03x20 - Alex Russo, Matchmaker?

[bunniefuu]

Good morning, students!

Welcome to another
fabulous day in chemistry.

This year's Thomas Dolby
Science Fair Competition
is coming up.

Let's go over the list
of banned materials:

- Gasoline.
- Ohh...

That's right.
All you lab losers stand back

'cause Zeke and I are gonna
take it again this year.

Oh, I see.

In your mind they're losers
and you're not.

Go away, Alex!

I hate it when you use magic
to listen to my thoughts.

Zeke
and Harper Beakerman.

No.

Zeke and Harper Finkle?

All right.

No. Zeke and Harper...
Beakle.

Ugh! OK, our kids
don't need a last name.

Hey, if you
combined your first names
it's almost Zipper.

You know what? I'm gonna
take matters into my own
hands and help you out.

No!

Alex, stay out of this!
Please don't meddle.

Fine! I won't.

See you later.

After all these years,
she still thinks

I'm gonna do
what she asks.

Well, let's see
how much work
I have to do on Zeke.

So if our universe is
actually on a speck of dust,

that speck of dust can be
on another speck of dust.

And another, and another...

This is gonna take
a lot of meddling.

Hello?

Who's there?

So what's even better
than a food pyramid?

A pyramid made of food
that you can actually eat

and get all your daily
nutrients out of.

- Ohh! This is genius!
- Yeah.

We're gonna turn
this science fair into
the science un-fair!

- Ohh!
- Ohh!

- Hey, Justin.
- Hey.

I want you to dump Zeke
as your partner

so that I can get him
to be partners with Harper.

It'll be awesome.
They'll be forced to talk

and be close and...
Oh, my gosh, they're
gonna be together forever!

Zeke and I have always won
the science fair together.
Like, I don't...

Although, you know,
I always have wanted

to build a car engine
that runs on just water,

but Zeke's too afraid.

Well, engines
are loud and scary.

No, he's afraid
of the water.

OK, but how do I tell Zeke
without hurting his feelings?

I mean, he...
his eyes will tear up

if we get picked
for different
basketball teams in PE.

And then he freaks out
because there's water
coming out of his eyes.

It'll be fine.
I'll take care of it.

Hmm.

Uh...

Hey, Zeke, um...

Justin doesn't want
to hurt your feelings,

so he asked me to ask you
if it was OK

that he entered
this year's science fair alone.

I knew it!

I knew that water-powered motor
would someday come between us.

Darn my fear of water!

Right. Well...

You know who might like
to be your partner

for the science fair
if you asked?

Harper.

Harper?

Yeah, I'm wanting
to talk to her,

but every time
I build up the nerve

she's by
the water fountain.

Well, here, I'll hold this.

You don't want to have this
while you're talking to her.

Thanks.

Oh, looks like
I got me some lunch.

Aha!

Goodbye,
old science partner.

If that water-powered engine
doesn't make you happy,

you know where I'll be:

In the library,
reading comic books.

But not Aquaman,
that's for sure!

So, Justin, I hear you're
short a partner, huh?

That's great 'cause
I have been waiting to win
a science fair trophy.

I hope it's one of those
big silver cups

so I can melt it down
and make a really heavy
skee-ball.

- Max, that's ridiculous.
- Yeah?

Let's see
how ridiculous it is

when that thing busts through
the back of the machine

and I win a million tickets.

Hello, , spider rings.

Alex, Alex, Alex,
Alex, Alex, Alex, Alex!

Harper, Harper, Harper,
Harper, Harper, what?

Zeke asked me
to be his partner
for the science fair.

Shut up! Really?

He's gonna come over
later so we can talk
about our project.

I hope now you can see why
I didn't want you to meddle
in this relationship.

Love that's meant to be
happens on its own.

Oh! Definitely.

I have learned a great lesson

about how affairs of the heart
need no interference.

And the lesson is,
how to string a bunch
of words together

so people don't know
what you're really up to.

Uh, hey, guys,
you ready for another
lunch pocket turnover?

Oh, no, thanks, Mr. Russo.

If I have another,
you're gonna have
to turn me over

to a personal trainer.

Ohh!

Oh, Zeke,
you are so funny.

I know!

Dad, Dad!

Someone help! Open up the door!
This thing's really heavy!

Justin! What is that?

It's an engine block for my
science fair competition,

and it's really heavy,
and I go whichever way
it goes.

- You have to help me out!
- Take it out on the terrace!

That's where I'm trying
to go, but it's heavy!

- Jerry, help him!
- OK.

What, uh...?
Hey, you two.

Look like you're working
on something over here.

What's, uh...
what's going on?

Well, we're combining
my love of sewing
and his love of robots

to combine a fully-functional
robot seamstress.

- Hmm.
- Meet Ms. Sew-boto Roboto.

Oh, wow. It's gonna have
a twin diode capacitor
thermal drive?

