03x12 - Dude Looks Like Shakira

[bunniefuu]

Where's your Uncle Kelbo?

Your father and I are
going to miss our train.

Just go on your trip.

What's the worst that
could happen

if we're not chaperoned
for four minutes?

Oh, I don't know. A magic
black hole could open up

and suck the Sub Station
down into it.

[scoffs] That doesn't
happen twice, Mother.

But if it did,
you wouldn't be mad

if I had an egg battle
when you're gone, right?

OK, what I don't understand is how
you think leaving us with Uncle Kelbo

is any better than
leaving us alone.

Or with Max in charge.

I'm in charge?
Egg battle on.

- OK, OK.
- [phone beeps]

Kelbo's on his way.
Let's get out of here.

We are going to have
the most romantic

vacation slash restaurant supply
convention ever!

Yeah, nothing says romance like a
seminar on how to prevent mustard bottles

from making that
farting sound.

Well, look at that.

Five seconds later,
we're all still alive.

Now let me get back
to my chores.

While you do nothing, as usual,

I'll be getting things ready
for the shindig I'm hosting.

"Shindig?"

In a continuing effort to have
the full senior year experience,

I'm going to dabble in a bit
of rebellion by hosting a mixer

while Mom and Dad
are out of town.

- A "mixer?"
- Uh-huh.

Is that something less lame than
calling it a "boy/girl party?"

As if you've ever been to one.

Hey...

...I've been to lots of
boy/girl parties.

Oh, OK. Having Zeke over
and me and Harper walk through

is not a boy/girl party.

Hello?

Excuse me, could you
give me a hand?

- Shakira?
- Yeah.

I'm on tour with the Harlem
Globetrotters and our tour bus broke down.

And the only way to fix it is singing
a duet with a fan. Are you a fan?

- Yeah, no, we're huge fans!
- Really?

You came at a bad time, though, 'cause
I'm crazy busy with an egg battle.

Well, I guess then
it's up to you

because if I don't sing a duet,
I'm never gonna get that bus fixed.

Random.

[♪ [font color="#D D "]Shakira: Gypsy]

♪ Broke my heart
down the road ♪

♪ Spent the weekend
sewing the pieces back on ♪

♪ Crayons and dolls
pass me by ♪

♪ Walking gets too boring ♪

♪ When you learn how to fly ♪

♪ Not the homecoming kind ♪

♪ Take the top off ♪

♪ And who knows
what you might find ♪

♪ Won't confess all my sins ♪

♪ You can bet I'll try it ♪

♪ But you can't always win ♪

♪ 'Cause I'm a gypsy ♪

♪ Are you coming with me? ♪

Oh, gosh!

- Uncle Kelbo?
- Uncle Kelbo!

[Kelbo] Yes, it's me!

The responsible adult

while your parents are away
on their romantic vacation.

Sister! Brother!
Let's dance!

Well, that bus
ain't gonna fix itself.

No, it ain't!

The best thing about being
International Pop Star Shakira

is that I get to live the double
life of an international pop star

and the weird, freaky,
weird life of myself.

That's right, I said "weird"
twice, to emphasize "freaky."

But won't Shakira be upset

to find out you've been
impersonating her?

You wanna hear a secret?

[laughs]

There is no Shakira!

I made her up years ago!

[laughs] Take that, world.

Wow, wait...
So, Shakira's really you?

- Mm-hm. - Do you know how many
boys have been kissing your poster?

One of them's your brother.

I do have a problem though
because I keep on

transforming into Shakira
at the oddest times.

Last week I was at Curved Lines,
the wizard gym for men,

and, um, before I knew it,
I was Shakira,

I had a lot of explaining to do
in the sauna that day.

Let me guess,
you panicked and flashed out.

- You really get me.
- Yeah.

Look, if I get busted
I'm in big trouble.

There's a strict law about using
magic for fame and fortune.

It's one of the main
wizard rules.

Hold on,
there are wizard rules?

My dad said there was just one:

"What your mother doesn't know
won't hurt her."

Alex, I so need your help.

I mean, who does a rule breaker
turn to in a time of need?

Another rule breaker.

OK, I'm on it. All right.

Now, first things first.
We cannot tell Justin.

He'll just report you
to the Wizard Council.

Second things second, don't tell me, 'cause
I'm probably gonna forget and tell Justin.

OK, we won't tell you.

Tell me what?

You're good.

Invites to my mixer.
Right here. Mixer.

Huh? Huh? Huh? [groans]

It's gonna be great, there'll be
people mingling and... and mixing,

there'll be a sparkling
fruit beverage. [gasps]

That's just fancy talk
for punch, Russo.

