03x11 - Detention Election

[bunniefuu]

Justin Russo for
Student Body President.

Justin Russo.

And remember, Justin's
"Just-in time!"

You see what I did there.
That's a compound word.

Yes.

I can't believe we're
running against each other.

Zeke for president.
Zeke the "Beek-erman"!

[laughing]

Ah, it's time I stood up
and became my own man.

But if you give me a good
reason, I may vote for you.

It's a chicken dress.
A goose dress would just be stupid.

Vote for me for
Speaker of the Assembly.

Speaker of the Assembly?
Why do you want to run for that?

Because all I have to do
is introduce the assembly,

and I have the rest of the time
to just do whatever I want

and pull pranks
around the school.

Alex, aren't you tired of
pulling all these pranks?

I mean, come on, dodge balls
filled with jelly?

[laughing]
That was a good one.

Good enough to land you...

...in Saturday detention.

Just 'cause you're frozen,
doesn't mean you're not here.

♪ Well, you know everything's
gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ That the end will no doubt
justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem
with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out
it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report
on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers
you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you
wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble
if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything
is not what it seems ♪

♪ Everything is not
what it seems ♪

♪ When you can have what you
want by the simplest of means ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess
with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

OK, peoplele of the kitchen
perimeter, let's go.

Alex has detention today,
so we can go to all the places where she's been banned.

Where is she
not allowed to go?

Coney Island, Ellis Island,
and Roosevelt Island.

Alex thinks if you're on
an island there are no rules.

But she lives on
Manhattan Island.

Doesn't that explain a lot?
[knocking at door]

Mr. Laritate,
in your casual weekend wear.

What are you doing here?

I'm here to take
Mr. Russo to detention.

- All right.
- No.

Justin.

- Excuse me?
- What?

I'm as surprised as anybody.

But you know the giddy-up,
and go-go world of politics can change people.

You're coming with me.

[stammers]
But I didn't do anything.

Tell it to the judge.

But you are the judge.

In that case,
I don't want to hear it.

Eddie, how many hours ahead?
Two or four?

[clears throat]
Oh, Mr. Laritate.

I was just fixing the time,
cause...

Who has the right time?
Because this is...

This is all wrong.

Mr. Laritate,
what did I do?

You can't leave me in a
room full of these people.

I hear they can smell fear.

And right now...

...I'm stinking of it.

Nah, that smell
was in here already.

What are you
doing here?

Did the teachers finally get
annoyed by you turning in your homework early?

[all laughing]

You're doing my math homework.
[sniffs]

Oh, and you smell like fear.

Mr. Laritate, you gotta
get me out of here.

I'm sorry, son.

But somebody has
vandalized my office.

And every clue's
got your face all over it.

Wagons, ho!
Hey.

I've seen this idiot
around school.

That's me.

Shut up. I'm trying to figure
out where I've seen this guy.

Mr. Laritate,

I never defend my brother
in anything, trust me,

but this is a pranking
masterpiece.

There's no way that
he could have done this.

Are you saying it was you?

Maybe it was you.

He is your favorite student.

All right everybody.

Take your seats.

Detention begins...

Now.

[door opens, door closes]

Hello, prisoners.

Warden.

Sorry I'm late.

I had a phone call,

with your mom.

She said, "Get out of my chair."

Who are you?

I'm Stevie.

Last name...

I don't want to know yours,
so why do you want to know mine?

She makes you look like him.

[Laritate] All right.

I'll be back to let you
out of the cage at .

If you need anything,

you should have thought
of that before you acted up.

[Alex] Hey, Stevie.

Why don't you tell me
a bedtime story

about how you ended up
in detention so fast?

I got caught for some
stuff at my old school,

so they're making me
make up detention here.

But, it's cool.

It's the quickest way
to meet my people.

Your people?

Oh, you mean, like me.
Aw! Thank you. That's so sweet.

Now,

if you'll excuse me...

I need a couple more
hours shut eye

- under a gentle rain.
- [stereo clicks on]

[rain falling]

You're gonna have
to turn that down.

It makes me gotta go
numero uno.

Yeah, that's right,
I speak French.

- [turns up volume]
- Well...

Wee, wee.

[laughing]

- [cart rattles]
- [all gasp]

Oh, no!

It stopped. Nobody panic.

No way.
I love to panic.

[screaming]

Relax. It's OK.

I'm sure it has nothing
to do with the fact that we've overloaded this cart.

Ah, they're gonna
fix it soon.

Let's just, uh...

take in the view,

and enjoy this beautiful day
while it lasts.

