05x06 - Lost and Found

[bunniefuu]

Previously on Ally McBeal.
Oh, he's really gone.

John Cage? Yeah, he's missing.

He left me a note. It said
not to worry. Uh, "I'll be back."

He doesn't qualify
as a missing person.

What if he really didn't
write the note or the e-mail?

It had to be him. Who
else knew of his hole?

[Raymond] There's one golden rule in life.
You don't mark on your best friend's turf.

Glenn would like for
you to date me. That

would give him a free
guilt pass to date Ally,

and that's what he really wants.

What do you want? I'm single
now. I'm not seeing Glenn anymore.

The field is... open.

- Am I in the field?
- [Glenn] I'm asking you out.

If you're not interested, fine.
But don't say no out of maturity.

[Vonda] ♪ I know
something about love ♪

♪ You've gotta want it bad ♪

♪ If that guy's got
into your blood ♪

♪ Go out and get him ♪♪

You asked him out? Basically.

The GQ cutie child? Yes.

Abercrombie and Fitchie
boy? Okay. You don't approve.

No, it isn't that. I'm just surprised
to see you predisposed toward fun.

Look, I have nothing
against having a good

time. It's just something
I happen not to enjoy.

Ah.

Anyway, we went out, and, you
know, in fact, I did have a good time.

We were dancing at the bar to
Vonda Shepard and the Ikettes.

They were singing, uh, "Turn The
b*at Around." You know that song?

Yes.

- ♪ Turn the b*at around ♪
- ♪ Turn the b*at around ♪

♪ Love to hear percussion
♪ [Ally] Ugh. I was really going.

And this was the problem.

- Why?
- Well...

♪ Blow horn You
sure sound pretty ♪

I was getting worked up. ♪
Keep movin' to the nitty-gritty ♪

And when I dance, I-I... I...

- I can get...
- Hot.

Sizzling. Oh, and when they
got to that part of the song?

- Which part?
- The part.

- Ah.
- When the guitar player
starts playing...

with the syncopated rhythm,
with the scratch, scratch, scratch.

Makes me wanna move
my body, yeah, yeah, yeah.

And when the drummer starts
b*ating that b*at, he nails that b*at...

- with the syncopated rhythm with the...
- Rat, tat...

- tat, tat... - tat, tat...
- on the drums.

- Yes, I... I understand.
- ♪ Turn the b*at around ♪

- ♪ Turn the b*at around ♪
- ♪ Love to hear percussion ♪

- ♪ Love to hear it ♪
- ♪ Turn it upside down ♪

And once I get going,
like, on the dance floor...

You don't need to tell me.

♪ Yeah ♪

[Ally] And just as I was about
to pull out my calculator...

and personally compute
his sperm count...

♪ Love to hear it Yeah ♪♪

No. No?

- No?
- No.

Thank God. Yeah. I
somehow got a hold of myself,

and, well, I said the three little
words that men never want to hear.

- It's too soon.
- Mmm.

- [Groans]
- And what did he do?

- Well, he-he accepted it.
- [Groans]

- And then he left.
- And how is he now?

Well, I have no idea. This was last
night. I'm gonna see him this morning.

But, you know, I'm afraid...

that he's gonna think
I'm... one of those...

- You know.
- Penis taunters?

Yes. You have to understand.

Any man who has his lady hot on the
dance floor to "Turn the b*at Around"...

- Mm-hmm.
- Well, he's in like Flynn,
in his mind.

So to be rebuffed...
You've hurt him, Ally.

Go to him. Tend to his need.

I know what his need is. And
I'm telling you it's too soon.

But is the day ever coming for you
and this boy for carnal togetherness?

Let him at least know that...

That it's coming...
Otherwise, he'll move on.

And... Is that what you want?

