02x30 - Retest

[bunniefuu]

Squeeze, squeeze.

And that's how you turn
lemons into lemonade.

And what is magical about that?

Nothing, but it tastes great.

All right. Who's ready for
today's wizard lesson?

Oh, I'm sorry.

I can only learn one
new thing a week,

so I guess I'll just see
you guys next week. Great.

Ah-ah-ah.

- Uncle Kelbo!
- Hey, everybody!

You're not gonna believe this,
but I just discovered Amica.

You should have seen Columbus' face

as he sailed up, and I was waiting
there for him looking like this.

- I thought I heard Kelbo.
- You heard right.

- Nice outfit.
- Well, thank you.

Can you stand outside the
restaurant and hand out menus?

Actually, no, I cannot.

I'm spending all my time using
my magic while I still have it.

What are you talking about?

I got a letter from
the Wizard Council.

There's some sort of technicality,

and we have to take
our wizard test again.

All of us.

You, me, and somebody else.

- All of us?
- Who's "all of us?"

- No one.
- OK, we're not four years old.

We know that "no
one" means someone.

Kelbo and I have a sister.
You guys have an aunt.

Oh, I knew it!

- I didn't know it.
- Hold on.

How come you guys never
told us we had an aunt?

When I won the wizard competition
and gave my powers to Kelbo,

she got mad and wanted nothing
to do with our family ever again.

- Which is fine with me.
- Not fine with me.

The wizard auditor's
gonna be here on Friday.

And if Meg is not here
to retake that test,

the Russos will lose
their powers forever.

- What?
- Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Are you telling me that my kids
might lose their powers, too?

Hm-hmm.

Oh, no. This is... This is bad.

We're gonna have to find a
way to get her back here

so she can retake the test.

The problem is nobody
knows where she is.

Well, we're gonna
have to find her then.

I have a magnifying glass.
Will that help?

She's not tiny.

But you said she was an ant.

Dad, we've got to do something.

We all know that I was the
one that was gonna win.

I know. And you worked really hard, too.
You must feel terrible.

Suddenly slacker girl over here

isn't looking so
dumb anymore is she?

♪ Well, you know everything's
gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt
justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem with
the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out it'll
go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a
book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers
you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted
in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is
not what it seems ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you want
by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with
the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

I can't find a Megan Russo
anywhere on the World Wide Wiz Web.

OK, well, how are you
spelling "Russo?"

Sometimes I'm in a hurry
and I don't use any "S's."

Uh, hey. Once you all
lose your powers,

we should use the Wizards' Lair
as a quiet room just for Mom.

- What's a quiet room?
- You'll never know.

Theresa, we're trying
to figure out a way

for the kids not to
lose their magic.

Is there anything you guys
can tell me about Aunt Megan

- to help me find her?
- Whoo, I know.

I know when your dad
first introduced me

as the girl he was giving
away his powers for,

she threw my homemade empanadas
off the terrace and hit a cop.

So Aunt Megan has a police record.

Found her! Found her!

Megan Brooke Russo.
She lives in Paris.

Paris? She sounds German.

Dad, don't you think
you should go apologize

and convince her
to take the retest?

Absolutely.

I'm going to go over there
and make her take that test,

or I'm going to sit on her,
look her in the eye

and dangle a loogie
right over her face.

That's how I got her to do
things when we were kids.

Uh, it'd be better
if just you guys go.

All right, let's go.

Wait, Alex, let me do it.
I never get to do it.

All right, fine.

Let's go to our new aunt's.
Take us to Paris, Texas.

What?

See? This is why we don't
let you do the spells, Max.

Hi, uh... Are you Megan Russo?

Yeah.

We're Jerry Russo's kids.

Oooh. I'm not Megan Russo.

Wha...?

Well, we gave it a sh*t. Let's go.

Yes, I'm convinced,

since your paintings say,

"M. Russo" and your
smock says "Megan."

