02x18 - Hugh's Not Normous

[bunniefuu]

Ok. And...

We're set.

I forgot to do my
wizard presentation,

So I'm making one up on the spot.

What is your topic going to be?

Wizards versus mortals:
Who is stretchier?

Well, this can't be good.

Hey, justin, what is that thing?

It's a wizard stretcher.

Cool. What does it do?

It tickles people.

Oh, that makes sense.

Alex, justin doesn't seem to
think this is a good idea,

And he's usually better at
seeing danger than you are.

Come on, harper.

Justin thinks singing in
the shower is dangerous.

That's because singing
leads to dancing.

And dancing leads to slipping.

Ok, everybody. It's time for
alex's big wizard presentation.

And we are not doing this.

Get harper out of there.

But...

Fine.

Stop it. Oh, please, it tickles.

Please, alex, no.

Wait. No, it doesn't.

I didn't mean to do that, but it's so
much funnier than what I meant to do.

- Alex, this is not a joke.
- Well, harper's laughing.

You know I use laughter
to hide the pain.

You can't get away with
treating people like this, alex.

Sometimes you're just
not a nice person.

I'm a nice person.

Well, nice enough.

Hey, hugh. I didn't
know you were coming by.

Hey, mister russo.

I was taking a stroll
through the portals.

Thought I'd drop in.

Ok, well, have fun.

I'll go console harper
until she stops laughing.

Hey, hugh. What's up?

I'll tell you what's up.

A cherry lollipop?

It's a hobo bindle.

I ran away from home.

That is a great idea.

I'm totally gonna come here
when I run away from home.

I just found out I'm
not actually a giant.

Oh. Really?

I just found out people
think I'm not very nice.

- And I'm adopted.
- Ok, you win.

♪ well, you know everything's
gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ that the end will no
doubt justify the means ♪

♪ you can fix any problem
with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ yes, please ♪

♪ but you might find out
it'll go to your head ♪

♪ when you write a report
on a book you never read ♪

♪ with the snap of your fingers
you can make your bed ♪

♪ that's what I said ♪

♪ everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ you can get all you wanted
in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ you might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪

♪ because everything
is not what it seems ♪

♪ everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ when you can have what you
want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪

♪ because everything is not ♪

♪ what it seems ♪

I can't believe your parents waited
to tell you you were adopted.

Oh, I always knew.

I just assumed my birth
parents were giants, too.

And it turns out they're not.

I've been living a giant lie.

I like what you did there
with the giant and the lie.

I shouldn't be joking.

Listen, hugh,
I think you should go home.

From the size of your hobo bindle,

You only got enough
food for a bite.

No. I'm not going home.

I've been acting like
a giant my entire life

When in reality I'm just
a regular-sized boy.

I'd put you on the
wizard stretcher,

But the tickling part is broken.

Guys, I think we need to be more
sensitive to hugh's feelings right now.

What?

I can be sensitive to
a person's feelings.

Unlike you people. Staring is rude.

If you want to be a nicer person,

It might be easier to start with smaller
things until you get the hang of it.

You know, like lying about
how nice my haircuts are,

Or not putting hamster
food in max's oatmeal.

Look, I can handle this.

I'll convince hugh to go back
home and talk to his parents

And get everything
straightened out.

Really? That actually
sounds like a helpful plan.

Let's get out of here before
helpful turns into hurtful.

Alex, I'm not going home.

I don't feel comfortable talking
about this with my parents.

They don't understand what
it's like not to be a giant.

Well, guess I have to
support your decision.

Lucky for you, today is the day
I've decided to help others.

That doesn't really sound like you.

Then if you still want to leave,

I can sneak you upstairs and
you can hide in my bedroom.

That sounds more like you.

Yeah. It'll be more fun. Let's go.

Uh oh, maxy.

Looks like you're making
your thinking face again.

That's right.

Mom, I'm sick of alex
treating me with no respect.

I'm thinking of a way
to get back at her.

Oh, do you mean like
a practical joke?

Actually, I've been
calling it revenge.

Let's just call it a
practical joke, ok?

It's less of a red flag.

I'm a bit of a
practical joker myself.

- Really?
- Yeah.

I've played a lot of jokes on
your father over the years.

- Like what?
- Well, like...

Wadding up his clothes
so they get all wrinkled.

Putting a sign on his back that
says something hilarious like:

"my knees hurt in the morning."

Or, or...

"I could use a good shower."

Those are the worst practical
jokes I've ever heard.

What? Maybe you just
don't understand them.

The note says:

"my knees hurt in the morning."

That way when people read it
they think he's a stinky geezer.

Don't you get it?

You don't get it?

All right. Here we are.

We'll just wait here until
you start feeling better.

Oh. Let me clean up.

Ok. Sit.

Are you feeling better now?

- No.
- Ok.

- What about now?
- No.

Oh my gosh, this helping others
thing is taking way too long.

Why don't we try talking?

Ok. It's just that my whole life,

I always thought I had
a giant's blood...

All right. Talking is too
exhausting. Never mind.

Why don't I just turn
you into a giant?

