02x05 - Semper Lie

[bunniefuu]

Tina, I hear what
you're saying. I do.

I just feel that since
you were with me

when I got the parking ticket,
you should pay half of it.

I gotta go. It's the other line.

Hello.

This is Daffy Duck.

Oh, you know, heh, I would
love to go door-to-door

to help the mayor get reelected

but unfortunately,
I'm not a United States citizen

'so I probably shouldn't get
involved with your politics.'

Ugh.

Where am I from? Uh..

Albania.

'Albania. I'm from Albania.'

[thick accent]
Yes. I am, how you say,
visiting your country.

So I sorry, but please to take
me off your phone list, okay?

Adios.That's Albanian
for good-bye.

[theme music]

(Daffy)
Bugs, I hear what you're saying.

I just feel that
since you're my roommate

you should pay half
of the parking ticket.

Now, would this payment
be in addition

to letting you
live here for free?

- Yes.
- Sounds like a great deal.

It is a great deal.

It's your chance to get
in on the ground floor.

Today's the 14th.

If I don't pay it today,
the fine doubles.

- Today's the 14th? Oh, no.
- What?

This weekend's
the annual peach festival.

Porky's gonna ask me
to go with him.

So I've gone there three
years
in a row, and it's horrible.

It takes six hours to get there.

You're in the middle of nowhere
for the whole weekend.

It's hot. There's tons
of mosquitoes.

You stand in these
long lines for peach cobbler

peach soup, peach sandwiches.

Yecch. Too much peach.

- Make up an excuse. Lie.
- I'm not gonna lie.

- That's your area.
- Good point. Know your role.

But if it were me, I'd tell him
I can't go because I'm an alien.

I'd say I look like
Daffy Duck on the outside

but I've been
taken over by an alien

who lives on the inside.

And why can't the alien
go to the peach festival?

I don't know. He's got
a bunch of alien stuff to do.

It doesn't matter.
He's not going to ask that.

All he'll be thinking
about is that I'm an alien.

When are you goin' back
to your home planet?

Just tell Porky
you don't wanna go.

I can't do that. It would
break his little pig heart.

Well, then, I guess you're goin'
to the peach festival.

[instrumental music]

[cell phone ringing]

- Hey, Porky.
- 'Hey.'

- How's it going?
- Oh, peachy. You know why?

Because this weekend
is the peach festival!

And this year, the theme
is dress as your favorite peach.

Wow. That sounds fun.

(Porky on phone)
'What time
should I pick you up?'

Listen, Pork. Um..

I don't think I can go
to the peach festival this year.

(Porky)
'What? We go every year.
It's our tradition.'

- I know.
- The peach soup!

- 'I know.'
- Why can't you go?

Pork, the truth is..

...I promised Lola, I'd do
something with her this weekend.

Well, that's no reason
not to go. Bring her along.

Oh, uh, I can't bring her along

because she's moving
this weekend

and I have to help her.

I'm helping her move.
So that's why I can't go.

(Porky)
'Oh, well, I'm disappointed,
but I understand.'

Thanks, Porky. Wow!

That was easy.

slurp

Oh. Hey, Daffy. I didn't know
this was your bank too.

It's not.

Then what are you doing here?

Waiting to see
if anyone drops money.

0-8-1-2.

What's the story behind that?

Someone's birthday?

You got a lot of money, Porky.

Thanks.

Oh, hey. You want to go
to the peach festival with me?

Can't.

slurp slurp

- Why not?
- I'm not Daffy.

I'm an alien
that took over his body.

Does the alien wanna go
to the peach festival?

Who would ask that?

I don't think aliens eat peaches

at least not the one in my body.

Isn't Bugs going with you?

He can't go.
He's helping Lola move.

- Lola's moving?
- That's what he said.

- Why is Lola moving?
- I don't know.

- Where is she moving to?
- I'm not sure.

Well, have a good weekend.

Why would Lola be moving?

She just moved
into her apartment.

[gasps]
Bugs must have asked
Lola to move in with him!

That house isn't
big enough for three people!

[gasps]
That means I'm out!

He's sending me back
to my home planet!

