05x11 - The Little Things You Do Together

[bunniefuu]

Klaatu: Gort, berenga.

Those are what our
turnouts should look like.

- [laughs]
- Silver space suits.

They'd strike fear into the
heart of everyone around.

Vic: Looks like Sullivan.

[laughing] It does.

Um, I'm gonna go make some popcorn.

Thank you.

- Yeah.
- Nice!

Right. Okay, so, look...

Are you...

I know we've talked about this already,

but are you sure you don't
want me to come with you...

Oh, God... tomorrow for the pill

and just kind of all of it?

- Think about it. Think about it.
- Mm-hmm.

I'd probably make the world's...

best abortion doula.

- [snorts, laughs]
- See? See?

Who other than the world's
best abortion doula...

... would know that you
need a dark joke right now?

Thank you.

And I agree.
I think you'd be the absolute...

best person in the world
for this, but, um, I just...

Okay, then I'll call
out for tomorrow then.

No. I love you. I just...

I think this is probably something

that Theo and I need to do...

Yeah. Theo accused me of avoiding

my own messed up relationship by getting

too involved in yours.

I have no idea
what he could possibly mean.

[clattering]

Do you think I have not
noticed that you can't...

- You can't stand to be alone with him?
- Shh.

I'm... I haven't talked to you about it

because you haven't
said anything about it,

so I figured you weren't...
ready or whatever.

Okay, I haven't talked to you about it

because you've kind
of had a lot going on,

or you would have said
something because you're not

the "wait till I'm
ready" kind of friend.

Well, that's true,
so do you want to talk about it now?

- No, thank you.
- We can.

[clattering]

Call me tomorrow if you
need me. I love you.

[both laugh] Okay.

I mean, it was the ordering in Spanish,

- heavy on that Castilian accent, but...
- Well, I...

It's a Spanish restaurant.

... I'll give it a out of .

Get out of here! Seven?

- Seven.
- Seven?

- Seven.
- [laughs]

[castilian accent] Boquerones.

Gazpacho.

Gazpacho!

That's how you say it. [laughs]

[normal voice] I am glad that
we finally did this, though.

Oh, you know, technically,
we've done this before.

Mm. That's when we were
actually doing this.

How do you define "this"?

You didn't want to define it.

No, no. I-I-I thought
about you for years, okay?

Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.

Do you think the only
reason why things were easy

when we were together is because
we were in an actual w*r?

No. No.

I think...

... we're just good together.

- Hmm. Oh, damn it.
- Okay. Sorry.

No, no, no, it's not
you. Just... Beckett.

- What?
- Beckett.

Oh, wow, fancy running
into you two together.

Hey.

Well, I'm sitting down with leadership

across the department.

Yeah? Looking forward.

I'm sure someone from my
office will be reaching out.

Wow, that's quite a haul.

Oh, yeah, otherwise,
I'd just have to come here every day.

You know. [all chuckle]

I'm kidding, Chief.

I'm gonna go home, drown my sorrows,

and look forward to your phone call.

Night-night.

♪♪

That wasn't good.

No, it wasn't.

He's a Danish expat,
so generations of great healthcare.

He is... "Type A in the best way."

He rows crew,
and he's an award-winning archer.

Uh, and mine...

Mine is literally a genius.

The guy is Mensa.

And look.
His baby picture looks like Andrea.

You get to carry,
and it's gonna be your egg.

Shouldn't I get to win this one?

Wait, do you wanna be...
Do you wanna be the one that carries?

No. I am not saying that.

I'm just saying...
I don't know what I'm saying.

[sighs] You know,
I just like my pick better.

Besides, there's no guarantee
that it'll be a genius

- if we go with yours.
- Exactly.

So, what does it actually
matter which of the two we pick?

Well, if it doesn't matter [chuckles]

why don't we just go with mine?

Are we back to step one?

No. No. No.

[blender whirs] [sighs]

We're not. We're not.

But I am late for shift, and so are you.

So we will talk about this later.

I love you.

Thanks for the coffee.

Pleasure.

[clears throat]

[knock on door]

- What?
- Just wanted to let you know,

I had my final session
with Diane yesterday,

so I should be good to go on calls now.

