02x19 - Don't Rain on Justin's Parade – Earth

[bunniefuu]

Harper?
What are you doing?

Why do you have your
own Career Day booth?

Everyone's always telling me to be
myself, so that's what I'm doing.

Are you interested in a
fascinating career in being me?

I'll be you
if you be me.

Never mind.

Alex! Have you seen
the Action News booth?

I've got to find it before someone
signs Baxter Knight as their mentor.

Baxter Knight,
the weatherman?

That's who you're
choosing as a mentor?

He's not a weatherman.

He's like a weather hero.

His earmuff alerts have
saved me from many an earache.

Luckily, those earmuffs have
saved you from hearing people say

what a doofus you
look like with them on.

I wish I was wearing
them right now.

Oh! There's Baxter.

So, my little friend,

being a weatherman
is the only career here

where you get
to be on TV.

Does that sound like
something you'd like to do?

Mr. Knight.

I'm Justin Russo.
I'm a huge fan.

I've been following you ever
since you introduced Mr. Nimbus,

your cloud hand.

Put on your galoshes.
It's gonna be a wet one.

With the rain.

You remember Mr. Nimbus.
Kid, you want a mentor?

Do I have Mr. Nimbus pajamas
made out of cloud curtains?

I do.

Oh my gosh!

There's one of the many singing
policemen who does a lot of singing

at ball games and stuff.

Leaving, Miss Russo?

And which career counselor
have you roped in?

Well, Mr. Laritate,
you know what I wish?

I wish you were available
to be a mentor,

because you have all the qualities
I'm looking for in a mentor.

You're a "men"

which is in
the word "mentor."

And...

...bolo tie.

Nice tap dancing,
Bojangles.

Tell you what I'm gonna do.

I'll take you up
on that offer.

Let's mosey on down to
the principal's office.

Deputy.

Well, suppose I was gonna end
up there at some point anyway.

Dad, guess what?

Someone's been putting
two pickle spears

in the to-go orders.

Not even close.

Today was Career Day
at school...

Two pickle spears?

Outrageous.
This has Mom's sloppy

but generous fingerprints
all over it.

That's it.

No more pickles.

She's ruined it
for everyone.

Baxter Knight!

- What are you doing here?
- Hey, Justin.

I had some time before
the evening news...

And I wanted to come
by and tell you that

- I can't be your mentor.
- Why not?

You need someone
successful.

I haven't nailed a
forecast in months.

I've been letting
everyone down:

Commuters, roofers,
people with perms.

Oh, come on.
It's not that bad.

If I don't get the next forecast
right they're going to fire me.

Oh! Where'd you hear that?

One of the weathermen sitting
in the lobby with their resumes.

Look, kid, take a tip
from Mr. Nimbus.

Never love anything
too much.

It will eventually
disappoint you.

Dad, is that true?

Does everything eventually
disappoint you?

Most things.

But then you find the one thing
that doesn't and you marry her.

And then she puts two
pickles in the to-go orders.

And you...

You start to wonder.

You're absolutely
right, Max.

Singing and the law
are very similar.

You come in strong

and rely on your backups
to do most of the work.

Singing is just
a hobby of mine.

I don't mix it
with police work.

Why? But you're a great
policeman and a great singer.

When you find two things
that you're great at,

you got to do both.

It shows you're a genius.

Take a platypus
for example:

Great at being a duck.
Great at being a fish.

Well, it's not
that simple.

You see, I'm afraid
if I mixed my singing

with my police work

the other guys will never
take me seriously as a cop.

Yes, they will.
What's not serious about:

You have the right

to remain

silent

I have to hog-tie
a few loose ends.

Why don't you and your
ironic mug have a seat?

The place I bought it from

said they'd put my picture
on it for five more bucks.

You want to go
in halfsies?

No, OK.

Have you seen this
graffiti around school?

It seems someone
keeps writing the word

"salmon" under the
no smoking signs.

As my new deputy these
are the sort of varmints

I need your help
to wrangle in.

It's not that hard. Look at
the way "salmon" is written.

Remember last year when someone
wrote "Sal" on all the lunch tables?

It's the same handwriting.

Look, the marker smudges
mean he's left handed,

drags his hand across
what he's written.

Lefty Sal's your guy.

There's no one
named Lefty Sal.

Don't ruin my moment.
Just don't.

It's the Sal
that's left handed.

Amazing.

I haven't seen
detective work like this

since Miami Vice
went off the air.

Now, get to work on
this caseload, Crockett.

But Mr. Laritate,
I thought

mentoring might be like you and me
figuring out the new school holidays.

Nope.

Nowadays we let the
courts decide those.