♪ I've been down down, down ♪

♪ I've been down this road ♪

♪ Walkin' the line
that's painted by pride ♪

♪ And I have made
mistakes in my life ♪

♪ That I just can't hide ♪

♪ Oh, I believe I am ready ♪

♪ For what love
has to bring Yeah ♪

♪ I got myself together, yeah ♪

♪ Now I'm ready to sing ♪

♪ I've been searching
my soul tonight ♪

♪ I know there's so
much more to life ♪

♪ Now I know I
can shine a light ♪

♪ To find my way back home ♪

♪ Oh ♪
♪ Hoo, hoo ♪

♪ Baby, yeah ♪

♪ Hoo, hoo ♪
♪ Oh, yeah ♪♪

[Man] ♪ I know
something about love ♪

♪ You've gotta want it bad ♪

♪ If that guy's got
into your blood ♪

♪ Go out and get him ♪

♪ Tell him that you're
never gonna leave him ♪

♪ Tell him that you're
always gonna love him ♪

♪ Tell him, tell him, tell
him Tell him right now ♪

♪ Tell him right now ♪♪

All right, here we go. Settle
in. Time is my money. Come on.

Oh, uh, first up, a reminder. Ling's,
uh, syndicated television show,

uh, begins airing today,
for all of you who've

longed to control the
volume when she speaks.

Uh, next up, uh, Gower versus
Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

It's mine. I'm a trial lawyer,
in case anybody forgot.

Uh, Corretta is, uh, second
chair, so off to court we go to...

John? You're back!

Indeed. Move along, Richard.

[Stammering] But
you... you're-you're here.

Yes. Your powers of
observation continue to

stun the world. Let's
just move along, Richard.

[Stammering] Where were you?

That's my business, wade pool.

Move along.

Come on, John. Ally,
Richard... They missed you.

- Perhaps Corretta did too.
- Yes. I, in fact, missed you...

every time I opened that freezer
door and saw that sack of frozen peas.

I ask you once again,
Richard. Let's just move along.

Uh, well-well, uh, my case, uh, Gower
versus Commonwealth of Massachusetts.

Well, it, uh... I don't
know what it's about.

I-I'm meeting the
client at, uh, 10:00, so...

I thought you were
off to court. Uh, yes.

I-I stand ready if need be.
You know, I'm a... I'm a litigator.

- Richard, Nancy Gower is here.
- Ah. Uh, Corretta?

Let's go. John, welcome
back. We'll-We'll discuss later.

No, we won't.

Uh, we're-we're adjourned.

John? John, whoa! John?

John! Whoo. We were
all worried about you.

Well, you shouldn't
have been. I left a note.

Well, hey. Hey, c-can
we talk about this?

Well, not with him watching.

[Knocking]

[Sighs]

Okay, look, I...
Well, obviously, I...

I wanted to go
further last night.

You know, this is kind
of a delicate conversation.

Do you think that you
could suspend activity

with-with the, uh,
the Quarter Pounder?

I'm not sure. You actually seem
to be more able when it comes to...

[Hits Trash]
suspending activity.

I'm sorry.

Well, see, when I was
in college, good-looking

guys weren't even
interested in me.

They didn't even look
my way. And... And last

night, I got this
sudden hit that-that...

[Sighs] Well, that I was
living out some fantasy that...

Well, I just suddenly felt
silly and that it was wrong,

and it was wrong for
me, and it was wrong

for you, and it was
wrong for the... whoever.

Whoever?

Whoever I end
up with... for real.

And I'm sure that he's not
gonna want some woman...

who just jumps into bed with
every Tom, d*ck and Larry... Harry.

Let me see if I get this.

You didn't want to go to bed last
night because it would be unfaithful...

to whoever comes after me?

Well, something like that. I mean, I-I
never said that I make complete sense.

Why does it have to
be so complicated?

Why not sleep with me,
if for no other reason...

than to find out what you
were missin' out on in college?

Hmm.

Oh, well, uh, statements like that
convince me that I was missing nothing.

Ally. You're 31. And it's just too
reckless to be with a 28-year-old?

O-Okay. Um...

Up until now, I haven't
wanted to sound crazy with you,

and... and what
I'm about to say is...

I feel... sort of
like an old soul.

I-I've been here before.

And you? Well, this
life is your very first.

Mmm. This is a past-life thing?

I just think that... that you and I
come from different worlds. Yeah.

And a person from one world
can't date somebody from another?

