06x04 - Professor Jack

[bunniefuu]

[man] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

[woman] ♪ Come and
knock on our door ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

♪ We've been waitin' for you ♪

[both] ♪ Where the kisses
are hers and hers and his ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪
♪ Come and dance on our floor ♪

♪ Take a step that is new ♪
♪ Take a step that is new ♪

♪ We've a loveable space
that needs your face ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ You'll see that life is a ball
again Laughter is calling for you ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪
♪ Down at our rendezvous ♪

♪ Three's company too ♪

One, two, three.

Hi, Jack. 99, 100.

Phew!

Gosh, Jack, that's wonderful.

Usually you can't
get past three.

Hi, Janet. Hi, Jack.

Come on.

Jack, I need to ask
you a question. Yeah.

Are you any good
at Chinese cooking?

Are you kidding? I practically
wokked to the head of my class.

Get it? Wok,
walk? Yeah, I get it.

That's good. Thank you.

Because, listen, my boss' wife,

she wants to learn
Chinese cooking,

so I told her that you
would give her lessons.

Janet, you had no right to
do that without asking me first.

She'll pay you $25 an hour.

When can she start?

As soon as you can.

I got the dinner shift
tomorrow at the restaurant.

How about tomorrow afternoon?

That's what I told
her. [phone ringing]

Hello. Oh, hi, Terri.

What?

Oh, that's too bad.

Oh, sure. Okay.

We'll see you tomorrow. Bye-bye.

Hmm.

What was that?
That was Terri, Jack.

She's not gonna be home tonight.

She's working a double
shift down at the hospital.

Again? Really.

She must need money. Oh, well.

It means I'll get the
bedroom all to myself tonight.

If you get lonely just knock.

You mean something like this?

On second thought,
why don't you just whistle.

Well, Mrs. Latham,
you're a very good student.

Those egg rolls look
just right. Let's see.

Delicious.

Oh, they're not as
good as yours. Oh, well...

I'm so glad Janet
got us together.

I never dreamed cooking
could be so much fun.

Thank you.

My, look at that time. I
better hurry or I'll be late.

I'm meeting my husband
downtown for dinner.

Where can I change?

Right this way. I'll
show you. In here.

That's all right. Thank you.

Yeah, I've gotta change too,

but first let me put your
delicious egg rolls away.

You all are going
to egg roll heaven.

Help me. Help me.

[sighs]

Oh, Jack, I...

Oh, hello. You must be
one of Jack's roommates.

Yes, I'm Terri. I'm
Joanna Latham.

You're certainly a lucky girl

sharing an apartment
with a man like Jack.

Oh?

For someone so young, he
certainly knows what he's doing.

Such technique!

Really?

Would you mind zipping me?

Uh, sure. That Jack.

You know, he showed me
things I'd never even heard of.

Oh, uh, is he here?

In the bedroom getting dressed.

You know what I like
best? He's so patient.

He let me do it over and over

until I finally,
finally got it right.

Oh, hi, Terri.

Oh, Jack. I've gotta run.

Thank you so much.
Here you are. $25.

And worth every penny.

Oh, you know, I feel guilty
about this, Mrs. Latham.

You know, I had as
much fun as you did.

Don't be silly, Jack.
You earned it. Oh.

See you soon. All
right. Bye-bye now.

Listen, Terri, I
gotta get to work.

Jack, we have to
talk about something.

I don't wanna be late.
I've gotta talk to you.

Sure, first thing in
the morning. Bye-bye.

Listen... Oh!

Hi, Jack. I just ran into
Mrs. Latham downstairs.

She absolutely is
crazy about you, Jack.

The woman said that you have
got more talent in your little...

Janet.

Come on, now. You're
embarrassing me.

Just tell me I'm fantastic
and let it go at that.

Perfect. You're fantastic.

Take care, girls. Bye.

Jack, I... How's
it going, Terri?

Janet. Yeah?

Listen, we have got to talk.

Not right now, Terri.
I've gotta go shopping.

I ran into the most incredible
sale on designer jeans.

Janet, about Jack
and Mrs. Latham...

Oh, Terri, isn't great. I got
them together, you know.

You did? Uh-huh. Yeah.

It's a great way for Jack
to make some extra bucks.

Janet, I'm no prude...
Of course you're not.

Otherwise we never
would've asked you to move in.

Oh! Hi, everybody!

Hello, Cindy.

Gosh, Janet, how'd
you know it was me?

