04x02 - My Best Friend's Wedding

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Felicity". Aired: September 29, 1998 –; May 22, 2002.*
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Follows Felicity to NYC after high school as she navigates life and discovers who she really is.
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04x02 - My Best Friend's Wedding

Post by bunniefuu »

Previously on felicity...

I don't think you have any idea
how hard this year's gonna be.

- I didn't mean to be late.
- Whatever.

I'm gonna go play
some basketball.

Then it occurred to me...
That we're just lost, you know.

- You okay?
- Yeah.

What?

My earring. I just...

Oh. Uh... Well, I'm sure it's...

- Well, I'm sure it's...
- You know, just forget it.

Hey, hey, hey.
Everything's gonna be okay.

All right?

Honestly, i... I
don't think it is.

Um...

Do you think you could
wait just five minutes

Before you come downstairs?

Sure.

- Hi.
- Hey.

- You're still here.
- Yeah. Yeah.

Um, I'm sorry about before.

This whole premed thing's
got me pretty freaked out.

- It's not your fault.
- It is. I was being a jerk.

I got some food
if you wanna stay.

Um,

Actually I think
I'm gonna just, uh...

I'm not feeling very well.
I'm gonna go to the dorm,

Just sleep.

- Hey.
- Hey.

I didn't know you
guys were here.

I was at the roof hanging out.

Hey. How's it going?

Great. Yeah, I'm
just... I should go.

I got to work on
my resume. All right.

So you still upset?

No. I'm just tired. I'm
gonna just get some sleep.

- You sure?
- Yeah.

- Okay. Well, feel better.
- Thanks.

♪ Can you become

♪ Can you become

♪ A new version of you

♪ New wallpaper

♪ New shoe leather

♪ A new way home

♪ I don't remember

♪ New version of you

♪ I need a new version of me

♪ New version of you

♪ I need a new version of me ♪

Hey.

Hey.

Thanks. Um...

- We didn't wake you?
- No. No.

Good, because
we've got problems.

Yeah. Um, our
minister's overbooked

And we need a replacement.

We know how much you
believe in love and commitment.

- And fidelity.
- Yeah.

- Uh-huh.
- So...

We want you to
perform the ceremony.

- Are you joking?
- No. This is no joke.

It's real easy. You go online
to the universal life church,

And in five minutes,
you become ordained.

I don't know anything about...

Well, you can
talk to my minister.

And my aunt and uncle
have been married 50 years.

They've got a lot to say.

I told them you were gonna call.

They should perform the
ceremony if they have experience.

No. No, no. They're nuts.

I don't wanna ruin your wedding.

You will ruin it if
you don't do it. Please.

It will make us so happy.

- Okay.
- Oh!

Whoa. What you guys been doing?

What are you talking about?

You got a big-ass
hickie on your neck.

Ooh, tracy.

Oh, my god. Oh,
my god. Oh, my god.

All right. Prepare to
have your minds blown.

You are not gonna
believe what's in this box.

Unless we can
practice a wedding in it,

I don't really
give a flying hoot.

I forgot to budget for
the rehearsal space.

- That was smart, wasn't it?
- Thank you very much, g.i. Joe.

- Hey, man.
- I'm asking, seany.

- Huh?
- Can we do it here?

Oh, yeah. Sure. Okay,
check these out.

The greatest party favor ever.

It's a condom.

Really? I've never seen
one of those before.

No, not one of these.

Huh?

Right?

Does that k*ll or what?

I got to get to class. I'm late.

I created these. I call
them the rubber bands.

They play "happy birthday,"
"pomp and circumstance,"

Uh, you know, all... "Here comes
the bride," all the big occasions.

Okay, listen. Nobody believes
more than safe sex than i.

But this is a wedding,
not a p*rn shop.

Yes, but after saturday elena
and tracy can finally have sex.

- It's perfect.
- Did I just hear

"Tracy" and "sex" in
the same sentence?