I must tell you from the onset, I've
been a crook. You need to know that.

Nancy, we're all God's children.

Yes. Well, this child stole
from old men. I'm ashamed of it.

I'm no psychiatrist, but, uh,

usually when-when
people, uh, act out,

it-it-it means they're
reaching out for-for something.

With you, uh... I could
be wrong, but you were

reaching out for money,
weren't you, Nancy?

I feel as if you
already know me.

I've been there.
He's still there.

[Mutters] I scammed older men.

I pretended to be in love with them. I
got them to give me money, jewelry.

We'd get engaged, I'd
get these big, fat diamond

rings, then I'd break
off the engagement.

I was... A woman.

A thief. Oh.

- But now I'm reformed.
- Oh, well, excellent.

- I've met Gerard, and he
knows all about my past.
- And I love her just the same.

We want to get married,
but the court won't let us.

What do you mean,
the court won't let you?

The last time I was
arrested, as part of my

sentence, the judge
ordered me to stay away...

from all men over 50,
e-except for relatives.

- I'm 54.
- A judge can't order that.

- Well, he did.
- Well, that's against that,
uh, thing. Tell her, Corretta.

- The Constitution.
- Exactly.

Well, is there
anything we can do?

Absolutely. We can go right into court and,
uh, litigate this. I'm a... a litigator.

Well, anything you can do.
I'm not the person I used to be.

I promise you that.

[Chattering]

Look, let's have dinner
tonight. Can we do that? Sure.

I will explain...

Did I hear dinner? How
about the four of us go?

- You, me, Jenny and,
uh, Thin Mint.
- Well...

Great! I'll tell
Jenny. She'd love it.

Great. Great.

[Ling] I'm not saying you don't
have a legitimate complaint, ma'am.

But your mistake was in
thinking that I'd care about it.

Why don't you sue whoever
gave you that haircut? Next case.

You believe that? [Gavel Raps]

Treat people rotten enough, eventually
somebody will put you on television.

Can I help you?

A lot of people
were worried, John...

Including me.

[Sighs] You're senior partner.

You do owe an explanation, if not out of
conscience, then how about leadership?

[Sighs] Are you okay?

I'm fine, thank you.

Good. [Chuckles]

We did miss you.

Missed you too.

A double date? It'll
be fun, don't you think?

Well... I mean,
we did it before.

But I didn't like you then. Glenn's
fine with it, if that's your concern.

Oh. Okay.

Are you... fine with it?

Me? [Chuckles]
Why wouldn't I be?

I don't know. You seeing
him with another woman...

Please. Great!
Should be fun then.

Uh-huh. [Chuckles]

Hey, hey, hey!

- John. [Chuckles] - Hello.

Going into your hole?
As a matter of fact, I...

How do you know about my hole?

Everybody knows. Richard had
an open house after he took it over.

[Beeping]

Oh, he had the, uh, frequency
changed. Here. Use mine.

You have access to my hole?

Richard and I are buddies.

I took, uh, Jen in for a
little... nook. [Laughs]

Shut up! Hmm!

[Beeping]

[Abba] ♪ You are
the dancing queen ♪

♪ Young and sweet ♪

♪ Only 17 ♪

♪ Dancing queen ♪

♪ Feel the b*at
from the tambourine ♪

♪ Oh, yeah ♪

♪ You can dance ♪♪

How dare you!

Oh, not-not now,
John. I'm off to court.

You installed a mirror ball in
my hole! Yeah, uh, bygones.

Don't you bygones me,
damn it! Of all the betrayals!

You owe me a duty, Richard, a fiduciary
duty, and you breached it royally!

You were gone! You left! That
gives you the right to violate me?

To have an open house
in my royal breach?

[Stammering]

Hole?

Do you really mean to
lecture me on duty, John?

Because I have a few things to
say on that. You're a senior partner.

Do I need to explain
the concept of partner?

The fiduciary responsibilities
that go along with that term?

I don't just behold everybody
as my partner, my friend,

- my colleague,
and you walked out on that.
- [Clicks Off]

[Mouthing Words]

[Clicks On, Richard's Voice] You
forgot what it means to go down a path...

with an esteemed
colleague, a trusted

friend, a true believer
in right and justice.