But I don't have a home planet!
I'm not an alien!

Were you gonna drop any money?

(Porky)
'Shouldn't you be
packing boxes?'

Oh! Hey, Pork. Yeah.
Just grabbin' a quick slice.

Then, off to pack
all those boxes.

Shouldn't you be
at the peach festival?

I'm getting a pizza
for the road.

(Lola)
Oh! Hey, Bugs. Hey, Porky.

Lola! What are you doing here?

I was just getting some lunch.

Oh, we should all eat together.

We can't. You've got
to get on the road.

- Oh, where are you going?
- Doesn't matter.

The peach festival.

How's Porky's pizza
comin', Speedy?

Oh, the peach festival?

I've always wanted
to go to that.

Yep, it's a lot of fun.
Tons of fun.

Speedy!

Look, man, just because I'm fast
doesn't mean my oven's fast.

It's a regular oven.

Okay. You got your pizza.
It's time to hit the road.

Oh! Alright.
Well, have-have a great weekend.

- Phew!
- Good luck with your move.

- Oh, boy.
- What move?

Bugs said he's helping you
move this weekend.

I'm not moving. Why'd you
tell him I was moving?

Yeah. Why'd you say
Lola was moving?

I didn't say Lola.

I said Viola. Viola.

- Viola's moving.
- Who's Viola?

- You're asking me who Viola is?
- Yeah. Who's Viola?

- Viola's my sister.
- You have a sister?

I didn't know you had a sister!

Yeah, my big sister, Viola.

- How come we've never met her?
- Oh, uh, well, uh..

She's shy. Painfully shy.

Well, we have to meet her
before she moves.

That, that would be nice

but Porky's goin'
to the peach festival.

So, you know..

Forget the peach festival.

Meeting your sister's
more important

than any peach festival.

Yeah. We'll help you
guys with the move.

- Where does she live?
- Where does she live?

Yeah, what's her address?

Uh, 463, uh..

Market Street.

Ooh. That's a rough
part of town.

It is? I mean, I know.
That's why she's moving.

Well, I better go cancel
my hotel reservation.

Looks like I'm staying
in town this weekend.

Porky, you really
don't have to, uh..

See you tomorrow.

Oh! I am so excited
to meet your sister!

Lola, you're not going
to meet my sister.

What? Why?

Because I don't have a sister!

I lied to Porky,
so I wouldn't have

to go to
the peach festival with him.

Okay. First of all, you would
never lie. That's not your area.

Second of all, who wouldn't
wanna go to a peach
festival?

Third of all, I totally
see what's going on here.

You don't want me
to meet your sister

because you're afraid
we'll become best friends

and then, I won't have
any time for you.

Bun-bun, I will always

have time for you. Always.

Except right now.
This is my me time.

I came in here to eat by myself.
You're kind of smothering me.

Boundaries!

Excuse me? One of your fax
machines just ate my resume.

Bummer.

- Can I move in with you?
- What?

Lola's moving into Bugs' house

So I'm out.
Let me live with you.

Uh, I'm not livin'
with anyone till I'm married.

- Darling..
- No.

Darling..

I guess romance really is dead.

Why did I have
to say Market Street?

'Ooh. Poor Viola.'

Okay, now I have to fill it

with a bunch of furniture
for tomorrow's move.

Where am I going to get
a bunch of furniture?

Maybe I'm overreacting.

Just because Lola's moving in
doesn't mean I'm out.

They probably want me
to live with them.

I'm the fun guy.
They need me here.

'Huh! Mother.'

This neighborhood's even
worse than I thought.

I hope my car's okay out there.

Oh, where did viola get this
furniture? It's hideous.

Well, I didn't exactly
have a lot of time

to get anything better.

- Huh?
- I mean, uh..

When I picked out the furniture

when she moved in
all those years ago.

Mm. That's a weird place
to put a bed.

It's a fine place to put a bed.

It's too bad
Viola had to work on a Saturday.

Yep. I know. She really
wanted to meet you guys.

Why does her dresser say,
"Property of Daffy Duck?"

Huh? Oh, uh..

Well, she and Daffy

had a thing in college.