When Diane calls and tells me that,

you will be.

And, uh, I also want to
say thank you, Captain,

for not writing me up about the sutures.

I understand now that it was wrong.

Do I seem like a guidance counselor

in an after-school special, Warren?

I don't need your lip service.

Just fix it and be better.

Trouble only becomes bigger
trouble if you don't face it,

so don't let this little slip up
define the rest of your career,

or the end of it.

- Appreciate it, sir.
- Mm-hmm.

[sighs]

Captain.

Herrera.

Nice to have you on shift.

Not gonna have trouble
keeping you in line

like I do former Captains
Bishop and Sullivan, am I?

No, sir. I'm a team player.

Good. I know that Hughes
appreciates you subbing for her.

Cap... Sean?

Never mind.

I'll... I'll see you at lineup.

Hey.

What are you doing?

[scoffs] Well, that's a
nice way to greet a friend.

Uh, I'm subbing for Hughes as a favor.

No, no, I mean,
what are you doing in there?

I told you that in confidence.

Yeah, well, that was
your second mistake.

Well, at least he's
not a grieving coworker

- with a boyfriend.
- Shut up.

How do you... Nobody knows that.

- How do you know that?
- Hughes told me,

so I'll shut up about yours
if you shut up about mine.

Well, I'm not really
sure what one talks about

when they're waiting for
their abortion to show up.

[knock on door, door opens]

Hi. Sorry I'm late. It's okay.

So, um, I'm gonna have to
do a vaginal ultrasound

- one last time.
- Okay.

Uh, fine, but, uh,
no thank you on seeing it.

- Of course.
- Yeah.

And volume off.

- Okay.
- All set.

Thanks.

[sighs] Okay.

[exhales sharply]

Are you ready?

Yeah.

[machine beeps]

[chuckles]

♪ How lovely to be a woman ♪

You're showtuning?

- Now?
- ♪ The wait was well worthwhile ♪

♪ How lovely to wear mascara ♪

♪ And smile a woman's smile ♪

- [machine beeps]
- Okay.

We're all set.

Okay.

Any chance you were super wrong
and there's nothing in there?

You're officially at
five and a half weeks.

What I'm gonna give you
now is mifepristone.

What this does is stop any growth

in the pregnancy immediately.

And because of your recent
medical adventure...

I would like for you to
hang out here for one hour.

I want to check your blood
pressure before you go home.

- Okay?
- Okay.

- Here.
- Thanks.

Also, page me if you feel sick at all.

If you vomit,
you risk to lose the medication

before it takes effect.

Well, we wouldn't want that, so...

I'll take that.

- Mm.
- Thanks.

I'll be back in a bit.

[door opens]

[door closes]

So, what wine do you think
pairs best with an abortion?

I'm thinking, like, earthy red, right?

[chuckles] It's gotta be.

Vic. Stop.

Hey.

It's just us.

Okay?

You don't have to do your jokey thing.

Okay, well, my jokey thing is who I am,

so if you want...

- you can go.
- No.

No. I'm... I'm good.

♪♪

Okay.

[clock ticking]

♪♪

[clock ticking]

[knock on door]

- Hey.
- Carina: Hey.

- How are you feeling?
- Terrific.

Yeah, great.

Good. As long as everything looks good,

I'm gonna give you the
second sequence of pills.

Misoprostol.

It's four tablets that you will take

in a few hours when you're home.

You know the buccal method?

Uh, the thing where I let it melt

in my cheek for half an hour?

- Exactly.
- Yeah.

It will cause your uterus to contract

and shed its lining and any contents.

Okay. It will last a day or two,

and it's similar to a heavy period.

[sighs]

[monitor beeping] Do
you have any questions?

Uh, no. No. I'm... I'm good.

Okay. Everything looks good.

If anything feels off,

and I mean anything, you can call me.

Okay? You have my number?

Yes. Promise. Promise.

I'll make sure she does. Yeah.

Okay.

Thanks, Doc.

[door opens, closes]

That was kinda anticlimactic.