- [Audio Fast-forwarding]
- I can't believe it! You're
lip-synching your response!

- I had a lot to say.
- You can't give it to me live?

Nobody does
their best work live.

You've welcomed foreign
bodies into my hole, then

you lip-synch a lecture.
You unbelievable oaf!

Right now I'm a
litigating oaf, because you

abandoned ship,
you-you funny little oots.

What is an oots?

Hey, Jenny.

Hi. What's up?

Uh, w-well, um...

- Uh, well, I...
- Aren't you excited about our double date?

Well, that's sort of...

what I kinda wanted
to sorta talk about.

- Kinda.
- Oh.

I'm not comfortable with...

[Laughing] Oh, God! I
sound like my therapist.

I... What-What... I j... I don't think
that this double date is a great idea.

Why? Well, it's just...
You know, Jenny,

Glenn used to be your boyfriend.

And how are you gonna feel
if-if he were to kiss me, or-or...

Oh, and now you're crying. Why
are you crying? [Sniffles] I'm sorry.

No, no, no. Tell me.
Tell me why you're crying.

Because I thought
it was ridiculous too.

And then I thought it
was strange that Glenn

and everybody would
forget my birthday.

And then I thought you
guys really didn't forget,

and that's what this whole double date
was about... to celebrate my birthday.

But I guess
that isn't it, and...

everybody just forgot.

Oh. Oh.

Uh, no. No, we-we didn't
forget your birthday. [Chuckles]

No, we just thought that it would
be better if it were a surprise.

So I came in here to pretend
to call off the double date...

so you would be surprised when
Glenn and I stood up to say, "Surprise!"

Okay, so... nobody forgot?

Of course not.

How could you
forget her birthday?

I didn't forget her birthday. I
just didn't know what today was.

Now we have to go to dinner with them,
because she thinks it's in honor of her.

So we'll go. Well... Elaine.

It's Jenny's birthday. Do you think that
you could possibly do a number in the bar?

Absolutely. Ah,
you're such a giver.

You were dating her for three
years. So sue me. Take me to court.

A judge can't control who a woman
can marry. It's just not possible.

I have the court order
right in front of me.

It says she can't even
approach a man over 50.

That's unconstitutional,
Judge. Pursuit of

happiness. Give her
liberty or give her death.

E pluribus unum. [Chuckles]
I don't need to tell you.

What are you talking about?

I'm talking about a superior court judge
trying to legislate who a woman can marry.

That's just... That's
just wrong. No judge

should do that, especially
the superior kind.

It also isn't right for
any judicial branch

to get involved in,
uh, domestic relations.

It's up to the president to do that.
Yeah, uh, separation of, uh-uh, powers.

And she-she loves this man.
E pluribus costs. Your Honor.

I think Judge Turanball was trying to
protect potential victims with that order.

Gerard Billow knows Nancy Gower's past. He
accepts it, and they both love each other.

But how do we know
she's not scamming him?

I trust her. And I
want her to be my wife.

And this court order is
effectively penalizing him.

It's preventing him from
marrying the woman he loves.

Mr. Billow? This
woman is a con artist.

She's not that
person today, Judge.

Yeah, uh, e
pluribus. It's in there.

These are two consenting adults who
love each other, and they have rights.

Nobody has rights. People
have privileges. Those

privileges are lost when
they violate the law.

Your Honor?

I have no excuse for my past
behavior. But I love this man.

I don't know the law, but part of
crime and punishment is rehabilitation.

And if you take away someone's ability to
find love, to commit to having a family...

It seems like a lousy way to
promote healing of any kind.

Well, uh, there-there's your
winner, Judge. Go with that.

I'll take it under advisement.

See you back at 7:00.

Oh, 7:00? I-I have plans, Judge.

I... We'll be here.

[Man] That's great.

What's going on here?

I told you. I have a
photo sh**t today.

Well, you didn't tell
me it was a layout.

Cover of Talk magazine. Ling!

You're a judge. Do you
think it's appropriate?

