03x17 - The Last Summer Ever

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Felicity:

I feel like I don't know how
to be normal with you again.

I don't know if I know what
that is anymore. Friends!

Hey, hey, knock it off!

Listen to me. You can talk to her all
you want but it's not gonna change a thing.

Noel, I don't wanna lose you. Our
friendship means so much to me.

I just... I love you too
much to be friends right now.

Dear Felicity, I know
how corny this is.

Just, uh... Just
go with it. Please.

Uh, I'm making you this tape...

because I wanna make sure
I say everything I'm thinking.

Because doing it this way,
it's, uh, it's a little easier.

Even still, I'm not
sure where to start.

I guess I should
start with good-bye.

The thing about college
is, as great as it is,

there's something
cruel about it.

Cruel? Yeah. I mean, you don't
know anyone when you get there.

But then, all of a sudden, you
find yourself making connections,

making friends
and dating people.

And there's something incredible
about it, like anything's possible.

And you go through years
of that, and you get used to it.

But the thing is, it's not real.

Because graduation comes,

and whatever you've been working
towards, or whatever your plans are,

it just pulls you away.

And...

if you're having, you know,

a difficult time with a friend
of yours, and he leaves,

you don't have college anymore
to rely on, to keep you together.

Well, not like this is
sunshine for your rainy day,

but life outside of
college ends, too.

I know. I just thought
when that time came,

Noel and I would
still be friends.

OK. So you said whatever I
wanna do this summer, right?

Remember that guy in New Mexico who
was talking about Acadia National Park?

Yeah, yeah. The one in Maine.
How amazing did that sound?

That sounded pretty amazing.
That's what we're gonna do.

You already bought this stuff? No. I
went to the College Camping Club.

They have this really cool program
where they loan you all this stuff.

I can return it, but
I was just thinking.

I mean, this is our last
real summer. You know?

We don't have to work. You
don't have to convince me. I'll do it.

Really? Yeah, totally.

OK, 'cause I can go back and get, like,
sleeping bags and stoves and everything...

Yes, that sounds great.

Hey, what's going on? Uh,
Ruby's flight was delayed.

Oh, Ruby's coming
in for your graduation?

Yeah.

Ever since you said no to Seattle,
he's been acting really weird.

I haven't said
anything to Ben about...

Noel kissing me.

Interesting.

You're the one who said

kindness was more
important than honesty.

I'm not judging. I
just said "interesting."

Why haven't you told Ben?

Because it didn't mean anything,
just like when Avery kissed Ben.

I mean, knowing that didn't make me feel
any better. I wish I'd never found out.

And if I told Ben,
he'd hate Noel forever.

But if Noel's no
longer in your life...

If your friendship with him is over like he
says... then what does it matter what Ben thinks?

I guess I'm not ready to believe
that... that our friendship is over.

♪ Can you become

♪ Can you become

♪ A new version of you

♪ A new wallpaper

♪ A new shoe leather

♪ A new way home

♪ I don't remember

♪ New version of you

♪ I need a new version of me

♪ New version of you

I need a new version of me ♪

Hey. Hi!

Is this Eva?

Hi. Yeah, this is Eva.

She's beautiful. Thanks.

I can't believe how big she is.

Well, she's 85th
percentile. Really?

Yeah. Wow.

Come on, my little babes,
you're gonna go back down.

Of what? Of size.

Oh. The doctors
have these charts.

She was so good on the flight, people
came and thanked me afterwards.

You're a great mom. I still
can't believe that you're a mom.

Me neither. Still, somehow...

Well, thanks for coming.

Come on! You know I wanted to for
so long. This was a perfect excuse.

You look great.

Thanks. Yeah, I'm good.

It's hard, you know.

It's a lot of work, but
it's the best. No regrets.

Oh, no, I didn't... I didn't
mean you look great 'cause...

No, I'm saying I'm good. Yeah.

I know... I know, uh,

you were trying to work
things out with Wade.

Did that go all right? No, no.
He went back to Los Angeles.

He came out to Colorado, and...

I mean, I give him a lot of
credit, but we were definitely not...

Meant to be. Not meant to be.

How about you?

How's everyone?

Uh, every...

Hey! Hi.

Oh, my gosh! How are you doing?

Oh, I'm good. How are you?

Good. I'm glad you brought her.

