[instrumental music]
[wheels creaking]
Oh. Here's one.
(Bugs)
'It says compact.'
This is compact.
Compact, huh?
Relax. We'll use the back door.
What back door?
(Bugs)
'Where is it? I-I can't..'
(Daffy)
'It's right there!'
[grunting]
[grunting]
Ooh. I got to oil that.
[theme music]
Hey, Speedy.
I'll have a couple of slices
of carrot pizza.
Or you can have as many
slices as you want
at the buffet!
Six bucks, all you can eat.
Oh, I like a buffet.
What's, uh, going on?
- Sullivan's.
- What's Sullivan's?
The new restaurant
across the street.
I don't want them taking
any of my customers.
I'm going to eat
all your profits.
Bad business move, Speedy.
Except for him.
They can have him.
Come on, Bugs, check it out.
And don't think I'm not
coming back for seconds
and thirds, and fourths,
and fifths!
[chokes]
[coughing]
Okay, we got the pepperoni,
we got the sausage
we got the classic cheese,
some..
We got the... ooh.
Good thing you're not
the health department.
(man on TV)
'They've been
on a roll offensively.'
'Thompson with the..'
It's just so horrible.
Me, almost choking.
I know. Very scary.
chomp
I mean, so, so horrible!
click
You want to talk
about it some more?
No. I'm fine.
You watch your game.
(man on TV)
'Since the all-star break,
they've been sh**ting..'
I mean, it's just that you
realize how fragile life is.
- 'From the three point line.'
- It can just turn, in a second!
A second.
'So horrible.'
(man on TV)
'Hey, I think if they score
here..'
click
- Do you need to talk?
- No. No.
Keep watching.
I'm going to learn
to play the piano!
What?
My whole life
I've wanted to play piano
but I always said, "Tomorrow,
I'll learn tomorrow."
Well, guess what.
Tomorrow isn't promised to you.
All you have is today.
Why piano?
My grand mummy played.
I distinctly remember
listening by her side
as she tickled the ivories.
I would dance
as she filled the room
with the sounds of Chopin,
Bach, Jerry Lee Lewis.
She offered
to teach me many times
but my answer
was always the same..
Tomorrow, grand mummy.
I'll learn to play tomorrow.
So now do you see why I must
learn to play the piano?
Ehh, not really.
But whatever floats your boat.
Then it's settled. Tomorrow
I will learn to play piano.
Don't you mean today?
Nah, it's kind of late,
it's almost dinnertime.
Oh, I'm starving.
I didn't eat that much
after I choked.
Where's the TV?
(Daffy)
'In here, boys!'
Daffy, where's the TV?
I sold it.
Put her upstairs, boys.
First bedroom on the right.
- What do you mean you sold it?
- To buy a piano.
- We talked about this.
- No, we didn't!
Well, no, not explicitly,
but yesterday's conversation
was riddled
with undertones and innuendos.
You said,
whatever floats your boat.
'And selling your TV to buy
myself a piano floats my boat.'
'But I guess what
you're really saying is'
'you want to sink my boat.'
You hear that, boys?
Looks like the "S.S. Daffy Duck"
is going down.
Take her away, boys.
I should have just d*ed
choking on that pizza.
You hear that, boys?
I should have just d*ed.
Fine. Keep the piano.
You hear that, boys?
The piano stays.
You're not gonna regret this.
Soon you'll be the one
dancing beside the piano
as I fill our home
with the sounds of Beethoven
Rachmaninoff, and Bruce Hornsby.
So much Bruce Hornsby.
That'll be all, boys.
[groaning]
Why are the boys
still standing there?
You got to tip 'em.
I'm kind of tapped out.
I didn't get
that much for your TV.
[clearing throat]
[off-key piano music]
(Daffy)
'Whoa! Listen to this sucker!'
This plays so much louder
than my grandmother's!
- I'm going to go buy a new TV.
- What?
- I'm going to buy a new TV!
- I can't hear you!
Because you're playing too loud!
You're right!
Grand mummy would be proud.
Alright, your TV
will be delivered next week.
Can I get you anything else?
Nah. I think I'm..
What are those?
Noise-canceling headphones.
They're great.
You can't even see them,
and they block out all sound.
All sound, huh?
I'll take 'em.
- Speedy?
- Oh, hey,senor Bugs.
What are you doing here?
Buying a bunch
of flat screen TVs.
Sullivan's, man,
they're k*lling me.
They've always got
the big game on.
You got to keep up
with the Jonas'.
- Who?
- The Jonas'.
- You know, the competition.
- The Joneses.
That's what I said.
[piano music]
You're a natural piano player.
Do you mind?
I told you I'd give you
your lesson when she's done.
Very good, Winnie.
Oh.
I'll see you next week.
So is this your first
piano lesson?
Yep, and I want you to be
harsh. No sugar coating.
I don't want you to baby me
like you did that little girl.