- It didn't end well.
- Daffy went to college?

Just pick up a box.

Well, we did it.

Viola's all moved out,
so I'll take it from here.

Well, we can go with you
to her new place.

Ooh, that's a great idea.
She's gonna need help moving in.

No.

- I mean, you can't.
- Why not?

Her new place is really,
really far away.

- Where is it?
- Very, very far.

She's moving to, uh, Albania.

Al-Albania?

Well, then why did we load up
a trailer with all of her stuff?

You can't drive to Albania.

Huh? Oh. Right.

That's why I was going to drive
to, uh, a shipping company.

You ship stuff to Albania.
Everyone knows that.

So, you wanna ship everything
in that trailer to Albania.

No. I just said that outside
in front of those crazy people.

I actually just need this
all
shipped back to my house.

Here's the address.

This is, like,
5 minutes from here.

It'd be a lot cheaper
just to drive it there.

- I'm well aware of that.
- Hmm.

That'll be $1248.

[instrumental music]

- Peach?
- No, thanks.

So, let me get this straight.

For the next eight years, you're
gonna give me a place to live

you're gonna provide me
with all my meals

and you're gonna pay me?

That's an even better
deal than I had!

Where do I sign up?

(male #1)
'Right here.'

Welcome to the Marines.

This is gonna be fun.
I've always liked marine life.

I had a goldfish
when I was a kid.

Gene. Gene, the goldfish.

No, Gordon.
Gordon, the goldfish.

'Or was it Gary?'

You know, you guys can go.
You don't have to wait.

But isn't Viola
staying here tonight

so you can take her
to the airport tomorrow?

- Did I say that?
- Mm-hmm.

Then I guess she's staying here.

Excuse me for just a second.

Glass of water.

- 'This is Speedy.'
- Hey. Do me a favor.

- Call me back in one minute.
- 'What?'

- Where's your water?
- Huh?

Oh. We're out.

It's Viola!

Oh, hi, Viola!

- Viola?
- What's that?

You're stuck at work and won't
be home till after midnight?

Oh, I see what's going on.

You're pretending
I'm some fictional person

saying lines I'm not saying.
I get it.

Ha ha. Okay. I'll let them know.

[chuckles]
Yes, I'll tell them
how disappointed

you are that you didn't
get to meet them.

Tsk, tsk, tsk.
It's gonna snowball.

'It's gonna get
out of control, man.'

It already has. Okay, Viola.
Thanks for calling.

I mean, I expect
this kind of thing

from the Duck,
but not you, Bugs.

That's not your area.
Know your role.

[chuckles]
Okay.

(Speedy)
'I'm telling you,
this is gonna end badly, man.'

I love you too.

Oh, can I at least
say hi to her?

Uh, I lost her.
She went into a tunnel.

I thought you said
she was at work.

Oh, right. She is. Yeah.

She works in tunnels.
She's a tunneler.

Okey-dokey. Well, we tried.

Thanks for everything today.
It was so helpful.

You know, I think I have
a cousin who's a tunneler.

Viola and I would have
had so much in common.

So much to talk about.

Now, I definitely like to take
risks with my hairstyle

but I don't wanna be
a victim to trends.

Obviously, I'm not
afraid to use product.

'It's definitely helpful
with texture and body.'

'But I don't wanna be
a sl*ve to product.'

There are times
when I look polished

and then, there are times
when I want to wash and go.

So what I'd love is for this
haircut to be able to do both.

That's a great haircut.

And I'm a licensed
cosmetologist.

So I know
what I'm talking about.

[instrumental music]

(male #2)
'Lights out!'

'Reveille is at 0500!'

They even turn
the lights out for you.

This place is incredible!

(male #2)
'Get your sleep!'

'You're gonna to need it!'

That guy yells a lot,
but I like him.

I think he's nice.

I just really like
the Marines so far.

Goodnight, Corchran.

Oh, hey, Corchran,
I set my alarm for 11:30

but don't be afraid to wake
me
if the guys go whale watching

or some other fun
marine thing like that.

Psst. Corchran.

On second thought, forget
about getting me up early.

You could just tell me
about the whale watching.