OK, I'm your aunt.

Let's do all the aunt stuff.

Wow, I haven't seen you in so long.
You're so tall.

When did the cast come off?

That was fun.
Have a great trip back.

You're kicking us out?

You're still that upset
with your brothers?

No, I'm not upset.
I've totally let it go.

Then, what's this?

Oh, it's the latest in my series,

called "Every Russo
for Themselves."

Wow. She really knows
how to hold a grudge.

Sounds like someone else we know.

Don't look at me like that.
I'm still mad at you

for the last time you
said I hold a grudge.

OK, great. Thanks for stopping in.
Have a great trip back.

I need to get back to
doing a lot of nothing.

Wow. Alex, you do a lot of nothing.

You know, she's like your weird,
older-looking twin.

No offense.

You remind me of a brother
I used to have named Kelbo.

Really? I have an
uncle named Kelbo.

Couldn't be the same guy.
My Kelbo is an uncle,

and yours is a brother.

Yep. You're just like him.

- Thank you.
- It wasn't a compliment.

- Thank you.
- It was an insult.

Thank you.

Aunt Megan, you need
to come back with us.

You and your brothers need
to retake the wizard exam.

It's the only way the Russo family
can save its wizarding powers.

What do I care about wizard powers?

Look, I don't know if you heard,

but I got totally jacked
in the wizard competition.

Look, we all know what happened to you,
OK? Yes, it was bad.

This can be your one chance
to win your powers back.

Yay, we all love power!

And we also heard how
unfairly you were treated.

- Yes.
- And how...

...my dad and uncle want to
apologize to you for that.

- Yep. That's what they said.
- Aunt Megan.

Would you mind
taking Max on a tour?

Don't let him touch anything.

Too late.

You can't really lean on these.

Alex! What are you doing?

Dad said he was never
going to apologize to her.

I'm winging it.

Well, what are you gonna
do if she says yes,

and comes back with us,
and then they won't apologize?

Then I'll wing it again.

The important thing
is not the truth,

it's getting her back.

So, how about it, Aunt Megan?

Dad and Uncle Kelbo are
ready to get on their knees

and beg for your forgiveness.

Well, I wouldn't mind seeing that.

Especially because I
thought I never would.

Winging it never fails.

Is this place a sandwich
shop or a subway stop?

Let me guess.
It was your dad's idea.

Megan. Wow, you're here.

Yep, I'm here.

Nice job combining two
of your favorite things:

railroad travel and eating.

Shows how much you don't know me.

My two favorite things now

are baking my own pie
crusts and knitting.

I'm just going to move this
breakable stuff out of the way.

You know, get it out of reach.

Wow. I never thought I'd see
the day you'd come back here.

When I heard what you were going to do,
how could I miss it?

- What?
- What do you mean "what?"

Start winging it, Captain Flappers.

Captain Flappers?

I'll think of something
better. Just go.

Uh, Daddy, Aunt Megan was really excited
to hear how much you missed her.

And how you feel really,
really bad about what happened.

Really?

'Cause that doesn't
sound like Megan at all.

Look, I'm just going to cut to it:

I was told you'd be on
your knees for this.

- She's just like you.
- No, she's not.

The only way I'm
getting on my knees

is if I'm sitting on you,

dangling a loogie over your face.

Then why did I even come to your
stupid restaurant-slash-train station?

It's a sub shop.

- Just like you.
- I don't see it.

Hey, everybody.

Congratulate me.

I just won the Indianapolis
in the year .

Place your bets now.
I was a longshot.

Oh, my... Megan! It's Megan.

I remember you. You're my sister.

- Wow.
- Hi, Kelbo.

I can't believe you got her
to come back to take the test.

- Not without an apology.
- Well, OK. Go ahead.

Um, no, Kelbo. She wants
us to apologize to her.

What for?

For giving your powers
to him instead of me.

OK, this is clearly between
the two of you, OK?