By the way feel free
to call me Tubbs.

Don't worry, we do.

Excellent.

Oh! Baxter's on.

Here's the deal, New Yorkians.

Tonight, there will be
a chance of snow.

Back to you, Doug.

"Chance of snow?"
No. Clear and mild.

"A chance of snow."

Wow. You really put
yourself out there.

OK. You want me to put
myself out there?

Well. Fine.

Come on, clear and mild.
Clear and mild.

I've got nothing to lose.

There will be snow
in exactly half the city.

It's gonna be split
right down Waverly Place.

Aw. He said
our street name.

Now let me make a prediction.

We'll be looking for a
new weatherman tomorrow.

Half of New York City?

OK. OK.

If Baxter loses his job,
it will be a pity.

Let's have snow

over half of New York City.

Congratulations,
Deputy Russo.

Thanks to you, I made quite
the round up this morning.

Mayonnaise in the
soap dispensers.

Clever.

But not clever enough
for Crockett and Tubbs.

I never knew there were kids
worse than me in school.

It's fun to solve crimes and
get new ideas at the same time.

Well, do you have
anything new for me?

I sure do. Underwear
on the statue. Solved.

Hallway of thumb tacks.
Solved.

Substitute teacher
monkey. Solved.

That was a hard one,
wasn't it?

Not really.

Once you realized
it was a wig

and he was holding
the chalk with his foot.

That was a really good wig.

Keep up the good work, Russo.

You make an excellent protégé.

Thank you, Mr. Laritate.

Oh, yeah.

Thanks, Tubbs.

Uh, Harper?

What are you doing?

Oh. I'm just
showing my protégé

how to rush through halls fast,
so you don't hear the laughter.

And, go.

- Hey, Russo.
- Hey, Sal.

Did you grow in between
P.E. and now?

You're so tall.

Hey. Because of you, Laritate busted
me for writing "no smoking salmon."

That guy hates signs.

Or salmon!

No. Mr. Laritate hates
when people break the rules.

I never thought I'd see the
day when Alex Russo went good.

Mr. Knight?

What's going on?

I'll tell you
what's going on.

I am back.

My willy nilly predictions
have been spot on.

A heat wave on
Sixty-Seventh.

A blizzard on
Sixty-Eighth.

No matter what I say, it
all turns out to be true.

I know.

I got a sun burn on the
way to my guitar lesson

and a cold on the way back.

Sorry, kid.

I don't make the weather.

I know.

I do.

- Let's do this.
- Look, Mr. Knight

I'm happy you're getting your
weather predictions right,

but don't you think you should
consult a weather satellite,

or a barometer,

or that temperature sign
above the bank? Something?

No need, kid.

I'm going with my gut.
Seems to be working.

Oh, I'm on. Excuse me.

Thanks, Doug.

I am here on Waverly Place

at the site of the historic
fifty-fifty snowstorm.

Tonight, friends, brace
yourselves for, uh...

...some hail.

Yeah, hail.

Why not?

And not just any hail.

It's gonna be the size
of candied yams.

The size of candied yams?
Seriously?

Sorry.

Don't let Baxter Knight fail.
Make me some candied yam hail.

What do you think you're doing,
messing with the weather?

Who are you?

Um? Mother Nature.

Mother Nature?

I thought you were supposed
to be all like natural,

with sandals and birds
flying around you?

I used to dress like that
but nobody took me seriously.

And what I wear to work
is my business.

I am here
to talk about you.

Come here.

Now, why would you mess
with the delicate balance

of the Earth's
weather patterns?

Do you know how much I work
to maintain this planet?

Three days a week?
I don't know.

It was my best guess.
You asked, I answered.

I was trying to help my
mentor. He's a meteorologist.

And what's with the hail?
How does that help anybody?

Free ice!
I'm getting free ice!

Mrs. Nature.

Mother.

- I'm really sorry.
- I'm sorry, too.

- About what?
- That.

Be grateful. That could
have been a wildfire.

One of Harper's most important
jobs is delivering news to Alex.

Alex, do you know
what's going on?

They put this Good Citizenship
award on your locker.

A Good Citizenship award?

That's low.

Harper, you've got to help me.

If I don't stop
being good,

one day I'm gonna wake up and
be a doctor, or even worse,

the guy who drives the back
end of a fire truck.

Oh, you've got to help me.

- What do we do?
- I don't know.

I can erase your tardy sheet.

Never been tardy.

You know the end of every year
I buy myself an ice cream cake?

It's for no tardies.

You should be
taking notes.

How about you take this
picture of all these horses?

Oh, its a mural.

It's painted right on the wall.