Oh, my gosh!

She's amazing.

What kind of a person gets on a
roller coaster five times in a row?

A real man, that's what
kind. Here's your little friend.

Thanks. You're welcome.

Tracy.

What are you doing?

Um, I was just
delivering this. What is it?

You know what?
You should just read it.

What's up, man?

Tracy.

Um, I'm sorry. This is DeForrest.
Yeah. What's happenin'?

It's good to see you again.
It's nice meeting you, man.

Don't forget to read
the letter, please.

It's from Tracy.

Uh-huh. James would
do exactly the same thing.

I'd just be on the brink of getting
over him, and he'd show up.

And the whole thing
would start all over again.

The whole thing is not starting
over again. You're stronger than I am.

No, I just can't... I can't deal
with this again. He lied to me.

I know.

I mean, I know that I did
the same thing with Finn.

But it was just too painful,
finding out about him and Rose.

I can't trust him.

He wants to meet
tomorrow, but I'm not going.

Yeah, it really does
sound amazing,

but unfortunately my aunt is really sick
right now, and I can't leave her alone.

I'm really sorry to
take up your time.

OK. Thank you. Thanks very much.

Hey. Hey.

What's wrong with your aunt? Uh, nothing.
I was just trying to get out of something.

How was Modell's? Good. I found a water
purifier. The camp club didn't have any.

Good. What are you
trying to get out of?

What's going on? Nothing.

OK. I won't ask you again
if you don't want me to. OK.

But I really wanna
ask you again.

OK.

After what happened
that night with Avery,

I got a stupid idea. What?

I can't... I can't tell
you. What? Why?

'Cause it's embarrassing.
What are you talking about?

OK.

That night in the
ambulance was unbelievable.

Seeing somebody die, and then
watching these guys, these paramedics,

bring her back to life...
I mean, it was amazing.

And I can't stop thinking about it. I
can't stop thinking about that night.

I can't stop thinking about your
mom, what she's been saying,

what she said about my
future... That conversation we had.

Anyway, I applied to this stupid
program in Kansas City, this EMT program.

Just as a joke.
It was just a joke.

But... I got in.

You want to train
to be a paramedic?

I don't know. Whatever it
is, I'm not doing it. Why not?

For a lot of reasons. I have to come back to
New York to take a test, so I'm not doing it.

But that's amazing
that you got in! I know.

Is it for the summer?
Yes, but I'm not going.

It's this 3-month intensive
program. It's like 18 hours a day.

You live in these bungalows.
It'd be you and me in Kansas City,

and we wouldn't
get to see each other.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure. I can do
this program anytime.

I want to spend the summer with you.
Like you said, it's our last summer ever.

Yeah.

What are you doing? Nothing.
Just prepping for graduation.

You're scalping graduation
tickets? I'm providing a service.

OK, yeah, whatever.
Just sort through these.

Switzerland. Yep,
my parents sent 'em.

They're gonna be in Tuscany, so they're letting
us stay in the house in Geneva all summer.

Yeah, it's just...
The thing is...

And I'm just gonna say
this just so it's out there.

You know - communicate.

Is, um... This is really
embarrassing for me.

What? You know,

we talked to Dr. Zwick about
me feeling like less than a man.

And to have my girlfriend and her
parents plan and pay for my vacation...

Although it's incredibly thoughtful
- it's just a little emasculating.

We have the house. Someone
should use it. We did it last summer.

Exactly my point! I mean, getting a
free ride, staying in your parents' bed...

I mean, it's not exactly building
my self-esteem. Do you understand?

I just thought that this
year, maybe the two of us,

we could come up with a place to
go together, you know, both of us.

You know, like Zwick said, we're
a couple, not just two solo artists.

OK. That's fine.

Yeah? Forget Switzerland.

We'll do something else.

OK, great. Thanks.

All right, I'm gonna get some
envelopes for these babies.

Thanks.

Hey. Hey.

Thanks for... Thanks for coming.

No problem. How's Ruby?

She's good. Good.

Yeah.

Well, I wanted to
give you something.

It's for graduation, so...

Should I open it? Yeah, yeah.

Do you remember? It's
the one that was out of print

that you wanted sophomore year?

Yeah, I remember.

Well, you said
that it inspired you,

so I thought that maybe it would
help keep you inspired in Seattle.