Who wants to go with their
uncle fishing for llamas?

Kelbo!

Megan, you know I had
to give him my powers

because he needed them more.

Kelbo's life without magic
would be a travesty.

A horrible travesty.

That's why I like to spend all my
time appreciating what I've got,

and going fishing for llamas!

Aunt Megan, this can be your one
chance to win your powers back.

I'm apologizing for them.

Sorry! Please retake the test.

Why should I?

Jerry will still win and
give his powers to Kelbo,

and all of my hard work
will be for nothing.

And I really don't like hard work.

Oh, my gosh, she is just like me.

- Kelbo, send me home.
- You got it.

Zooba, zooba, zooba, hey sister,
go sister, Paris, Texas.

- Alex, what did you do?
- She winged it, Dad.

And I specifically told
you not to wing it.

Hey, I got her here. If you don't
like winging it, what do you got?

I don't know, but there's
gotta be something we can do.

What if we hired a wizard lawyer?

Maybe he can find a loophole
so we can keep our powers.

I know just the guy.
He's fantastic!

The best fish lawyer
in the business.

I'm telling ya, this guy's a shark.

No offense.

OK. Mr. Fish...

We had a transfer of
power indiscretion,

and our aunt won't take the retest.

Is there any legal solution?

We're toast.

Hey, I don't want to be insensitive,
but how long do you think

it will take to get all this
wizard junk out of here?

Oh, that was insensitive, huh?

OK, looks like it's over.
I'm heading to Atlantic City.

You, my friend, get the hotel room.
I'll get the plane ticket.

Go ahead, Mom.
Make it your quiet room.

There's no need for a wizard
training area anymore,

because the competition is over.
Right, Alex?

I really messed up, Harper.

My family could lose our wizard
powers because of what I did.

I'm probably gonna end
up like my Aunt Megan,

with nobody in my family
wanting anything to do with me.

Then I've got this covered.
Here's what you do.

Get a small refrigerator
in your room,

and then be best friends with
someone ose family you like

and spend all of your
time at their house.

Alex, honey, grab your wand.
I want you to take me somewhere.

Really? You never want
anything to do with magic.

Wait a minute.

You're not dropping me off
at boarding school, are you?

I never thought it
would be you, Mom.

I will not let you do it,
Mrs. Russo.

Standing up to you is
really tough for me,

because this is the
only place I have to go.

Harper, honey, relax!

I'm not sending Alex away.
I just need to show her something.

OK... I hate traveling by wand.

Makes my ears pop
and my ankles swell.

I hate it, too.
I hear stuff and I taste metal.

I know.

Wait till they turn you invisible.

None of your clothes
fit right after that.

Really, Mom, this was
urgent a minute ago, so...

Oh, you're right. Let's go.

Oy!

- What do you want?
- Look, Megan!

I'm sorry. I can't hear
very well right now,

but just listen to me, OK?

I know that you don't get
along with your brothers,

and that's your business.

But now, it's affecting my kids,
and that's my business.

OK? Wait a minute.

My ears just popped.

Look, Theresa,
I'm not going back there.

There's too much bad blood
between me and my brothers.

There's nothing I can do forou.

Don't you even care
that Justin, Max, and I

are going to lose our powers?

You'll be OK without magic.

- I am.
- Uh, no, you're not.

You live alone on a roof.

Mom, it's in Paris. It's beautiful.
Look at the view.

Shh. It's still sad.

Look, Megan, you're a miserable,
bitter mortal.

You have no family.

You want to know why Alex
will be OK without magic?

Because she has her family.

You got schooled!

- Alex, watch your mouth.
- Oh, sorry.

Well, you just wasted
your time by coming here.

Wow, maybe I did.

I'm sorry I couldn't
be more help, Alex.

No, Mom. You did help.

I'm not gonna let
magic do this to us.

And, Aunt Megan, I have a
suggestion for your painting.

Now you're the one being
chased by a shark.

