02x29 - Wizards and Vampires vs. Zombies

Episode transcripts for the TV show "Wizards of Waverly Place". Aired: October 12, 2007 - January 6, 2012.*
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Alex and her two brothers Justin and Max come from a long line of wizards and must master their newly learned powers or lose them forever.
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02x29 - Wizards and Vampires vs. Zombies

Post by bunniefuu »

- Juliet!
- Oh, hi! How's it going?

I'm glad you're here.
I wanted to ask you something.

Um... Will you, uh...

Will you go to prom with me?

Oh... Justin, that... that's sweet.

But I'm... I'm a vampire,

and I've been alive
for a long time,

so I've been to way too many proms.

How many?

Well... Five hundred twenty-three.

- Oh.
- Yeah.

That's, um... a sizable number.

You see, the thing about prom
is people always expect too much

and they're always let down.

Not this time.

Guess what our theme is?
Best Night Ever.

There you go.

It's like one prom I went to,
the theme was Starry Night.

- I was there with this guy, Galileo.
- The astronomer?

- Is there another one?
- I think there might be a rapper.

- Oh, no. That's Lil' Galileo.
- Oh, yeah.

Juliet, if you go
to the prom with me,

I will find a way
to make it special.

I prom-ise.

OK. I'll go.

You won me over with
your goofy play on words.

People underestimate
the power of goofy.

Yes.

Harper, it's prom season!

And this year's theme is
Best Night Ever. Awesome.

Oh, my gosh. I'm excited, too!

Sometimes I stifle my
excitement in front of you,

'cause you're rarely ever
excited like this! Wait.

Why are you excited about prom?

I'm not. Look...

I'm excited about you and
me planning the anti-prom.

I knew it. I was excited
about the wrong thing.

Harper, look, for anti-prom we're
gonna go with a zombie theme.

Zombies move really slow,
but they're also scary.

Slow but scary is the perfect
combination in a monster...

...and a prom.

Do you think Zeke would go with me?

You like Zeke?

Yeah.

I think he likes me, too.

I slipped and fell in the cafeteria

and he stepped around
me like a gentleman.

Why don't you go ask him?

Hey, Zeke...

We're planning zombie prom on
the same night as regular prom.

Oh! I love zombies.

It's weird, though. Their slowness
actually makes them scarier.

I was wondering if maybe
you would like to...

...be on the committee
to plan zombie prom?

And maybe after we plan it,
we could...

...be on the clean-up committee.

And in between the
planning and cleaning,

we might as well...

...stop by and make sure
everyone's having a good time.

Are you asking me...

...to be on three committees?

Change my name to
Extracurricular Man! Oh!

I totally chickened out.

Yeah, but the good news is,
you're dressed like a chicken.

These are penguins.

Oh... that's funny.

'Cause you said...

You said chicken,

but you're wearing penguins and...

Birds.

♪ Well, you know everything's
gonna be a breeze ♪


♪ That the end will no doubt
justify the means ♪


♪ You can fix any problem with
the slightest of ease ♪


♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out it'll
go to your head ♪


♪ When you write a report on a
book you never read ♪


♪ With the snap of your fingers
you can make your bed ♪


♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪


♪ When you can get all you wanted
in your wildest dreams ♪


♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪


♪ Because everything is
not what it seems ♪


♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪


♪ When you can have what you want
by the simplest of means ♪


♪ Be careful not to mess with
the balance of things ♪


♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

And that is why wands are not
supposed to be kept in back pockets.

Yes. Thank you, Dad.

This baby's going in my
front pocket this time.

Oh! Wizard mail's here.

There's a, uh, package for Max.

And it's not from himself.

You finally learned where
to put the return address.

Hey, I've been chosen
to help trial test

a new wizard gadget
called the No Fear Ring.

Yeah, they, uh, want to see if
this thing makes me fearless,

and then give them feedback.

Dude, you don't even know
what the word feedback means.

Feedback. They want me to throw up.

Yeah. I know how
to sound out words.

Besides, I don't care.
They're gonna pay me for it.

I'll just, uh,
sign this permission slip

and have them send the check to me.

You know, to pay for the
new wand I'm about to buy.

And that, too.

Hey, Dad. Guys, I need to get
the word out about zombie prom.

Zombie prom?

Juliet and I will be at Best Night
Ever with all the normal people.

Yes. The wizard-slash-vampire couple should
definitely go to the normal people prom.

- Have fun with that.
- We will.

What are you going
to call zombie prom,

A Night to Dis-member?

That's actually not bad idea.
Thank you, Justin.

No, no, no. You can't use that.
That was a burn.

It's in the burn rule book...

...that's in that bookshelf.

So, Max, will you hand
these out at school for me?

I don't know about that, Alex.

I mean I'm getting paid for
this No Fear Ring thing.

