04x02 - Rules for Better Barista-ing

[bunniefuu]

Oh, hey. Where's Alexa?

Oh, uh, just stand here
and look down the road.

What am I looking--?

-Oh. No way. She's driving.
-Yeah, she got her license.

-Oh, she just parked.
-Oh, she's getting out.

-She's walking towards us.
-We should stop doing this. Yeah.

Oh, hey, guys. Uh...

I don't know if you heard,
but I just drove to Wired!

-[cheers]
-[both giggling]

Yeah, the lady handed me
my driver's license and was like,

"Be careful out there."

-Oh, yeah, definitely. Yeah.
-Yeah, good advice.

-This is the best day ever.
-Yeah.

Hold on...

that's your I'm-happy-for-you-

but-I've-got-my-mind-
on-something-else yeah.

Yeah.

Basketball started today.

I didn't realize how much
I wanted to be on the team.

Your college team?

I played through high school,

but I couldn't senior year
because of my treatment.

I always hoped
I'd get recruited and play in college.

Well, if you want to play,
you should play.

Get on the team as a walk-on.

Yeah, I mean, I don't know what that is,
but I agree. Do that.

It seems like a long sh*t. I don't know.

Yes, you do. Hey, you're healthy now.

Go to practice tomorrow,
and show them how great you are.

You're right. I will.

If you got your license,
I can definitely do this.

Yeah.

What's that mean?

You got your license.

Mm, yeah.

-Do you wanna talk--
-We're getting a new employee,

and Barry wants me to train him.

And I also have to write my essay
on an accomplishment for that scholarship.

Okay, well,
I have an answer for both your problems.

Your accomplishment
is being assistant manager.

I have revolutionized
bean storage here, so...

And because you're such
an accomplished assistant manager,

you'll do great training some newbie.

Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, hey, if you got your license,
I can definitely do this.

Yeah.

Wait, what is happening?

[clears throat] Oops, my break's over.

[scoffs]

You.

Me.

b*at up any windmills lately?

[mockingly]
"You b*at up any windmills lately?"

-Good, you met the new guy.
-No.

-Yes.
-No.

-[sighs]
-Ted R? My name's Aiden.

You don't get a new apron
till you've earned it.

Ted R is my dad. He was terrible,
so I fired him.

You know, before you start training me,
you should know...

-I learn better with a reward system.
-Mmm.

And you should know
that being cute won't work here.

Okay? I'm the assistant manager,

which means for the next four hours,
you answer to me, pal.

-You got it?
-Got it.

-Good.
-Just one question:

-You think I'm cute?
-Wipe down the tables.

-I think I have my answer.
-[mockingly] "I think I have my answer."

♪ I’ve got you ♪

♪ When I can't take it any longer ♪

♪ You make me feel stronger ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ When I can't take it
You make it so much better ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh, we'll do this together ♪

♪ I've got you, oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪

The napkins must be eggshell,
not off-white.

You're Quality Catering, Miles.
I expect quality.

Fine, I'll hold,
but I'm not happy about it.

Party planning makes me so happy.

Love seeing you happy.

I know I'm a little intense,
but you know, it's a big deal

that Brian's having me plan
his birthday.

[scoffs] It's Brian, not Pope-rah.

I was deciding between the pope and Oprah,
and that came out.

Well, he might as well be Pope-rah.

I mean, if all goes well,

I could become partner
in Brian's business.

Yeah, I'm still here.

Because eggshell is warm.

Off-white is a cold nightmare.

I can't have my guests
wipe their faces with nightmares.

Hey.

Guess who loves driving so much,

she went through the drive-through
even though she wasn't hungry?

Ooh.

I was just craving fries. Thank you.

Oh, you're welcome.
I can't stop helping people today.

I gave Katie advice,

I talked Spencer
into going out for his basketball team,

and now I'm feeding the hungry.

I'm like Mother Teresa,

but I can drive.

[doorbell rings]

No, this is not angry Lori.

This is slightly perturbed Lori.

Believe me, you'll know
when you're talking to angry Lori.

Ah. Oh.

Hey, birthday boy. [chuckles]

Oh, are those pictures of you
for the party?

Yes. What a clever idea
for the table centerpieces.

Ah, well, you told me
to think like the client,

and I had a feeling pictures of you
would make you happy.

[chuckles]

They do.

You've done a great job
planning this party.

It's been my pleasure.
Well, everything's pretty much set,

and we just have a few things
to lock down with the caterer.

And now that the party is tomorrow,

I don't have time to throw anything new
at you.

Great.

Except, right before I got here,
I did decide to include my family.

So, like, five more people?

Twenty-one, if I let my awful sister come.

Know what? Not gonna happen. .