Really? Could you do that?

Well, technically,
I'm not supposed to,

But my dad thinks
I should be nicer.

So really I'd be going against
my father if I didn't do this.

Very impressive job
of twisting the facts.

Thank you. It's kind of what I do.

Put on a show. Let's let hugh
know what it's like to grow.

Um, alex?

I think you made yourself
into a giant, too.

No. I messed up. I just made
everything in my room smaller.

Well, wait. That's not even.

alex!

That's my dad. I've got
to go see what he wants.

Wait, what should I do?

I don't know.
What do giants usually do?

They usually talk about
how small everything is.

Um... Ok, then.

Start with this pillow.
I'll be right back.

Oh, man. This pillow is small.

That chair is so little.

Ok. We get it.

Everything in here is small.

There you are, honey.

This is doug and cathy normous.

Hugh's parents?

They say he ran away.

Do you know anything about this?

I saw him this morning in the lair.

But then he left the lair.

He's not here,
right? I don't know anything.

I heard there were
giants in the house.

Oh my gosh.

Hello. Welcome, you guys.

My name is justin russo.

This is such an incredible honor.
I've read so many facts about giants.

Like how you're so big they make
push brooms out of your nose hairs.

Here we go again
with the stereotypes.

That's not a fact.

That's from a joke
book about giants.

No, it isn't. My dad told me.

He also told me your shoes are so
big they come with turn signals.

And when you back up you go:

Beep. Coming through. Giant. Beep.

I might have heard a couple
of things down at the lodge.

They may not be true.

Alex, did hugh say
where he was going?

We think he may have gone to
look for his birth parents.

Which is ok with us.

We always figured he'd
want to do that one day.

Are you saying hugh's adopted?

He's adopted. What?

Please, if you hear
from him, call us.

We certainly will, mr.
And mrs. Normous.

We'll let you know
if anything turns up.

Oh, doug. I hope hughy's ok.

Don't worry, mrs. Normous.
I'm sure he'll show up.

Oh, there.

Well, you know what dad says:

"giant tears,
break out the life raft."

Shh.

Ok. She's just joking.

Ooh.

Why don't you go wash that, honey?

Go ahead.

Oh.

Hello, hugh.

You don't mind if I play a
practical joke on alex, do you?

You think you have a
better practical joke

Than what already happened in here?

I have no idea what
you're talking about.

Check this out.

Please tell me those
aren't grasshoppers.

I have a terrible
fear of grasshoppers.

- They're not grasshoppers.
- Oh, good.

- They're crickets.
- Close enough.

They're everywhere.

Wow, hugh. Nice job.

You broke everything
and made it look small.

Yeah, we get it.

It is a very small table.

Bye bye, mr. And mrs. Normous.

Come back anytime!

What was that ruckus?

What ruckus?

From upstairs.

I heard a ruckus.

Can you describe
the ruckus, justin?

Kind of like a max ruckus.

You know, you may be right.

I'm going to investigate.
By myself.

It might be too dangerous for you.
You know how ruckuues can get.

And now I have to go investigate.

What are you smiling at?

What's that on your back, jerry?

Looks like somebody
taped a sign on there.

Says, "I'm very lazy".

Was that there the whole time?

Now the giants think I'm lazy.

Oh, honey.

My room!

Max, what did you do?

You see how she just
assumes it was me?

Hugh! Shrunken room!

Alex, I knew you
were up to no good.

You see how he just
assumes it was me?

Alex, I think you need
to go tell mom and dad

You've been harboring hugh
in your shrunken bedroom.

And I think you need to consider
being a nicer person, like me.

I mean that in the nicest way.

Even your nice way sounds snarky.

Um, alex...

I appreciate what you're
trying to do for me,

But the only thing
you've shown me is

I can't be a giant without
ruining everything.

At least before I thought I
was supposed to be a giant.

I don't know who I am now.

Helping people is so complicated.

Rj maybe we should
find your birth parents.

That could make you feel better.

Yeah. Maybe it would.
How would we find them?

I'm sure justin will
come up with something.

- I'm not getting involved.
- Ok. Fine. Come on, hugh.

You can hide in justin's room. I'll
tell mom and dad he's hiding you there.

- I got a couple ideas.
- I had a feeling you would.

ah!

All right, everybody follow justin.

No. Except for you. You stay here.

If my room isn't fixed,
I'm telling mom and dad what you did.

At least give me a spell
to help clean it up.

you're on your own, jerk face.

Thank you.

"you're on your own, jerk face."

All we have to find is the ancient and
delicate book of wizard family trees.

- Got it.
- Don't drop it.

Wow. That thing's really sprouted
since I last looked at it.

I've been watering it.
I put these cool wheels on it

In case you need to
wheel it anywhere.

Each leaf tells a different
person's history.

Here's dad's.

Russo family history.
Five generations.

Current generation: Jerry russo,
son of duke and rose russo.

hey.

Shh.

Hugh, what are you doing here?
Your parents are worried sick.

We're taking your advice.
You told me to be a nicer person,

So we're helping hugh
find his birth parents.

