04x26 - Harperella

[bunniefuu]

OK, everyone get ready!

Cinderella.

We wanna hear Goldilocks and the three bears.

All right. Once upon a time, Goldilocks
broke into the three bears' house

and then got eaten like
a rack of lamb. The end!

All right, back to
my story, Cinderella.

"Once upon a time there was a
beautiful maiden named Cinderella,

who lived with her wicked
stepmother and wicked..."

Harper! What are you doing?
I'm reading to kids.

It looks good on my college
application to do this sort of junk.

Harper...

That is my wizard storybook.

If you read from it,
you become part of the story.

Well, luckily, I didn't get very far.

I just got to the part
about the wicked stepmother.

Oh, there you are, Harperella.

Harperella?

Oh no, I'm in the story.

And you must be my evil stepmom.

"Evil"? How dare you?

I prefer to be called "wicked."

Now go get the foot bath.
You're gonna do my toes.

Oh, and you might want to save the water,
so you'll have something to eat for dinner.

That's pretty wicked.

Harperella!

I have more dirty laundry for you to do.

Come on, I am not gonna do your laundry.

Of course you're going to do their laundry.

They're your evil stepbrothers.

And don't forget to starch
my socks and powder my undies.

I like a pre-powdered undie.

Here, Harperella. Brush.
Oh, thanks.

Not your hair. Mine.

Right there. All right, and after
you get the very last bug out,

I want you to feed them, bathe
them, and then put them to bed.

Wow, you're even weirder in the story.

You try to do something nice for kids
and you end up a nanny for bugs.

♪ Everything... ♪

♪ is not... ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

♪ Seems ♪

♪ Well, you know everything's gonna be a breeze ♪

♪ And the end will no doubt justify the means ♪

♪ You can fix any problem with the slightest of ease ♪

♪ Yes, please ♪

♪ But you might find out it'll go to your head ♪

♪ When you write a report on a book you never read ♪

♪ With the snap of your fingers you can make your bed ♪

♪ That's what I said ♪

♪ Everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ When you can get all you wanted in your wildest dreams ♪

♪ You might run into trouble if you go to extremes ♪

♪ Because everything is not what it seems ♪

♪ Be careful not to mess with the balance of things ♪

♪ Because everything is not ♪

♪ What it seems ♪

This story stinks.
I don't want to be Cinderella.

Where's my fairy godmother?

About time you called for me.

Alex? You're my
fairy godmother?

What? It's not
that big of a stretch.

I've seen people be nice before.

So, how's it going?
Terrible.

Get me out of this story.

Your family is being
way more rude than usual.

Well, your mom's about the same.

Sorry, there's nothing I can do.

The whole fairy tale has to
play out until the end.

It can't be stopped.
I'm stuck here? Saying.

We all know how the Cinderella story ends.

You're gonna be a princess.

It'll be fine.
OK, this is a magic story.

Nothing is ever fine
when magic is involved.

And that's why our lives
are so exciting. Bye!

Hey, guys!
Guys, check it out.

Prince Charming invited
us to a royal dance.

Oh!
Yeah.

Three years of bribing the royal guards

with free sandwiches has paid off!

Finally, I get to meet...
King Jerry!

Mom, you know they don't
want you near the king.

They have your picture
at the drawbridge security.

Well, that's one less person
I have to help get ready.

Well, at least I'll have time
to find a dress for the dance.

Oh, Harperella, you're
not going to the dance.

Look at all the work you have to do.

You guys are piling on the "wicked"
a little thick, aren't you?

Alex!

Fairy Godmother!

All right, all right, I'm here.

Where have you been?!
I have been busy.

Fairy god-mothering isn't
as easy as you think.

I had to turn a long-nosed
puppet into a real boy.

That little liar.

Well, can you help me now?

OK. What part of the story
are you up to?

Well, everyone just went
to the royal dance.

Ooh, OK. Then we need
to give you a makeover.

So what do you think?
Cocktail dress?

No, this is my favorite part of the story.

Make me a princess.

All right, but you're gonna stick out.

I'm Harper.
I'm wearing a book dress.

Oh! Sweet!

Now what about the shoes?

Um...

Oh, come on! You know
I have to clean that up.

There. Glass slippers.

Now, If you want to keep your toes,
I don't recommend tap dancing.

OK.
Yeah.

OK, let's get you to the party.

Ooh, but first I'm gonna need that.

Oh, are gonna turn the hot dog
stand into something romantic

to take me to the ball?
No, I'm just hungry.

But that's not a bad idea.