How about instead
of the condoms,

You do nothing.

I can't have carbohydrates.

Adios.

Why do you do that?

- Do what?
- You've been talking

About sleeping with
tracy for a week now.

As ridiculous as it is,

It'll never happen
in a bazillion years.

But every time I see
tracy, hear the name tracy,

That's all I can think about.

What do you mean it
could never happen?

Meghan, that's not the point.

You say things without
thinking, and it's hurtful.

You don't think I can get tracy?

I'm not having
this conversation.

- I so easily could.
- Okay, whatever.

You wanna bet?

I don't wanna bet so you
could break up a marriage.

I wouldn't break it
up. It would be one kiss.

The loser is the winner's
servant for a day.

Let me make sure
I get this right.

If you don't get the
god-fearing christian...

Who won't even sleep with
his own fiancee... To kiss you,

Then you become my
servant for an entire day.

Five-second kiss,
full on the lips.

How you gonna prove it?
Not that it would happen.

- Honor code.
- Honor code.

You're such a loser. You're on.

You're a loser.

- Look at this.
- Ooh. I did that?

- Did you bring
the stuff?
- Yeah.

- It's getting worse.
- Then you're not
giving it a chance.

Yes, I am. It's not working. None of
these stupid remedies are working.

Okay, um...

- Well...
- God. How did this happen?

I mean, noel,

I love ben.

What am I gonna do?
Maybe I should just tell him.

I don't know if that's
such a good idea.

I'm gonna try the
cucumber juice.

And... One, two,
three, one, two, three,

One, two, three.

Okay, that's good. Okay.

And... One, two, three,

One, two, three,
one, two, three...

Baby! One, two, three.

Oh, we have got to get
that. We've got to get it.

How about, uh, you
and I doing a little...

One, two, three up
into the bedroom?

It's not enough room in there.

I'm talking about
waltzing horizontally.

What? I thought the
lord didn't approve.

Baby, the lord knows we're about to
get married, and the lord's psyched.

He said you had to be married.

And we've been getting married since
we got engaged three months ago.

I don't understand this. I'm
offering myself to you. Finally.

You're saying no.
What's going on?

We are running late, and we've
got to get ready for rehearsal.

- Let's go.
- No, but I'm...

Come on.

I mean, I know
these things happen.

People do this.

All the time this stuff happens.

It's not like this is the
worst thing in the world.

Is it?

I don't know. What do you think?

Well, yeah. I mean, it's awful.

I feel like I'm lying...

To the person I love
the most, and it's...

And I know what
you're gonna say.

I shouldn't tell
him. But I don't know.

Wait a minute. I
didn't say that.

You did. Last year. After
the nightmare at theta xi.

You said it's better to
be kind than to be honest.

The situations are
completely different.

You're saying that
I should tell ben?

- It depends.
- On what?

I think there might be
something in the drawer.

The what?

This just happened, so I don't expect
you to have any perspective on it yet.

But I think that there
may be another level,

A whole other element to the
story that you're not looking at.

There's a drawer.

What's inside the drawer?

I don't know.

It's your drawer.

These chairs should
go in the front.

This is all from my
personal collection.

What's a wedding
without "I will survive"?

That is not playing at
my wedding. No disco.

Can I get this chair?

Noel, you can bring
yours up front. Thanks.

Start things out
with "brick house."

Nothing starts a party like
the commodores. Am I right?

- Uh-huh.
- What's with you, man?

- You're like m.i.a.
- No. No, nothing.

- You got the lady problems?
- Richard.

It's the dry season.
Guys like me and you...

Do not have the
same kind of problems.

What, did you get some?

- You're holding out on me?
- No. No. I...

- You got some.
- No, I didn't get some.

The n-man always scores.

I did not, and don't call me
the n-man. It's embarrassing.

Party people, we need some
help configurating this aisle.

One second. So, who is she?
Is she hot? She sounds hot.

You don't know her.