Oh, please. It used to be women stripped
naked to have a chance at greatness.

Now you have to do great things
to have a chance to strip naked.

[Scoffs] But, Ling, all your life
you've committed yourself to the ideal,

"A woman is what she
wears." What are you today?

A role model. If I can inspire
a few girls to go to law school,

or have a perfect body,
then I've done my job.

Snap! [Woman] Move the trees.

I found myself, Nelle. I
knew I eventually would.

♪ Kiss me, darling ♪
♪ You sexy thing, you ♪

♪ Ah, woman, yeah ♪♪

[Knocking]

- Hey, John.
- Ally. Hello.

How-How you doin'?
Splendid, thank you.

You seem sad.

Well, I mean, Richard
violated my hole. Mmm, well...

Let it heal?

So, where did you go, John?

I was away. I'm back now. Why
must I account for my absence?

Well, because you
are senior partner,

and when you ran off you
left the firm in Richard's hands.

That made everybody
a little uneasy.

It did? Yeah.

Hmm.

Are you having a crisis?
I think perhaps I was.

Was it me?

Me not wanting to go
out... Did that spur it on?

Maybe, in part. I-I just needed some
time to take measure of a few things.

And I did that. Now I'm
back. So how are you?

Oh, I'm okay. And
things with Glenn?

Oh, well, you know.

I... I like him. You
know, I think he's cute.

But sometimes when we're alone
together and we're talking quietly,

I find myself missing Larry.

Hmm! Wow, I haven't even
admitted that to my therapist.

It's just that I think
Glenn is a boy...

A cute boy.

But Larry, you
know, he was a man.

You know what I
mean? No. Not really.

Ally, Larry walked out on you
without even saying good-bye.

Men don't do that.
He just flew off.

You flew off. Not from
you I didn't. I would never.

It-It isn't gonna
be you. I know this.

I still love you.
Right back at you.

So, anyway, to, um, answer your question...
Uh, I don't know about me and Glenn.

I'm just gonna try to
stay open to it, and...

You know, I suppose that good
things can come in younger packages.

So... we'll see.

Excellent.

Well... Um, I'm
glad you're back.

I just wish I knew
why you went away.

[Man] ♪ Been 14 days
since I don't know when ♪

♪ I just saw her
with my best friend ♪

♪ Do you know what I mean ♪

♪ Do you know
know what I mean ♪♪

First of all, to the ladies
for lookin' beautiful. Oh!

Aw! Hear! Hear!

To Jenny on her birthday.
Ah, happy birthday.

You know, we came to this restaurant
on one of our early dates. You remember?

I do. First time you
guys slept together.

[Gagging]

- You told me.
- Oh, is that why you picked
this restaurant? To get lucky?

- Okay, boys.
- Oh, come on. Food's good.

But, uh, since you
brought the subject up,

there is something I've
been meaning to broach.

What? Have, uh, you and Ally...

[Imitates Bedsprings Creaking]

- Raymond!
- That's nice.

- We're all friends.
- We happen to be
in a nice restaurant.

Yeah, on Jenny's birthday.
She doesn't need to hear that.

Why not?

Sorry? Why doesn't
Jenny need to hear it?

- Well...
- Well, I'm your date, by the way.

You should try sticking up for
my ears instead of Jenny's. Sorry.

Whoa! She's got a
little streak. [Gasps]

Um, another toast.
[Giggles] To friendship.

- Ah.
- Hey, have you and Jenny...

- Oh, not yet. But I was hoping tonight.
- What are you two talking about?

Bruins. Celtics.

- Can we get some menus?
- Certainly.

Can I say something?
See, I love foreheads.

And you have the
sexiest forehead.

[Laughs] You are such a goof.

Can I kiss that forehead?

- Well...
- [Chuckles]

Umm, wonder what I'll have.

There's prime rib in
your future. Maybe later.

Ally, I thought
about last night,

and... and, well, I'm...

I'm willing to wait as long as you
want to wait. Oh, thank you, Glenn.

Mmm! Mmm.

Well, what?

I don't have a problem with you
two guys going out. In fact, I support it.