So... you should
probably pay me for this.

You mean, you'll have money so you
should pay me for letting you do it?

- Is that what I meant?
- That's what you said.

OK, then. Oh, but can I pay
you after I hand them out?

I should charge you extra
for that. But I won't.

Thank you. Just got
to finish up, uh,

filling out this permission slip.

That permission slip
seemed surprisingly heavy.

Mail's here.

Zombie prom?

I'm not going.

Last prom I lost an arm.

I love to dance.

Come on, we never do
anything fun anymore.

Fine, I'll go.

But I'm not dancing.

All right, think, Zeke.

I gotta make this prom
special for Juliet.

- She's been to tons of them.
- Juliet's been to lots of proms?

Yeah.

Because she already... graduated.

Ah, an older lady?

Way to go, buddy.

Hey, you know what they
say about older ladies?

What?

They like to eat dinner at :
and they get amazing discounts.

OK. OK, I got it. Maybe...

...I'll get up on stage
with the DJ, right?

And I'll serenade Juliet
in front of everyone.

Then, wait, wait, wait...

When the tears are
welling up in her eyes,

I'll ask her to go steady.

Yeah, serenade?

"Danger. Danger. Will Robinson."

Here's what you do.

Pick her up in a
horse-drawn caiage.

Girls love alternative
means of transportation.

- Huh?
- Dude!

- Juliet, hey.
- Hi.

Hey, OK. I know what I'm gonna do.

I'm gonna take you to prom...

...in a horse-drawn carriage.

Every time I've gone to prom
in a horse-drawn carriage,

we've ended up having to walk home.

Why, 'cause the horses run away?

Oh, they try.

But I'm too fast for them.
Then it's lights out, horsy.

But, you really don't need to
do anything special for prom.

- It's OK.
- OK, fine.

No horse-drawn carriage.

But I'm still gonna serenade you.

Oh, that's pretty good.

No one's ever done that before,
Justin. - I knew it.

I know nothing about women.

Oh, but hey, so I can't wait to
dig up my parents and tell them.

Zeke, there's only one thing that
will make zombie prom fun for me.

Would you...

...design a decorative
coffin table for snacks?

Snack committee? Yeah!

Open the lid, get the dip.
I'm on it.

Alex, I did it again.
I panicked and completely bailed.

Yeah, ya did.

I think I can help you
with your fear. Hang on.

Hey, Max.

Good job bussing that table.
High five.

It feels good to be appreciated.

Yeah, don't get used to it.

Here, put this on.
I borrowed it from Max.

It's a magic No Fear Ring.

No Fear Ring? I'm a little scared.

Yeah. Until you put it on.

It goes with what you're wearing.

It does, doesn't it?

But, don't show anybody.

Max doesn't even know I
took it off his finger.

You'd make an amazing pick-pocket.

Hey. It's not a skill I'm proud of.

Yes, it is.
It totally comes in handy.

Ah! Which reminds me...
Here is your coin purse back.

Sorry.

Zeke. Zombie prom.

Me, you, on a date.
Let's do this thing!

- Totally!
- Walk with me.

And keep telling me
things you love about me.

Well, ladybugs are awesome on you.

And you walk fast, that's cool.

Wow.

♪ Mi, mi, mi, mi, mi ♪

♪ I... ♪

♪ I, I, I... ♪ Aw, man.

Me, me, me, me? I, I, I, I?

Wow. Self-centered much?

I'm doing vocal exercises,

so I can serenade Juliet tonight.

Singing? In front
of all those people?

Who do you think you are,
Lil' Galileo?

No. I can actually sing.
Lil' Galileo? Fast talker.

That's it. That's all he's got.

No, I know you can sing.

I'm just saying,

do you really want to do it
in front of all those people,

staring right up at you?

Waving their cell phone cameras.
Taking your picture.

Putting it on the Internet

for people to see over
and over and over again?

so people can watch it for
years and years and years.

No, it's gonna,
it's gonna be great,

because after that,

I'm going to ask her
to go steady with me.

Go steady? Whose prom are
you going to? Grandpa's?

Going steady is romantic.

If you find hysterical laughter
romantic, then you're good.

- I'm not nervous, Alex.
- Oh, I didn't ask, but thank you.

Max, where's the ring,
dude? I need to borrow it tonight.

Fine, but this thing
doesn't even work.

I don't feel the
least bit different.

What?! Where's the ring?

Oh. Maybe that's why I
don't feel different.

- Hmm...
- Max, where's the ring?

I won't have the nerve to serenade
Juliet tonight without that ring.

And how in the world am I
going to ask her to go steady?


Go steady? Who are you, Grandpa?

I promised her I'd sing to her,

and without that ring
I'm scared to death.

Hmm. Check my ear.
I have my finger in there a lot.

We're done talking.

How great is this?