Are there gonna be chicks?

Are there gonna be chicks?

My friend, it's not called
a "boy/girl party" for nothing.

"Boy/girl party?"
What, are you nine?

What I meant was "bubble party."

MacGruder out.

Hate to burst your bubble...
party.

Boop, boop, boop, boop,
beep, beep, beep...

boop, beep, boop, boop...

Whoa. Is that Shakira?
MacGruder back in.

- Shakira?
- No, no, no...

Justin. It's not actually...

Um... Shakira's bus broke down.

- Shakira.
- Apparently he's only capable of saying...

Shakira.

- Shakira!
- See.

I'll come to your party if
Shakira's going to be there.

Good question. Shakira?

I'd love to come to your party.
I love my fans.

Especially those who
say my name over and over.

- Shakira, Shakira, Shakira...
- No, no, no! No, um...

No. Shakira cannot come to
your party. Right, Shakira?

Oh, no, no. I'm coming.

Yeah, Uncle Kelbo loves parties.

Oh look, another random comment
from Max.

Now I know what you
guys are always talking about.

Shakira's coming to my mixer!
I've got to tell everyone.

[Justin] Everybody,
Shakira's coming to my party!

Well that was the worst
possible thing you could've done.

Until we find out
what's causing this,

you can't show up
at a party.

You might pop back and forth
between Shakira and Kelbo

in front of everyone.

Like that!

OK, I'm sorry,
I've spent a long time

creating a reputation
for Shakira

as someone
who cares about her fans,

and I'm not gonna
let them down now.

[Justin] She's gonna
teach me how to dance!

OK. Let's see...
"uncontrollable transformations.

See page ."

OK. "See page ."

OK. "Stop flipping and call
a doctor." What?

I found something!

- Wow! Wow!
- Great.

The tallest mountain
in the wizard world

contains the world's largest
dwarf mine.

Great. We just solved
his problem.

What? That's a wizard trivia
book. We didn't solve anything.

We didn't?

No. I still feel
kinda weird.

My eyes are all watery and itchy

and I still feel like gyrating
in form-fitting Lycra.

All right, look. I think
we should just go to Justin.

If he tells the Wizard Council,
so be it,

I'll just have to face
my magical punishment.

And what's that?

Well, they remove your ability
to hold a wand

by breaking
both of your hands.

Well, what's magical
about that?

A dragon does it.

Oh, Uncle Kelbo, is this the transformation
spell you used to become Shakira?

"When you're tired of the same
old story, turn some pages...

Trash can."

[Max] What are you guys
staring at?

Max, you're a trash can.

And you're a terrible
older sister.

No, dude, you really turned
yourself into a rusty trash can.

Ow!

What? Oh, this is awesome!

Every two minutes something gross
and exciting will be thrown in me.

Hopefully rotten eggs
for my egg battle.

Aw, man. It wore off already.

Wait. Max. You didn't do
a spell to change back?

Why would I?
I was living the dream.

Why? Because Kelbo can't control
his transformations either.

It says here that you can catch
a wizard sickness

from a spell
that has been contaminated.

Well, I have been feeling
kinda sick.

In that weird wizard way, when you get
all gassy, but it's in your left calf.

- Right? Ew.
- Wait...

Itchy, watery eyes,
calf gas,

uncontrollable transformation...
you're both sick.

Max, you must have
been infected

when you used the
transformation spell.

[Max] Oh no, another infection?
This one better leave a scar.

Guys! Guess what? OK...

So, remember how nobody
was coming to my party, right?

Well, now everybody's coming
to my party because of Shakira.

It's gonna be one
for the history books.

OK. Yeah, that's...
That's very funny

but you better not do that when
the real Shakira's here.

There is only one Shakira
and I'm her.

But I can't control
when I turn into her.

- [gasps]
- So...

How's your day going?

Justin, I thought I had
this wizard germ handled,

but I don't, I need your help.

Give me one good reason
why I shouldn't go

straight to the Wizard Council
with this.

Be... Because I'm family?

Since when did you ever
start caring about family?

Hey! Family is important.

They're the people that have to
be nice to you, no matter what.

Justin! Justin...

If you turn Kelbo in, all you're
going to do is remind them

that you're related
to him. And me.

Keep talking.

Look, if you help,

when I'm and Mom and Dad
kick me out of the house,

I promise I will not
move in with you

and your cute
but irritating wife.

Good. Because Stephanie and I
both agree

that it's high time you stopped bouncing
between our guest bedroom and jail.

And yes, that's right,
her name will be Stephanie.

Great. I'm gonna go
cancel the party.

You get to work
finding a cure.

OK.