[clears throat] So, doubling the amount
of guests the night before the party.

On second thought, add my sister.

I'll never hear the end of it.
If I invite her--

Oh!

Oops. Sorry.

Okay.

Miles, this is Lori. We have a problem.

That was
my first drive-through experience.

I was so nervous
that I would forget to put the car in park

or drop the money,

but I was a total pro.

You get that from me.

I have a very steady drive-through hand.

So, the caterer quit

after I told him about
the additional guests.

And I may have gone angry Lori on him.

-Oh, yeah, that'll do it.
-[sighs heavily]

What am I gonna do?
I can't find a caterer by tomorrow.

Why don't you make the food?

That's a great idea.

Of course it is.
I can't not help people today.

Mom, you're a great cook,
and you planned the menu.

I am. I did. Maybe I could.

Of course you can. Look at Alexa.

-She got her license today.
-Yeah.

If she can do that, you can do anything.

-Yeah.
-Hold on.

It's not that unbelievable
that I got my license.

Right?

M'kay. Froth the milk at degrees.

-[Aiden] Got it.
-Good.

No.

Making coffee is a complicated business,

and lucky for you,
when I started here, I created...

the notebook.

-You made a--
-I'm not taking comments at this time.

[sighs] Now, I pass my wisdom onto you--

like, when to add a dash of cinnamon
or a smidge of chocolate.

You know, I like to think of it as a...

-[loud milk frothing noise]
-[Katie continues talking indistinctly]

...my legacy.

You made a second coffee notebook.

No red flags there.

This one's for an essay I'm writing.

I keep it nearby to jot down thoughts.

"Add to essay:
my struggle with difficult employee."

[clears throat]

Cute difficult employee.

Now, when you give the drink
to the customer,

make sure to ask
if she needs anything else.

-Drink delivery.
-Thank you.

Is there anything else you need?

-This drink--
-I'm sorry. Let me--

No. I've been coming here for years,

and I have never had
such an incredible latte.

I feel seen.

Oh, sh**t. I was supposed to say
that thing you wanted me to say. Sorry.

Oh, sh**t.
I was supposed to clean the bathroom,

but I just decided that's your job now.
[chuckling] Sorry.

-Excuse me?
-Just drink your perfect drink, Sue.

All right, that is in the oven.

I'm gonna start the petit fours,
and, Dave...

is that the same piece of celery
you were working on five minutes ago?

But how precise is that dice?

Was it the rhyme
or that you want me to move faster?

Does it have to be one?

-Hey.
-Hey, how's, uh-- how's it going?

Need help with anything?
I need a distraction.

I'm so nervous about Spencer
getting on the team.

Great. You can help me chop celery.

I can't. I'm too nervous.

Mom, I'm hungry.

Honey, I'm a little busy right now.
You're gonna have to eat tomorrow.

Oh, check it out.

Now I'm precise and fast.

That doesn't rhyme, but--
Fudge nuggets, my finger!

Can I feel sorry for you tomorrow?

No need. I'll use the pain as a motivator.

Ooh, am I motivated.

-Oh, no.
-Lucas.

Oh, you're chopping that celery so fast.

And that dice is so precise.

Sometimes, when I can't sleep,
I watch videos of this Japanese chef

with crazy Kn*fe skills.

It soothes me.

Sweetie, I am so proud of you.

That's your response to that?

It is right now.

Keep chopping.

[doorbell rings]

Well?

-I made the team.
-Oh, you made the team!

[both] He made the team!

Ow!

It's okay. I can barely feel it.

Why didn't you answer any of my texts?

I wanted to tell you in person
so I could see you make that face.

That's the face.

Hey, well, tell me everything.

I just showed up like you said,
told them about senior year,

and they gave me a sh*t.

I'm so proud of you.

I was really nervous,

but when I got on the court,
I just couldn't miss.

Oh, and when I made the team,
everyone surrounded me and cheered.

Aw, I wish I'd been there.

Actually,
someone recorded it and posted it.

[man in video] Yeah!

-I love this.
-[people cheering on video]

And it has over , likes.

Wait, it says,
"Cancer Guy Makes Basketball Team."

It's just...

-Congratulations.
-Thanks.

Oh, wait,
I gotta go tell my parents.

Uh, you told me before you told
your parents? [chuckles]

They don't have that face.

Ow!

That time, I stubbed my toe.

It's doing that thing where it's gonna
hurt more in two seconds...

and there it is.

-Who's that guy?
-[chatter on TV]

[stammers] That's the same guy
as when you asked me the last time.

He's just in different clothes.

-What's he holding?
-You get one more.

Hey.

Oh, interesting glasses.

Were they out of the large frames?

