- Jackson.
- Larry.
I'm a little parched.
You're "parched"?
- Is that okay?
- Yeah, go right ahead.
- Is there a problem, Larry?
- No. I just like polar torso flexes.
- Do you?
- Yes, I do.
- Are you making fun of me?
- No.
The truth is,
I was just admiring your posture.
If I could just learn
to walk like that.
Have I got it?
What are you doing?
- Nothing. Just...
- He's trying to look like me.
No, it's not that.
No? I'm sorry. My mistake, Larry.
Could you two please cut out the...
...um, the um...
...nonsense?
- Ally?
- Yeah?
LARRY:
Ally?
- Yeah. Right.
- Let's go.
LARRY:
Ally?
VONDA SINGS:
I've been down this road
The Obstacle Course
Walking the line
That's painted by pride
And I have made mistakes in my life
That I just can 't hide
Oh, I believe I am ready
For what love has to bring
I got myself together
Yeah, now I'm ready to sing
I've been searching my soul tonight
I know there's so much more to life
Now I know I can shine a light
To find my way back home
Oh, baby, yeah
Oh, yeah
First up, Moore versus McGrath.
Trial begins today.
I took it out of compassion.
Not to mention the enormous retainer.
Ally, if you could,
I'd be in your debt.
Oh, Richard. Trial starts today?
He wants us. Pleadings are coming.
You'll meet at the courthouse.
What's the case?
Our client fell for a woman
through an on-line dating service.
When they met, it didn't work out.
She's suing for fraud.
Read the complaint on the way.
- Next up, Michael Puttnick.
JACKSON: That's me.
He's being sued for
allegedly ruining a wedding.
I could use some backup on this.
- John?
- No, I can't. I'm in a lull.
- Excuse me?
- I am in a lull.
Just move along, Richard.
Anybody here lull-free?
- Mark?
- Nelle and I have the Roberts trial.
- Lingo?
- Why can't you do it?
Is it a rule that you don't work?
- John? Cassandra Lewis is here.
- What?
- Who's Cassandra Lewis?
- John's L.A. Wattle.
What's she doing here?
I don't know.
- Cassandra?
- Hi, John.
I was in the neighborhood.
Do you mind?
No, of course not. I'm delighted.
What brings you to Boston?
I just came to see you.
Okay. Well that's...
...great.
- Shall I go?
- No, I'm just...
Under the heading of
"Life Is Too Short"...
...3000 miles is only 3000 miles.
- See, and you're here to...
- Pursue you.
Sort of. At the very minimum,
I thought I'd get a nice lunch.
Well, okay. Let's...
...have lunch.
Well...
Well, okay.
Ally?
Larry. Hey. Hi.
- Hey.
- Why are you here?
A silly trial.
My client is suing for a bad date.
What?
- I'm not making it up.
- No, I know.
I'm representing the defendant.
- Excuse me?
- Great.
- Why didn't you tell me...?
- I just got it. Why didn't you?
- I got it the day before yesterday.
- Well... Oh.
So when your client
switched counsels, so did ours...
...because he wants us, because he
knew that we were up against you and...
Why'd he do that? I b*at you.
You've never beaten me.
- Hello! Yeah, I b*at you.
- Even if you have, you won't win this.
- You don't think?
- No.
Suing for fraud based on appearance?
- Did you read the complaint?
- Wager!
- Name it.
- One-hour foot rub.
- Two.
- You got it.
You can't sue somebody
because you don't like how he looks.
Hark, I hear the roar of a client.
Ally McBeal?
Hi. Are you Douglas McGrath?
A pleasure. Thanks for taking
my case. I really appreciate it.
Sure.
Michael was there as my friend, even.
As a close friend.
It was important that he be
at the wedding.
So of course I was horrified I tell
you, when it happened. Horrified.
- You were "horrified"?
- I'm not comfortable with that.
Why were you "horrified"?
He objected. He raised his hand
and said "Stop!" I was horrified!
I believe the minister asked
the congregants...
...if they knew a reason why you
shouldn't be joined together.
That's ceremony talk.
"Ceremony talk."
- Commentary.
- He didn't mean it.
- He didn't mean it?
- No, they always say that.
Nobody actually objects.
Except for him!
JACKSON: You were "horrified."
- Not comfortable.
JACKSON: You went through with it?
- But it was ruined.
- It was ruined?
- Yes.
- Commentary.
- A wedding has to be perfect.
We hire people to make it perfect.
We spend thousands...
...on dresses and flowers to make
the thing unforgettable.