Um... it seems like it's just gonna be

a lot of sitting around
from here on out,

so you... you should
probably just go home.

Theo: No, I'm gonna... I'm
gonna sit around with you.

Seriously, I'll... I'll be fine.

She said it's just like a heavy period.

Yeah, I know what she said, but...

Well, I've been doing
some reading, and...

Oh, okay. So, you and your penis

are gonna tell me and my OB
how a medical abortion works?

That's...

Um... I'm sorry.

I'm sorry. That was... reflex snark.

I just meant, if you...

you don't have to...

Yeah, well, I'm telling you,
for the th time,

I want to.

Thanks.

[clattering]

- Warren. Hey.
- We lost one truck this year.

Can we maybe be nice to this one?

Now even the most menial parts
of my job are up for discussion.

I thought you had
your... your Diane time.

Shouldn't your head be fixed?

Those sessions were a waste of a
perfectly qualified firefighter.

Yeah, if you're this
angry still, they were.

Okay, look,
I don't need help, alright?

I didn't need help.

I-I'm not repressing anger,
I'm not transferring grief,

and I'm not doing things out of guilt.

Yet you're yelling at work
and at your lieutenant.

Warren, I'm not trying to pull rank.

I'm just saying that
something's still up.

Okay, everyone in this
building is a mess,

but I'm the only one in trouble.

I'm j...

Hey.

[clears throat]

I thought he was talking to Diane.

Yeah, well, I guess
it didn't quite take.

Hey, um, you seen, uh, Beckett?

No, not since this morning's lineup.

[breathing heavily]

- I get it.
- Our gym is way better than 's.

[chuckles]

Still feels weird having
you here as a sub.

Yeah, tell me about it.

I still think if we hadn't
stormed McCallister's office,

you might actually be
captain of by now.

[bike beeping]

So, we're down to two
in the donor search.

Oh. Yay.

Not yay?

I hate her final pick,
and she hates mine.

Okay. Not "hate" in either case,

but why can't it just be my pick?

'Cause it's not just your baby.

Exactly! And it's not just hers.

I mean, she's carrying
and it's gonna be her egg,

and now she wants to use
donor sperm from a guy

who looks just like her brother.

I mean, this baby is gonna be
% DeLuca and zero Bishop.

Do you want to use your egg?

No. And I don't particularly want to be

a pregnant person right now, either,

but I just wish it had both of us,

not just her and some rando.

Wait.

Do you really think
I'd be captain by now?

I mean, yeah.

If I had promoted to Battalion Chief

like I was on track to,
you were next in line.

Well, technically, Bishop,
you jumped her in line.

♪♪

I'm gonna shut up now.

[klaxons sound]

Dispatch: Crisis One
to Center Street.

- That's me.
- Me, too.

Hey, hope you find your sperm.

♪♪

[cellphone timer rings]

[door opens]

Theo: [groans] Okay.

So, I got three kinds of chocolates,

- beef jerky, uh...
- Thank you.

... nacho cheese and ranch, and...

Mmm!

I thought you were gonna
wait for me to get back.

Okay, well, it's been four hours,

so... I didn't.

Seriously?

You're gonna be mad at me because I
didn't wait for you to take a pill?

You know, you have seen
me do it already today.

Alright, it's not just a pill.
It's a very specific...

[sighs]

You know, why don't you
want me in your life?

You keep finding ways to,
you know, whittle me down

and shut me out, and, uh,

I mean, damn,
I'm in this relationship, too.

What relationship?

'Cause if I hadn't found
out I was pregnant,

we wouldn't have spoken to
each other in almost two weeks.

- I don't...
- Yeah, that's because

you just decided you were done with me.

Theo, I didn't decide anything.

I told you about... about Gibson,

and then you walked away.

- Wha...
- I didn't walk away. You pushed me.

Okay. Well, I guess it didn't take much.

- So, I don't know what...
- Wow. Wow.

Okay.

You know, you can rewrite
that story all you want,

but the fact is,

you did everything you could
to make sure you were alone.

And now all I'm trying to do is
be there for you through this,

despite my own feelings,

because that's what you
do when you love someone.