So there is someone.

What's her name, man?
Just give me the 4-1-1.

You're my hero. I got nothing.

Okay, fine. Her name is sandy.

Oh, nice. Where'd you meet her?

Uh, she works at john's
pizza. The one on tenth.

Okay. Right.

She hot? She sounds hot. Sandy.

Okay, um, I know you're
very busy saving the world,

But tracy's family
is stuck in buffalo.

I didn't know there
were buffalo left.

- "Stuck" in buffalo.
- Oh. I thought he said
"stalking buffalo."

So, uh,

Noel, you're gonna
play tracy's father.

You're gonna be his mama.

Hey, javier, where
do you want me?

Okay, mr. Groom, um,
you stand over there.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- What are you doing?
- Nothing.

What's the matter?

Nothing.

Looks like you're about to cry.

Come here.

What's going on?

I...

I'm just emotional, I guess,

With elena's wedding and...

And what?

I just feel like
everything's changing.

Like in a second, it
could all disappear.

Yeah?

Hey. Everyone...

Everyone's wondering
where the, uh, minister is.

Are you... You all right?

- Yeah. Yeah.
- Can you give us a minute?

No. I'm fine.

Where's my clergy girl?

Clergy girl!

Does entry-level sales manager at an
interactive p*rn site sound like a good job?

It sounds like babe city. Yeah.

If I were single, I'd
take it in a second.

What would you rather
get from a wedding?

A cd of the couple's
favorite songs...

Or a fortune cookie?

The cd.

Cd's too expensive. The cookie.

- Can I borrow this?
- Well, just...

Can I talk to you for a second?

Uh, yeah.

What's going on with felicity?

What do you mean?

She hasn't said
anything about us?

No. That she really missed you
when you were gone, but, uh...

What about the other
night? She didn't say anything?

Uh, no. No. I mean, i, uh...

I only saw her for that
minute with you, but... No.

Okay.

He's got my computer.

Oh, yeah. The light's
really much better in here.

So, which one do you like?

This is about choosing ribbon?

Oh, yeah. Yeah.
It's your wedding,

And I don't want you
to be disappointed.

I think they'll both fine.
You can go with either one.

Whichever one is cool. I'm
gonna go. I got to meet elena.

Oh, boy. Whoof! This
stuff really works.

It makes your lips
tingly. It's lip venom.

You should... You wanna feel it?

No. No. I'm cool. Thank you.

Why not? Don't be scared.

Use it on your wedding
night, drive elena nuts.

Okay. What the hell.

- Yeah.
- Yeah.

Whoa, whoa, whoa.
What are you doing?

It's the only way you
can get the full effect.

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

I don't need to feel any effect.

Take your venom. Here.

Right. I want it to say, "elena and
tracy, fortunate to be together."

What?

You don't get it?

"Fortunate"? "Fortune."

Come on. It's... No?

I'll just come down
there. We'll talk in person.

You'll see. Right.

- Hey.
- Hey. Is ben home?

No. I don't know where he is.

The minister pushed back
our meeting for an hour.

- I can't meet him until 8:00.
- Leave him a note.

I got to deal with this fortune
cookie maker with zero sense of humor.

You've reached
blumberg productions.

Please leave a message
for sean blumberg.

Oh. Noel and ben live here, too.

Hey, ben. It's janet. I was
just thinking about you.

I drove by our motel yesterday.

It made me sad you
weren't still here.

I really miss you.

Anyway, that's why I'm calling.
My transfer was approved.

I'm starting at
columbia in two weeks.

- Hey.
- Hey.

You didn't see me the other
night, except in the living room.

- That's our story.
- Our story?

Yeah.

- Hey, is anybody home?
- That's what I told ben.

He was asking me what
was going on with you.

I feel like I'm suffocating
in these things.

- What do you know
about janet?
- Who?

She left a message for ben.

Apparently, they spent a
night together in a hotel.

Apparently, she misses him.