We pay a photographer to be
in our faces...
...to capture all that perfection.
So when an ex-boyfriend...
...leaps up during the ceremony
and yells, "Stop!"...
...things cease to be perfect.
The rest of the vows were
exchanged over a murmur.
A "murmur"?
- Yes, a whispering murmur.
- Discomfort.
350 guests mumbling
with delight that it wasn't perfect.
It went off with a hitch,
and I am damaged! Look at me!
- What's the big deal?
- She flew across the country for me.
You don't see the problem?
She is pursuing me.
- I thought you liked her.
- I do!
- So why are you so upset?
- Because I am.
Now that you've clarified it.
John.
I'm sorry. I shouldn't have come.
- I'll have lunch with you.
- Get out!
Why? You'll tell me anyway.
- Out!
- Fine.
I didn't mean...
I took a silly chance. I'm sorry.
- Cassandra, I am drawn to you.
- You don't have to explain.
Yes, I do.
I just broke up with a woman
a month ago.
I proposed marriage to her.
I mean, even if I were capable
of bouncing back into a saddle...
...it wouldn't be fair to her.
Well, do you
plan to get back with her?
No. I don't think so.
But that's not really the point.
Well, what is the point?
A relationship, if it's a good one,
and this one was...
I mean, there should be
a mourning period.
I suspect you didn't fly across
country for a sexual frolic.
Did you?
- No.
- Do you understand what I'm saying?
Well, I'm not sure.
If you're telling me you're not
ready to have a relationship...
...then I understand.
If you're not allowing
yourself to be in that place...
...then I go back to
the original heading of my trip.
Life is short, John.
You have no idea.
Well, wait.
I said I'd have lunch.
One of the reasons why I engaged
in an on-line dating service...
...the men I met were
only interested in appearance.
Appearance wasn't important?
No, Douglas and I
didn't share pictures.
We never even talked about
how we looked.
- Okay. So, what happened?
- Well...
...I had no idea
he was a little person.
LARRY: That made a difference?
MOORE: Yes.
That kind of physicality is
so material. He should have told me.
- How long did you E-mail?
- Six months.
You never knew what you two
looked like?
It's why I fell in love with him.
He didn't care.
I know it's not politically correct,
but I can't see myself with a dwarf.
LARRY:
So things didn't work out.
- But why sue?
- Well, as time went on...
...I got angry.
I fell in love with this man.
I quit my job and left Illinois.
He misrepresented himself. And I
suffered emotionally and financially.
I've been advised to be big about it
and drop it. But I can't.
He committed a fraud.
He shouldn't escape responsibility
just because he's...
...little.
So you E-mailed for six months?
Every day.
Talked about all the things
you had in common.
- Yes.
- Did he mislead you about any of that?
- No.
- Made you laugh?
He did.
ALLY: You found him sweet, sensitive?
MOORE: I loved everything about him...
...but I assumed he was
of normal height.
- Did you ask how tall he was?
- No, and he never told me.
ALLY:
But you said looks weren't important.
Yes, but if he's disabled...
You think he's disabled?
Technically, I know he's not. But
he's three feet tall, for God's sake.
He must have foreseen...
You know what we
looked forward to the most?
A simple walk in the park.
More than anything else.
More than sex.
He described the Boston Common...
...and how on a spring day we'd walk
through the park, hand in hand...
...two anonymous people in love.
You can't do that?
It just changes things
when you're gawked at.
After you met in person,
did you go out at all...
...just in case there was a chance
that you could get by this...
...obstacle?
No.
I could never.
- Hey.
- Hey.
Okay, so I just finished
talking to her lawyer.
They're willing to drop everything
for basically $ 10,000.
Which covers her relocating, plus lost
wages because she quit her job.
I think we should accept. A judgment
could come back for a lot more.
No.
I'm being sued
for being a little person.
No. You are being sued
for misleading her.
On the assumption that nobody
could really love me.
I think we should look
at the merits of the case...
...and not be blinded by...
...hurt feelings.
My father got sh*t out of cannons
for a living.
He'd always tell me no normal-sized
woman would ever love me.
"We're freaks."
I refused to buy into that.
Whatever happens
when this case is over...
...I'll walk out of court
with my head held high.
It was nothing I planned.
I went there even happy for her.
Well, I'm not clear as to why
you leaped up in protestation...
...sabotaging the memory
of the ceremony...
...causing immeasurable distress.
Excuse me. This is a deposition.
There is no jury...
...so you needn't bother
with remarks designed for a jury.