If you know it,
show it!

They are actually building
a Sew-boto Roboto.

If this thing's as cool
as its name I am in trouble.

I gotta get to work!

What?!

Hey, Zeke,
I really like what...

Harper...

Harper,
working on a Ms. Sew

"you know this
is lame-o-boto"

does not sound like a date.

It's Sew-boto Roboto,

and you promised
not to meddle.

Don't make me make you
re-promise not to meddle.

- All right, shoes off.
Pinkie toe swear.
- No!

This isn't
how it's supposed to be.

You and Zeke should be out
on a romantic walk in the park,

holding hands.

And your heart b*ating
so hard that you're
worried he can hear it?

And then he kisses you
on the cheek,

slow and gently.

It's gonna be awesome.

Well, I guess
that would be nice,

- but we just have
so much work to do...
- Zeke, get up! Come on.

You're going on
a romantic walk in the park

and then a slow gentle
kiss on the cheek.

Go!

Justin, can you hurry up and
finish with the hose already?

I need it
for my science project.

I'm taking all the stuff
that's brown and moist
from under my bed

and mixing it together
to create life.

What's the hose for?

To get the water from
there into here, genius.

OK, you can't
create life from old socks,

egg shells,
pizza crusts, and...

...Grandma's wig.

Where's it say that?

Creating life
is not that simple.

- Where does it say that?
- You have no idea
what you're talking about.

- Where does it say that?
- Wow. You have no idea...

- Whaah!
- Alex, stop!

What?

Sorry. I had to stop
this nerd-on-weird v*olence.

Ooh! And then we can program
Miss Sew-boto Roboto's voice

to say cool things like,
"I am
Ms. Sew-boto Roboto.

Stitch, mend, or sew,
I am always on the go."

"I think
you are really cute."

Robots don't have opinions.

Well, heh, maybe it wasn't
a robot's opinion.

Yeah, let's take
the stuff inside

- and I'll just...
I'll just go inside...
- All right.

OK, great.

Harper,
what are you doing?

I sent you guys out
on a romantic afternoon,

and you come back
with robot parts?

Yeah. Isn't it amazing?

Things are going great
with me and Zeke.

No! You're not doing the
romance thing right at all.

Not doing it right?

Let's see, your longest
time with a boyfriend
lasted two months,

and that guy ended up
running into the woods
to live with other wolves.

Don't get me started on
the mannequin, the gearhead,

and that baseball player
with curly hair one day,
straight hair the next.

Man, he couldn't make
a decision.

Well, you wouldn't even
be with Zeke

if I hadn't told Justin
to dump him

and then ask Zeke
to be your partner.

And right now,
I'm kind of hoping

that you're trying to think of
other old boyfriends of mine

so that you didn't hear
what I just said.

Alex, I can't believe you broke
your promise not to meddle.

Actually, I can believe
you broke your promise.

What I can't believe is
that I believed you wouldn't
break your promise.

Hey! Wait!
I'm storming inside.

No.

I'm storming inside.

- Well, I live here.
- I do, too!

Oh.

- Same time, then.
- Fine!

OK, when wizards need fire,

they use
the Sparks Fly spell.

There are no matches
in the wizard world

because wizard sneezes
are flammable.

Oh, right,
like my butt sneezes.

Now,
wizards do need fire
for light,
heating, cooking.

Wait a minute. Wizards can
pop in any meal they want,

and they still have
to use fire to cook?

What a waste.

Um, Theresa, you're here
to observe the lesson

so that you can better
appreciate magic.

And your snide comments
don't sound like appreciation.

They sound like... Alex.

All right,
let's give it a try.
Max.

Say this spell.

Zippozap zippozee
zippozarum.

Now, the most important
thing to remember

is you can never use
this spell on people.

Why not?
People love cake.

It doesn't make cake.
You just...

If you use this spell
on people,

it fires up their emotions,

and you never know
what they'll do.

Maybe they'll make cake.

Sorry I'm late.

I just got into a really
huge fight with Harper,

and I need to talk it out,
so who's up?

I would like to help,
but since you were late
to the lesson

and Max was on time,

I am gonna
reward him with cake.

Come on.

Alex, I took good notes.

They're on
the hamburger wrapper.

Don't read that stuff
about Mom and Dad arguing.

I don't know what that was.

So you had a fight
with Harper.

Actually...

...I was trying to be
a good friend

and get her romance
going with Zeke,

but all they want to do
is work on their stupid
science project.

Alex, relationships
take their own roads
at their own speeds.

All that matters is that
they're together.

No! That is not
all that matters.

They need to be doing
stuff, like trying to b*at
each other at Skee-Ball

or throwing water balloons
off the terrace.

Or driving a racecar
into a giant sloppy joe.

OK, mija,

I think I see
what's going on.

Your idea of romance
is different
from Harper's, right?