- What...
- And you won't even let me do that.

What are your own feelings?

Doesn't matter, apparently.

No, it does... it does matter.

It does matter,
because I would like to know,

- what are your feelings?
- No. No, you wouldn't.

Because if you did,
you would have already asked.

[scoffs]

[sighs]

[sighs] God.

♪♪

[exhales sharply]

♪♪

Go away!

I'm fine.

This is my house.

Okay. I understand that,
sir, but a neighbor called

and said you were pacing
and yelling on the lawn.

I was, but I'm not now.

I'm in my car, at my house.

Is that a crime?

We're not cops.

What are you, EMTs? Firefighters?

I'm not hurt, and there's no fire.

You wanna tell me why you're upset?

Not particularly.

- Please leave.
- This is between me and my wife.

Your wife? Is she home?

Far as I know.

Hey.

How about we give her a call?

Together? Please?

Thank you.

[Cellphone clicks]

[Ringing]

Susan: Harry, enough of this.

For God sake, I'm at work.

The neighbors are texting,

saying you're causing a scene and j...

♪♪

No. Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa!

Harry! Harry, wait! Don't do that!

Don't do that, Harry!

Harry, don't do that!

Harry!

Harry! Open this door, Harry!

Do not try any of those
theatrics or I will light...

The guy ready

to set himself on fire
is calling out theatrics.

I see the irony.

I said go away!

Step back! [coughing]

Okay. Hey. Harry.

Harry, if you open the door,
we can keep talking

and you won't pass out
from the fumes, okay?

I'll open the window.

Are those power windows? Wait.

Because you can't turn the car on

if you have a puddle of
gasoline at your feet, okay?

Just... open the door, Harry.

♪♪

[coughing]

♪♪

Okay.

Alright.

What do you do for work, Harry?

[scoffs]

I know this schtick.

Asking me mundane questions
is not going to stop me

from doing what needs to be done.

What is it that needs to be done?

I'm a scholar.

Which is a pretentious
word for underpaid teacher.

I decided to answer your first question.

What do you teach?

I wrote my dissertation on Noel Coward.

"We have no reliable
guarantee that the afterlife

will be any less
exasperating than this one,

have we?"

And yet...

here I am, stupidly trying my odds.

Um, come, come.

We need to call the
engine before this man

lights himself on fire.

Well, if a bunch of cop cars
and a fire truck show up,

it could spook him
into dropping that lighter.

Yeah, but if the engine comes,
we can at least hose him down.

Well, let Trav talk to him for a minute,

see if he can get him
to put the lighter down.

Run him a turnout.
I'm not putting my firefighter at risk.

Go.

Andy: Additional backup needed.

Requesting Engine
to Center Drive.

No lights, no sirens.
I repeat, no lights, no sirens.

[Sighs]

- What are we studying today?
- Bylaws.

Beckett: So, I'm thinking
of ordering out for dinner.

Anybody know a good Spanish
tapas place around here?

Hey, uh, Bishop, you've,
uh, read the bylaw manual

forwards and backwards, right?

What are... Just hypothetically,

what would be the exact process

if a firefighter was suspected
of drinking on the job?

You should know, Fire Zaddy.

Wait. That was for drug
abuse, not drinking. My bad.

The firefighter would
immediately be asked

to submit to an alcohol test.

- Ooh.
- Depending on the results,

there would be administrative leave

and possible termination
following an investigation.

Now, that sound really serious.

What would the process be
if a lieutenant were found

to have traded sexual
favors for his position?

- Oh...
- I'm kidding, Bishop.

It's just, uh, hypothetical.

Right, Sully? [laughs]

What was that?

Just an inside joke we got going on.

He's funny.

See? We could pick a
donor and that donor

could end up being Beckett.
[klaxons sound]

Dispatch: Engine requested
to Center Street.

- [clears throat]
- Yeah, the... the book said

walking is good for the cramps.

The book?

Yeah, dude, I read a book,

and maybe the whole Internet
to prepare for today.

[sighs, clears throat]

So, you said you had
feelings... about this.

Does that mean you wish I was having it?

No.