- But you don't have to be
sucking face in front of me.
- Sucking face?

- All right.
- Where are those menus?
- Look how dry my lips are.

- You, of all people, know how
sloppy-wet he makes out.
- Excuse me?

- You made out?
- N-N-No. You told me.

- You told her
I make-out sloppy?
- I'm not happy here.

- In a good way!
- Okay, listen. Maybe we're just
a little nervous and on edge.

Um...

So let's open presents.
That'll lighten everything up.

[Chuckles] Presents?

You got me presents, right?

Prime rib later. Little
drummer boy. [Chuckles]

Nobody got me a present?

Oh, of... of course
we got you presents.

[Grunts] There's mine.

Thank you. And here's
mine. [Imitates g*nsh*t]

[Laughs] You guys!

- Glenn?
- Huh? Uh, well...

- You didn't get me anything?
- N... Uh, well...

[Quietly] A song at the
bar. A song at the bar.

- I'm sorry?
- Well, after dinner, we're
gonna go back to the bar,

and I have a special
song prepared for you.

- Oh, that's nice.
- Yeah, all arranged
and everything.

- Great.
- Great.

That's great.

[Low Mocking Tone] All
arranged and everything.

[Judge Walsh] I find it was
not an abuse of discretion...

for Judge Turanball
to issue a restraint

against the plaintiff
approaching men over 50.

Given her wile and her record,

she's posed a significant thr*at
to this particular demographic.

I also feel, however, that
our criminal justice system...

does provide for second chances
when there's been rehabilitation.

Mr. Billow, you're the
one who will be taking it.

I'm ready, Your Honor.
My love grows for her daily.

I'm all choked up. The
aisle is your plank, sir.

If you choose to walk it, I
won't stop you. Adjourned.

[Gavel Raps]

Oh, my God! Oh!
[Laughing] Oh, I'm so happy.

Thank you, Richard.
Corretta, thank you so much.

Well, let's make this official.
Nancy? Will you marry me?

I will. Oh, my God!

- Don't fence it.
- [Gasps]

[Mouths Word]

[Gerard Chuckles] Come here.

♪♪ [Pop] [Elaine] Whoo!

♪ With this ring I promise
I'll always love you ♪

♪ Always love you ♪

♪ With this ring I promise
I'll always love you ♪

♪ Always love you ♪

♪ They used to call
me the wanderer ♪

♪ Who never wanted
to settle down ♪

♪ No, no ♪

♪ But I'll tell you, baby ♪

♪♪ [Continues, Indistinct]
You gonna stay mad forever?

It was sacred, Richard.
A man's hole is his temple.

Where'd you go?
Seriously. I just went away.

I think you should address the
firm. We deserve an explanation.

It would disappoint you, Richard.
John, we're senior partners.

If they can't look up to and
respect you, that leaves me.

♪ I'll always try to
keep you satisfied ♪

♪ 'Cause with this
ring I promise ♪

♪ I'll always love you ♪

♪ Always love you ♪

♪♪ [Continues, Indistinct]
Where's the boy? Aren't you on a date?

Oh, well, he's arranging
Jenny's birthday present.

Did you, uh, strip naked
for a seminude layout?

My character wasn't
growing enough. ♪♪ [Ends]

[Applause] Whoo! Whoo!

Thank you! Thank you
very much! Thank you!

She's a good dancer, Jenny.

Glenn never said so, but I
bet she's a pretty decent rattle.

- You know, you're disgusting.
- You're not just saying that?

- Trust me.
- [Glenn On P.A.] All right,
your attention please.

We have a birthday girl
with us tonight... Jenny Shaw.

- [Man] Happy birthday!
- Yeah!

[Woman] Whoo! Happy birthday!
[Glenn] And, uh, she has two favorites...

Frank Sinatra and Elvis Presley.

And since we've done
Frank, Jenny, tonight I

thought we'd, uh...
we'd do a little Elvis.

If he starts to grind
up there, I'll vomit.

♪♪ [Band: Ballad]

I know you'll regard this as silly, but I
used to think in a prior life I was Elvis.