There was a hint of scoff there.
I'm gonna object.
We'll be here all day.
Why'd you yell, "Stop"?
I didn't plan to. But when
he asked if anybody knew a reason...
...I knew a reason.
- Which was?
- I loved her.
- And she loved me.
- Why'd you break up?
I'm not comfortable
with you asking my questions.
MICHAEL:
We love each other.
I used to love you, Michael.
Now I love Warren.
He's rich,
what else do you love?
- A lot.
- Discomfort. I object.
Do you think her wedding was a time...?
It was speak now or hold your peace.
But it was my wedding,
and you ruined...
I should have stayed quiet
out of ceremony? Out of courtesy?
Give up on the love of my life
to be polite?
They say if a person is lucky...
...lucky, he will meet one person
in a lifetime that he can love...
...and live compatibly with.
My person is you, Sylvie.
I just...
I wasn't gonna let you go and assume
another love would come along.
It doesn't work that way.
- So that's why you came here?
- Pretty much.
I was thinking of you more and more,
so I said, "Go visit him."
- And the idea of calling first?
- You might have said, "Don't."
I didn't want to decrease the odds
of seeing your face.
When you got in that car
and drove off...
...all I kept thinking to myself was,
"What if?"
That's a punishing question
to leave hanging.
And did you truly try to answer it?
What if we tried to go out?
You live 3000 miles away.
Did you ask yourself that?
I can only ask you about it,
because for me, it's not an obstacle.
Love is far more pragmatic
than it's cracked up to be.
Are you trying to convince me of that,
or yourself?
I knew my short stature
could be a problem.
ALLY:
So you didn't tell her?
She claimed appearance
wasn't important.
- But, Douglas...
- I know...
I chose to allow us to get to know
each other first.
- So you E-mailed?
- Wrote letters.
Spoke on the phone.
As the day came that we would meet
in person, I planned to tell her.
- But?
- I was afraid she wouldn't come.
So you chose to let her come
not knowing?
My hope was that after spending time
with me, the shock would wear off.
And what made her
fall in love with me to begin with...
...would count most.
So, yes, I let her come not knowing.
Is that right, Douglas?
May I call you that?
He shouldn't be treated with
any less respect because he's small.
He shouldn't.
Mr. McGrath.
You didn't just let her come. You let
her quit her job and relocate...
...from over 1000 miles away.
- Yes.
Knowing or suspecting that she
wouldn't come if she knew the truth.
Objection. Assuming facts,
argumentative, leading.
- Oh, could you pick one?
- I pick all three.
Overruled, overruled and overruled.
Sit down, Ms. McBeal.
You were afraid she wouldn't
move here?
- Yes.
- And when you E-mailed for months...
...those were intimate, were they not?
Very intimate.
LARRY: You shared dreams, fears,
even your medical history?
We did.
But you left out
you were three feet tall.
Yes.
And wasn't one of the reasons
you left out this little nugget...
...you were afraid she wouldn't
love you knowing your true size?
Yes.
- You didn't have to b*at him up.
- I didn't.
- You did. You were a bully.
- Bully? No.
When you pick on somebody smaller,
that makes you a bully.
If you're gonna get all angry...
- I'm not angry.
- You're not?
I'm not angry.
Well, you're putting clean dishes
in the washer.
That's because I'm bored.
"Bored."
Stop making me repeat myself,
that will make me angry.
I'll let you know what upsets me,
if you'd like to know.
I don't understand
how you can believe in your client.
What kind of a woman locates
love on physical appearance?
Let's just think about...
...if I were a midget.
- Little person.
- Well, right, little.
- Go on.
If I were three feet tall,
would you still love me?
So if you'd walked into Tracy's
therapy office, and there I stood...
...three feet tall,
we'd be standing here?
- Well...
- Liar.
- Don't call me that.
- You'd never fall for a midget.
Firstly, I'm not big on looks.
You're not big on looks.
I just said that.
Everyone marks off in their calendar,
903 days till their first face-lift?
That's nice.
I share one personal insecurity...
- About your looks.
- Stop changing the subject.
- What subject?
- Midgets. Oh, that is not funny.
You wouldn't love me
if I were one, would you?
I never realized how shallow
and superficial you are.
And I am not gonna sleep
with you tonight.
Wait.
[DOOR SLAMS]
So if I'm old and gray and wrinkled
one day, you won't love me?
No, I'll still love you.
You'll still be tall.
[DOOR SLAMS]
We have closing arguments
and we're done.
- Unless you want to settle.
- I don't.