I mean, I'd be lying
if I said I hadn't had

the stray thought
that you'd make a good mom.

But... no.

I think I might wanna be a mom one day.

Maybe.

So, what are your feelings?

It's just... It's just sad, I guess.

Oh.

[clears throat] You
know, ever since I...

[exhales sharply]

ever since I started having sex,

I always thought that if I got pregnant,

I would sprint straight to the
abortion clinic, no question,

but this is...

I don't know. This is hard.

It's harder than I thought it would be,

and the hard part
hasn't even started yet.

Because it's all just hard parts.

My mom had one.

Right after my dad d*ed
in the line of duty,

she found out she was pregnant.

She's Catholic.

Like, my whole family
is really Catholic.

But she couldn't get out
of bed at that point,

so devastated by losing my dad.

Not to mention,
now she was a single mom

and didn't know how she
was gonna take care of me.

I was a kid.

I-I didn't totally
know what was doing on.

But I remember a lot
of crying in the house.

You know, my aunts told
her that God took my dad

and gave her this baby,

and that an abortion would
be more loss to the family.

And they, uh... they said they
would help her take care of it.

They kept saying it would be okay.

But my mom just kept crying.

And one morning, she left really early,

and when she came home,

my aunts just stopped talking to her.

You know, I tried to tell
her that it wasn't a sin.

Because, you know, in the actual Bible,

Jesus is forgiving, right?

Says, "Let he who is without
sin cast the first stone."

Honestly, I don't think
she ever forgave herself,

even after my aunties
started talking to her again,

even after she started
going to church...

- Hey, hey, hey.
- [groans]

Alright, come on. [exhales sharply]

- Come on, let's get you home.
- Okay.

♪♪

[breathing shakily]

It's alright. I got you.

Can you, uh... Can you play
some music or something?

- What kind?
- I dunno.

Uh, happy music.

Is the pain really bad?

Well, you and your penis were right.

This is way worse than a heavy period.

Well, worse how?

I don't know. I don't
know. I don't know.

Try shoving a pinky
finger up your urethra.

[exhales sharply]

[Peaches & Herb's
"Shake Your Groove Thing" playing]

♪ Shake it, shake it ♪

- [laughs]
- ♪ Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how we do it now ♪

Hey, uh, when did you
lose your virginity?

- Me?
- Yeah.

Uh... .

You?

.

Was it... you know, nice?

[chuckles] Uh... no.

Not really. No.

You?

Not really.

♪ Groovin' loose or heart-to-heart ♪

[exhales deeply]

Do you need anything?

Yeah, I need you to sing.

Like, loudly.

What?

Well, you're a...

You know, you're a horrible singer,

and I know you know that.

I just... I need you to
feel a little teeny-tiny bit

as humiliated as I do
right now, so I need you...

Why do you feel humiliated?

I mean, you have absolutely
no reason to feel...

Just sing! Sing!

[singing off-key]
♪ Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing, yeah, yeah ♪

♪ Show 'em how you do it now ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing ♪

♪ Shake your groove thing, yeah... ♪

♪♪

It's like clots. It's like a lot of...

it's like a lot of blood clots.

It's pretty gory.

That's normal.

Yeah.

I realized whenever I have a sharp pain,

it's a clot trying to pass

- through my cervix.
- Through your cervix.

Yeah.

♪ We take our bodies
where they wanna go ♪

You did read a book.

Two, actually.

♪♪

♪♪

[exhales sharply]

♪♪

[clears throat]

♪♪

Hey, Vic?

Yeah?

♪♪

I...

♪♪

I'm gonna make some tea.

♪♪

Okay.

♪♪

What is happening?

- Harry.
- Why are they here?

Harry, it's just a
precaution. It's okay.

You are making a scene!

Harry! Listen to me! Listen to me!

Look, I'm not gonna let anyone near you,

but you gotta work with me here.

Please. Help me understand.

What is it that you want to do here?

It's not what I want to do.

I'd rather still be happily
married, but here we are.

Okay, so this is about your wife?

My ex-wife, as of yesterday.

We've been married for years.

Yesterday, she wakes up
and tells me it's over.