But, uh, John,
Elvis lived in this life.

Well, there lies the rub.

♪ Maybe I didn't treat you ♪

♪ Quite as good
as I should have ♪

♪ Maybe I didn't love you ♪

♪ Quite as often
as I could have ♪

♪ Little things I should
have said and done ♪

♪ I just never took the time ♪

♪ You were always on my mind ♪

♪ You were always on my mind ♪

♪ Maybe I didn't hold you ♪

♪ All those lonely
lonely times ♪

♪ And I guess I never told you ♪

♪ I'm so happy
that you're mine ♪

♪ If I made you
feel second best ♪

♪ Girl, I'm sorry I was blind ♪

♪ You were always ♪

♪ On my mind ♪

♪ You were always on my mind ♪

Call me an oink, but I think he still
loves her. ♪♪ [Continues, Indistinct]

I don't think either one of
us is getting any tonight.

Oink.

♪ You were always on my mind ♪

♪ You were always on my mind ♪

♪♪ [Vocalizing]

♪♪ [Fades, Ends]

Did she like it?
I think she did.

Well, thanks for
comin' up with the idea.

If she hadn't gotten
a present... Yeah.

Well, it was a good
choice, that song. Yeah.

Well, she does love Elvis.

What?

Do you really think
you're fooling anybody?

What are you talking about?
You still love her, Glenn.

[Laughs] What? Oh, come
on. No, Ally, we're just...

Friends?

You know, what I don't get
is, why do you keep denying it?

Obviously, she still loves you, and
you love her. I don't... I don't get it.

Well, because we love each
other as friends, Ally. Not...

You know, Glenn, I'm
older. Do you think you

could permit me to be
wiser for one second?

Uh, I watched you
watch her at dinner.

I watched how you sang to her. I
know when somebody loves somebody.

And not just as-as friends.

You-You two belong together.

[Sighs] We'd just end
up hating each other.

Mmm, so it isn't smooth always.
It doesn't mean that it isn't right.

Look, Ally. I
appreciate your opinion.

But allow me to decide
who I want to be with, okay?

Sure. Will you afford me the
same privilege? Of course.

Okay. Well, I choose not to be with
somebody who loves somebody else.

Good night, Glenn.

Oh, and, uh, Glenn,
you're a great guy.

And somewhere out there...

there's a great girl
waitin' for you to call.

Gerard? What's up?

Is Richard here?
He's in his office.

If I could see you
both a second? Sure.

Hey, Elaine.

- Nice song.
- You too.

[Knocking]

Hey, Jen. Hi.

Thanks for the song.
It was very entertaining.

Oh, good. [Chuckles] Good.
Uh, so, how was your birthday?

- Okay.
- And you and Raymond?

Uh... [Laughs] He's a dink.

He's mad, 'cause he thinks you
still love me now, 'cause of the song,

and I told him there just
aren't a lot of choices of songs,

you know, "let's
just be friends," so...

He's a dink.

So, you set him
straight? I tried.

Maybe you-you
should set him straight.

Or I could set you straight.

I still love you, Jen.

- Please don't mess
with me like that.
- No, no, I-I'm not.

I'm not messin' with you.

It seems like when we're together,
we do nothing but fight, but...

[Exhales Forcefully] I love you.

So, um, you, uh, want to, uh...

Get back. Yeah, that.

Yeah, I do.

Would you consider it?

Um... Okay.

I've considered it.

Mmm.

[Glenn Chuckles]

- She's where?
- She's on her way to Logan
Airport. She left an hour ago.

Why? Did she scam
you? She thinks she did.

She's being followed
by undercover detectives.

She'll be arrested once she tries to
board an airplane. I-I don't understand.

I'm an undercover police
officer. We were working a sting.

You both will likely be called as
witnesses, so you... Wait just a second.

Look, I'm sorry you had to be
involved, but she wouldn't take the ring...

until the legal
hurdles were cleared.

She's good. Very
good. Oh, my God.

Oh, so you two don't really love each
other? I wasted all that emotion in court.

Again, I apologize
for having to involve

you both. I couldn't
find a way to avoid it.

Gerard?