Well, that didn't last long.

Man, it's freezing.

This is why I can't wait
to get hair all over my body.

Don't worry.

Who wants the strawberry
patch sweater?

And who wants
the butterfly scarf?

Can I please use my wand
to get us out of here?

- Go for it, son.
- Thank you so much.

OK.

- Whoa! No!
- Oh!

That happened a lot quicker
than I thought it would.

I'll take the butterfly scarf.

[alarm rings]

[alarm stops]

Morning.

Oh! Gosh.

So, loser.

You're the one that
pulled this prank?

[clears throat]
It wasn't me.

Relax, dork.

I think it's cool.

Then...

...yes.

This was all me. Mm-hm.

Are you guys gonna vote for
me for Speaker of the Assembly?

Yeah, uh...

We don't vote.

Because you can't read.

You know,

there's a difference between
being bad and being stupid.

Well, if I was gonna vote

I'd vote for the one
that pulled all this off.

- [slaps leg]
- My man right here.

[groans]

You?

You didn't do this prank.

I'll admit to robbing a bank
if it gets me out of here.

But pranking is
my campaign promise.

I can't let you take
credit for this.

I'm gonna find out
who really did this,

so they can help me
with my campaign.

They have to have left
some clues here or something.

I'm not leaving here until
I figure out who did this.

- [door unlocks]
- [Laritate] All right, everybody.

- Detention's over. Get out.
- Yes!

Yah!

Miss Russo,

even though you're frozen,

I can see you.

- What about now?
- Yah!

Hey.

Today is your lucky day.
You can hang with us.

But, you're definitely gonna
have to make a few changes.

Yes! I mean, yeah!

Like what?

For starters, we gotta lower
your pants a little bit.

Why?

Am I getting a sh*t?

I'm not good with needles.

No, no, no.

Just wear 'em
a little lower.

Oh.

Why are your shoes tied?

Untie them.

Oh, yeah.

Yeah, yeah.
Let's untie them.

Right. Yeah.

[clears throat]

I like it.

Everything's all loose,

and jangly.

It's relaxing.

Wow.

What up♪ Nada mucho.

- I think you're ready.
- Yeah.

To throw a rock
at that nerd right there.

Giant dog on water skis.

[laughs]

Hi-larious!

Zeke's my friend.

Hey, Justin.

Listen, I heard
about what happened

and I know you're innocent.

Whoa, what happened
to your pants, dude?

Pull them up.

You don't want to look
like Eddie and them.

Zeke. Detention
has changed me.

Eddie and them
are my crew.

I guess is what
they'd say. "Crew."

I don't buy it.

If he's forcing you
to say this blink twice.

I don't think I have a chance
of winning the election now that I'm a street tough.

I can't believe I lost you
to Eddie and them.

Goodbye, old friend.

- [groans]
- [Eddie clears throat]

[snapping fingers]

OK.

Now, I'm going to pretend

to throw a rock at you.

OK. [groans] OK.

- And I want you to pretend
- All right.

- that it hits you.
- OK. All right.

[clears throat]

Now scram!

You nerd, dork, geek, loser!

Yeah.

[grunts]

[screaming]

Oh, my spine!

Oh, that's so painful!

Dad, is this a
survival situation?

All right.

I'm gonna slow
my heart rate down

and then I'm gonna go into
hibernation just like a bear.

Oh! I'm starving.

[sniffs]

Does anyone smell
salami and crackers?

My nose is starting
to hallucinate.

Oh, no. That's just my
salami and cr*cker earrings.

We're saved.

Harper.

Harper.

I need your help.
I've got to find out

who pulled off one of the
best pranks I've ever seen.

There's no better person
to help me win than a fellow prankster.

Where have you been?

I was stuck on top of the
Coney Island Ferris wheel

with your dad and Max.

Coney Island?
We're banned from there.

No. You are.

Oh. So, you all
went without me?

Yeah.

It was kind of
an Alex-free day.

Sorry. So, come on, do a little
of your bibbity-bobbity-boo

and rescue your dad
and brother. Just...

Bibbity-bobbity-no!

I'm gonna let them enjoy
their Alex-free day.

Because I'm that nice.

[door opens]

Freeze!

[door closes]

[Laritate singing]

Finally.

Wow.

Either this is
a really great prank,

or a new design idea
for my bedroom.

Harper, focus.
We're looking for clues.

Even the stapler is wrapped.

By someone with nimble fingers
and lots of down time.

That's me.

It's not you, Harper.

If only these posters
of Justin could talk.

Oh my gosh. You're right.