I can't...

Noel. Seriously, it's nice.

I just... I...

You know what? No, it took
me way too long to find this.

You have to take it.

Please take it.

Thanks.

Well, I, uh... I
really should go.

Noel.

I really should go.

Are you sure?

Yes, I'm sure. Besides, Acadia's
supposed to be incredible.

We could go after your EMT thing.
Look, I wanna spend the summer with you.

Besides, I wouldn't be any good
at that paramedic stuff anyway.

What? I wouldn't be.

Would you stop? Hey.

When you get a chance, we gotta
talk about this loft over the summer.

OK. Hey, Sean? Yeah?

Do you think I could
be a paramedic?

See that? You can't even
take your own temperature.

Thank you. No sweat.

Hey, who cares what
Sean thinks? I heard that.

Look, we're gonna spend the
summer together. All right? That's it.

OK. OK, go check it out.

Um, when do you wanna leave?

How about tomorrow?

Isn't graduation tomorrow?

Yeah. Well, then,
what about Noel?

I'm pretty sure he
doesn't want me there.

And it's his graduation, so I don't
wanna make him uncomfortable.

I think he wants you there.

No, I don't think he does.

I wasn't gonna come today,
but I wanted to tell you in person.

You seeing somebody?

A little bit. DeForrest,
the guy you met.

The Rabbit guy?

Yes.

What, you and Rose are not
dating anymore? No, that's over.

What? Do you know
what it was like?

Being dumped because
you can't stand celibacy

and then finding out that you and your
missionary girlfriend were getting it on?

Whoa, wait. What? What?

Oh, please. You and Rose.

Elena, there's only one person I've ever
had sex with, and we both know who that is.

I saw the condom in your wallet.

And what'd you see?

We were sitting over there, and
I said, "Oh, you can date Rose."

And you were like, "Thank
you. Order me a burger."

I opened your wallet and
the condom was there.

You mean this condom?

Elena, that's been in my wallet
since you and I were together.

I haven't used one
since. I haven't needed to.

Really? Really.

So... you and Rose...

I'm not a player, Elena.
I'm the Christian pimp.

I went to Africa because I
wanted to be surrounded

by people who had
the same beliefs as I do.

I wanted to pretend that the rest
of the world... you... didn't exist.

Rose made sense. Me sleeping with you
didn't make sense, at least not logically.

But that's the thing.
Rose is logical.

But she doesn't make
sense. You make sense.

I don't believe this.

I don't know why you're
getting all bent out of shape.

Me sleeping with Rose shouldn't be a
problem for you. I mean, you and Finn...

I know. Baby, I know
we can work this out.

I'm not giving up on you.

I didn't think that I would...
I'd be able to get over you.

But I did.

And I just... I can't
go through that again.

Let's go over our vacation lists,
see what we agree on. All right?

Uh-huh. You go first.

Switzerland.

OK, that's... that's not funny. OK!
I just thought I'd throw it out there,

see if you put it back on your list and
came to your senses. All right. You go.

This is a good one. I
want you to think about this.

This could be great
for both of us. Ready?

Atlantic City. There's this
huge resurgence going on there.

What? What is that
reaction? What is that?

It's just the reaction of someone
who just heard a horrible idea.

Atlantic City... it's like ten minutes away.
We might as well go to the roof for a vacation.

You know what? This isn't gonna work
unless we respect each other's feelings.

Remember the "I feel" exercise?
You remember that? OK, yes. I feel...

Yeah? that
Atlantic City is crap.

OK. And I feel like I'll have to
respect that. What's next on your list?

Hawaii. Fascinating!

Listen, I feel you're not taking your
boyfriend's financial situation into account.

It's hard to take zero into account.
This from Daddy's little rich girl.

Oh, is that the same Daddy whose house
you had no problem staying in last year?

Uh... maybe.

Oh, Israel? What, are we
gonna stay on a kibbutz?

Yes. And flights are
really cheap right now. No!

No. OK, what do you got?

Oh, the Bahamas. OK. Who do
you think you're dating? Bill Gates?

No. I thought I was dating a guy

who was open-minded enough to
let his girlfriend pay for a fun vacation

because she can!

It's not like the Middle Ages.

It's not like we're living
in the '80s or something.

What are you doing?

Sean...