- Nancy.
- Your housekeeper told me you'd
be here. Is everything okay?

Eh, I thought you
went to the airport.

Oh, yeah, I did. I
went to pick up a friend.

How did you know I went to
the airport? It was last-second.

- Oh, no.
- What's wrong? Did the court
reverse its ruling?

- You better tell her,
Detective.
- Detective?

This man had no intention
of marrying you, Nancy.

He's an undercover
policeman working on a sting.

Is this true?

I'm sorry. We were convinced
you'd try to strike again.

Oh.

Oh.

[Door Closes]

[Clears Throat] Did you hear? Glenn
and Jenny just got back together.

They did?

Aren't you just devastated? Well,
I'm not as crushed as you are, I see.

Oh, Ally. I just want you to
know that I am here for you.

Oh, yes. And what am
I gonna do about that?

Ally! Did you hear?

Uhh, yes.

Elaine broke it to
me ever so gently.

So, I guess you and I should
go out, huh? Say the word.

- Oink.
- Whatever.

You're cute in
a, uh, slutty way.

And men on the
rebound just love me.

[Chuckles]

[Door Opens, Closes]

I'm sorry. Mmm, yeah.

[Chuckles] Now I know
what it feels like, I guess.

The person I really hate
at the moment... is me.

For the first time, I truly
understand what I was.

[Exhales Forcefully] Lousy view.

There will be other men to love,
Nancy. I'm not sure I deserve one.

[Toilet Flushing]

- Hello.
- Hello.

Corretta, if you could come out?
I'm going to address the office.

Is it gonna be a
long speech, or, um...

Sorry.

When I was a young boy,

I used to race
ponies at county fairs.

Every Friday night we'd
roll into a different fairground,

get our ponies
situated in the stables,

pitch our tents and...

just, well, prepare for a
weekend of competition.

Yeah, I can't say I
recall a single race.

But what I do remember...

vividly is how at the end of
the day, we'd all get together,

all these racers and
farmhands, and...

we'd talk.

We'd laugh, we'd tell the
most forgettable stories, and...

[Sighs] We just... We'd laugh.

My uncle used to say to me,
"Laughing and riding a bicycle...

Two things you never
forget how to do."

Yet lately, as I've...

As I've taken
measure of my life,

and as I look at you,

I mainly see people who
still know how to ride a bicycle,

but whose next smile
is best achieved...

by getting the leather interior
of choice in their new car.

What's happened here?

Get a spare minute
at the end of the day,

we ponder the fixed
rate versus the variable.

Close our eyes and dream
of owning oceanfront property.

What's happened?

Three weeks ago I...

I left this world of things,

and I went back to some
of those fairgrounds...

Just trying to
remember the people...

Trying to revive in myself
the ability to rejoice...

in the simple company of others.

That's why I left.

But as to why I came back?

I think, perhaps, I realized
that what I was looking for...

This is the place
for me to find it.

Right here, in these
walls with the people I love.

Wish I could offer something
more complicated. I can't.

I think sometimes...

things are simple.

Carry on then.

[Footsteps Departing]

[Gulps, Sobs]

Why are you crying?

Well, what he said
was so beautiful...

and so fundamentally
profound, that...

And, you know...
Should I love John Cage?

He-He just represents so many
other things that I want in a man,

and he would be the
greatest of fathers.

Well, Allyson, you're begging the
assumption that love can be voluntary.

True love can often
be reduced to...

To three anecdotal questions:

How would you feel about
raising children with him?

How would you feel about
sitting in front of a fire...

and talking about life, a movie,
perhaps a book you just read?

And how would you feel
about him suckling a little

whipped cream out of
the cupeth of your navel?

Ah, yes. Romance would have begotten
a... a different expression on that one.

But does true love have to
be romantic? I mean, really?

For most people?
No. For you? Well...

I have a test for that one too.

And answer me honestly.
A lot of my patients lie.

When you're home and
the phone rings... Hmm.

What's the very first thought that goes
through your head? [Imitates Phone Ringing]

Larry.

So much for John Cage.

[Sighs]

[Woman] You stinker!