Buh-bye.

Guys, we gotta talk...

...about a lot of things.

No, we don't.
We're done talking to you.

We're packing.

Don't you see what
this is doing to us?

We haven't even finished
the wizard competition,

and we're already fighting like Dad,
Kelbo and Megan.

Since when have you ever cared
about the wizard competition?

Since I figured out it
was tearing us apart.

Guys, do you know
what we need to do?

We need to put aside our
differences, come together,

and show the Wizard Council that the Russos
aren't going to take this lying down.

Continue.

Sure, we annoy each other.

And sure, you're probably not
going to amount to anything.

Sure, I might end up along
the side of the highway,

wearing an orange
jumpsuit picking up trash.

But you know what I
like to call that?

I like to call that "family."

If there's one thing I've
learned about family,

it's that if we stick together,
nothing can hurt us.

Well, we're gonna lose
our powers anyway,

so what else do we have to lose?

- Yeah! Let's do it.
- All right. OK.

Bring on the Wizard Council!

OK, guys, I'm gonna
get a bunch of rest.

It's gonna be a big, long,
emotional day tomorrow.

- Wait, tomorrow?
- Yeah.

So that's not today?

No, tomorrow. The day the
wizard auditor's coming.

All right, do you guys want to
meet earlier before he gets here

and then we can redo
this whole moment,

or we can just remember
that it happened?

Yeah, no, we're good.
All right, let's go.

I am here to administer
a retest to, uh,

Jerry, Megan and... Kelbo?

Uh, Mr. McFly? Our sister,
Megan, is not gonna be here.

Oh, then this is gonna be quick.

Where's your wizard power panel?
I need to take the fuses.

Um, I don't recall where that is.

- It's right here.
- Oh, this?

This is our decoy panel to,
you know...

Are you the wizard
competition auditor?

- Yes.
- We quit.

Time out.

- What are you doing?
- I'm winging it.

You gave a big inspirational
speech for that?

Well, first of all,
thank you for remembering my speech.

And second of all, you're family
and you're gonna wing it with me.

We're behind you,
General Flappers.

Would you stop saying that?
I wasn't happy with it.

OK, hands in.

- One, two, three...
- Russos!

Time in!

Ever since this re-test came up,

I've learned a little
something about us Russos.

We don't need powers
to make us a family,

and we're not gonna let
wizard powers break us apart.

And my brothers are behind me.

You know what? She's right.

I don't want to end up losing
these guys. I quit, too.

Alex had a great speech yesterday,

and the parts that I
remember were very moving.

I quit, too.

Yay, family!

I'm proud of you kids
for sticking together.

Well, I guess I'm gonna go
to the place where I wanna be

when there's no more magic.

We're done, so... here.

Man, I hate this job.

Every day, I see the wizard
competition tear families apart.

Even I haven't seen my
own sister in years.

You know what? I'm gonna
let you keep your powers.

That's against the rules.
I don't know if you're allowed...

Um, um, hey, look...

...you're bending the rules.

I'm a rule bender. He's Johnny Honest.
Forget about him.

Oh, look, if it comes up?

Mr. McFly was never here.

Thank you! Wow!

You did it. You guys did it!

Guys, I'm sorry I got us into
this mess in the first place.

Hmm, you're not at
all like Aunt Megan.

But, I complain,
I make fun of you guys,

and I hardly do any work.
I'm exactly like Aunt Megan.

Well, a lot of that is true.

No, you apologized. You did.

That's something Aunt Megan has
never figured out how to do.

Hey, what do you say
we unpack these boxes?

How about we let Max do it?

Don't feel like going to Texas.

Love on the rocks.
Unpack the box-es.

Um, excuse me,
is your refrigerator running?

Alex, I know it's you.

I can see Kelbo's wand
number in my caller ID.

Guys, she's on to us.

You forgot to dial pound,
horse, unicorn!

- What do we do?
- What we always do. Run!