I'm not here to get
a stupid gold star.
I'm here to play.
You got it? No coddling.
Okay. Let's begin with
"The Grand Old Duke Of York."
[piano music]
[off-key music]
No, that wasn't quite right.
Good Lord,
do you have to be so harsh?
This is my first lesson!
I'm like a baby!
You have to coddle me.
Okay. Let's try again.
[piano music]
[off-key music]
[screeching]
thud
Do I get a gold star?
[door opens]
How was your first lesson?
Ugh! My teacher
is very, very tough
and mean, and unforgiving
but she's easy on the eyes,
I'll give her that.
Oh.
So does that mean
you'll be playing piano
over there from now on?
No way!
The only way to get better
is to practice at home.
And since I have no job
and acute insomnia
I can practice 24 hours a day!
[off-key piano music]
[no audio]
[no audio]
Five minutes! What in
tarnation is he doing up there?
Sounds like he's throwing
a bunch of church bells
down an elevator shaft!
Oh, Daffy's learning
to play piano.
Well, it's too dang loud.
It's 10 o'clock at night.
Some of us have got
work in the morning.
Well, not me, but if I did
I bet my work performance
would suffer
and I'd nod off
in the middle of a big meeting
due to the fact that I got
no sleep the night before
'cause of that butchering
of "The Grand Old Duke Of York."
- Anything else?
- As a matter of fact, yes.
I got a long list
of grievances with you two.
For starters, your sprinklers
spray in front of my mailbox..
[no audio]
Uh-huh.
Also unrelated, your dumb dog's
got a barking problem.
He don't ever shut up!
All I hear is woof, woof, woof.
Uh-huh.
Actually, it's more like a..
[blabbering]
Uh-huh.
Also, I want to talk about
that parade float.
Half the time he parks it
in front of my driveway.
And if I got to be somewhere,
which I never do
but if I did,
I'd not be able to get there
wherever "there" is!
I know what you mean.
You do? You really do?
- Uh-huh.
- Wow.
Thanks for listening, rabbit.
I feel a lot better.
Well, this is the best
conversation we ever had.
Oh, let the kid play piana.
I wish I'd learned myself.
You, you have a good night.
You have a blessed evening.
Did you hear me play?
Oh, yeah. "Grand Old Duke
Of York," right?
[gasps]
You recognized it.
I am getting better.
[off-key piano music]
I'm telling you. They're the
greatest things in the
world.
Daffy's piano playing
is that bad, huh?
They don't just work on Daffy.
They work on all sorts
of annoying people.
I had a ten minute
conversation with Yosemite Sam
and I didn't have
to listen to a word of it.
Isn't that a little rude?
No way!
I was more rude
before I got these.
You know what it's like
talking to me.
I'm always rolling my eyes,
saying something sarcastic.
Not anymore.
Now I just pop these babies in.
Can't people tell?
Nah, I just nod a lot, you
know, throw in a few uh-huhs
and when it looks like
they're wrapping it up
you know, I just say,
"I know what you mean."
I'm actually
a pretty great listener
as long as I don't have
to hear what anyone's saying.
Have you, uh, ever used
those things on me?
What? No.
So yesterday
when I was telling you
about that recurring dream
I've been having
you were listening?
To every word.
Phew! Okay, good
because I had it again
last night!
It's the strangest thing.
It's like, I'm in my house,
but I'm not in my house.
And it's like everything's
in black and white.
'And I can smell someone making
breakfast, like buttered toast'
'but then I go into the kitchen
and no one's there.'
Uh-huh.
I mean, I feel like the dream
has something to do
with my mother.
Or maybe my sister,
whatever the case
it's very unsettling.
I know what you mean.
Thanks, Bugs.
You going to eat that?
- Uh-huh.
- Oh, okay.
Sorry.
[off-key piano music]
Oh, no.
Nope.
[piano music]
No.
Here, let's try it together.
[piano music]
[no audio]
[music continues]
[no audio]
[off-key piano music]
Well?
Do I finally get a gold star?
[door opens]
(Daffy)
'Unbelievable!
Just unbelievable.'
Ugh.
I've been practicing forever
and I'm still not any better.
What is wrong with me?
What do you think?
I need you to be honest.
I want the truth.
Don't hold back.
Do you think
I should quit piano?
- Uh-huh.
- I knew it!
This whole thing's been
a giant waste of time
and it's proof that I should
never try anything again. Ever.
Because I will fail.
I fail at everything.
Uh-huh.
So why try? I just
shouldn't ever try, right?
Because when you try,
you expose yourself
to the possibility of failure.
And there's no point in trying
if there's a chance
that you might fail.
You know what I mean?
I know what you mean.
Thanks, Bugs.
Pretty classy, huh?
Speedy, what is all this?
It's called fine dining.
Like at Sullivan's.
Shrimp scampi?
Oh, that sounds good.
Then again,
I've never had it before
and there's no point
in trying something new.