And she's transferring
here to columbia.

- So you think ben...
- That's what it sounds like.

I am furious, even though
I have no right to be.

I can't talk about this
stuff with you, noel.

- This is like
flying a kite.
- Noel...

Don't.

Bad timing.

Do you even realize
how complicated this is?

If you wanna tell
ben what happened,

Do not worry about me.

I'll be fine.

Maybe I should just tell him.

Hey, dude. I've been looking
everywhere for you.

We got to play this song
at the wedding. What's up?

It's my band. Morse code.

- You get it? My last name's code.
- I get it. You have a band?

Yeah, man. Totally.

I went by john's pizzeria.
There's no sandy working there.

- There never was a sandy.
- Who's sandy?

- No one.
- Oh, my god.

What's up with your neck?

- Nothing. It's a rash.
- B.s. Rash.

- That's a hickie.
- Richard, just leave her alone.

Wait a minute.

Sandy. She's sandy.

- No. This is not sandy.
- I should've known it was you.

- What is he talking about?
- Does ben know about this?

- Stop, richard.
- Poor guy. Actually poor you.

- He's gonna kick your ass.
- You are unbelievable.

Hey, missy. Don't do the crime
if you can't do the time. Right?

Get a life.

I don't know.

What I'm gonna say I think
you're gonna hate me...

Can I go first? Do you mind?

No.

I was at the loft today.
I was leaving you a note.

And I overheard...

This message being left
for you from this girl janet.

Wait. Janet is
this girl on my...

I know. You don't
have to explain.

Well, I'm gonna explain.
She's just this girl.

I think I even told
you about her.

Remember? She's
the girl from florida.

We were studying
together. I did tell you.

For our final exercise
we all got motel rooms,

And she was acting all
funny and I cut her off.

I told her that I have
a girlfriend that I love

And that I'm not interested.

The motel was nothing.
It really was nothing.

Oh.

Yeah, but this whole thing,
this is not about janet.

It's not. Things have been weird
long before you heard that message.

Right?

Yeah, I know.

I think I know what it is.

I think we switched
places in a way.

Freshman year, if somebody
said three years from now

That I'd have any
direction, any direction,

And that you'd be confused about what
you were doing, I wouldn't believe 'em.

I just... I have to say
that I understand

How it must make you feel.

You must feel alone, and that's
what's making you withdraw from me.

- Ben.
- No. Listen. I've been busy

With trying to figure out if I can
even do this whole premed thing.

And for that, I'm a
little bit to blame.

Is that what this is about?

Yeah.

Well, what can I do to help?

Nothing. I'm just, uh...

What?

I'm just kind of confused
right now, I guess.

I'll do anything. What can I do?

You can't. I mean, I'm just...

I think that maybe...

Maybe we need to just
spend some time apart.

Wha... Wait a minute.

You wanna break
up with me over this?

I'm sorry. I just think I need
to spend some time alone.

I'm sorry.

We do a slow song, a
depeche mode cover.

Elena wants to stick
with the original artist.

- Did you tell her we play live?
- It didn't come up.

Must be k*lling you, hey, man.

Keeping this whole felicity
thing bottled up inside.

Don't you wanna run to the
rooftop and scream it out?


"I finally had felicity
and I feel great."

I didn't have felicity.

You're such a
romantic. You and sandy.

This isn't a joke.

I know, man. So noble.

- Richard...
- I wish she could
see this side of you.

- Oh, hey, ben.
- Hey.

Do you want a beer?

No, thanks, man.
I'm gonna take off.

- How's it going?
- Not so good.

- Broke up last night.
- Oh. Sorry.

Want a beer?

Uh... Thanks.

- Hey. Did you try
and kiss tracy?
- Mm-hmm.

You're not even gonna deny it?

It was just a
stupid bet. Forget it.

What would you do if I told
you I wanted to sleep with sean?

First of all, you and sean.

Second, I wasn't trying
to sleep with tracy.