Remember, be back by midnight.

If not, the spell will be broken and
you'll be riding a hot dog cart back here.

All right. Well, here I go,
I'm off to the ball.

I'm going, I'm going, I'm gone.

Why'd he stop?

You're there.
It's in the Sub Station.

Have fun!
Oh... All right.

Now remember, when the king gets
here, you're a fashion photographer,

and you're trying to hire me as your model.

Mom, I don't think that's very believable.

Yeah, you're right.

I do look too young to be a model.

Hey, Prince Charming.

Great party.

It's a little different than
the ones you usually have.

Yeah, I really down-scaled
the ball this year.

Things aren't exactly
going well in the kingdom.

Frankly, I'm just no good with money.

Hey, thanks for talking to me.
Here's a couple hundred bucks.

Ba-zing! Who's that fair maiden?

She looks familiar.

Welcome. I'm Prince Charming.

Zeke, you're the prince?
Yeah, Zeke Charming.

And, uh, who might you be?

I'm...

ready to have fun.

Sounds good to me.
Let's get this party started!

Ooh...

Grandma music?

This isn't exactly what I
was expecting, but it'll work.

Harper's so beautiful.

Oh, punch!

Thanks.

What's going on?

I'm having a really amazing time tonight.

Me, too.

I usually dance in ways
that make it impossible

for another human to get close
to me, but this is fun.

Yeah.

Oh, man, it's midnight already?

Midnight?
Oh, I have to go!

What? Wait, where are you going?

I didn't even get your name!

Sweetness.

I will find you.

Fairy Godmother, where's my carriage?

I need to get through the rest of this story
so I can get back to my other twisted life.

Well, the carriage should still
be here. It's not midnight yet.

You guys! You have to get
back inside! He's coming for us!

Well, this sort of took a weird turn.

Yeah. This is not how
the story's supposed to go.

What are the Three Little Pigs
doing in the Cinderella story?

Oh, no! There's a bunch
of pages missing in my book.

It goes right fr Cinderella
The Three Little Pigs.

We mashed up two stories together.

Well, of course we did. I knew
magic was going to mess this up.

Guys, get inside!
He'll eat you, too.

Who?
The Big Bad Wolf!

Mason?

Well, it does make sense.
I mean, he's a werewolf.

Well, he ate one of your
last boyfriends, so let's go.

Open your door, or I'll huff and I'll puff

and I'll blow your...

What is this place?

The Waverly Sub Station.
Oh.

Well, I'll blow your
Waverly Sub Station down!

I'm never gonna get out of this story.

We're all gonna get eaten
by the Big Bad Wolf!

And I'll tell you what, I'm
probably gonna be the first to go.

I knew I shouldn't have worn
that hickory-smoke cologne.

Curse our delicious,
bacon-flavored bodies!

Guys, I never thought
it would end like this.

I mean, I always figured I'd be sprawled
out on some family's Christmas table

with an apple in my mouth
or something, you know?

But not like this!

Alex, wh is going on?

Without the missing pages, you're
gonna be stuck as Cinderella

in Th Three Little Pigs story.

Well, how do we get
to just Cinderella without

the you-know-what eating
the you-know-whos?

Guys, I think we're
the you-know-whos!

Don't worry, I'll go find
the missing pages,

put them back in the book, and
you'll be out of here in no time.

Just keep Wolfie occupied.

I'm getting extremely hungry out here!

I'm sorry, but that cute accent makes it

so hard for me not
to feed him one of these pigs.

You know something,
we wouldn't even be in this mess

if you hadn't built
your house out of straw.

Look. I told you, straw
was an artistic choice.

You and the fire department
won't shut up about it.

OK, everyone just think happy thoughts, OK?

That's not the Big Bad Wolf's breath.

It's just a warmer-than-average ocean
breeze that smells like our friends!

Man, am I light-headed!

Whoo! You couldn't have just opened the door
and saved me from the huffing and puffing?

Run!

Oh, stop running, piggies!

Oh, I don't like sweaty meat!

Well, it appears they're not here.

They've outrun me.
I guess I'll be going.

OK, good.
We fooled him.

Trickster!

Hiding behind the curtains.
Oh, I love that old gem!

Now this is the part where
you close the curtains again

and pretend I didn't see you.

Oh, forget the curtain, he saw us!

Run!

All right, pigs, it's the end of the line.

And you!

I honestly don't know who you are,

but it's the end of the line for you, too.

Well, it wouldn't be fair otherwise.

Harper! I found it!