Right, Bugs?
I guess I'll just
get the buffet.
[indistinct chatter]
You messed with
the wrong mouse, Sullivan's.
Uh, they didn't mess
with you, Speedy.
It's just another restaurant.
It's my competitive nature.
How did you think
I became the fastest mouse
in all of Mexico? No.
If Sullivan's has a buffet,
I got a buffet.
If Sullivan's has shrimp scampi,
I got shrimp scampi.
If Sullivan's has live music
every Friday night
I got live music
every Friday night.
You've got live music tonight?
Huh? What are you
talking about?
You're the one who arranged it!
- What?
- Please tell me this is a joke.
You said you were going
to take care of everything.
When did I say that?
I asked you the other day.
I said, "I have a big favor
to ask you, and you can say no
"but do you know of anyone who
might be available
to perform on Friday night?"
And you said, "Uh-huh."
'And then I said,
"Are you sure?"'
And you said, "Uh-huh."
Then I said, "Thank you so much.
"This is such a nice gesture.
'You are a prince among men."'
And you said,
"I know what you mean."
Personally, I thought
that was a little bit boastful
but I'm not
in a position to judge
so, I said, "whatever,"
and here we are.
Eh, hypothetically
just throwing this out there
um, what would happen if,
for some reason
there was no live
entertainment tonight?
Oh, not much.
Other than I will have wasted
$500 on a full page ad.
And all of these people will no
longer be customers of mine.
They'll be customers
of Sullivan's!
So please tell me
you got someone.
- I got someone.
- You better.
I've got great news!
You're playing
the piano tonight.
Me? I don't play piano.
What are you talking about?
What are you talking about?
I asked you if I should quit,
and you said, "Uh-huh."
Oh, boy. Okay,
forget our conversation.
Even the part about
never trying anything
if there's even the slightest
chance that you might fail?
Especially that part!
That's the worst advice
that anybody could ever
give.
Daffy, you said you wanted
to learn how to play the piano.
So you have to stick with it
no matter how hard it is,
or how bad it sounds.
You can do it.
You really believe in me?
Uh-huh. I mean, yes.
[piano music]
Thanks, Bugs.
Don't thank me.
Thank Daffy.
Don't thank me, thank
Winnie Yang and her parents
for letting her stay up so late.
[theme music]
Eeh! You scared me to death.
That's precisely what I want
to talk to you about.
Choking on that pizza has really
made me think about things
specifically the arrangements
in the event of my passing.
What?
♪ Lay me to rest
inside a Corvette ♪
♪ With a trunk full of yogurt
for the afterlife ♪
♪ Pull the Corvette
with a team of clydesdales ♪
♪ Make sure that Tina
is there by my side ♪
- What if she's not dead?
- Just make it work.
♪ For my eulogy
get Neil Diamond to sing ♪
♪ And use lots of quotes
from Lord Of The Rings ♪
♪ In lieu of flowers
buy some raw meat ♪
♪ Then pay some pirates
to dance in the street ♪
What?
♪ And the party will rage
for 900 days ♪
♪ With bonfires and swearing
and random g*n play ♪
♪ And plaster the town
with photos of me ♪
♪ This is my decree
it's my legacy ♪
♪ Cryogenically
freeze my brain ♪
♪ So the scientists can tinker ♪
♪ Think of the knowledge
that they'd retain ♪
♪ From one of the world's
great thinkers ♪
♪ It's a trifecta
can't you see? ♪
♪ It's me Da Vinci
and Socrates ♪♪
Are we still talking
about your memorial?
Yep.
♪ All the kids must attend ♪
♪ Daffy Duck High ♪
♪ And train as brick masons
and twirlers and spies ♪
♪ Though some should be ninjas
that do awesome stunts ♪
♪ They'd all wear black robes
with my face on the front ♪
♪ The 50 yard line
at the Rose Bowl works great ♪
♪ For my huge marble statue
with a big gold nameplate ♪
♪ Or under the Sphinx ♪
♪ Or up here amid ♪
♪ But right at the top
just open the lid ♪
♪ And the party will rage
for 900 days ♪
♪ With bonfires and swearing
and random g*n play ♪
♪ And plaster the town
with photos of me ♪
♪ This is my decree
it's my legacy ♪
♪ This is my decree
it's my legacy ♪♪
So, what do you say?
Why wait?
What are you doing? Not now!
The future!
Way off in the future.
[off-key piano music]
Whoo-hoo-hoo!
I finally got a gold star!
I did it! I did it!
I did it, I did it, I did it!
Oh, ha, I've got
to remember to thank Bugs
for giving me these.
[theme music]
That's all, folks for Sullivan's
because they went
out of business. He he he.
What? I'm a competitive person.
02x18 - The Grand Old Duck of York
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Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and the rest of the `Looney Tunes' characters are back with new adventures.
Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck and the rest of the `Looney Tunes' characters are back with new adventures.