04x03 - Lucky Charmed

[bunniefuu]

Alex, get out of bed already!

I don't want to be late for Driver's Ed.

Be right there!

Ready.

I hate it when you flash
in places without warning me.

Why do you do that?

Because in the time it would've
taken me to come down the stairs,

I got dressed, brushed my teeth,
and made this bowl of cereal.

You do get you quit
the wizard competition, right?

Pretty soon you're gonna
lose all your powers.

You need to learn how to survive

without using magic for everything you do.

Harper, that's ridiculous.

I don't use magic for everything that I do.

Oh, really?

Do you even know how to zip up
that sweatshirt on your own?

Yes.

There, see?

That is the saddest thing I have ever seen.

Alex, I am serious.
What are you gonna do

when you can't flash in and out of places?

You need to learn how to drive.

Right. Well, let's go
to Driver's Ed.

Yay! I can't wait
to get my license.

Then I can communicate with my
fellow New York City drivers.

"Hey, jerk!
You cut me off!

Pull over, I'm gonna
take you down!"

♪ Everything... ♪

♪ is not... ♪

♪ what it seems ♪

♪ Seems ♪

♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ And the end will no doubt justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

Hey, Dad. Now that I'm probably
gonna be the family wizard,

I think it's time I get
that family wizard robe

everyone's always talking about.

Is, uh... Is this it?
Get out of there.

No! The family wizard robe

is a symbol of power and status

that's handed down through the generations

to the next family wizard.

Now, I understood some
of the words you just said.

And it still makes me think I
should be the one in our family

to have that robe.
Yeah, well, I...

I sort of gave it to Justin
when he was in the lead.

I understood all of
the words you just said,

and I did not like them.

Dad, are you kidding me?
I deserve that robe.

Yeah...
Yes, you do.

But it's really special to Justin.

It's gonna be very tough
to get it from him.

We're gonna have to dance
delicately around this subject.

Dance delicately.

You mean like this?

I don't know how this is gonna
help us get the robe back,

but it sure is fun.

Knock it off!

OK. We gotta butter him up.

Like corn?

Just follow my lead.

Hey, hey, hey!
How you doin'?

There he is!
My favorite son!

Wow. You look
really cool today.

Did you do something new to your hair?

No, I just carefully
messed it up with some hair gel

to make it look, you know,
casually messed up.

Man, that's cool!

That is really, really cool.

You know what else
is cool about you, Justin?

You don't get
super-attached to things.

That is true, I don't get
super-attached to things.

You know, I'm a simple man
of concepts and ideas.

Great.
Here's an idea.

How about we give my second favorite son,

the family robe.
What?

You gave it to me.
Dad, is this the part

where I start dancing delicately?

I know I gave it to you, Justin,

but that was before you disgraced yourself

by revealing that you were
a wizard and all that.

Disgraced myself?

Are you even lookin' at him?

No, I'm sorry, I'm not
gonna give him the robe.

I haven't lost this competition
yet, and I'm not planning to.

This is my moment,

when I can rise from the ashes of defeat

and take my rightful place
as the Russo family wizard.

But Justin...
And you know something?

Yes, I do get
super-attached to things!

Well, that didn't go so well.

And I'm sorry I said he was my favorite.

Don't worry about it, Dad.

To be honest, I've always preferred Mom.

Land sakes, woman!

You're all over the road like a
pat of butter on a hot skillet!

Please don't yell at me,
Mr. Laritate.

It only makes me drive worse.

Teaching Driver's Ed
is not worth the overtime pay.

I'm never gonna be able to afford
matching cowhide seat covers.

Stay between the white lines, Harper.

Oh, right.

Watch your speed.
Thanks.

Bus pulling out.

Sorry!
All right, that's it.

Make a left and pull over in front
of that restaurant over there.

I need to get something healthy
to eat to calm my nerves.

But, that's a donut shop.

Then I'll get the ones with fruit inside.

Well, we survived.

We can all thank my lucky
life-saving hula girl.

You're next, Alex.

Come on, Leilani.

You deserve one with coconut sprinkles.

Hey, Alex, thanks for the driving tips.

I think they actually helped me.

Really?
Yeah.

That's great, Harper.

Guess I can do some things without magic.

Just because I've used magic as a shortcut

for as long as I can remember.

Um, Alex...
Doesn't mean I can't live

a very successful, ordinary life.

We just crashed the car, didn't we?

We?
I had to try.

Upon reflection, I realize I
may have acted inappropriately

about the wizard family robe.