The rest of the story is somewhere
in this drawer of random book pages.

You know how I feel about reading.
I used to shorten my books a lot.

Well, just hurry up
and find the right pages!

I don't think we have much time!

Well, I guess this is
goodbye, pig brothers.

I sure am gonna miss you guys.
Yeah.

That's a little much.

I know what you're doing!

You rubbed your
hickory-smoke cologne on us!

Well, yeah, I don't want
to get eaten first!

All right, which one of you is the idiot

who built the straw house?
You deserve to get eaten first.

That's the idiot right here!
It was this guy!

Oh, come on!
Hold on, Wolfie.

Uh... Haven't you read this
story? I get a time-out.

Oh, you do?
Yeah.

OK, then. I could take
a break as well.

Alex, do something.

Oh, my goodness!

What is that?

A caveman.
I remember these pages.

They're from Justin's textbooks.

Well, find the right ones.

You can take your time, Alex.

Uh, how about this one?

I'm David Copperfield,
world famous magician.

That page must be from Max's
favorite magic book.

Oh, dinner and
a show. Splendid.

A wolf, a caveman, and a princess.

Yeah, it's pretty nutty, right?
Don't forget the piggies.

Well, a princess deserves
something as beautiful as she.

I might need that!

He's making a dog!
He's making a dog!

Oh!

Oh. He...
He made a rose.

Oh, thank you.

He's even better at magic than you are.

Don't worry, I can help.

I'm David Copperfield. I made
the Statue of Liberty disappear.

I can't vanish a common caveman.

That's it! I've had enough!

It's dinner time!

I found them!

It worked! I'm wearing
my dress of books!

Harperella, what did we
tell you about friends?

You're too gross to have any.

Pardon the intrusion, good people,

but I'm on a quest to find
a mysterious young lady

who showed up at my
sweet bash the other night.

We're definitely
in the Cinderella story now.

Basically, I just need to figure
out who owns this slipper

so I can marry them and split
half my royal wealth with them.

Forget it, boys.
That slipper's mine.

Only a delicate, little foot like mine

can fit into a delicate,
little slipper like that.

Careful with the corns.

OK, that seems unlikely,

but I guess there's only one way
to rule you out for sure.

You might want to just try it
on her and see if it fits.

Right. Good call.

I wish I would've come here first
before those other houses.

Come on, put your back into it.

OK, I don't think we have a match here.

Hey, keep trying.
You know what her motto is,

"If the clothes ain't tight,
they ain't right."

Well, if there's no one else
here to try on this slipper,

I guess I'll just have to be on my way.

Uh... what about
this fair maiden?

Yeah, what about this fair maiden?

I think you'll be surprised at the outcome.

No, that's absurd.
She wasn't even at the party.

Don't even think about it.
She's revolting.

Yes! It's you!

I remember now!
You look exactly the same!

Well, except for the hair and the dress,

and the dirt, and the smell...
The point is...

you found me, and now we can spend
the rest of our lives together,

doing whatever it is
that people in fairy tales do.

Hey, why don't we all join Harperella and...
and meet the king.

Wait a minute...
I know you.

You're the crazy sandwich lady
who's after the king!

Yeah, let's go.
Let's get outta here.

Ladies and gentlemen,
I would like to introduce

the brand-new couple,
Zeke Charming and Harperella.

"And so the handsome prince and the
beautiful maiden danced the night away,"

and planned to spend the rest
of their lives together

doing whatever it is that
people in fairy tales do.

"And they lived happily ever
after. The end."

Is it over?
It's over.

Oh, wow! Cinderella's life
was a roller-coaster ride.

Well, I hope you learned an important
lesson here today, Harper.

I sure did. I should've asked, instead
of just taking this book from you.

No, actually, I was talking
about how risky it can be

doing charity work for young children.

Alex, that is so insensitive.

Helping children is one of the
most noble things a person can do.

Can you read the story again?

Are you nuts, kid?

Do you have you any idea
what I just been through?

Go on! Get out of here!

I'm sick of all of your faces!

I'm done!

OK, let's try that again.
Max, start the music.

Ow! Mason,
you stepped on my foot!

I thought you said "go left."

Mom, you have to let me lead.

Your father always
lets me lead. Come on.

Zeke, Zeke...
You're supposed to spin me.

Oh, OK.
Ow!

You just kicked me in the shin.

OK, I don't get it.

You guys were such great
dancers in the story.

I don't remember that.

OK, I know what kind of dancing we like.

No, no, no!
Not the clogging!

Too late, my feet
are already moving! Oh!