What are you doing? Dr. Zwick said
clucking ends an argument. Remember that?

I thought we
agreed not to do that.

OK, it's really
annoying. Stop it!

I'm getting out of here. Come
on. I'm cute as a chicken.

You know, once you take those
things out, forget about it. Yeah, I know.

Here. Thanks.

Yeah. Yeah?

How are you gonna get
all that stuff to the airport?

My parents rented a car. Most of
it's going back with them anyway.

You know, the stuff we sweat over just
gets packed away and gathers dust. Yeah.

Well, thanks, man. No problem.

Hey, uh...

I'm sorry.

Not, uh, not for anything in
particular and not... for everything.

But...

for not being very
generous sometimes.

Or upfront.

Anyway, I, uh...

I just wanted to say goodbye
on decent terms. So...

Thanks. Yeah.

Can I ask you a question?

Yeah.

What's it like knowing what
you wanna do with your life?

That's not a question.
That's the question.

Yeah, I guess. I just...

You've got this job that you
love, a job that you're good at.

That's more than most
people, you know? Yeah, it is.

I feel lucky.

Like, uh, like I backed
into something great.

You know? I mean, most people,

they spend four years here trying
to find a class that inspires them.

And I managed to stumble on
one freshman year in graphic design.

I mean, if I hadn't
signed up for that class...

Yeah, but you did.

Yeah. And now I'm moving
to a city I've never been to

for a job that terrifies
me, so you figure it out.

Yeah.

Ruby's in town, huh?

Yeah. I know it's none
of my business, but I just

wanted to say that I thought you
guys were really good together.

So... thanks for the help.

That was fun, wasn't it? Yeah.

All right. Hi, sweetie.

There we go. What a pretty girl.

Yes, she is. Aren't you?
Hi. Does she eat steak?

I'm having dinner with my parents tonight
at Peter Luger's if you guys wanna come.

Well, at the moment
she's still a vegan.

But if that's an invitation, I'll make
an executive decision and say yes.

Good! Good.

Hey, you still got
the bracelet on. Yeah.

I wear it 'cause it
reminds me of you.

It's weird, too, because I have
horrible taste in jewelry, so...

I don't know. I'm serious.

I wear it because it makes
me feel closer to you.

I miss you.

Um, OK, so we can get the permits
from the park service once we get there?

Great. Thanks.

Wait.

I can't keep the book.

Why not?

Because it would remind me
of you, and I don't want that.

Noel...

I'm not kidding. I don't want it.
Thank you, but no, thank you.

You can't do this! You can't just dump
your friends because you're freaking out.

You think I'm doing all this because I'm
terrified? Yes! Of graduating. Yes, I do.

I'll tell you what terrifies me... that
you're gonna stay alive in my life.

That I'm gonna move across the country
and still not be able to get away from you.

Thank you. Now I'm an evil presence in
your life. Not evil, completely unhealthy.

But why? Because of what?
Because of the fact that we can't go out?

You're gonna throw away everything
that we have because of that?

God! Do you have any
idea how selfish that is?

You know what? You can do whatever
you want with this. I'm not taking it back.

You think I'm being selfish? All I
want is for you to get out of my life!

I'm going!

Look, I know we'd said our
friendship was over before,

but that fight, that was sort of
the proverbial nail in the coffin.

The thing I wonder is what's gonna
stick? Which words? Which memories?

It's strange how that works. I
remember tenth grade biology.

I got every answer on the
final right except for one...

Purkinje fibers.

And now that's the only thing
I can remember about biology.

Is that gonna happen to us? I mean, after
all these years, after all our right answers,

is that fight gonna be
the only thing I remember?

I just can't believe
I said those things.

Given your anger at him, I
think it's a healthy response.

I'm not angry at Noel. I'm
sad about what's happened.

Do you think he was
right? Am I being selfish?

Yes. You're kidding.

No. What do you expect?

How are you supposed to act when
you've lost your best friend? I don't know.

I just wish I could
take back what I said.

Why? So you can keep from
moving on? Anger is one of the stages.

Stages? Of the grieving process.

It's not like somebody's
d*ed. It's exactly like that.

You've lost a friend. Now
you're mourning that loss.

What are the stages?
The first one is denial.

You're way past that.

Noel tells you he doesn't wanna be
your friend, and you buy him a book.

