. Let's go.

[sighs] All right. Now

take your foot off the brake

- and gently put it on the...
- [tires screech]

MISSY: [laughs] I'm driving!

I know you're a human hospital,

but the animal hospital
isn't answering their phone.

Well, is there a doctor who
has a soft spot for pets?

Maybe a nurse with pictures
of cats on her desk?

You can hang up the phone, John.

Why?

I think you know why.

♪ But only would I... ♪

Thank you for your time.

Well, that's a shame.

I'm sorry.

It's just an armadillo, right?

It didn't seem that
way to you in the van.

I know it's silly, but...

when I saw it lying there
all bald and helpless,

I thought,

"That's gonna be me one day."

That is the most damn depressing
thing I have ever heard.

The end of life does
tend to be depressing.

In New Orleans, they embrace
the tradition of a jazz funeral

where the deceased are
celebrated through music.

That's true.

Barkeep, do you happen to have

any Dixieland jazz on the jukebox

to celebrate the life of an armadillo?

Y'all need to leave now.

- MAN: Turn away from sin...
- ADULT SHELDON: After a quick burial

behind the bar,

we were back on the road.

Dr. Sturgis tried to find
some appropriate music

for a proper send-off.

Three Christian talk shows and
a whole lot of static later,

he settled on what he declared

the Dixieland jazz of West Texas.

["El Son de la Negra
/ Guadalajara" playing]

Mariachi.

Vaya con dios, armadillo.

Vaya con dios.