Here you go.

Wow, Justin. That is
really big of you.

I know that that's very hard...

Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I don't need a lecture. Just take it.

Whew! Thank goodness,
he cut me off.

I had no idea where I was
going with that speech.

So, what do you think of the robe, huh?

Doesn't it feel kind of
magic-y, and tingly?

Yeah, I have a chronic body rash,

so most things I wear feel kind of tingly.

Let's try it out, OK?
All right.

It's got powers of invisibility,

a chameleon feature, and I even charmed it

to have a never-ending
supply of hoagies

in the right sleeve.

Ah! One hoagie coming up.

Dad, does a hoagie feel like an armpit,

'cause that's all I'm getting.

What?
Yeah.

Let me see.

No, Dad!

No, stop.
Dad, that tickles!

Wait. This star
was just glued on.

That is not the Russo family robe.

That's just a regular robe
that's been decorated.

Where's the real robe?
I don't know.

But I'm very, very disappointed.

'Cause I was really
looking forward to a hoagie.

This is really bad, Alex.
I know.

We've been driving around in this
rolling cow heap all afternoon.

I hope no one saw us.

No, I'm talking about the busted bumper.

Oh, that.

Don't worry, I can fix it that.

No. You're supposed to learn
how to deal with this situation

without magic.

Right.

Let's make a break for it.
No, wait!

What people do without magic,

is use honesty to take responsibility

for what they've done.

That's a good one, Harper.

Honesty and responsibility.

Oh, no, but seriously, who should we blame?

Like an innocent bystander or something?

How about that lady?
She looks pretty defenseless.

Hey lady, why'd you do that to our car?

Alex, stop!
That's...

I'm serious.
If you want to stop

relying on magic to
solve all your problems,

you're gonna have to learn
how to tell the truth.

Starting now.

What in the name of
John Wayne's itty bitty feet

happened to my car?!

Mr. Laritate,
I can explain.

Oh. I'm sure you can, Russo.

What kind of crazy lie pie
have you baked up this time?

Actually, Mr. Laritate,
it was all my fault.

I accidentally crashed your car.

Wait a minute.
Let me get this straight.

You're actually admitting to
something for once in your life?

Yes.

And you're taking full
responsibility for your actions?

Yes?

Woo doggies!

This is the first airtight confession
I've ever gotten out of you!

Alex Russo has admitted to her crime

completely and unequivocally!

Whoo-hoo!

Prepare to be punished severely
for what you have done.

Honesty feels pretty good, huh?

I never should have listened to you, Harper.

I could have saved myself a lot of
trouble if I'd just used magic.

You're the one who crashed the car.

I was just trying to help you
learn how to be responsible.

Well, now I'm responsible for cleaning
all the garbage cans at school.

Are you blaming me?

Well, I'm not blaming me, Mr.
Laritate or Leilani, the hula girl.

Well, you have fun
cleaning out garbage cans, Alex.

Try not to dent any of them
while you're at it.

You see?
This is what I get

for helping you out while you were driving.

I didn't ask for your help.

I was helping me.
I wanted to live.

I don't need your help.

I'm gonna pass that drivers
test all by myself.

Well, I don't need you, either.

I can clean all the garbage cans by myself.

And what am I gonna need to do that?

Do I need like a rag or a brush

or, or spray?
No? Fine!

Not so fast, Justin.
I'm innocent!

Hey, whoa!
Settle down, settle down.

You haven't been accused of anything yet.

You gave us a fake robe.

Now you've been accused of something.

See, Justin, this robe that you
gave us does not sh**t out hoagies.

It only sh*t out a fish stick.

That's 'cause I shoved it up
there to use it as hoagie bait.

Well, it was working fine when I had it.

So, there's only

Max broke it.

Oh, my gosh.
Dad, I'm so sorry.

I know how much this robe
meant to our family.

You didn't break the robe, Max.

Oh, thank goodness.

What an emotional roller coaster
this day has been.

I think Justin has
a little explaining to do.

Don't you, Justin?

This robe is a fake.

Sorry.

The real robe got kind of...

damaged.

I didn't know what to do.
I panicked.

I'll show it to you.
But just don't freak out.

OK.
OK.

Don't worry.

Look, after all these years,
I think I've seen

just about everything that
there is to see with you kids...

No!

What happened?!

I don't know.
It just...

It was fine one day,

and then I came home
and it was just like this.

Unfortunately, it's a mystery

that will never be solved.

Oh!

OK, OK.
Not a problem.