Look, Nelle. It's a midget.
What?
You can measure the dignity of someone
by how they see dignity in others.
I don't get it.
Was it a riddle?
- I'm having an on-line relationship.
- You are?
- I have no idea what he looks like.
- You know looks are everything.
I know. I don't like sex.
This works out perfectly.
- Are you ever gonna meet him?
- I don't know.
I got the lawyer coming back in.
I'm gonna try to settle.
- Is everything okay?
- Not really.
Well, there's a midget
in Ally's office.
Could I steal you for a second?
What?
I don't mean to be inappropriate.
I don't respond to deep thoughts.
I'm in love with you.
I broke off my engagement
and came to work here, because of you.
I know you don't want it.
But after hearing our client...
...and how one person,
and how another...
...might not happen, it hit me.
It's you.
And I can't not be out with that.
You're with Renee.
- Is that the obstacle? Because...
- No.
Why'd you sleep with me that night?
That was so not your personality.
You were passionate and reckless...
Jackson, what I felt
for you that night...
...I don't feel now.
I don't believe you.
I don't have time for this.
- And after dinner?
JOHN: I walked her back to her hotel.
I'm confounded. Why do women find me
so irresistible lately?
You've got money.
And women love power.
Add to that, you're sensitive.
You're a rich, powerful man with
feelings. Like me.
- Has she left?
- She's here another day.
There's age and geographical stuff.
I don't know if I'm over Melanie.
Melanie was weird, John.
And I don't mean the Tourette's.
She didn't believe in marriage.
And she k*lled a boyfriend.
These are the glitches
to shy away from.
As for the geography issue
with you and Cassandra? Hello?
There are planes. Plus, you're
forced to use the phone and talk.
Communication can be
better over long distances.
When she's gone,
you can cheat. Fishism.
And here's a little known secret.
Older women: Smarter, sexier, better.
It's not even close. And this one?
She's pretty, John. With big breasts.
She's well-endowed, pretty.
She's a goddess.
The question is, if you don't want
her, can I take a sh*t?
- What? No!
- Why?
- Because!
- Lf you're not interested...
No, it's not that.
I'm saying
if you're not interested...
- I'm interested.
- Then go to her.
- I'm in a lull.
- Then let me.
- No!
- Selfish.
- I'm not.
- You don't want anyone to want her.
- You're not her type.
- She'll feel flattered.
She flew 3000 miles.
You don't want her feeling good?
- Don't twist things.
- Lf it's not in the cards for you...
- Is it?
- I don't see it.
- But I'm...
- Excellent.
- How do you get out of here?
- Richard.
I'll just ask her to dance.
Let it be her decision.
Should he have told her?
Perhaps. Yes.
- But did he defraud her?
- Yes!
Objection.
Don't talk back to the lawyer.
Continue.
He was rejected. And to make things
worse, he then gets sued.
Assuming it unreasonable to fall for
a man like him. You consider that?
- No.
- Don't answer her questions!
For little people, like Mr. McGrath,
there is love in the world.
He was looking in the wrong place.
Imagine a woman rejecting a man
for being tiny.
And then finding a sleazy lawyer
to ask the jury to give her money.
Six months they talked. Every night.
Their opinions on politics
and religion.
They have everything in common.
Values, humor. They become...
...intimate.
They agree to spend the rest
of their lives together. Finally...
...they meet in person. He then says,
"Did I mention I was a midget?"
Mr. McGrath admitted he intentionally
withheld this information...
...because he feared she wouldn't
fall in love and wouldn't move.
He deceived her. She relied on his
deception to her financial detriment.
As a matter of law, she should be
compensated. That's this case.
You don't get to defraud people
because you're short.
I settled the case for $ 11,000.
Both parties seem pleased...
...though her lawyer wasn't
"comfortable."
So, it's over. I can shop.
Yeah, listen. Um...
I'm a pretty good barometer as far as
people's feelings are concerned.
So you can understand
if I'm a bit confused.
Let's leave it at that.
I apologized last time
for imposing my desires.
This time, I don't.
Hey.
Okay.
I feel something around you two.
Is anything going on?
- No.
- Would you like there to be?
No.
What happened
when you slept with him?
I lost control.
I mean, he's beautiful and charming.
I lost control.
Well, if he's interested now,
why not?
Because.
Ling, there are lots of reasons
for running from a man.
Fear of losing control
isn't one of the better ones.
Thanks, Dear blonde Abby,
whose ideal man is on-line.