We all look gross, no one's smiling,
and we get to drink brains.

Do I have any brains in my teeth?

- Yes.
- Cool, cool.

Hey, no cutsies.

The costume is weak,
but the smell is right on.

Wow. Nice skin,
veiny-looking things, man.

Way... way to commit, man.

Why don't you shuffle yourself
to the back of the line.

Uh, Harper, maybe we should
just let him cut in front.

He seems a little dehydrated,
not in the mood to talk.

Zeke, how can you be so cute and
so spineless at the same time?

I'm going to stand up to this punk.

Real zombie?

OK.

Let's hear it for
the Best Night Ever.

Anyway, um...

I would, uh, I would like to call
up to the stage Juliet Van Heusen.

And before I announce the winner

of the table centerpiece
raffle... over there,

I would like to sing to her.

Oh, my gosh,
he's gonna sing to her.

Don't you ever do that to me.

Good.

One moment,
just gotta get the b*at.

How's that for perfect timing?

Hey. This right here,
is the highlight of your whole life.

How do you feel about it now?
That's right.

♪ I'm too nervous to be clever ♪

♪ But I'd do anything for
you whatever ♪


♪ To be without you
I'd say never ♪


♪ It's because you and
I are together ♪


♪ That makes this ♪

♪ The best night ♪

♪ Ever ♪

- Could this get any worse?
- Hold for it.

I'd like to say one more thing,
people, before you clap.

Juliet...

...would you like to
go steady with me?

Justin, the real zombies
have crashed zombie...

I can't hear you. - Real zombies
have crashed the zombie prom.

Uh...

Um... a lot of... a lot of...

A lot of you might think
you heard me say zombies.

But that's because
it's a zombie prom,

so I say zombies a lot.

Just like I did right now.

That is all.

What she meant was is the band,
the Real Zombies,

uh, is actually playing
at the zombie prom.

What are you looking at?

I want to have you for dinner.

I have a date, jerk. Zeke?

- Zeke?
- Psst! Under here.

And now you've made
my date uncomfortable.

You're gonna apologize or else
you're gonna meet the king

and queen of this prom.

Where's Zeke?

- Zeke!
- Justin!

You are a sight for sore eyes.

Harper's standing
up to those creeps.

- She's fearless.
- Got any room under there?

For Juliet.

Or... or, we could stay out
here and I could help you fight.

OK. Yeah. Let's do that.

Max, save yourself.

This place is
infested with zombies.

Yeah, I know. I got an
RSVP from some zombies.

That's where the flyers went.

Yes. Zombies are coming, man.

But don't worry,
I already locked the doors.

Nobody can get in and
we can't get out.

Did you at least find
the No Fear Ring?

- I could use it right now.
- Harper has it.

That's why she's standing
up to the zombies.

Whoa. Harper has my ring?
I'm going in.

Excuse me. Pardon me.
Coming through.

Harper, you gotta
give me my ring back.

I'm a product tester and I
need to file a report on it

in order to get paid.

All right, not now.
You know, you don't scare me.

Guys, we've got to help Harper.

We've come to help
you get out of here.

What? I'm not afraid
of these losers.

Uh, if I didn't know any better,

I'd say these zombie
prom-goers were actual zombies.

Uh, they're from another
school's drama department.

They have an unbelievable costume
designer who also teaches chorus.

Costume designer
and chorus teacher?

Mr. Santos from Jefferson High.

Oh, they must be here
to dance battle us.

Dance battle?

We do love to dance.

It's on!

One music video and we're expected

to have dance battles everywhere.

- Come on!
- ]

Yes!

Yeah! Yeah! We won, we won!

Just once I'd like
to win one of these!

That's right,
keep walking, zombies.

What kind of zombies can't
even dance a zombie dance?

Max, shh! Be quiet.
They're zombies.

They could come back
and eat your brain.

Yeah?

Good luck trying to eat
these brains, zombies.

My dad says I got a thick skull.

He's not wearing the No Fear Ring,

but he's still not
afraid of anything.

Maybe the ring doesn't work.

But when Harper had it on,
she had no fear.

Oh, my gosh.
It doesn't work on him,

because he already has no fear.

Everybody has fear.

Guys, who wants to dare me to
cannonball into that punch bowl?

Ahh, you don't have to dare me.
I dare myself.

OK. He has no fear.

Alex, anti-prom was more
popular than real prom.

Wait. That means next year more
people will want to go to anti-prom.

So... then we'll go to real prom.

We're always one
step ahead of them.

You really know how
to zombie dance.

How many, uh, how many zombie
proms have you been to?

- Yes?
- Yes, I'll go steady with you.

You will. That's...

That's great,

because people sort of
indicated that it was lame,

but, like, I don't really
care what people think and...

I'm nuts about you

and I just want to make you happy.

This is the best night ever.
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