I just remembered,
there's a security Robe-Cam

inside every wizard robe
that records everything.

Wait, what?

We'll find it, we'll play it back...

No, we don't need to find
anything. Disasters happen.

Ah, here it is.

Hey, Justin.

It looks like you are gonna
win the wizard competition,

so I'm gonna pass down
the family robe to you now.

What an honor.
Fits good.

Dad, thank you.

I have finished my oil painting.

Coconut cream pies are done.

This is a box of mud.

Now. Remember, Justin...

The robe has been in our family
for a hundred generations.

So you gotta take real good care of it.

I'll take good care of it.
You can count on me.

OK.
OK.

Hello, handsome.

What's your name?

Family Wizard.
That's right, yes.

These are real diamonds, actually.

Oh, no, no, no, no!

What have I done?!

Good work, Russo.

You may not believe this,

but I'm actually glad you crashed my car.

Why?

Were you getting tired of all
the pointing and laughing?

No. It's given you a chance

to take responsibility for your actions,

and pay your debt to society.

Really?

So you're not mad anymore?

Nope.

You and I now have a clean slate.

Wow.

She was right.

I did this all on my own, without any ma...

special help.

I am going to be OK.

I have no idea what any of that meant.

Then again, I don't understand

most of the hippety-hoppity
young'un lingo

you kids use these days.

Nonetheless, I'm glad
I finally got through to you.

No, you didn't get through
to me, Mr. Laritate.

My friend Harper did.

I'll have to try to find
a way to thank Harper.

Hey, she's about to take
her drivers test right now.

I know a way that you could thank her.

How about you let her use your lucky
hula girl for, you know, luck?

By golly, you're right!

Come on, Leilani.

We've got to catch this stagecoach
before it leaves the luau.

That one was for you, girl.

So? How am I doing?

Well, I think your lucky hula girl there

is shaking back and forth from fright.

Well, you seem calm.
I guess that's a good sign.

I'm a professional DMV examiner.

It's my job to mask my horror.

Truthfully, though,

I'm screaming like a little girl inside.

That's what I was afraid of.

Psst, Harper.
Over here.

What are you doing here?

My job.
I have to be here.

I know I'm using magic, and I shouldn't be,

but I came here to help you pass your test.

I know how much it means to you.

I'm so glad to see you.
Thank you.

Most people act like I don't even exist.

Look out for that biker!

All right, that's good,
Harper, that's good.

A little bit to your left.

Follow my hips.

You're such a good friend for doing this.

That's very nice of you to say so.

Hey, Justin, there you are.

Dad, I'm really sorry.

I just got so excited
with the robe, that I...

What are you doing?

I showed the Robe-Cam video
to the wizard robe tailor.

What did he say?

He said, "That's hilarious.
Let me see it again!"

We watched it like, eight times.

But then he gave me this magic washtub.

Oh.

Ta-da.

It worked.

It's just as I remember it

from the seconds I had it.

Since this robe means
so much to you, Justin,

why don't you hold onto it
until the competition?

Really?
Thanks, Dad.

I can't.

Max...

The robe belongs to
the Russo family wizard.

So long as you're so far ahead
in the competition,

you deserve this.

Justin, thank you.
You're welcome.

I'll take good care of it.

Yeah, you better, because
I plan on making a comeback.

I know.

And if anyone can pull it off, you can.

Thanks, man.

Hey. That was a nice thing
you did there.

Thank you, Dad.

You'd better not return that washtub.

OK, I'm just going to go
and add up your score.

But it doesn't look good.

Alex, why did you help me?

Because I was wrong for being mad at you.

You were just trying to help me
live my life without magic,

and you were right.
I'm gonna be OK without it.

But you used magic to be here right now.

You make it so hard
to build a mushy moment.

I have your results, Miss Finkel.

Now, I don't know if it's because
you called me your friend,

or maybe it's just the
near-death experience talking,

but I've decided to pass you.
Oh, my gosh!

Good job, Harper!
You did it.

Thanks to you!

I'd so hug you right now,
but you're so tiny.

Tiny? I'll have you know I'm
the tallest one in my family.

Oh, my gosh. I would have
never passed without your help.

I need magic more than you do.

Weird turn of events, huh?

Alex, I'm gonna hug you right now.

Just get big, please.

OK, new plan.

We're gonna keep using magic
as long as you have it.

OK, but only for important things.

Right.
Important things.

Is flashing home an important thing?

Yes, because you barely passed,

and there's no way I'm
letting you drive us home.