Because all of them
saw who did this.

No, because I like
talking to Justin.

Harper. [claps]

Posters, posters on the wall.
Now it's time to tell us all.

[all talking]

- Hello, voters.
- Vote for Justin Russo.

- My favorite colors are...
- Justin's just-in time.

Justin, he's the best choice!

OK, OK!
Everybody hush up.

[Alex] Now,

who did all of this to
Mr. Laritate's office?

- [all talking]
- No!

You, only you. Talk.

I can't tell you.

I promised her
I wouldn't say.

Her? It's a girl.

It is a girl.

With nimble fingers
and lots of down time.

Are you sure it's not me?

Her who?

[sighs] I can't say, because
she's gonna vote for me

and every vote counts,
as you know.

And she's gonna vote
for him. It's me.

It's not you, Harper.

And I'm not gonna say who it is.

Because this election is too
important to my senior year.

I'm done talking to you guys.

Posters, posters,
that didn't squeal at all.

Zip it up.
Stay on this wall.

I hate it when Justin
cares about stuff.

It gets in my way.

Come on.

It's for Justin.

One ninety-seven for Zeke.

OK. So it's a girl.

That narrows it down to like
minus one 'cause we're pretty sure it's not me.

Harper...

Forget it. It's over.
People have already voted.

Now, we just have to wait
to see who the winner is,

plant cheat sheets
in their locker,

and you're looking at your
new Speaker of the Assembly.

Where are we gonna get
cheat sheets?

[chuckles] Come on.

Eddie and them?

What are you guys doing here?
You don't vote.

We did this time.

Them convinced me.
Them was all like,

"We should vote and stuff."

Justin, it looks like
you're pulling ahead.

[Laritate] Two hundred for Zeke.

Two hundred and six for Justin.

I'm good with it.

I did some soul searching,
and...

I voted for you.

And if I had voted,

I would've voted
for you too, buddy.

- You didn't vote?
- Mm-mm.

What kind of citizen are you?

[Laritate] And...

Justin Russo wins
by a total of six votes.

[cheering]

[Zeke] Mr. Laritate,
I'd like to withdraw my vote.

OK.

Justin wins
by five votes.

This is amazing.
Your votes put me over the top.

Thank you, Eddie and them.

[Laritate] However,

since Justin pranked my office,

I'm afraid he's disqualified.

What?

Wait. No! No, no, no.

Justin should be President.
He didn't do it.

If he didn't do it, who did?

I did. It was all me.

Alex.

What are you talking about?
How did you do it?

It wasn't me.

I know this is
important to you.

- And I was on a roll here.
- You should get back up. Go.

Everybody here knows that Justin
and I don't like each other.

Now, that is correct.

Well, then we have a confession.

Justin Russo is your new
Student Body President.

[cheering]

And Alex Russo is disqualified

from running for
Speaker of the Assembly.

[Stevie] Hold on!

Hold on.

Everybody stop pointing
your fingers at her

and start pointing
your fingers at me.

I did it.

These nimble fingers wrapped
your office in Justin's posters.

Even the stapler.

Looks like we have
a double confession.

[all] Ooh!

In the Old West,
there'd be a duel.

Which is why I wait
with bated breath

for the invention of the
time machine. Till then,

new girl Stevie,
Alex Russo...

Who can prove they're
the baddest girl at school?

Does Alex Russo have
this in her locker?

I knew it wasn't me.

You are in a wagonload
of trouble.

Eh. Bring it on,
Wild Bill Laritate.

Very well.

I'll see you at the next
three Saturday detentions.

Hey, I'm not busy on
the fourth Saturday.

Maybe we can do something?

All right.
What's going on?

Why'd you do it?

I figured if Justin
got into detention,

Eddie and them would vote
for him and he'd win.

I was wrong about you, Stevie.

And I was wrong about you, Alex.

You knew how much
I cared about this

and you were willing
to take the fall for me.

Well, you're my brother.

And that bucks I stole from
you earlier, well, we're even.

And I was wrong about you.

'Cause you didn't do the prank.

So, he's no longer a them, boys.

He's a "get him!"

Wait!

[screams] Mom!

All right, so what's the
real reason you did it?

The second biggest
troublemaker of the school

is the sister of the President.

There's a lot of ways
to go with that.

You're right.

Another masterful plan.

All we gotta do is
work on your evil laugh

and we could be
good friends.

[coughing]

Tell her her dress is pretty.

Your dress is pretty.

Aw, thank you.

We can all be friends.

Oh, thank you.
Thank you so much!

You are very kind people.

Oh!