It was for his graduation. Yeah, and I'm
sitting here just for the pure joy of it.

Stage two is anger.

All I want is to
see Noel graduate.

And I just don't want to
seem selfish. Bargaining.

What? Stage three.

What does it mean?
That you think...

This is subconsciously, of
course, so don't bother denying it...

That if you do something,
like go to Noel's graduation,

that it will help
lessen your loss.

I just don't want our fight to
be the last time I talk to him.

And maybe I am bargaining, or whatever,
but I'm gonna go. I wanna see him graduate.

What are you gonna say?

I don't know. I'm...

I'm sorry.

That's it?

Nothing else?

Oh, yeah, of course.
There are a lot of things.

Such as?

I wanna tell him
that I care about him.

I wanna tell him that I wish he
had more faith in our friendship

because we've been
through so much together.

You know, Hannah
and Eli and Ruby...

We survived it all. We should
be able to survive this, too.

I'd tell him that I don't know
what my future is gonna be,

but whatever it is, I've always
thought Noel would be a part of it.

I'd tell him that of all the
friends I've made at college,

he was the one I
thought I'd have forever.

I'd tell him that I
counted on our friendship

and that I want it back...

and I hope he does, too.

And then...

I'd ask him to go
get some ice cream.

Noel? Noel? Noel? Hi!

Oh, my God! Congratulations!
That's fantastic!

Thank you, Javier.

Look, if, you know, this whole
Seattle thing doesn't work out,

you still have a job
at Dean & Deluca.

OK? Thank you.
That's good to know.

I'm just bursting
with pride for you.

Congratulations... from the both
of us. Thank you to the both of you.

Hey, can I ask you a question?

What?

Did you come here to see if...

You know what? I'm sounding
like an idiot. I'm sure I'm wrong, but...

Yes. Yes, I'm wrong?

No. Oh. Wait. Now I'm confused.

Yes, I came to see

if you and I had a chance.

Is that bad?

Look, it doesn't mean that I
don't care about you, Ruby.

It's because you're in
love with Felicity, isn't it?

At least, it seemed
that way from that fight.

It's her nap time.

Yeah.

Oh, yeah. Hey.

Uh, congratulations. Thank you.

Can I talk to you for a minute?

Sure. Yeah.

So, hey, I'm sorry about before.

I just want you to
know that I understand,

and I wish I could
change things.

You were right. I
was being selfish.

Here you are!

Mom, hi. Everybody's been
looking for you. We're starving!

Yeah. I was just... I
was talking to Felicity.

Felicity Porter?
The Felicity Porter?

I don't believe it. Mom.

It's nice to meet you. We have
been hearing your name for years.

Drop it, Mom. Let me
get a picture of you two.

Mom. Oh, come on.

OK, yeah. Good, good.

OK.

Look closer. Put
your arm around her.

OK, big smile. Come on.

Oh, that's a good one.

When you're done here, we're just
all over by the big fountain waiting.

It was so nice to meet
you. It was nice to meet you.

Bye. Bye.

Mom.

You should probably go, yeah?

Yeah.

Good luck in Seattle.

Good luck in New York.

Hey. Hey.

I hate packing. It's
so final. Yeah, I know.

You OK? Yeah.

Yeah, I'm OK. I'm OK.

It's just... I was just sitting
there at that graduation,

watching those people get up and
get their diploma and walk off and...

That's gonna be us next year.

That's gonna be me
next year if I'm lucky.

I never thought like this.

I never thought about what's gonna
happen next or where I'm going.

I just... I don't know.

I sort of just never thought
about that stuff, you know?

And I've been thinking about
that thing, that EMT program.

I just... I've just been
thinking what you said...

You know, how it's such a great
thing, how it's such a great opportunity.

You wanna do it? I called them.
I'd have to leave by tomorrow.

But, yeah, it's still
available if I want it.

Would you ever go?

I can't go. That's all right.

It's not like I don't wanna go camping.
I really do. No, no. Ben, you should go.

I don't wanna go without you. I don't
wanna spend another summer apart.

OK, but what about
everything you said?

About 18-hour days and living in those
little bungalows and never seeing each other?

No, I don't wanna spend
this summer apart, but...

If we went camping,
which I would love,

I would... I would spend
the whole time feeling guilty.