I forgot to order more contacts on time.

Grandma left these here on her last visit,

and lucky for me,
she can't remember where she put them.

Look, I'm Mom. [clears throat]

I love coffee and being mean to my son.

-That does sound like me.
-Yeah.

That guy's a cop? And that guy's a dog?

Wha--?

Oh, Jack, you need glasses!

You must have an astigmatism,
like me and Grandma.

No!

It means you have blurry vision.

Oh.

Oh, no. No, this is my work notebook.

You know, it's against the rules
to take it out of Wired.

Yes, it's my rule.

You know, I like to think people
look to me to, uh, set an example.

You know?

You get it. Whatever.

-[gasps] Oh, no.
-What?

[door opens and closes]

[gasps] Oh, no.

Hey. I only have three hours
until the party

and six hours of cooking left to do.
You're not using your oven, are you?

I try not to.

Okay, put this in in ten more minutes,

and, uh, in minutes,
come over and help me with crostinis?

Great, thanks. Bye.

Sounds great, Lori.

You can count on me
and my perfect son, Jack.

That doesn't sound like me.

Hey, it's your day off.

Shouldn't you be removing marshmallows
out of the good cereal?

I took the wrong notebook,
but now that I'm here,

I might as well get a coffee
and work on my essay.

I love marshmallows.

You know, for a personal essay,

it's not very personal.
There's no you in it.

You looked in my notebook?
Oh, you crossed the line, pal.

What do you mean, there's no me in it?

[chuckling] You wrote about bean storage.

Oh, wait, do not sit down.

Barry does not like
self-designated breaks.

Don't change the subject.

There's gotta be more
to why you took the job.

No, wait, don't tell me--

You also love organizing sugar packets.

-I needed the money.
-[groans] Yawn.

Oh, sorry that I have a single,
working mom

who was going to school,
which meant if I wanted certain things,

I had to find a way to pay for them myself

makes you yawn.

That would be more "you" in your essay.

You're welcome.

Seriously?

I warned you.

You're sitting there, distracting him
while he's supposed to be working?

-Wait, me?
-Come on!

Yeah, Katie. I'm trying to work.

Well, uh, work on--
on getting Alexa a latte, right,

-Alexa?
-I'm good.

She'll take a latte.

[scoffs]

Okay. Well,
Spencer made the basketball team.

Oh, wow, that's great.

Or... not?

There's a video
of the team congratulating him,

calling him "Cancer Guy."

-Oh, no.
-[people cheering on video]

Oh, was Spencer upset?

He didn't act like it, but he has to be.

Today should have been
all about him making the team,

and now it's about cancer.

Okay, but he's playing basketball.
And that's what matters.

It should be, but trust me,
I know how this feels.

Every time he steps on the court,

every basket he scores,
it's gonna be about cancer.

It's so unfair.

How's your essay going?

One latte you did not want.

Great.

Oh!

Foam art.

Hey, you're an artist. I mean...

[clears throat] ...whatever.

I'm sure anyone
can create the solar system

in the foam of one latte.

Oh, no, it's a black hole.
Black hole. Bwah.

Now, it says to hit them all
with a dash of paprika.

That's not a word.

Oh, that's a word.

It's the red stuff.

Wow, looking good.

We actually might pull this off. Hm.

Dave,
I still see you have all your fingers.

Wow, Lucas, those look beautiful.

After watching chopping videos,

I move onto this pastry chef
who decorates cakes.

She's super talented.

Everything smells so great,

but you don't have to worry about
me sneaking a taste.

It's hot.

It's hot. Too hot.

What?

Hot? Wait, they're not supposed to be hot.

What did you put in this?

Um, that red stuff.

This is cayenne pepper.

My mouth is on fire!

We're gonna have to redo all of these.

[groans]

[gasps]

How much cayenne pepper did you put in--
Now it's in my cut!

Don't. You don't want to see this.

Mmm.

...is the sound I make
when something's gross.

-Hey.
-Oh, congratulations.

Did you tell your parents?

Oh, yeah, they were so excited,

but just like I thought,
they did not make that face.

Mmm.

And, uh, this face feels like no one knows
she's at the table anymore.

Yep. Yeah.

Hey, I'm so sorry.
I don't mean to stare, but...

are you
"Cancer Guy Makes Basketball Team"?

Uh, yeah, I guess I am.

-You mind if I sit with you?
-Actually, we're--

My kids showed me your video.

Wow. Such an inspiration.

-Thanks.
-Such an inspiration.

I'm actually good now.

-You know, I'm happy and healthy.
-Yeah.

Oh, please don't cry.

What you went through is huge, man.

Wait till I tell my kids
that I met Cancer Guy.