It was a long time coming, she says.

News to me.

I didn't even know there
was anything wrong.

That sounds... That's awful, Harry.

If she was feeling like there
was something not working,

breaking, broken,

why didn't she say anything to me?

She had all these thoughts

and made all these
decisions all by herself.

But she had a partner.

I thought we were partners.

Why wasn't I a part of any of it,

any of these conversations?

She had left me yesterday,

but when did she really leave me, hmm?

In her mind, you know?

Six months ago?

A year?

years?

I have no idea.

I have no idea about anything anymore.

What did the last years
of my life even mean?

Harry, you want to get her back?
You want to make a point?

Do you want to punish her?

Yes.

I mean, no, of course not.

I don't know.

I just think that I need to do something

only I control and she has no say in.

She'll see how it feels, maybe.

There are other ways to take
back control of your life.

Ways where you don't get hurt

or hurt other people.
I should just do it.

- I don't even know why I'm waiting...
- No.

Harry, wait, wait.

Okay, just stay with me, okay?
Just for a second.

Just keep talking to me,
just for a second, alright?

And maybe just...

Maybe just step out of the car for me.

Please.

Please.

Fine.

♪♪

You don't understand what this is like.

You just don't, because if
you did... if you did...

I do.

Harry, I do.

I understand more
than I wish I did, actually.

Someone's done this to you?

No.

I've done that to someone.

I'm... I'm doing that to someone now.

I'm falling out of love with someone,

and... and not giving
him or us the opportunity

to do anything about it, because...

Because I'm walking around
like it's all about me,

and... and that's not right.

I didn't get it.

I didn't even really get what I was...

What I was doing to him,
Harry, so thank you.

Thank you, because I've been unfair

and unkind, and that is so selfish,

and I am so sorry.

And if your wife knew
and understood all this,

she would be so sorry, too.

I'm sure of it.

It's engraved.

Another Coward quote.

Can I see it?

"Marriage is the aftermath of love."

Funny thing to engrave
on a wedding present,

which it was.

From her.

Less funny the day after she leaves you.

Hey, Harry.

Come on.

Let's get you checked out.

No. Don't do that. Harry!

♪ Every morning ♪

Man: Go! Get the hose on him!

♪♪

♪ Something falling on my skin ♪

♪ Mm, mm, mm ♪

♪ A holy moment happening ♪

♪ Can I sing ♪

♪ Hallelujah anyway? ♪

♪ Though the pain is
real and I'm not okay ♪

♪ Can I sing ♪

♪ Hallelujah anyway? ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Ooh ♪

♪ Can we sing ♪

♪ Hallelujah anyway? ♪

[sirens wailing]

♪ Can I sing ♪

- ♪ Hallelujah anyway? ♪
- Be honest, how bad was that?

I mean, you handled our patient

and that completely
bizarre call pretty well.

So, Crisis One part was a win.

But public display of
your darkest feelings

about your relationship?

Am I a horrible person?

You're not a horrible person.

Hey, uh, I didn't mean to
bring up old crap earlier

with you and Bishop.

No, it's not old crap.

It's actually very relevant crap,

because I am still in
a never-ending game

of musical chairs,

which I've realized is
a game of my own doing.

Anyway, call Emmett. Be honest.

Be sorry.

And it'll be okay.

Hey, um, I...

I owe you all an apology.

Look, I-I've been
acting as if, you know,

setting myself on fire won't
take out every one of you.

Been trying to control
what I can control.

I mean, and Miller...

We couldn't control it,

fix it, or... save him.

You know.

It really is just, you know...

Everything seems like it's an inch past

my grasp at the moment,

which is worse than if it
was completely unreachable,

because you're like,
"If I was a little bit stronger,

wiser, faster,"

so you, uh, you start
thrashing, you know,

to try and gain on that inch,

take running starts to
try and hurdle that inch,

and you jump,

and, uh, all that gets
you is... is injured out.

So, I'm... I'm gonna stop,

stop thrashing and swinging,

running and jumping.

See? Therapy works.

♪♪

♪♪

[sighs] Did you need something?

How 'bout a truce?