I was trying to
get him to kiss me.

Don't blame me for your obvious
panic about getting married,

Which is totally justified.

Totally justified.
What does that mean?

The reason you're doing
this is so you can have sex.

You are wrong. You are so wrong.
You have never been more wrong.

Oh, come on.

Do you think if you and tracy were
having sex, he'd be getting married?

You're disinvited
to the wedding.

Fine.

You owe me $148 for that
hideous bridesmaid dress.

This whole time we talked
about me and my problems.

- How are you on all this?
- I'm... You know, I'm fine.

Noel, did we just
mess everything up?

Are we gonna be friends again?

- What are you talking about?
- Everything is so weird.

Without taking anything away from
what happened because it was great,

Um, I have no expectations.

And that's the last thing you
need to be worrying about now.

Thank you, noel.

I have class and then I meet
with tracy's aunt and uncle.

Yeah. You all right?

Yeah. Yeah.

Bye.

I... I... I don't understand.

What's to understand?

These are the ribbons
for the wedding favors.

One of your best friends
threw you out of her wedding.

She doesn't wanna
hear the truth.

This is what I was
talking about.

- And what's that?
- You don't think
about other people.

Elena's getting
married tomorrow.

I should've waited until
after the wedding to tell her?

I love you too much to keep
letting you do this to yourself.

- What is this, an intervention?
- Stop testing people, meghan.

Stop pushing them away
to see how far you can go.

If I'm testing people,
they're all failing.

Not that you've lost
elena, just keep it up.

Maybe you'll drive me away,
too, and end up all alone.

- What's up?
- I wanna have sex.

Okay.

Uh, hang on. Hang on.

What's wrong?

Do you think we'd be getting
married if we had sex all the time?

Because meghan
doesn't think we would.

- Baby, meghan's
got piercings.
- I know.

I just... I keep hearing
her voice inside my head.

You're hearing meghan's
voice while you're kissing me?

Is she right?

If we weren't getting married,

We couldn't be
like this right now.

Baby, we've been through this.

I'm crazy about you.

We're getting married
for the right reasons.

We love each other.

You're right.

What are you gonna say up there?

I'm not really sure. I
guess that's why I'm here.

Um, I just thought

I might be able to get some
of your thoughts on love.

You got to be more
specific than that, honey.

Love may be a many
splendored thing,

But it's a big topic.

Yeah, you're right.

All right. Um, well,
how about the fact

That you have been
together so long?

- What's your secret?
- Forgiveness.

A bad memory.

People make mistakes.

A lot can happen in 50
years. You do a lot of things

You wish you hadn't.

But you get past it.

And that's what makes
your relationship stronger.

That's the thing
about the heart.

It gets stronger
the more you use it.

That's good to hear.

You have no idea how
good that is to hear.

So the aunt and uncle are right.

I don't know. I hope so.

But you're not sure.

I'm not sure if ben could
ever forgive me, no.

And if he did,

That would be the solution
to all your problems?

No.

Good. Ten points for you.

Why not?

Well, because I still
feel bad about what I did.

That's it? You feel bad?

No. I feel terrible.

Okay. I get it.

You get what?

Well, you don't wanna
let go of the guilt

Because you don't wanna
see what's underneath.

I agree. Guilt is much
more sympathetic.

No, I'm not feeling
guilty to get sympathy.

I did a horrible thing. I
deserve to feel guilty.

I never realized what a
frightened person you are.

I literally don't know
what you're talking about.

You are frightened
to look in the drawer.

The drawer. Is that
what this is about?

You don't wanna
look into it, fine.

You've got a problem. It's
not gonna go away by itself.

The guilt is only gonna
hide it for so long.

Okay, fine. Who do you
think is in the drawer?

So, it's a who?

No.

You think it's noel.

You chose him for a reason.

- Well, he's my best friend.
- You could have gone
to any friend.

You could have gone
to your boyfriend.