It just hit me.

Well, I just came over to
see how you guys were doing.

We're doing great, but Terri
will give you all the details,

cause I've gotta go shopping.

Bye! But Janet!

Bye, Janet.

Isn't that just like
Janet? Always on the go.

I really wouldn't know.
I've only been here a week.

She's so smart and practical.

I keep telling her she
should start her own business.

I think she already has.

Huh?

Uh, Cindy, tell me about Jack.

Oh, Jack? He's a lot of fun.

Don't you love the
way he fools around?

Fools around?

Yeah. Acting love-starved
like he's always on the make.

Things like that.

Are you sure he's acting?

With Jack you can
never be too sure.

Oh, my gosh! I'm
gonna be late for class!

Listen, Cindy, wait, wait, wait.

Is Jack having trouble
making, you know, ends meet

with his new career and all?

Oh, yeah. That's why he's
always taking those odd jobs.

Odd jobs?

You'd be surprised
at some of the things

Jack does to make a buck.

Bye.

[clears throat]

[whistling]

Well, what do you think? My
new designer jeans, only $20.

Hey, that's cheap.
Jack, are you kidding?

Especially for Calvin Klein's.

Janet, the label
says Calvin Clones.

Keep going, Janet,
you're gaining on him!

How embarrassing. Just sit down.

Eat your eggs. Well, okay.

Hi, Terri, you're just
in time for breakfast.

I'm not hungry.

Gosh, Terri, are you okay?

Yeah, I'm fine. Well, no.

Sort of. I don't know.

Hey, listen, if there's
something wrong,

you can tell us,
we'll understand.

Well, I, um...
it's just that, uh...

I think I may have to move.

Move?! You just got here!

Yeah, we thought
you liked it here.

I do, but... Then why
would you have to move?

I'd rather not say.

Terri, wait a minute... Jack!

Jack, it's none of our business.

If... Jack!

Does this have anything
to do with a man?

It certainly does.
[door bell rings]

That's for me. I'll get it.

What's going on? I don't know.

Let's go find out.

Hello, Terri. Oh, hi.

Janet and Jack, this is a
friend of mine, Dr. Anderson.

Hello. How do you do?

What's up, doc?

Doctor, would you
care for some coffee?

No, thanks. We
were just leaving.

Just... Where...

Terr...

Gosh, we must have done
something to upset her.

Jack, have you been
coming on to Terri?

Of course not,

but if you think
it would help...

Jack! I'm willing...
[doorbell rings]

I really appreciate you
helping me out like this.

I've been going crazy trying to
find an apartment for my niece.

I think she'll like it here. The
people here are very nice.

At least most of them.

Well, I hope so. There are a
lot of weirdos running around.

You looking for me?

Oh, hi, Mr. Furley. This is a
friend of mine, Dr. Anderson.

Oh, doctor.

Well, how do you do, doctor?

You know something, I bet
people are always bugging you

for free medical
advice, huh, doc?

I'm afraid so, yes.

Yeah, I figured.

Some people have so much nerve.

Well... Ah! Well, what's wrong?

Oh, it's nothing. Oh, good.

It's just that I've been
getting this twinge in my arm,

but uh, I sure wouldn't
wanna bug you about it.

It's probably nothing.

Dr. Anderson is looking for
an apartment for his niece.

Yes, she'll be
here in two weeks.

It's a sharp, sh**ting pain.

And I heard there
was a vacancy in 302.

Yes, I wonder if I could see it.

Sure.

It really hurts when
I move it like this.

What do you think
I ought to do, doc?

Don't move it like that.

Mr. Furley, could you show
Dr. Anderson the apartment?

Sure, just as soon as I take
this paint up to your place.

Be right back.

Hey, doc, you know what?
My arm feels better already.

I don't want her to move.

We gotta think of something
to do to change her mind.

Jack, something has
happened that's upset her.

If we could just find
out what that is...

Yeah, that's a good idea.

Why don't you just come right
out and ask her what you did?

[door knocking]

The wrong person is moving out.

Oh, hi. Hi.

I finally got that paint you've
been wanting for your bedroom.

Oh, great. Let's take
a look at the colors.

Factory seconds?

Blue for the ceiling
and green for the trim.

Oh, boy, how cheap.

What was that?

I said, blue and
green, how chic.

It's cheap, too.

By the way, kids.

Did you know a very
prominent physician

is taking an apartment
in this building?

Friend of Terri's.