[snaps]

All right. Attention please.
Attention.

I have an announcement.

Justin's stupid party
has been cancelled.

- [students groaning]
- [girl] What?

What about Shakira?

Shakira... is gone.

Because her bus got fixed

and now her tour with the
Harlem Globetrotters can resume.

So, anyone wanting
to see Shakira should just,

well, wake up
and smell the roses.

She's an international
pop star.

Why would she want to come to
a run-down sandwich shop

on the verge of bankruptcy?

Why should we trust you?

She's always trying
to pull stuff on us.

[students] Yeah!

That is an excellent question.

All right, now I know
I usually can't be trusted...

[students chatter in agreement]

...but, but... this time I'm not
putting one over on you.

I'm putting one over on Justin

by getting you
to not go to his party.

- [all] Ah...
- [girl] That makes sense.

So you're not
putting one over on us?

Oh, of course not.

OK then. You know, It feels good
to be on the inside.

Yeah, no, you are
so on the inside.

- Yeah. MacGruder in... side.
- [Alex] Yeah.

OK, we need to get the germ
out of you guys,

by drinking this smoothie made
of troll liver, dragon tongue,

cinnamon and elf eye-boogers.

[wincing] Oh! Eew!

I hate cinnamon.

You know how this is going
to turn out, don't you?

Spit take!

I hate it! I hate it!
I'm not drinking it.

[Max] Hey Justin,
just dump mine in me.

No, no, no, wait, wait!

Drink it, then spit it in me.
Like a mommy bird.

All right. Nobody make fun
of my big can.

The smoothie
only worked halfway.

Well, I don't think
I should drink any of that.

You don't want to see
Shakira's head ruin this body.

Sorry, people.
Party cancelled.

No sense hanging around.
Move it along.

- Wait. That's Shakira!
- [all] What?

Nobody on this block
is that hot.

Come on everybody!
Shakira's here!

I'm gonna stare at her
'til I'm arrested!

Wait, no!

No. That's just one of those
crazy dancing balloons

that gets you to come into the
restaurant and you... don't fall for it!

[Alex] Wait.

Alex, Uncle Kelbo's upstairs.

You were supposed to
get rid of everyone.

They saw Shakira and they're not
gonna leave until they see her.

She's must be up there.
Shakira, come down,

- or we're coming up!
- No!

- What are we gonna do?
- OK, well...

We have no choice. We gotta
give 'em what they want.

OK, so we'll show them
Shakira and then they'll leave.

OK, all right, people.
Calm down.

Shakira's not gonna come down
unless you behave yourselves.

That's exactly right.
She's on a tight schedule.

She's gonna make an appearance
and then she's gonna leave.

Shakira, are you up there?!

[Shakira]
Yeah, it's me!

[Kelbo]
Wait a second...

[Shakira]
Never mind. I'm back.

OK, OK. Well, come down here
and meet your fans. Quickly.

Because you're on a tight schedule
that could change at any moment.

[kids cheering]

I love New York City!

That's where we live, Shakira!

That's right.

All right. Thank you, Shakira.

I hope everybody had
a great time. Goodbye!

[dance music plays]

Wait. I'm International Pop
Star Shakira and I must dance.

- Uh! No!
- Shakira!

- Shakira, dance back upstairs!
- Shakira!

- Shakira, no!
- Shakira, wait, wait...

- Shakira!
- Maybe if we say it in Spanish.

- [Spanish accent] Shakira!
- [Spanish accent] Shakira!

Jerry, our kids are having
a party while we're gone.

With Shakira.

Let's dance.

What happened to Shakira?

Yeah, what happened to Shakira?

Oh...

What's going on here?

I was fine with spontaneously
dancing with Shakira.

But now that I know it's Kelbo,

[groans] I'm very
disappointed in all of you.

It... It's Justin's party.

Alex.

It was Dad's idea
to leave us with Kelbo.

Which was totally misguided
and I apologize.

Wizard rule number one: Thou shall
not expose magic to non-wizards.

You know what's worse than Kelbo
breaking wizard rule number one?

Me breaking
wizard rule number one.

I'm too young to have my hands broken.
There's so much I want to build.

Great.

Follow me.

Okay... Everybody,

There's been a mistake.

You all thought that Shakira
was coming to the party,

but actually it's a "Come as
Shakira to the Party" Party.

Yeah.

You can hardly tell
the difference, huh?

MacGruder and crowd out.

Great, MacGruder just left.
What are we doing?

I think I understand
what was going on here

and I'm not happy about it.

Hey, guys.

Is it... Is it family
picture day already?

OK, I have no idea
what's going on here.

[dance music plays]