Okay, he is not "Cancer Guy."
His name is Spencer,

and he made the team
because he's a great basketball player.

That's what that stupid video
should have said.

I probably won't tell my kids about this.

Can you believe that guy?

It's okay. He's just happy for me.

But he kept calling you Cancer Guy.
Does that not bother you?

-Just let it go.
-Seriously?

[cell phone dings]

It's my mom. She needs me to help
with this dinner. I gotta go.

Uh... okay.

Ah, okay, um, yeah,
I can help you with that face.

So, just give her some time to cool down,
then go talk to her.

You know,
she'll tell you she's fine-- she's not.

And, you know, eventually, she'll just--
she'll tell you what she's thinking.

-It's a complicated face.
-Ah.

Thanks. Wait, is there any other faces
I should know about?

Oh, yeah.

But we do not have the time.

Oh, no, he didn't.

Oh, Barry's gonna k*ll him.

I hope not.
I heard he makes really good coffee.

[gasping]

All right,
we'll just finish packing up these,

and, uh, I'll head over to the venue.

[sighs] Thanks, everyone.
I am so grateful.

Back to work.

[doorbell rings]

Oh, wasting precious seconds.
Precious seconds.

Oh. Oh, hi, Spencer. How are you?
Great, pack up desserts.

Sure.

Hey.

Hey, you didn't have to come over.

I felt like things were a little weird
between us earlier.

No. We're good.

Gentle.

-You sure we're good?
-I'm sure.

Okay, why do you care
about the stupid video?

It's not about the stupid video.

I have to step in.

It's my pepper protector.

Well, if it's not the video,
then what is it?

I know how good you are.
That's why it's so unfair.

What good does it do me
to be mad about it?

I'm not mad.

Yeah, you seem mad.

Okay, I'm mad.

Yes, you had cancer, but you're well now.

Okay, well enough
to make your college basketball team

by just showing up at practice
and being that good.

But it never stops being about cancer.

I know, and it sucks.

And when I let it,
it does make me mad. Really mad.

But I don't wanna be mad.

Okay, it happened. I can't change that.

Well, good for you,

but I am mad, and I can't change that.

Okay.

Now, I know
this is gonna sound crazy, but...

when I start to get mad,
I just try to think of the positives.

Positives?

There is nothing positive
about what we went through.

If I hadn't gone to the hospital
that day I was diagnosed,

I would have never met my girlfriend.

She must be pretty special.

She's all right.

Okay.

If I hadn't gone
to my survivorship appointment that day,

I would have never met my boyfriend.

He sounds awesome.

He's all right.

[cell phone dings]

Okay.

Oh, it's Brian.
Um, "I'm sick. Have to cancel the party.

Going to be all alone on my birthday.

Sad face. Sade face. Sad face." Wait...

It just keeps going and going.

Guys, thanks for all your help,
but sorry, I guess it was for nothing.

Nothing?

It's not every day that I get to eat
somebody's canceled rack of lamb.

[Lori scoffs]

True. [chuckles]

Ooh, angry Lori is good.

Oh, I'm so happy Brian's sick.

I know. He changed the artwork.

Mm.

As assistant manager, can I fire him?

That'll do for today.

What? No, seriously?

Kid's got charm.

He's like
a slightly younger version of me.

Ah.

I'm not a fan of either one of you.

You know-- Ah ha!

No.

You were reading my coffee notebook.

No.

Wait, that's why you were looking
at my essay notebook before.

You thought it was my coffee notebook.

Yeah? Well, you have too many notebooks.

Mmm.

And you love reading them

for the help that you need from me.

Never gonna hear the end of this.

Never. Never, ever, never.

-Never.
-Please stop.

-Never.
-This is horrible. Stop.

Never!

Mmm.

Everything is insanely delicious...

and so well chopped.

To Brian, for getting sick.

You're welcome.

And thank you for not allowing me
to be alone on my birthday.

Lori, you've really outdone yourself.

This isn't the work of an employee,
this is the work of a partner.

-Really?
-Hey!

Thank you. Oh!

[coughs]

You know, just remind me to hug you
when you're well.

Maybe scooch
a little further down the couch.

Little further.

Little further.

I love your essay.

I thought it was gonna be
about you working at Wired, but...

it's about you.

What made you change it?

I may have gotten
some good advice from some jerk.

You know, I forget who.

I like the part about your best friend.

What? Where?

-Right here.
-No.

-"My life would be nothing..."
-No.

-"...without Alexa Mendoza."
-Okay. Yeah. Wait. Hit save.

Save original. Save.

[theme music plays]

♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ I've got you ♪

♪ Oh-oh-oh ♪

♪ We'll do this together ♪