You slept with noel.

You have been dancing
around this for years.

You wanna be with ben, but
you also wanna be with noel.

Am I wrong?

I'm sorry about you and ben.

Yeah, me, too.

Um, are you sure you
can do the ceremony?

Elena, yes, of course.
It's your wedding.

If you can't, we can
do it another day.

What are you talking about?

I don't know. I'm just...
I'm really nervous.

Hey. What are you nervous about?

I'm gonna say something
that's gonna sound cheesy,

But I mean it.

You have to follow your heart.

Hey.

Are you done? I wanna talk to
the bride before the wedding.

Yeah. She's all yours.

- Thank you.
- You look beautiful.

Hey.

Um, I know you kicked me
out of your wedding, but...

Where else am I
gonna wear this dress?

- You look great,
by the way.
- So do you.

I wanted to say I'm sorry.

I shouldn't have
tried to kiss tracy.

And I should not have said what
I said. It was wrong. I was wrong.

What do I know about marriage
anyway? All sean and I do is break up.

Do you forgive me?

Yeah. Of course.

Thanks for coming.

And don't worry
about you and sean.

You guys are perfect
for each other.

That's just the way you are.

You're the ones who
should be getting married.

Oh, god!

- Oh, god.
- It looks good.

- It does?
- Yeah.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- You okay?
- Uh...

Hey, let's, um...
Let's make a pact.

Let's just forget about it.

Let's pretend it never happened.

Noel, I don't wanna
forget about it.

That's not what I want. I...

Maybe I do. I don't
know what I want.

- Okay, two minutes, minister.
- Okay. How am I gonna do this?

All we need now is, um...

Is, uh... Uh... The groom.

Um, I'll go look outside.

Okay.

I don't have a fantastic
feeling about this.

- You're gonna do great.
- Thanks.

Hey.

Honey, everybody's waiting.

Are you sure this is
something you wanna do?

Tracy, we're about to
get married in five minutes.

Well, we don't have
to if you don't want to.

I thought about that
talk we had yesterday.

Why are you doing this?

Are you marrying me
because you love me...

Or because you
don't wanna lose me?

I'm not marrying you so
I can have sex with you.

I love you.

I wanna spend the
rest of my life with you.

I just need to know if
you feel the same way, so...

Just tell the truth.

Please.

How do you feel?

I hope I don't look
like that at my wedding.

I'd like to say thank you
for your patience. Um...

I guess it's sort of obvious

That there's not gonna
be a wedding today.

Tracy and I decided

That it's just not the right
thing for us right now.

Elena. Elena.

What happened? What happened?

- Hey.
- What?

What if... What if you and I were
each other's servants for life?

Let's get married.

- Hey.
- Elena.

We would, uh...

Remember when I was in the room

And you said that maybe it would
be better if sean and I got married?

Do you think we could?

Oh!

Yes. Of course.

My god. Congratulations.

Hi. I'm felicity porter,
and I'd like to welcome you

To the wedding of
two very close friends.

When I was first
asked to do this,

I wasn't sure I
could pull it off, so...

I ended up talking
to a lot of people.

They all had different
definitions of love...

What it is and how it works.

♪ At first I was afraid

♪ I was petrified

♪ Kept thinking I could never
live without you by myself

♪ But then I spent
so many nights

♪ Thinking how you did me wrong

♪ And I grew strong

♪ And I learned how to get along

♪ And so you're back

♪ From outer space

♪ I just walked
in to find you here

♪ With that sad
look upon your face

♪ I should've changed
that stupid lock

♪ I should've made
you leave your key

♪ If I'd have known
for just one second

♪ You'd be back to bother me

♪ Go on, now go

♪ Walk out the door

♪ Just turn around now

♪ 'Cause you're not
welcome anymore

♪ Weren't you the one who
tried to hurt me with good-bye

♪ Did you think I'd crumble

♪ Did you think
I'd lay down and die
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