Look, have I been...

Have I been hitting the
bottle a little hard lately?

I have. It's been a rough
couple months around here.

Maybe I've knocked a few too
many back on my down time,

but I would never drink on the job.

Then why is there
whiskey in your office?

What... What the hell were
you doing in my office?

Huh?

You spying on me for your girlfriend?

She's not my girlfriend.

All I know is what I saw.

I have no proof of any foul play.

But you don't, either.

Right?

So, if you talk to
the chief before I do,

be a doll and tell her I'm free

any day except Wednesday for our dinner.

I have a date.

Don't worry. She's a flight attendant.

♪♪

[sighs]

♪♪

Hey.

[breathing shakily]

It's all warmed up.

You got, uh, painkillers right here,

water, chocolate.

You doing okay?

You know, I never didn't
want you in my life, Theo.

I didn't...

[voice breaking] I didn't
want to be in my own life.

I wanted my life to leave me alone,

and...

... I just shut everything out, and...

when Miller... when Miller d*ed,

it was...

It was like Lucas had
d*ed all over again.

It was like all...

All this grief was just living in...

Inside of my cells
and it was reactivated

and it pulled me down
through a time portal,

and I was...

I was grieving Miller and Lucas,

and...

... and my grandma

and my... my drama teacher,

and now this new...

... this new...

...grief...

It's grief for something I didn't...
I don't even want,

but my body is still grieving and...

♪♪

... and these hormones are just...

They're having a frat
party inside of me,

and it's making it impossible
to get a handle on any of it.

Theo, I'm s... I'm sorry.

I'm s... I'm so... I'm
so sorry I-I hurt you.

Okay.

I'm s...

♪♪

Hey, when do you have Pru next?

Today. Supposed to be doing a handoff,

but the Millers are late.

- Mm.
- You know, not to be a bitch,

but they shouldn't have her at all.

Well, if saying that makes you a bitch,

then my wife is one serious...

Hey, hey, hey, don't... don't say it.

[chuckles]

I mean, gotta get rich somehow.

Might as well do it saving lives.

Ben! Andy!

Ahh! I missed you!

Hi. Hi. Sorry we're late.

No, no, no, it's fine.

But, um... who are you?

Oh, my God. [chuckles]

Yes. I'm Anna,

Pru's part-time nanny and best friend.

Best friend! [chuckles]

Alright, it's, um...

I didn't realize that the
Millers had hired a nanny.

I went to school with
Yemi way back when,

and the Millers have been struggling,

so they asked me to help.

Anyway, I'd love to stay and chat,

but I'm late for rehearsal.

I'm in a band.

A terrible band.

[chuckles] Nice meeting you all.

- Nice meeting you, too.
- Bye, Anna.

The Millers hired a nanny?

Yeah, a hot nanny, right?

Yeah, well, this is out of my control.

- Yeah.
- Alright, say bye, Pru.

- Okay.
- Bye.

- Bye.
- Bye-bye.

- Bye.
- Bye.

[door opens]

Is there an app or something

that helps you find the messiest,

most complicated option
in a nearby radius?

Well, what do you mean, messy?

You just met her. That is judgmental.

You... That... She's Pru's nanny.

Oh. S-She works for the Millers,

and you're one to talk.

[chuckles] Oh, it's
exactly why I should talk.

If I didn't sleep with
the captain of ,

I'd still be at .

In fact, I-I might even
be the captain of .

Are we talking about,
uh, Sullivan or Beckett?

Exactly.

What is wrong with us? [chuckles]

Us? When... When did
this become a we thing?

Because it is a we thing.

We keep doing this,

and we need to quit it.

We need to grow the hell up.

- Hmm.
- We can fix this, Jack.

L-L-Let's be each other's
fix-it buddies, hmm?

Help each other stop sleeping
around with messy people.

What, like, sleep with each other?

By not sleeping with each other,

or anyone else.

You sound like Diane.

Oh, please, don't tell me
you've hit on Diane, too?

No. God, no. I would.

- Yeah.
- Yeah. I know you would.

Because we both confuse
almost everything for lust,

which we them confuse for love.