A Doctor, uh...

[Janet] Anderson? Yeah. Yeah.

Great arm man.

He's renting it for his niece.

Says she's gonna be
moving in in a couple of weeks.

[snickers]

His niece, my asp disk??

Oh, boy. Come on, Jack. Grow up.

There is no niece.

He's taking that
apartment for Terri.

Oh, Janet, you're
going bonkers on me.

A perfect stranger
comes through the door

and right away you got
him moving in with Terri.

Jack, he is no
stranger to Terri.

And now he's gonna set her
up in a nice low rent love nest.

Oh, please, Janet. Come on.

Jack, look he's probably just
taking advantage of the fact

that she needs money right now.

Boy, I can just see it.

At first, he'll come
to see her every day.

Then pretty soon, once a week.

Then, once a month.

Then he's gonna find
somebody younger

and he'll just throw
her out like an old shoe.

The whole sorted story
is just as clear as a bell.

It oughta be, we saw it last
week on General Hospital.

Okay, fine, Jack
Tripper. Fine. Fine.

Mr. Furley said this niece
was moving in in two weeks.

Will just see
who's bonkers then.

Well, wait a minute. Jack...

Terri. Terri, lis...

You're not serious
about leaving us, are you?

I'm afraid I am.

You mean you're
moving out just like that?

No, I'll give you time
to find a new roommate.

You will? How much time?

Two weeks.

Two...

You see. What did I tell
you? I was right, Jack.

She's going to move in with him.

What should we do? Janet. Janet.

There's only one
thing to do. What?

I don't know!

You're the smart one!

Jack. Jack, Terri just
came home from work.

Let's go and talk to her now.

I can't, Janet. I gotta finish
making this Szechwan shrimp.

It's for Mrs. Latham.

She's getting
another lesson today?

Yeah, and her
husband's coming too,

wants to make sure she's
getting her money's worth.

Oh, gosh.

Okay, well, I guess I'll
have to talk to Terri myself.

I'll let her know we care for
her and don't want her to go.

Good idea. Janet, Janet.

Try not to upset
her. Of course not.

I mean, don't
mention Dr. Anderson.

No. And tell her
our feelings are hurt.

Right. And don't
mention her leaving.

Well, then what do
you want me to say?

Whatever's left. So thick.

Hi, Terri.

Hi.

[giggles]

Um, Terri, why are
you moving out?

I just have to.

Gee, if you needed money, Terri,

you could've come to us.

I don't need money.

Oh, right. Of course, you don't.

[laughing] I don't
know why I said that.

Oh, god. Yeah, I just
meant hypothetically.

You know, if ever, ever, in your
life ever you would need money,

then you could come to me.

I could probably get
you some extra work.

Like the work you
lined up for Jack?

Oh, no, Terri. You
couldn't do work like that.

You can say that again.

No, thanks, but I don't
need any of your help.

Oh, sure. Yeah, sure.

Any luck? None at all.

Okay, then I'll
have to talk to her.

Oh, Jack, please
don't make it any worse.

Trust me, Janet, I
know what I'm doing.

Are you sure? Of course not.

Hi, Terri. Hi.

Listen, I just want you to know

how sorry we are to lose you.

Terri.

No, no. Fine. I am fine.

Just good for the leg muscles.

Ah. So tell me, Terri...

Terri, are you...

Oh, hey. Please,
don't worry about that.

Janet never liked
that lamp anyway.

Terri, listen...

what's this Dr. Anderson like?

Why?

Well, I mean, what
kind of a man is he?

Oh, he's very nice.

Is that all?

Well, he's also very demanding.

I mean, when he wants
something he gets it.

You can always
say no, can't you?

Sure, if you don't
mind losing your job.

Oh, you poor kid.

It's worse than I
thought. Oh, no. What?

If she says no to
Anderson, she'll lose her job.

The crumb. I'd like to deck him.

Well, that's not gonna
help her keep her job.

What? Jack, maybe
we could... Hi, Terri.

Just wanna make
a phone call Sure.

In that case, Jack and I
will just go into his bedroom

so you can have some privacy.

[doorbell rings]

[sighs]

Hello, I'm Tom Latham.

Mr. Latham? Yes.

Mrs. Latham's husband?

That's usually the
way it goes, yes.

Quick. In the kitchen.

Oh, you poor man.

Here. Come here, sit down.

How about some coffee?

Thank you.

You really shouldn't be here.

Why? Isn't today
my wife's lesson?