Ooh, yeah
Darling, darling
If I could have you
To call my very own
I'd work my fingers to the bone
I'd never roam
To you I'd always come home
- You think he's pulling back?
- I can tell.
You were working up a sweat
the other night.
Sport sex.
- Sport sex?
- He wasn't making eye contact.
Oh, come on, Renee.
Sport sex. I know when a guy's
going off me.
- Well, where is he now?
- Good question.
I'm just your puppet
On a string
And tears sometimes you bring
- Hey, Cassandra.
- Hi, Richard.
- Have you seen John?
- He'll be right down.
- You enjoying Boston?
- Very nice.
- Why do you keep doing that?
- What?
- You keep touching my neck.
- Oh, long story.
- You care to dance?
- I think I'll wait for John.
Don't worry. He gave me his blessing.
He told me to go for it.
- Go for what?
- You know, it. Bygones.
- What do you mean by "it"?
- Nothing.
- Me?
- Well, look...
...John doesn't really
get the concept of a road trip.
I get it.
That's why we went to L.A.
Oh, is it?
John wants you to have fun. He just
doesn't know if he can provide it.
He told me to look after you.
Mm. I see.
You came a long way.
I happen to love old women.
You know, everything works out.
What did I miss?
Just this.
Buddy, what did you say?
- He dumped you?
- Let's just say he was honest.
Oh, please.
- What honesty?
- He still loves Ling.
- You ready?
- Could you b*at up Jackson today?
I'll have to check my schedule.
What'd he do?
- He was honest with Renee.
- Look, Ally, I'm okay.
- Jackson's a little smooth for me.
- That's not the point.
I'll b*at him up after lunch.
Don't make fun of me.
You're on thin ice for not
loving me if I were small.
- Stay out of it.
- I'm not good at that.
- Stay out of it, please?
- He was using you.
- You don't think I was using him?
- Were you?
No.
[KNOCKING]
If I knew I was even,
I'd have taken your calls.
I never gave Richard a green light
to ask you out.
He said that since I wasn't
pursuing you, I had no right...
...to stop him from approaching you.
- Fine, you can go.
Cassandra, of course I'm interested.
That's why you got on that plane.
To act on my attraction and yours.
But love hasn't worked out here...
...how can I succeed with
3000 miles between us?
I didn't come here
to convince you, John.
Well, why did you come?
I suppose because I couldn't
convince myself that we shouldn't be.
If you're looking to me for
the answer...
...then your trip's a bust
because I don't know.
Maybe that's the very answer
I came looking to hear?
[STUTTERS]
Now I'm completely confounded.
Help me with my luggage?
The car will be here...
...soon.
- Hey, Richard.
- Lingo.
Richard?
Do you think about starting over?
- I do. But...
- But what?
- We didn't leave off anywhere.
- That would hurt if I had feelings.
That's good.
We can get back anytime.
And we won't have missed a b*at.
How can you top that for security?
Don't you miss me?
Yes.
- Jackson doesn't bother you?
- A little, but...
...we're soul mates.
We'll probably get back together.
You think?
We'll always reunite
in the shallow end of the pool.
JUDGE:
Jury, have you reached a verdict?
- We have.
JUDGE: What say you?
Moore versus McGrath,
we find in favor of the plaintiff...
...and order that he pay
the amount of $ 70,000.
JUDGE: This concludes your service.
We're adjourned.
- Sorry.
- Wow.
- I guess that's a message.
- No, just a verdict. Nothing more.
Are you okay?
Yeah. I think I just needed
to hear that jury say...
...the idea of a woman loving me
wasn't so far-fetched.
Well, I'll say it.
You know, you will find somebody.
You know, love is like
an obstacle course.
Some let the obstacles win,
and then there are those who don't.
Yeah.
I promised myself I'd walk out
with my head high.
And that's exactly what I'm gonna do.
- You're a fine person.
- So are you.
- Bye, Ally.
- Bye.
I'm glad you came.
I admit I'm totally confounded.
But for whatever reason, I'm glad.
Well, if you can admit that,
I suppose...
...I can admit
I'm glad you're confounded.
Am I just totally irresistible?
Totally.
I'm not ready.
Okay.
Perhaps now you're about to feel
what it's like.
Feel what?
To just stand there
and watch you drive away.
Most men so forget how to be soft.
Goodbye, John.
04x18 - The Obstacle Course
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Ally is a young attorney who joins a prestigious law firm with a highly sexual environment and whose staff includes Ally's ex.
Ally is a young attorney who joins a prestigious law firm with a highly sexual environment and whose staff includes Ally's ex.