How about you get me the key
to the teachers' bathroom?

Don't write that down.

Fine. I guess it's a start.

Hold on a second.

I don't read.

Alex, don't!

What do you want?

Whoa, it's just
raining on you.

Wow, I kind of wish I had
something to do with that.

I used magic to help Baxter
with his weather predictions.

Mother Nature caught me.
This is my punishment.

Wait a minute.

You used magic to do
something sneaky,

and now you're coming to me
to help you get out of it?

Feels good, doesn't it?
Except for this part right.

Are you gonna help me or not?

Listen, I don't know
how it happened,

but I've turned good.

So, you're like
a day late, buddy.

Just help me, please!
I'm begging you.

Fine. I'll help you.
Lean away from the window.

I don't want you to get stains
on Mr. Laritate's cowhide throw.

Man, the good
just doesn't stop.

How did you get Mother
Nature here before?

I don't know.

I just messed with the
weather and she showed up.

What he did.

Sweet potato hell?

Are you kidding me?
We talked about this?

I can give you your own
personal earthquake, you know?

Hi. You must be Mother Nature.

Sorry about the hail. We just
didn't know how to contact you.

Listen, Mother Nature,
love your work.

Big fan of this, really.

But I don't think
it's enough.

Oh, really?

He's sopping wet, and there's
no chance of him getting dry.

Sure, he's wet.

What's the best
we could hope for?

I just think he needs
a more severe punishment.

All right! I'm de-asking
you to help me right now!

Shh. Are you packing lightning?

Because I think about
thirty gazillion volts

will do him just fine.

Give me a sec.

- Is this your sister?
- Yes.

OK. I think you've
been punished enough.

Now, listen guys...

I may have overreacted
just a little bit,

but things aren't going great
with me and I need your help.

Is it the dating trouble? Because
I can really help you with that.

No, Alex, she's talking
about the environment.

You people need to understand
that this is a delicate system.

Every time you mess
with the weather,

it effects somewhere else.

I think I found
your dating problem.

It's just non-stop talking
about the weather, isn't it?

No.

What Mother Nature
is trying to say is that

instead of messing with the
Earth, we should be helping it.

Like recycling, or
carpooling for less pollution...

We can help you
with that stuff.

I don't know if you've heard,
but I recently turned good.

Hey, did you see that?

You stay here. I'll handle
this. This could get dangerous.

Use your voice baton.

It's your most
powerful w*apon.

Stop I know you took
Too many papers

You only get one

Don't even think
About running

You're not that cunning

You'll never
No, never

No, never
Get away

Officer Bryan,
you let him get away.

There was no...

There was nothing
I could...

There was nothing
I could do.

What happened
to your voice?

I don't know.

It must have
something to do with

getting hit by this vegetable
shaped piece of hail.

And I need a mentor
that can do two things.

Now, if you'll excuse me,

I'm going to go to the zoo
and find me a platypus.

That guy's a real genius.

Well, there's my little deputy.

Yep. People are gonna
have to get used to it.

I'm just a good person.

Are you?

Your friend Harper, and some
seventh grader dressed just like her,

were caught coming out
of the teachers' restroom.

She's in a wagonload
of trouble.

Great. Everyone's
in trouble but me.

Wait a minute.

I'm the one who
gave her the key.

And that's bad.

Everyone's in trouble
because of me.

I am bad again!

Fair enough.

You'll be getting
one month detention.

A month?

That's not fair.

Sal got a warning, and he
vandalized half the school.

Maybe it doesn't seem fair, but
there's a method to all this.

See, I fit the punishment
to the person not the crime.

Your method is just busting me to
the full extent of your made-up laws.

Oh. Alex popped her gum.

Let's make her stay back a grade
or explain email to senior citizens.

I understand how it may seem.

But the truth is,

there's nothing I can do to get
through to Sal and the others.

But you, Miss Russo,
I haven't given up on.

See, I believe there's evil.

And there's evil genius.

Really?

You think I'm an evil genius?

That's so sweet.

Now, you'll have to turn in
your theoretical deputy's badge.

That was weird
and meaningless.

It was symbolic.

Another one of my
methods. Now get out!

Let's see how Baxter
is doing without me.

And in other news,

I am sad to report

that my colleague and dear,
dear friend Baxter Knight

has entered into a
suggested retirement.

If you see him and he says it
was a forced retirement...

He's a liar.

He was fired.

There will never be anyone
as good as Baxter Knight.

And on a lighter note,
I am happy to introduce

our newest weatherperson,
Heather Nakatomi.

Oh, brother.

Heather Nakatomi? Wow.

Eh, Baxter
will be fine.