You know about
Jack and your wife?

Sure.

You don't mind?

Of course not. She
has to learn somehow.

Good heavens!

Terri? What happened?

[Terri] It's okay.
Everything's fine.

[doorbell rings]

Well, well, well.
Speak of the doctor.

Look who's here, Janet. Hello.

Dr. Anderson, my, my.

We were just this
moment talking about you.

Oh. Is Terri home?

She said she'd help pick the
paint for my niece's apartment.

Your niece's apartment, huh?

And does your wife
know about this niece?

Yes, but she's
not happy about it.

I'll bet.

Well, she thinks L.A.'s
a dangerous place

for a young single girl.

But you'll be there to
protect her, won't you, doctor?

Well, of course. I'll be
in and out all the time.

Say, where is Terri?

I'd really like her to help
me pick out that paint.

Paint? Mmm-Hmm.

You want paint?

Why, we just happen to
have some in the bedroom

that I think you'll
be very interested in.

Oh. Good idea, Jack.

Good idea. Let's show
Dr. Anderson our paint.

Yes, let's really
give it to him.

Dr. Anderson, excuse me but,
do you prefer blue or green?

I think blue is much nicer.

Oh, blue. He likes blue.

Actually, the whole
thing was my idea.

It was? Sure.

A guy gets tired of the
same thing night after night.

He wants a little variety.

So you send her to Jack? Right.

But I still don't understand
why you're here.

Oh, I don't know. I thought
it'd kind of be fun to watch.

What?!

Why, you...

Mr. Latham, what happened?

That girl has
flipped her noodle!

Terri, did this? Oh, my
goodness, Mr. Latham.

I can't tell you how sorry I am.

Just dab a little.
It's very good.

Get out of here!

Terri, what's going
on?! That horrible man!

Making his poor wife take
lessons from some other man!

And then coming
to... to wa... watch!

What is wrong with
watching cooking lessons?

What's wrong with
watching co... cook...

Cooking lessons?

He's watching cooking lessons?

Yeah, what'd you think?

I thought you were
giving her love lessons

and that Janet arranged it.

You what?!

Oh, I could just k*ll myself.

Oh, how could I
ever face Mr. Latham?

I... oh, I can't even face you.

Terri, how could you ever
think that about Janet and me?

Well, I... I don't
know you that well.

And when I came in and
she came out of the bathroom

with her zip and her.

And you were
adjusting your clothes...

I mean, what else
would you think?

Oh, I'm gonna k*ll myself.

So that's why you're
moving in with Dr. Anderson.

I'm not moving in with him.

What about apartment 302?

That's for his niece.

His ni... his niece? He
really has a real niece?

Oh, did you think
that I... That he...

That we... ha, ha,
ha! How could you?!

It wasn't me. It was
General Hospital.

Janet watched... Janet! Oh,
my gosh! I gotta stop Janet!

Yes, Jack. Janet, you
didn't paint Dr. Anderson

with that blue paint, did you?

As a matter of fact
Jack, I didn't. Thank God!

He looks much better in green.

Dr. Anderson, what happened?!

You tell me!

Uh... Well, uh...

Okay, doctor. Excuse me,
but it's really very funny.

You see, Janet here thought

that you were setting
up a love nest for Terri,

but of course, you're not!

Not funny?

[Jack] Janet, he's not laughing.

Neither am I.

Mr. Latham, what happened?

That's what I'd like to know!

So would I!

My god, what's going on here?

Mr. Latham, look, look.

This is hysterical, if you
can see the humor in this.

Uh...

Terri, thought that I
was teaching your wife

to be a better lover.

Really? Ha, ha, ha.

Now that's funny.

[everyone laughs]

Very funny!

Wait a minute.
It's not that funny.

She does. Stop.

You know what was really
funny is when you were thinking

that I was gonna move
in with Dr. Anderson.

You gave us good reason
to believe that, Terri.

It was the most simplest
think in the world.

Hey! Hey! Hey!
What's going on here?

Ah! Here's a neutral
party. We'll ask her opinion.

I'll ask her.

Cindy, what would
you think if you came in

and you saw a strange woman
coming through the bathroom

zipping up her dress, and
Jack adjusting his clothes?

I'd think Jack was giving
her cooking lessons.

What?! Why would
you think that?!

Well, I know the
type of guy Jack is.

No matter how it looked
I'd know it was okay.

Besides, Mr. Furley just
told me the whole story.