But you can't feel guilty about
something that I wanna do. But I would,

because you're not doing
something that was amazing for you.

Yeah, but I don't have
to go. I really don't.

No. I don't have to go.

But I think you do. I can tell.

If I do...

I'm gonna really miss you.

I'm gonna miss you, too.

♪ I've been gettin' up early

♪ I've been gettin' my coffee

♪ I've been gettin'
in the car and driving

♪ All over town

♪ Talkin' to myself

♪ While I'm taking off my seat
belt ♪ Hey. Can I talk to you?

You don't need to.

What? I already know
what you're gonna say.

You do?

Yeah. You're going back
with Tracy, aren't you?

DeForrest, I am...
I am really sorry.

Well, I've been through
this a lot of times,

and it's not gonna be
any more fun for you, so...

I don't know. Why don't we
make it easy on ourselves?

I understand, and it's
OK, and I'll see you around.

Wait.

I didn't know that any of
this was gonna happen.

And I didn't mean to hurt you.

I've been in your position
before, and I know it sucks.

Look... and please don't doubt

that I-I care about you.

It wasn't about you being
safe or anything like that.

It was about how
much I like you.

I like you, too.

Good luck with Tracy. I
hope he makes you happy.

Can't you please just
say something mean to me

so I don't feel like such an
idiot walking away from you?

I don't wanna be mean to you.

What is all this crap?

Oh, this is... This
is our vacation.

We're going camping.

Wait, you went out
and bought all this stuff?

Are you crazy? No,
this is Felicity's stuff.

She doesn't need this anymore
'cause Ben's doing that paramedic thing.

So I told her that you
and I would go camping,

and she'll stay here and
watch the loft while we're gone.

Camping. OK.

Well, camping!

Camping could be fun.

Could be? Check this out. We
got a water purifier, we've got a tent.

It's just gonna be us
and, you know, nature.

Oh, look! And bug
spray... for the bugs. Yeah.

And, oh, look! A flashlight
so we can see them.

Check this out. Look at this.

This is our stove, OK? So we
can make our meals under the stars.

And...

under the bugs.

Or we can just eat
the dehydrated food.

Great.

There's a personal chef
in, uh, Switzerland, right?

Yeah. Marie. Marie. She
makes the best chicken pot pie.

Marie. You don't still
have the tickets, right?

I'm sure Felicity wouldn't mind, you know,
staying here all summer for free. Right?

I-I don't know. What
about that whole thing

about how you don't wanna take a free
ride, you don't wanna feel emasculated?

What if I pay for the
cab ride to the airport?

Deal. Great.

Let's just leave all
this crap here. OK.

I'm probably just gonna go
to the airport and come back.

We're gonna be OK, right? Yeah.

Yeah.

Dear Felicity...

I know how corny this is.

Just, uh... Just
go with it. Please.

I'm making you this tape

because I wanna make sure
I say everything I'm thinking

because doing it
this way, it's, uh,

it's a little easier.

Even still, I'm not
sure where to start.

I guess I should
start with good-bye.

Look, this is not the way it
should be. We both know that.

This isn't how we should
be ending our year.

But I think... I think you
understand what I'm going through,

that this...

this time apart, it's sort
of important, you know?

I'm sorry if I acted otherwise,

but the truth is, I have no
doubt we'll get through this,

that we're gonna be
in each other's lives.

Have a great summer. OK?

And I'll miss you
more than you know.

Love, Noel.

Hey.

Hey.

I told you I wasn't
giving up on you.

You know, you really should
call before just showing up.

I know, I know. DeForrest could've been
here, and that would've been embarrassing.

You don't have to worry about
him anymore. Why is that?

Because I'm not
dating him anymore.

And don't go reading into that more than there
is, because just because we're not dating

doesn't mean that I want
you to be my boyfriend. Good.

It's not like I've been sitting here for the
last few months waiting for you to come back.

I have a life, you know.

What do you mean, "good"?

Uh...

I think I said "good" because I don't
wanna be your boyfriend anymore.

What?

I wanna be your husband.

Oh, my God!

What are you doing here?

The Internet's dead.

My project was canceled.

I guess it doesn't...

Apparently it doesn't
matter anymore.

What about you? I thought
you were going camping.

No. Ben went to Kansas
City for EMT training.

EMT.

Do you wanna go
get some ice cream?