She keeps saying a period of abstinence

will, um, help me break the cycle,

- then clear my head.
- And?

And I've literally
done everything she suggested,

except that one.

That's... That's impossible.

What else are we supposed to do?

I don't know. We can go on walks.

Take pottery classes.

I don't know. Play board games.

[chuckles] Is this you
trying to convince me?

Alright. Yes.

- No sex.
- And no flirting.

- No flirting?
- That's half the problem.

Alright.

But you can't do that face anymore.

- That one.
- [laughs]

No, he made a litany of bad calls,

and his anger...

Well, that doesn't mean
he's drinking on the job.

The bottle was in his office.

[chuckles] Well,
most drunks just like to know

the bottle is near.

Have you told Natasha
about your suspicions?

No. She's the Chief.

If I tell her, I'm reporting him.

Then he exposes us.

No, having her back in my life...

It's the best thing that's
happened to me in a long time.

Look, she promoted me based
on a history as a soldier

and what she knows I'm capable of.

And this scumbag is accusing me of...

Of trading sexual favors?

I thought you aren't sleeping with her.

I'm not.

Yet.

I mean, I-I would like to.

Then help him get sober.

What?

Look, if he's drinking on the job,

he's got alcoholism.

You just don't drink on the job.

Offer the man a hand,

just as a hand
was offered to you, okay?

You do the right thing.

Protect yourself.

It's a win-win.

[indistinct PA announcement]

Hey.

- Hi.
- Hi.

Since... Since when do you
bring me coffee at work?

I don't want to go with the
genius Mensa donor or the rower.

Just I... Thinking about our baby

being you and some random stranger...

No, no, no. No. It's just...

There's so much out
of our control in that scenario.

I mean, sure, the guys
look great on paper,

and based on their baby photos,

but how do we know that our
baby isn't gonna grow up

to be some guy that douses himself

with gasoline when he
doesn't get his way?

Or Beckett?

What?

I want our donor to be someone we know.

Okay, someone we know,
like your brother?

No. No, no, no.

I-I really don't need my genes in there.

I just want to know more than I know

when I'm buying sperm from a stranger.

Okay.

Do you have anyone in mind?

No. But we could brainstorm together.

- Okay.
- Okay.

I mean, there is a lot
more to talk about.

No, I know. I know. And we will.

But I wanted you to know
that it was not all about

me winning the sperm donor game.

Okay. We'll talk later?

Mm-hmm.

♪ Glory, glory, glory ♪

- Hey.
- Hey.

♪ And it's all I have ♪

How is she?

She's sleeping.

♪ Sometimes ♪

- Was it...
- Brutal.

Yeah. She's still kinda going.

But she's good, though.

And you two?

We're good, too.

- Yeah?
- Yeah.

Alright, careful.

It's hot.

How was your shift?

Well, uh, basically, I admitted

to falling out of love with Emmett

during a Crisis One call in
front of about people,

including Emmett,

and now he won't return my phone calls.

That's a bad shift.

Not great.

Do you want him to return your calls?

Of course.

I mean, I can't be the guy that
breaks his heart twice, right?

Is that why you haven't ended it?

Because you don't want to be the guy?

I mean, it's a pretty good reason.

Not as good as you love him,

you know, you can't live without him,

you'll do anything to keep him.

Those are reasons, too.

Travis.

Okay, I love him, alright?

I love him, I love him.

I love him and I don't want to hurt him.

Then keep calling.

♪ Sometimes, whoa ♪

♪ Dreaming a different story ♪

♪ And it's bigger than my body ♪

[ringing]

♪ And it's all I have ♪

♪♪

♪ Dreaming of glory ♪

♪ Glory, glory ♪

♪ Glory ♪

[Sighs]

Theo?

♪ Bless the dreamer ♪

- Yeah?
- ♪ Dreamer ♪

♪ They're dreaming of ♪

I love you.

♪ Bless the dreamer ♪

♪ Dreamer ♪

♪ They're dreaming of ♪

♪ Guard the dreamer ♪

♪ Dreamer ♪

I love you, too, baby.

♪ 'Cause it's all I have ♪