'Mama needs her beauty sleep.
You know what I mean?'

[cell phone ringing]

What the..

- Hello?
- 'Where are you guys?'

- Huh?
- We're at the airport.

Viola's flight boards
in less than an hour.

- How do you know that?
- 'We called the airport.'

This is the only flight
to Albania today.

Of course, it is, I mean,
we're stuck in traffic

so we'll be there soon.

Man, I wish I was at
that peach festival.

Get up, get up, get up!

Look alive, Jackanapes.

Get a move on!

- 'Anderson.'
- Sir, yes, sir!

- 'Bonitez!'
- Sir, yes, sir!

- 'Corchran!'
- Sir, yes, sir!

'Duck! Duck! Daffy Duck!'

[snoring]

[blows whistle]

Uh, I'm sorry.
There must be some mistake.

I was gonna sleep in
this morning.

I thought I made
that clear to Corchran.

Oh, you guys going to breakfast?

I'd join you, but I'm gonna try
and get a little more shut-eye.

Don't worry about me. I'll
just grab a granola bar or...

Listen to me, you little maggot!

From now on, you will speak
only when spoken to!

You're about to endure
more pain and suffering

than you ever thought possible!

And it only gets worse from
there! This is not summer camp.

This is not finishing school.
This is your worst nightmare!

This is the United States
Marine Corps!

Ohh! That Marines.

And I thought it would be bad to
be dressed as my favorite peach.

Oh! That must be Viola!

Bugs obviously got
the looks in the family.

- Viola?
- That's me.

Ohh! It's like I have a sister!

- Where's Bugs?
- Oh. Heh.

- He dropped me off out front.
- Mm.

Couldn't handle
a long good-bye. That is so him.

You know, underneath that cool
exterior and all that sarcasm

he's just a vulnerable little
bunny in need of a good cry.

[chuckles]
Yeah. He wants to cry, alright.

(woman on PA)
'Now boarding,
flight 787 to Albania.'

Well, you guys should
probably get going.

Oh, wait.

I made you these traditional

Albanian dumplings
for the flight.

And I got you
this Albanian flag.

Well, it's a Mexican flag.

They didn't have
an Albanian flag.

It's probably
in the ballpark, though.

I can't believe we all just met
and now you're going to Albania.

I can't believe
I'm going to Albania, either.

(woman on PA)
'This is the final boarding call
for flight 787.'

Look at me, going to Albania.

Make sure you look out
the window when you take
off!

We'll be waving!

Of course, you will.

[instrumental music]

Problem?

I'm not a spy! There's a simple
explanation for this!

I was dressed as a woman
because I was pretending

to be my fake sister,
so that I didn't have to go

to the peach festival
with Porky!

Oh, boy.

How you doin'?

[drum music]

[music continues]

Who are you?

We're the United States Marines.

You're coming home.

[g*nf*re]

[g*nf*re]

- Bugs?
- Daffy?

What are you doing
in an Albanian prison?

What are you doing
in the Marines?

I needed somewhere to go after
you kicked me out of the house!

[g*nshots]

I didn't kick you
out of the house.

Then why did you tell Porky
you were helping Lola move?

I just told him
so I wouldn't have to go

to the peach festival.

[gasps]
You lied?

- Who told you to lie?
- You did!

You're not a liar!
That's my area!

boom

Know your role!

[screaming]

You mean it was all a lie?
Why didn't you tell me?

- I did tell you!
- Oh. Right.

You totally told me.

Bugs, I can't imagine
what you've been through.

Being in prison for a year?
How did it happen?

Well, it's kind of a long story.

Perfect. You can
tell us in the car.

The car? Where are we going?

This weekend's
the peach festival!

You're kidding.

I can't believe
you got out when you did.

A few more days, and you
would
have missed the peach
festival

two years in a row!
You're so lucky.

So lucky.

Well, at least, I'll never
run out of pickled peaches.

What are you doing here?

I'm not cut out
for the Marines. Too hard.

- And they just let you out?
- No.

- Then how'd you get out?
- Flat feet.

Ooh, pickled peaches!

[theme music]

That's all, maggots!