And I think you may be
trying to

relive your relationships
with your old boyfriends

through Harper and Zeke.

What?

Mom, my old boyfriends
have nothing to do
with this.

I don't even think
about them. I don't even
remember their names.

Riley, Dean, and Mason.

Mom, I asked you never
to say their names again.

Look...

I'm just trying to be
a good friend to Harper.

Stop meddling.

I'm not meddling!

"Sparks fly."

Huh. Sounds like something

that can really turn up
the heat on a romance.

Now I'm meddling.

Please.

Come on, start!

Start!

Start!

It worked!

Hey, world, your energy
troubles are over!

Great. I'll send you
my electric bill.

Now shut up, Russo!

Justin, you got it
running, huh?

Very good, very good.

But not good enough
to b*at me in creating
life in this barbecue.

The building blocks
of life, my friend.

Burnt chicken skin.

That's right.

I'm bringing
this guy back to life.

- Cool!
- Yes!

- All right. Ready?
- Yeah. OK.

OK.

Stitch or sew,
even mend,

I will be
your tailor friend.

Quality is my motto.

I am
Ms. Sew-boto Roboto.

- Oh, yeah!
- Yes!

- Oh, we are so gonna
win that trophy.
- Yeah.

Harper, it's been
so great working with you

that...
if it's OK with you,

when this
whole thing's over...

...we might take it
to the next level?

- I was thinking
the same thing.
- Yeah?

- Robot washing machine?
- Yes!

OK, they definitely
need some sparks.

Zippozap zippozee
zippozarum.

Do you want to go for a walk?

I don't care where,
as long as you're with me.

That's where I want to be.

- After you.
- Thanks.

Now that's how you
spark up a romance.

- Hey, Max.
- Hey.

Thanks for letting me
use your notes
on the Sparks Fly spell.

- I really put them
to good use.
- Yeah.

Wait, there's
some warning Dad said.

- I forgot to write it down.
- Max! What was it?

Oh! I remember!

He said never leave
any cake frosting around

- because it might
attract ants.

- Could've been disastrous.
- Yeah.

- Hey.
- Yeah?

That was a really
nice thing you did,

letting Zeke work
with Harper.

I mean, they are
in the carpool lane
of romance.

I mean, I'm not even gonna
make fun of this huge hunk of
nerd you got going on here.

This, this is a miracle.

The world's first
water-powered engine.

I'll probably go down in history
as the greatest inventor ever!

- Oh, man!
- It was so funny.

You've stolen my heart.

Aww!

- And you're my whole world.
- Oh, my goodness!

- Oh, man. Ohh...
- Hey, guys.

Looks like you're
still into each other.
No thanks necessary.

Yeah. I think our relationship
is ready for something serious.

Yes!

We should totally
hold hands.

- OK!
- OK.

Ow!

That was weird.

Seems like something
we should ignore.

How about you go
right for the hug?

What is going on with you two?

Here, let's just get to
the smoochin'. Come on.

All right. I'm here!

I hope I'm not too late.
I had a hard time

getting my Barbecue
of Life on the subway.

Whoa!

Stand on a rooftop
and shout it!

Max Russo has created life
in his primordial kettle!

We have a winner!

I can't get this thing off.
How am I supposed
to put stuff inside it?

All right, who wants it?

I won!

Yes! Thank you!

Thank you, all of you!

Justin, Justin...

Justin,
something's wrong.

I put this spell
on Harper and Zeke,

and now there's
lightning between them
if they try to touch.

Sparks Fly? You can't
use that on people.

It fires up their emotion,
and anything can happen.

Harper and Zeke
have become supercharged.

Oh, Max! Max!

- Yeah.
- The warning on this spell
wasn't about cake frosting.

You can't use it on people!

Right. Frosting
on people is bad.

- Justin, what do I do?
- They're positively charged.

You have to ground them
with a negative charge.

Where am I gonna
find a negative charge
this late in the...

Oh, I know
what you're thinking.

You have to hug them.

Fine! I get it.
I'm negative.

I'll do it, but I'm not
gonna be happy about it,

which will probably be
better for them.

Yes.

Shoo, fly!

My dear friends.

What happened?

The science fair
is right now?

Oh, my gosh, we forgot to finish
Ms. Sew-boto Roboto!

- No!
- No!

Why, oh, why?!

Hey, what do I get
for my science project
on electricity?

A cup? Ribbon?

Somethin'?

Harper? Sorry. Can I talk
to you for a second?

Oh, yeah.

Oh.
Sorry.

Yeah.

I used a spell
to get you guys to go out

when you asked me not
to meddle, and I'm sorry.

And now,
I see that I used magic
when I didn't have to.

The real magic is you two
working together.

Aww! Thanks, Alex.

- I did land a very special boy.
- Yes.

Doin' good, babe.

Doin' good.