You lied to us about
knowing where hugh was.

And you lied to a pair of giants.

The guys at the lodge
say giants eat liars.

It's my fault, mr. Russo.

Alex lied because this is
really important to me.

I need to learn about
my birth parents.

Well, you did tell alex
she needs to be nicer.

Yeah, but I didn't
think she'd do it.

All right, let's make this quick.

Is that hugh's leaf?

Jerry russo's great-great
grandfather, ignatius russo,

Wrote the first joke
book about giants.

I don't know anything about that.

Here it is. My family leaf.

Hugh normous.

Adoptive parents:
Doug and cathy normous.

Birth parents:
Lew and mary lou fineman.

Lew and mary lou fineman.

I wonder if you have
permission to contact them.

- He does.
- Oh, that was easy. Ok.

Justin, can I use your wand?

I used up all my minutes
crank calling your wand.

- So, you're miss higglebottom?
- Hello, justin.

Make this all better.

Um... Ok.

Put things back.

Roomius fixus.

Wow, I can't believe that worked.

Ok. Now I just have
to think of a way

To put all this
stuff back together.

Let's go thinking face.

Alex?

Whoa, what happened in here?

- Harper, I need your help.
- With what?

You were a part of alex's plan to put
me in that tickling machine earlier.

- No, I wasn't.
- Well, you were there.

What does that have
to do with anything?

I'm going to mess up my room to
draw attention away from this room.

All you need to do is help me
destroy everything that I own.

That'll teach alex to mess with me.

This is why I hardly
ever talk to you.

There, my wand is protected
from crank callers,

Because I added a password.

Submarine.

That's not it.

Alex, do you think my birth parents are
going to like me when they get here?

They're your family, hugh.

They don't have to like you,
they just have to put up with you.

Like right now, jerry.

I mean, they'll have no
problem putting up with you.

Alex, I need to talk to you.

Max is going to destroy his room.

He thinks it'll get him off
for destroying your room.

- That doesn't make any sense.
- Thank you.

You have to make sure
he goes through with it.

What? But it's a ridiculous plan.

What I've been learning, harper,

Is that sometimes it's nice
to do things for others.

So, could you do this
for me as a friend.

As a very, very best friend.

You russos are so manipulative.

Hi, you must be the
finemans. Come in.

Yes, that's right. Hi.
Lew and mary lou fineman.

You must be alex.
Thanks for the phone call.

Now where's that boy of ours?

I'm right here.

Oh!

Look at you.

You're just as handsome
as we remember you.

Son, come here, ya big lout.

Wow. Big. Look...

I just wanted you to know
before we go any further,

That we love you and
we always loved you.

It was a difficult decision
giving you up for adoption, hugh.

Not because there's
anything wrong with you.

There's something wrong
with your father.

It's called "
can't hold down a job."

Making pottery is a job.

As soon as you sell one it will be.

Look at them putting
up with each other.

It's ok.

I was raised by some really nice
people who I love very much.

I'm just glad to be able to meet
the people who gave birth to me.

We're glad, too.

But maybe we should go somewhere
else to talk about it.

I think I heard a cricket
somewhere in this house

Bnd I am terrified of those things.

Hey. Me, too!
I must get that from you.

I wonder what you got from me.

Well, you didn't get your
size from us, that's for sure.

Really? I don't normally
think of myself as big.

Are you kidding?
You're like a human skyscraper.

Don't you mean a giant?

Exactly.

I guess, in a way, I'm exactly
who I always thought I was.

I'm a giant after all.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry.

When did you promise yourself that?

You didn't know this
was going to happen.

I'm not afraid of my emotions.

Thanks, everyone,
for all your help.

Especially you, alex.

This is the nicest thing
anyone's ever done for me.

Thanks, hugh.

And could you say that again
louder so my dad can hear?

Are you ready, hugh?

Yeah, but could we stop and get
my parents before we go to talk?

Yes, we'd love to meet them.

They should come over to our house.

Maybe we should go out.

A couch seats four of
us but only one of them.

Bye, lew. Mary lou. Hugh.

Alex, your mother and I are very
proud of the way you helped.

Wait a minute. What is that?

- What?
- That feeling in my stomach.

It's kind of warm and pleasant.

That's called compassion.

It's what happens when you do
something nice for someone else.

Wow. Well...

I probably won't make a habit of it,
but it's not too bad.

Hey, I can't believe this,

But somebody destroyed my room.

What are you talking about?

Everything I own.

- Completely ruined.
- What?

Well, now that my
room is destroyed,

Mom and dad will never believe
I destroyed your room, too.

Guess I showed you, alex.

Max, you are lobbing this one
so high up for her right now.

Oh yeah? Take a look at
this whole box of lob.

- Your clock radio is broken?
- Yep.

- Your lava lamp is lava-less?
- Mm-hm.

And your ceramic hamburger
has a gnarly bite out of it?

You got that right.

Wow, max. You sure got me by
wrecking all of your own stuff.

That's right I got you. Wait...

Oh, man. I think I got me.

Dude, this is mine.

So you got her too.

Sucker. High five, brother.